DelaneSi Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 It's been a while that I've been back, but I need some advice. If you read my other threads I had a struggle with no contact. Well I did it for a few weeks and felt better. After that I ran into my ex and I didn't feel as emotionally hurt as I did before. I still had/have feelings for him but I wasn't crying for him. *One detail to add. I work in a grocery store so I see him there once in a while. I worked on my birthday and he showed up. We started to have a regular conversation and it wasn't awkward either. During that time, I was not expecting him to remember that it was my birthday. A few minutes later my friend comes to give me a hug and he says "Happy Birthday!" and my ex's face turns so red! When I'm done talking to my friend, my ex says "I feel like such a scumbag for forgetting your birthday..." Then he adds, "I usually remember people's birthday by saving it in my phone but I took yours out. I'm sorry." I really don't think that was a detail he had to tell me but he did seem like he felt bad. We talked a little more, he said happy birthday and then he left. Here's where it all get confusing... My ex texted me on the 10th saying "I just wanted to let you know I really appreciate the time we spent together." Of course, I didn't respond. The next day I see my ex at work, we have small talk and that's pretty much it. On the 13th he texts me and because I feel confident in myself I text him back. It's all small talk and then out of nowhere he texts me "I miss you." I continue the conversation without acknowledging the "I miss you." The next day, which is Valentine's Day he comes to my work. But this time he comes earlier than he usually does, which is odd. We talk for a little bit and our conversation is pleasant. It's never awkward. He leaves, but then he texts me 10 minutes later. This is how the conversation went. Him: "Have you started seeing anyone?" Me: "No I haven't." Him: "Okay, I've been thinking about you a lot lately." Me: "That's really sweet." Him: "I really miss you." Me: ":)" Him: "You want to go out sometime?" Me: "Sure, sounds like it would be fun." Him: "You want to start dating again?" Me: "I don't know, we would have to talk about it." Him : "Completely understandable." Then he asks me if I was free for the weekend and we scheduled to go out on Saturday. After this, he texted me "Have you missed me?" And I say "Nope, hahaha." Of course I missed him but I'm not going to tell him that! The he replies with "Mean hahahaha." For the next few days we have some good conversations with each other. He talks about what he was going on at work and he talks about his family back home. I'm not going to lie, I was getting pretty excited for us to hang out. Thursday night, he sends me a few text basically asking me if I was sure I wanted to go out on Saturday and I said yes I was sure. Friday, I don't hear from him all day until that night.. then he texts me. Him: "Hey cutie" Me: "Heyy, what's up?" Him: "I can't make it tomorrow, I just got a call. They need me to cover down for someone at work." Me: "Okay, that's fine." Now, he does have to work sometimes on Saturdays so I don't think he was lying. But that's not even the worst part. I didn't hear from him all day Saturday, so I assumed it was true. But then I get on Facebook and he posts this picture of himself with some friends in a restaurant! What happened?! So he worked all day and hung out with someone else? I'm still so confused and hurt. I was so bummed!!!! I can't even explain how sad I was. I was looking forward to it so much! I still haven't heard from him since Friday night and it's Monday today! No text, no calls, not even a "Im sorry" text or a rescheduling text. I don't know what to do next. Since I work in the grocery store, I'm bound to see him again soon. Should I text him and ask him what was up with that? Or to meet up and tell him how I still feel about him? I still have feelings for him but I'm not an emotional wreck like I was a few weeks ago. Was he just saying that he missed me and didn't really mean it? The connection we had in our relationship was amazing, and you can't just pretend like it wasn't real. Since it was Valentine's Day day, he could have been feeling lonely and acted out on emotions. I mean, obviously he has to know I still have feelings for him since I agreed to go out with him. But how could he tell me throughout the week that he missed me, schedule to hang out, and then cancels on me? I would love to hear advice from you guys and what I should do next. Thank you in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) Delane, he wanted to see if he still had you on his "hook" and once he saw you were, that was all he needed. This is a guy who broke up your relationship because he didn't want to be in a relationship and he's asking you if *you* want to start dating again? If wanted to be with you, he would tell you that he wanted to be together again. Please stick to NC and ignore these breadcrumbs. He's playing with you. Edited February 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Delane, he wanted to see if he still had you on his "hook" and once he saw you were, that was all he needed. This is a guy who broke up your relationship because he didn't want to be in a relationship and he's asking you if *you* want to start dating again? If wanted to be with you, he would tell you that he wanted to be together again. Please stick to NC and ignore these breadcrumbs. He's playing with you. Thank you for your reponse. I guess I got really caught up in my feelings and believed that he wanted to get back together. But I also feel like he wouldn't put himself out there by saying he missed me if he really didn't. Then again, it is easier to say all the right things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 I still really feel like I want to contact him and ask him what happened to him after the whole week? I know I shouldn't, especially since he hasn't contacted me since the day he cancelled. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Yeah, I know. It's tempting not to respond positively to things like that. I know it's hard! But the second you do and they know they have you, they back off. He probably does miss you, but not enough! He needs to see what it's really like to not have you and have live with his decision. If he thinks he can he can have you back at a moment's notice, he'll never have to make that decision. Go back NC and since you think you might run into him soon, act like isn't even a thing that he canceled and hung out with them. If he asks again, you're busy. Let him know you will accept no less than a relationship AND he needs to win you back...because that's what you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I still really feel like I want to contact him and ask him what happened to him after the whole week? I know I shouldn't, especially since he hasn't contacted me since the day he cancelled. Noooo. *holds your hands away from your phone* no no no. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Yeah, I know. It's tempting not to respond positively to things like that. I know it's hard! But the second you do and they know they have you, they back off. He probably does miss you, but not enough! He needs to see what it's really like to not have you and have live with his decision. If he thinks he can he can have you back at a moment's notice, he'll never have to make that decision. Go back NC and since you think you might run into him soon, act like isn't even a thing that he canceled and hung out with them. If he asks again, you're busy. Let him know you will accept no less than a relationship AND he needs to win you back...because that's what you deserve. You're so right! It's very tempting to respond positively! I'm telling you, during the week I was telling myself to not get excited over it. To not get my hopes up, but I obviously did. I'm starting to think that he actually doesn't miss me or care about me. Maybe that's the actual truth. I have no idea. I wish it wasn't like that but either way, I have to accept it. You're right, I do deserve better and I definitely want better as well. I just wish it was with him:( I agree with you on the part that he got what wanted when he knew that he could have my attention whenever he wants. I need to work on not looking forward to his texts messages but it's so hard! I even look forward to seeing him at my work if he comes, which I know I shouldn't! Ugh! I wish I could snap my fingers and suddenly not have feelings for him anymore. This is so confusing and frustrating:( Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Noooo. *holds your hands away from your phone* no no no. I giggled so hard when I read this!! Thanks for the giggle, I really needed it:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Still trying to fight the feeling of wanting to text him:( Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 (edited) Just out of curiosity...what do you guys think he would think if I texted about cancelling on me? Of course I'm not going to do it but I'm just curious. Edited February 21, 2017 by DelaneSi Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Just out of curiosity...what do you guys think he would think if I texted about cancelling on me? Of course I'm not going to do it but I'm just curious. He bumped you to hang out with his friends. After all that consistent communication, he suddenly disappears. All that blowing smoke up you *** and then he's gone. The moment you fall into his hands, he goes poof. There is no need to ask or question. Focus on their actions. It's telling you more than you need to know. Texting him will only show him you are affected. Head up high. Move on. And don't let him come around like the clown he was and mess with your heart again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 He bumped you to hang out with his friends. After all that consistent communication, he suddenly disappears. All that blowing smoke up you *** and then he's gone. The moment you fall into his hands, he goes poof. There is no need to ask or question. Focus on their actions. It's telling you more than you need to know. Texting him will only show him you are affected. Head up high. Move on. And don't let him come around like the clown he was and mess with your heart again. I guess I'm still so angry about the break up and him contacting me then disappearing. I kind of feel like I'm letting him get away with what he did by not saying anything to him about it. I know letting him know that it bothers me would be a wrong move (especially since it seems like I don't matter to him) but my angry emotions just wants tell him how wrong and hurtful his actions were. Since we've broken up, I've never treated him badly like most people do after a break up. I've never acted bitter, mean, or aggressive towards him. So for him to use my feelings and my kindness to get whatever he wanted out of me emotionally is so hurtful. I feel so used. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Go on your computer and write out exactly what you want to say to him and save it and file it away. Do again later if you need to but you never send it to him. I've still probably got a few things I wanted to say to my ex somewhere on my computer. Writing thoughts out really helped. Talking it out with a friend really helped. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Totally agree with the above. Writing (but don't send) is so therapeutic. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 (edited) I guess I'm still so angry about the break up and him contacting me then disappearing. I kind of feel like I'm letting him get away with what he did by not saying anything to him about it. I know letting him know that it bothers me would be a wrong move (especially since it seems like I don't matter to him) but my angry emotions just wants tell him how wrong and hurtful his actions were. Since we've broken up, I've never treated him badly like most people do after a break up. I've never acted bitter, mean, or aggressive towards him. So for him to use my feelings and my kindness to get whatever he wanted out of me emotionally is so hurtful. I feel so used. It's infuriating, I know you wanna tear into him, but you know what happens by responding. He 'wins' again. You regret it immediately after. We want him to think "man, she's so right. I shouldn't have done that." He already knows that. He knows he blew you off and he knows he that was wrong. Spill your emotions and he will just think "wow psycho. .I made the right decision." It's messed up, but that's how people work. They don't take heed to criticism from people that they have disrespected. . You show he got to you, then everything is going how he expected. Do not respond and that will throw him. Right now, YOU are winning by taking your power back. You are showing you don't care(even though that's not true) You are showing your happiness doesn't depend on him, and the more time passes he will start to sweat and this will start get to him because this is not how it's supposed to go. Edited February 22, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 It's infuriating, I know you wanna tear into him, but you know what happens by responding. He 'wins' again. You regret it immediately after. We want him to think "man, she's so right. I shouldn't have done that." He already knows that. He knows he blew you off and he knows he that was wrong. Spill your emotions and he will just think "wow psycho. .I made the right decision." It's messed up, but that's how people work. They don't take heed to criticism from people that they have disrespected. . You show he got to you, then everything is going how he expected. Do not respond and that will throw him. Right now, YOU are winning by taking your power back. You are showing you don't care(even though that's not true) You are showing your happiness doesn't depend on him, and the more time passes he will start to sweat and this will start get to him because this is not how it's supposed to go. I didn't really think about it that way. But you're so right. I felt like I was giving him more power by not saying anything about it at all. What's funny is that I saw him yesterday and he was being very nice (like nothing happened). Probably trying to test me and see if I would be rude to him. But I wasn't, instead I kept the conversation short and that was that. He texted me too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) I saw him yesterday at work and he was super nice to me. Pretty much acting like nothing happened and didn't mention anything he said last week or the whole date and then cancelling. Last night he messaged me "Hey" on text AND Facebook! I didn't respond. I actually felt good not texting him and bad at the same time. Good: because he blew me off and didn't even apologize. Bad: because I still have some feelings for him and wanted to talk to him. Do you think he got the point because I didn't text him back? What could he be thinking? Edited February 24, 2017 by DelaneSi 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The_Dork_Lard Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) What could he be thinking? "ah ****.... she's not as available as I thought she was.... damn damn damn, this is hurting my ego. Why didn't she text me back? I thought she was soppy in love with me. I'm not as hot as I thought I was. Why isn't she chasing me?... man this hurts. I know, I'll send her a text saying something like "hey".... see if she responds to the bait.... see if she still cares" It is all about his ego. Carry on moving on. Edited February 24, 2017 by The_Dork_Lard 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Do you know for sure the photo was taken that same day? I would say see if he calls to make amends and take you out. If not, he was being mean. But don't contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Do you know for sure the photo was taken that same day? I would say see if he calls to make amends and take you out. If not, he was being mean. But don't contact him. I'm not too sure if it was taken the same day. Now that I think about it, it might have been taken that Friday instead of Saturday. He had a four day weekend because it was a holiday. But I feel like either way, if he "meant" what he said about missing me and asking me if I wanted to date again he should have at least apologized for canceling or wanted to reschedule. He said absolutely nothing about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 "ah ****.... she's not as available as I thought she was.... damn damn damn, this is hurting my ego. Why didn't she text me back? I thought she was soppy in love with me. I'm not as hot as I thought I was. Why isn't she chasing me?... man this hurts. I know, I'll send her a text saying something like "hey".... see if she responds to the bait.... see if she still cares" It is all about his ego. Carry on moving on. Ugh this sucks! Since I still have feelings for him, I wish he would text me back with something other than "Hey" -_-. I just don't understand why he would put himself out there last week by telling me he missed me and then disappear. If he seriously "missed" me and was "thinking about me a lot lately" he should have asked to meet up another time. I feel like if we didn't see each other yesterday, he still wouldn't have texted me. Before yesterday, he didn't send me any text messages since the day he cancelled. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Maybe by me not texting him back, he will think I don't have feelings for him anymore. Which is obviously not true. Well, me agreeing to go out with him shows that I still have some feelings. I don't know if he'll ever text me again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 I wish I could ask him if he was serious about dating again. And why he put himself out there like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 I wish I could ask him if he was serious about dating again. And why he put himself out there like that. Don't break your brain over this. When someone wants to be with you, they'll show you. They'll make the effort. They'll do what needs to be done to show you how interested they are. What he did isn't uncommon. Some guys rope you back in to see if you're still there to feed their ego. He could have said all those things because he did feel that way but on a very shallow level and then decided to back off for fear of your expectations. If he was serious, you wouldn't be where you are. And don't fall for half assed "hey" messages. That's just a lazy attempt to test waters. A trained monkey could do that. Seek and aim higher. You deserve someone that sees your value. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Don't break your brain over this. When someone wants to be with you, they'll show you. They'll make the effort. They'll do what needs to be done to show you how interested they are. What he did isn't uncommon. Some guys rope you back in to see if you're still there to feed their ego. He could have said all those things because he did feel that way but on a very shallow level and then decided to back off for fear of your expectations. If he was serious, you wouldn't be where you are. And don't fall for half assed "hey" messages. That's just a lazy attempt to test waters. A trained monkey could do that. Seek and aim higher. You deserve someone that sees your value. Yeah, I feel the same way about the text messages. I think if he wanted to be with me for sure he would have made an effort to show me he wanted to. There's one thing that makes me wonder. What if he's trying to make the effort by texting me first and then asking later if we could talk about the situation. I don't know, maybe I'm giving him too much benefit of the doubt. Or he should just send a text saying he wanted to talk. But I guess not. Link to post Share on other sites
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