jackspain Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Hi, She broke up with me because i'm not religious enough. We were about to take the next step in our relationship (engagement). I wanted to know if this is would be considered a breadcrumb or if she was actually sincere about maybe wanting to work things out in the future. My theory is she was stressing over this issue for a month or two and the stress finally hit her. Right now, she is enjoying the relief of being broken up and not having to worry about my faith / us anymore. Things shes said during our closure: "Cease contact, you work on your religion and goals, i'll work on myself. If it's meant to be/fate, maybe we can try again in a few months" "I might be wanting to sort things out in the future after being stress free, and after we both work on ourselves, but i dont know if and when it will happen. ATM, i dont want to try anything, i need a very long break." "so you dont think you can put us on hold while we work on ourselves, or when i'm stress free, or once you're more ready religiously?" "i dont think i'm ready right now until a few months to work this out" Are these things she's said to be breadcrumbs? or does she just need to feel relief from stressing about how religious I'll be in the future? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackspain Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 I need advise regarding no contact and wanting to win your ex back. I am following NC + self improvement rules with the hopes of trying again once i'm ready. Should it be kept a secret that you’re dating other girls during no contact? Or is it a good thing if the ex finds out or suspects it through social media? Ie: see's you're liking other girls pics, or if she sees a snap of you having dinner with a girl? Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 "Cease contact, you work on your religion and goals, i'll work on myself. If it's meant to be/fate, maybe we can try again in a few months" Aww she's so considerate. "I might be wanting to sort things out in the future after being stress free, and after we both work on ourselves, but i dont know if and when it will happen. ATM, i dont want to try anything, i need a very long break." Please OP put your life on hold for me while i'll see what's out there, don't forget to work on your religion. "so you dont think you can put us on hold while we work on ourselves, or when i'm stress free, or once you're more ready religiously?" This woman is a piece of work "i dont think i'm ready right now until a few months to work this out" Another load of random bs. Those are signs for you to stop waiting around for a woman like this, find someone who's compatible with you and wants you for who you are, whether you're religious or not. Stop wasting time on this woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MajesticUnicorn Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Don't buy into this, and don't put your life on hold for her. I tried to do this for my ex who said we needed to "work on ourselves" but could give things a shot later down the road. For him "working on himself" meant finding a new gf a few months after our break up. Cut your losses and remain NC as hard as it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 "You're the best thing that ever happened to me" "maybe we will get back together in the future" "This is the clean break we need so we can start fresh with a clean slate" The above are things my ex said to me when she moved out of my house and out of my life. That was 6 months ago and I have not heard a peep since. Draw your own conclusion on whether any of those things were genuine. What she did was cruel, selfish and manipulative. That's all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) Anything is a breadcrumb until they come to you and ask to get back together in no uncertain terms. Maybe in a few weeks/months is a breadcrumb/string-a-long. Ignore. Be above that bs. Edited February 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackspain Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 "You're the best thing that ever happened to me" "maybe we will get back together in the future" "This is the clean break we need so we can start fresh with a clean slate" The above are things my ex said to me when she moved out of my house and out of my life. That was 6 months ago and I have not heard a peep since. Draw your own conclusion on whether any of those things were genuine. What she did was cruel, selfish and manipulative. That's all. Why did she want to leave? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackspain Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 I need advise regarding no contact and wanting to win your ex back. I am following NC + self improvement rules with the hopes of trying again once i'm ready. Should it be kept a secret that you’re dating other girls during no contact? Or is it a good thing if the ex finds out or suspects it through social media? Ie: see's you're liking other girls pics, or if she sees a snap of you having dinner with a girl? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackspain Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Aww she's so considerate. Please OP put your life on hold for me while i'll see what's out there, don't forget to work on your religion. This woman is a piece of work Another load of random bs. Those are signs for you to stop waiting around for a woman like this, find someone who's compatible with you and wants you for who you are, whether you're religious or not. Stop wasting time on this woman. hahaha thanks! I'm not really waiting anymore. Was just wondering if her intentions are real or not. Assuming she is sincere about wanting us to work on ourselves, what are your thoughts, are these breadcrumbs or does she really just need a break? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackspain Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Anything is a breadcrumb until they come to you and ask to get back together in no uncertain terms. Maybe in a few weeks/months is a breadcrumb/string-a-long. Ignore. Be above that bs. Thank you! I'm wondering why you think its a breadcrumb, could you please explain? I mean, i know her. Before our breakup she told me she wants to be closer to god so she wanted to stop doing sexual things because she started to feel guilty (I took her virginity). We then started to have arguments about why shes doing this and I didn't understand. I took it personally instead of understanding and helping her be closer to god. She took this argument and drama I gave her (which lasted a month) as a sign that I have a long way to go to understand religion, how to raise a religious family, etc. She thought this fight is a preview of our future fights when married. She then asked her mom for advise on what to do. She recommended that we work on ourselves, and maybe in a few months we can try again, which is what she is following. This is why I don't really think this is a breadcrumb. She just wanted me to work on religion and for her to be stress free, and maybe if we feel like it, we can try again. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 She is telling you loud and clear, that she doesn't want to be with you. But she can't say forever because she wants to dull your pain, and keep you on backup in case she changes her mind at some point in the future if she doesn't find someone more religious. I would move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 This is an easy way to dump you and letting you down easy. Go your own way. The absolute worse thing you can do in these situations is start blowing her phone up with texts/calls or writing a long letter pouring your heart out. Have some respect for yourself and move on like she has. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Breadcrumbs are little useless bits of communication she throws at you while you are NC. Its just what we call random **** the dumper texts you for no reason other than (1) lonliness, (2) validation, (3) ego stroke, (4) to make sure you are a good beta puppy waiting for her. What she did immediately following that break up isnt breadcrumbs, thats just the typical BS dumpers say to let you down easy. Take everything she said and flush that down the toilet. Go hard NC and ignore every single thing she sends you that isnt an express desire to reconcile. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 NC is about you healing. It is not about winning your EX back. If you thinking having your EX seeing you date other people will win that person back in essence you are using the new person you are dating . . . you don't really care about that person. The new date is simply a pawn. You aren't ready to date. You want your EX back. You haven't finished the grieving process. The only way to have a healthy reconciliation, is to talk to your EX. Playing games won't solve anything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 hahaha thanks! I'm not really waiting anymore. Was just wondering if her intentions are real or not. Assuming she is sincere about wanting us to work on ourselves, what are your thoughts, are these breadcrumbs or does she really just need a break? She broke up with you, i think her intentions are pretty clear. If you're not waiting anymore then you shouldn't care at all about her intentions, go NC and keep moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I need advise regarding no contact and wanting to win your ex back. I am following NC + self improvement rules with the hopes of trying again once i'm ready. Should it be kept a secret that you’re dating other girls during no contact? Or is it a good thing if the ex finds out or suspects it through social media? Ie: see's you're liking other girls pics, or if she sees a snap of you having dinner with a girl? No contact is not a tool for getting an EX back. It's tool to help you move on from a break up. If you are broken up and in no contact, you can and should do whatever the heck you want. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Should it be kept a secret that you’re dating other girls during no contact? Or is it a good thing if the ex finds out or suspects it through social media? So...part of your 'self-improvement' regimen includes becoming LESS honest and open and MORE manipulative -- all with the hopes that your ex is going to find you more emotionally attractive at some point in the future? Did I get that right? Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I need advise You ain't wrong. But you don't need advise about what you're asking. NC is there to help you get over someone and stop tormenting yourself with hope and breadcrumbs. NC and some ridiculous strategy or book isn't going to win someone back. You're becoming manipulative and mean. You don't deserve to date anyone at the moment. Are you wanting to date girls so you can use them in your grand scheme? Shame on you. My advise is to go NC with the ex and work on yourself. Get over the ex and grow happy with yourself. Then date other girls and treat them like human beings. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I need advise regarding no contact and wanting to win your ex back. I am following NC + self improvement rules with the hopes of trying again once i'm ready. Should it be kept a secret that you’re dating other girls during no contact? Or is it a good thing if the ex finds out or suspects it through social media? Ie: see's you're liking other girls pics, or if she sees a snap of you having dinner with a girl? trying again once i'm ready -- So, in other words, you want to see what else is out there and put her on hold until you sow your wild oats and if you don't have any luck out there, you can just pick up with her when you're horny and lonely again? Because, if you're using no contact as a tool of manipulation, you motives are less than honorable. I don't wait for anyone -- ever. Nobody puts me on a "shelf" and expect me to wait for them to decide what happens with MY life. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) Thank you! I'm wondering why you think its a breadcrumb, could you please explain? I mean, i know her. Before our breakup she told me she wants to be closer to god so she wanted to stop doing sexual things because she started to feel guilty (I took her virginity). We then started to have arguments about why shes doing this and I didn't understand. I took it personally instead of understanding and helping her be closer to god. She took this argument and drama I gave her (which lasted a month) as a sign that I have a long way to go to understand religion, how to raise a religious family, etc. She thought this fight is a preview of our future fights when married. She then asked her mom for advise on what to do. She recommended that we work on ourselves, and maybe in a few months we can try again, which is what she is following. This is why I don't really think this is a breadcrumb. She just wanted me to work on religion and for her to be stress free, and maybe if we feel like it, we can try again. Thoughts? I don't think she said that solely to let you down easy. She said "so you can't put yourself on hold?" She wants to keep you on the line. A breadcrumb is something a person throws out that gives the other person/more invested person/rejectee( false)hope. She's saying it may never happen, and but you're not hearing that, you're eating up the small breadcrumb of "maybe". It would be better to learn from this, work on yourself, and try to move on by accepting the reality of what her not being with you means sans any crumbs - She does not want to be with you. Go NC. She knows where to find you if this changes, but beware of more breadcrumbs. Edited February 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 She sees you as a back-up plan while she tests the waters for other men. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 If someone wants a long break, they are not interested, sorry. She is probably saying you could both try again later because it doesn't sound so bad as a complete break-up. If she wanted you, she would be with you. If you really want someone, nothing will get in the way. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 No, because it's a very transparent game you're trying to play. She'll know what you're up to. It's also a really crappy thing to do to the girl you've taken on a date. She's a person, not a pawn. Think about it: you ask out a girl, she likes you so she says yes, gets all dolled up and has a great time with you. Then finds out you really only asked her out to make your ex jealous. Not cool, OP. If your ex broke up with you, then there's a chance she won't give a rat's booty if you're dating someone else anyway. Assuming she really didn't want to be with you anymore, she'll probably just be relieved that you're moving on so she doesn't have to feel guilty for hurting you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I think you have to work on the basis that you ex is gone for good, then do what you would do under those circumstances. It is best not to date unless you can give the new girl the possibility of a relationship that she is probably hoping for. If you just want sex, then make it clear to any girl so she is now drawn into thinking you want something special with her. Your ex has no say over what you do now. You are free. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackspain Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 I'm kinda confused. She broke up with me a month ago and I have been in NC for 3 weeks. We dated a year. She deleted my best friends from Facebook/Instagram but she hasn't deleted me... I deleted her from instagram once I started no contact. Any ideas why she is doing this? Link to post Share on other sites
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