I had a breakdown - he left and said never contact him again.

[maximus365]

Hi,

 

I'm really new to things like this, I'm posting here because my family and friends , are not understanding how badly I'm suffering.

 

Me and my ex were together 2 years, I've had longer relationships but none I suffered this badly with at the end. I am shaking, I haven't eaten in a week, I'm crying uncontrollably and basically just not able to function. It's pathetic and I'm even shocked at myself but can't draw myself out of it.

 

This man was the love of my life, he told me I was his. The things he said and the way he acted, everyone including myself thought he was besotted with me. I was with him. We spoke all the time. I basically lived with him but couldn't make the official move due to family reasons. We spoke of marraige, kids! He'd get emotional talking about how much he loved me. That he couldn't live without me.

 

We had a happy relationship, now it's all done and dusted he would tell you otherwise. Here were my problems, I suffered with trust, and depression, he always encouraged me to go to a doctor. I confided in him about dark dark thoughts I was having. He had been there himself years previously and sought treatment. But I was in denial, and my illness crept up. If I was in a bad mood it meant I took it out on him, if I was feeling unwarranted jealously and insecurity then I took it out on him, it did happen we had tiffs, but he always said nothing I could do would make him not want to be with me and he'd be by Side through whatever and he'd earn my trust. When really he should have had it anyway.

 

I've broken things, i threw a slice of bread at him before. In the fight that broke us I outdone myself, I am disgusted and ashamed. I said cruel things, awful things. I don't want you to think he was sitting there like a hurt puppy he wasn't. He said disgusting things too, but I just exceeded myself. He said one particular thing about "well I've been sleeping with ----- the entire time we were together" /and I lost the plot. I slapped him across the face, and I spat!!!! I can't believe it. Instantly!!! I regretted it, instantly I started apologising said I'd do whatever it took to make this better, I had a panic attack. I begged and pleaded with him for days. His response stayed the same, that he hated me he was done with me forever and to stop contacting him.

 

We met up in the days after through me begging him too, we had sex the day after and mid way through he stopped and said he couldn't do it, probably because I made comments about sex in our arguement, and he remembered. He went right back to saying he couldn't do it and he hated me and couldn't look at me, his words got worse and worse. But I still just clung to hope that he was angry and I had to fix that.

 

I didn't text him incessantly, but I text him when he told me not too. Explaining myself apologising, saying I'd get help. He just said I'm insane I'm the definition of a loser, I'm patheric, etc etc. He has switched off from me and it terrifies me. He has never ever ever behaved like this.

 

He has told his family and now they hate me aswell.

 

Our most recent contact was him telling me "once and for all" it done. I told him I went to the doctor like he always said I should have, and he was happy I did. I was diagnosed with depression and bipolar and have begun taking medication. Don't feel any affects yet. I told him I knew he couldn't forgive me but if he ever woke up one day and felt like he missed me, to be assured I have learned serious things about myself and I'm taking steps to resolve them, my love was not fake he wasn't fooled for 2 years ( like he said he was) that I love him more than life itself and given the opportunity I would spend my life making it up to him and trying to right my wrong, i said it wasn't me, it was this darkness inside me that I want and need to get out. He said if he ever felt like contacting me he would, to see how i was getting on with my mess, but for me not to contact him. He said no contact is the only way, I said it will mke it ten times harder not having him to turn to even as a friend. He said he didn't want to be friends.

 

This man loved me, I know I behaved like a low life. Do you think he will ever contact me?? Because I sure as hell cant contact him. He's made that clear. I can't believe something so amazing turned sour in a matter of days. It just doesn't seem possible, someone who had all the love in the world for me, now has none. He has a little boy, and he often said he never thought he could love someone as much as his little boy, but he loved me the same.

 

Please help, I haven't eaten haven't slept, I can't see a way past this. My family just think I should get on with it "it's just a break up" I know it is. But it's extremely hard and I never told my parents about my mental state before all this.

 

We always said we'd stand by each other through whatever. I realise I'm unwell and he's been a victim to that, but I'm getting help.

[PegNosePete]

Sorry to say, chances are that no, he will not contact you again. And if he does it will just be to see how you're doing, not to get back together.

 

My family just think I should get on with it "it's just a break up"

Wow seriously? A doctor doesn't tell a patient it's just a gunshot wound...

 

Breakups can be extremely painful and your family is being pretty insensitive IMO, especially considering your fragile emotional state.

[BluesPower]

I have dealt with this...

 

Unfortunately for me I have dealt with more than one woman like you and with the same type of issues.

 

Whether he ever comes back or not, and most likely not, you have to get yourself better. Most of those meds will not kick in for a couple of weeks.

 

And be sure that when you start feeling better, you don't stop taking them. That is what a lot of BP people do. You have to learn about your disease and understand what is going on. You have to stay vigilant with your meds, and you have to be honest with your doctors and your family.

 

I realize that you are hurting right now, but he is gone. If he ever comes back you want to be ready and healthy. Once you get healthy, you may ever find a new love. Having BP disorder does not mean that you cannot have a happy healthy life.

 

I wish you good luck.

[Sweetfish]

Hi,

 

it was this darkness inside me that I want and need to get out.

Please help, I haven't eaten haven't slept, I can't see a way past this. My family just think I should get on with it "it's just a break up" I know it is. But it's extremely hard and I never told my parents about my mental state before all this.

 

We always said we'd stand by each other through whatever. I realise I'm unwell and he's been a victim to that, but I'm getting help.

 

 

What ever it is your holding inside... you need to get that out. Therapist and family are the best ones to turn to.

 

You need to focus on you right now... not the relationship

[mikeylo]

Since you threw him breadcrumbs before, you did make him feel like a fool.

 

While you are grieving loss of his love , he might be dealing with the shock of being fooled who pretended to love him.

 

Behavior speaks louder than words.

[teddyzain]

Sorry to hear of your pain. You have a mental illness and its the worst kind of illness because your brain is you. It is usually very hard for others to see the illness as distinct from the person. It's a horrible thing. And in your case your behaviors seem extreme, such as throwing things and slapping. However, he did say he had been sleeping with someone so its not completely abnormal that you reacted that way.

 

What to say? Well its good you are getting treatment and do not stop that. You will have to let him go for now and if he comes back he comes back. Yet your relationship sounds very unhealthy so in the long run this is most likely better for you. The pain sucks and it hurts and you just want it to stop but stay strong and get through it day by day. Its the only way.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think he will contact you again, to be honest.

 

This last fight was the straw that broke the camel's back. You need to focus on getting healthy for yourself, independent of a relationship.

 

He told you he's been sleeping with someone else, anyway. You must stop and think about that. Yes, you said and did some unacceptable things. But he's not exactly Prince Charming himself if he's been having sex with another woman.

 

Stay No Contact. Being friends with him is not realistic or healthy for you. This relationship became too toxic for the both of you and it was time to part ways.

[d0nnivain]

I've broken things, i threw a slice of bread at him before. I said cruel things, awful things. He said disgusting things too, but I just exceeded myself.

 

 

I slapped him across the face, and I spat!!!!

 

 

 

I told him I went to the doctor like he always said I should have, and he was happy I did. I was diagnosed with depression and bipolar and have begun taking medication. Don't feel any affects yet.

 

 

He said he didn't want to be friends.

 

This man loved me, I know I behaved like a low life. Do you think he will ever contact me??

 

 

I'm getting help.

 

 

Once the violence started he ended things. Sorry but good for him. You can't come back from certain things nor should you.

 

 

I am so glad to read that you are now under a doctor's care. It's where you need to be. Let the doctor help. Give the meds time to work.

 

 

This isn't going to be an easy fix but you will be healed. If you broke your arm you know you would be in for 6-8 weeks in a cast. Don't think your heart will heal faster just because that injury doesn't show on x-ray.

 

 

I do not think he will ever be back. Trust was broken on too many levels. You emasculated him verbally & physically when you hit him & spit on him. The words you both used were too cruel. They can't be dialed back.

 

 

He's smart enough to realize that you two can't be "friends" in the immediate aftermath of the break up. Besides what are you going to do? You can't exactly be each other's shoulders to cry on as you grieve the demise of your relationship. You also don't need a front row seat to his next GF.

 

 

You focus on you. Do what your doctor says. Keep taking your medication & heal.