Jump to content

Dumped for gaining too much weight. Going NC Now!!


Recommended Posts

Hello everyone! So I have a man in my life who I briefly dated back in 2011. Our friendship was perfect and we always had love for each other but we were young and never took our relationship serious(I am currently 26).

In 2012 I ended up move about 7 hours south and we kept in contact. He would always tell me how much he missed me and how he wish he had someone like me in his life. He told me we would be so good together and he wanted to possibly try taking our relationship serious.

 

So in December 2016 we made plans to reunite. He also asked me if I wanted to move in with him. I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship. He on the other hand has not been with ANYONE since we have been apart. No sex, no flings, nothing. I had put on about 60lbs from taking the birth control Depo Prevera. But I was working out at the gym everyday to lose the weight. I let him know this and sent him several pictures and videos of how i looked. We also video chatted every morning.

 

So my trip there lasted 10 days. On day three I sensed that he was not really into me or whatever, so I asked him if he still wanted to date me or wanted me to move in. He told me HE COULD NOT GET OVER THE WEIGHT GAIN. I was sad and mad at first and wanted to go home. But after thinking about it I was not happy at all with myself. I asked him if I lost the weight could we try again, he said yes. So I went home after the 10 days were up.

 

I did not message him when I got home. I waited for him to contact me. HE waited till the next day to make sure I made it home safe. So when Christmas came around he started ignoring me and I blew up his phone and asked him why he was ignoring me. I also asked him to just tell me he does not want a future with me if that is not what he wants. After ignoring me all day he later texts and says sorry for making you wait I was going to call you and tell I choose not to continue on with this .

 

I was heart broken but I understood. Still heartbroken after a few days I told him I still was not over him and I needed closure. I asked him what made him completly change his mind. I thought he wanted to wait for me. That is when he told me he has not been intimate with anyone but me for the last 4+ years he wanted to have sex with other women. Honestly I agreeded with him and told him yes I think he needed to get that out of his system as well.

 

I was heart broken but knowing that helped me not be as depressed and I was able to get my ass in the gym. We continued to stay in contact. He will initiate sometimes. When I initiate contact sometimes I am ignored. Anyways I would like to go FULL NO CONTACT.

 

I have lost 20 lb since my trip in December and I have 40 more to go. I want him to want me again. Basically posting this so i can be strong and not contact him even when I have the urge to do so. I am in love with him. But I have a feeling all he wanted was sex because he was going through a dry spell. I am not mad at him because he is fit and I want to be sexy again and honestly this situation has motivated me to kick ass at the gym.

 

So i was thinking 30 to 60 days no contact or even no contact till the rest of the 40lbs are gone. We are FB friends (if that matters for anything) So he sees my progress. Any tips for me?? I will be using this thread to help me through this difficult time. I want him to be in love with me and never let me go. I am pretty but I look wayyy better when I am thin. All advice is appreciated! Much love and thank you for reading!

 

 

 

 

 

Long story short: Got back with old flame Dec 2016. He rejects me for gaining to much weight says we might have chance when I lose it. Then changes his mind and he tells me he wants to experience other women. I have lost 20 lb since seeing him and plan on losing another 40. i WANT TO GO NO CONTACT TILL ALL THE WEIGHT IS GONE!

Edited by Vrunner1990
TYPOS
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't want to say too much because I'm sure there are many details that cannot be communicated in just one post. With that, what did pop out is the weight factor and his getting sex out of his system...

 

The weight issue... he sounds superficial because if he was really all that into you, that would not matter IMO, possibly you've outgrown each other in that way?

 

Getting it out of his system... does that ever go out of a persons system? I cannot buy that as a reason for not reuniting.

 

IMO, lose the weight and move on, as he might have changed and like saying prior, has outgrown the relationship... stay FB friends and have a good life!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sweetie lose the weight for you and no one else. Losing weight is not going to make him magically fall in love with you. There are many thin women pinning for a man and loads of overweight women who have men who love them. He used the "overweight" word to break it off when in fact he just wanted to date other girls. He may have sex with you again but it is doubtful he wants you for a gf. Lose the weight for you and then find a man who wants you.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

IMO, lose the weight and move on, as he might have changed and like saying prior, has outgrown the relationship... stay FB friends and have a good life!

 

Thank you for your reply! I do not want to move on. I want him more then I have ever wanted anyone. After dating around I realized i always loved him. He has not had a chance to date so he does not know if there is somthing eles out there which I understand. Also as for the superficial part, I understand where he is coming from about losing attraction to me for gaining weight. Men are visual creatures and that's a fact. I know once I lose the last 40 he will for sure be attracted to me again. But I am wondering if i should go full contact till ALL THE WEIGHT IS GONE. So we can start over.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Sweetie lose the weight for you and no one else. Losing weight is not going to make him magically fall in love with you. There are many thin women pinning for a man and loads of overweight women who have men who love them. He used the "overweight" word to break it off when in fact he just wanted to date other girls. He may have sex with you again but it is doubtful he wants you for a gf. Lose the weight for you and then find a man who wants you.

 

But what if I want to fight for the relationship? I don't want to give up so easily. I don't mind improving my appearence. Like I said I am at the gym everyday. So you do not think no contact with work?

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is man who values superficial. If he cared about you -- the person -- he'd date you while you were on your weight loss journey.

 

 

Granted I was underweight before but I gained 40 pounds since getting married. I'm down 18 & shooting for 25. My husband stuck by me, eats the healthier foods I make, helps me with portion control and exercises with me.

 

 

Be very careful about wanting him back. He doesn't sound like he's good for you.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you for your reply! I do not want to move on. I want him more then I have ever wanted anyone. After dating around I realized i always loved him.

 

Honey. Why do you love someone who doesn't love you?

 

This isn't what love is about. Love is about being accepted, about sharing a deep caring and admiration for each other. Love is about being able to be vulnerable with each other, because you can trust that they do not want to hurt you.

 

Perhaps you are infatuated with him - but how can you be in love with him, when he isn't in love with you.

 

He doesn't love you. He cares about your feelings enough to tell you to your face he is going to go have sex with other people.

 

When two people are compatible and love each other- you don't have to "fight" for it.

 

Imagine for a moment the difference between a man who loves you, and wants nothing more than to share his life with you. Someone who cherishes you. Not someone you have to fight for.

 

Even if you do lose the weight, and he gives you a chance, you will never feel secure because you know his attraction and care for you and fickle and fleeting.

 

Love yourself first. Lose the weight for you. You will gain confidence and attention from other men.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
This is man who values superficial. If he cared about you -- the person -- he'd date you while you were on your weight loss journey.

 

 

Granted I was underweight before but I gained 40 pounds since getting married. I'm down 18 & shooting for 25. My husband stuck by me, eats the healthier foods I make, helps me with portion control and exercises with me.

 

 

Be very careful about wanting him back. He doesn't sound like he's good for you.

 

Hey but do you not think it is different when someone gains or lose weight while in a relationship compared to before. When I gained the weight I was with my ex and he loved me even AFTER GAIN WEIGHT, but told me he would not have dated me if he met me at the current size. Which I think is completely understandable. I think everyone is allowed to have a preference without being called superficial. I have types I won't date. Does that make me superficial? Maybe I guess

Link to post
Share on other sites
Hello everyone! So I have a man in my life who I briefly dated back in 2011. Our friendship was perfect and we always had love for each other but we were young and never took our relationship serious(I am currently 26).

In 2012 I ended up move about 7 hours south and we kept in contact. He would always tell me how much he missed me and how he wish he had someone like me in his life. He told me we would be so good together and he wanted to possibly try taking our relationship serious.

 

So in December 2016 we made plans to reunite. He also asked me if I wanted to move in with him. I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship. He on the other hand has not been with ANYONE since we have been apart. No sex, no flings, nothing. I had put on about 60lbs from taking the birth control Depo Prevera. But I was working out at the gym everyday to lose the weight. I let him know this and sent him several pictures and videos of how i looked. We also video chatted every morning.

 

So my trip there lasted 10 days. On day three I sensed that he was not really into me or whatever, so I asked him if he still wanted to date me or wanted me to move in. He told me HE COULD NOT GET OVER THE WEIGHT GAIN. I was sad and mad at first and wanted to go home. But after thinking about it I was not happy at all with myself. I asked him if I lost the weight could we try again, he said yes. So I went home after the 10 days were up.

 

I did not message him when I got home. I waited for him to contact me. HE waited till the next day to make sure I made it home safe. So when Christmas came around he started ignoring me and I blew up his phone and asked him why he was ignoring me. I also asked him to just tell me he does not want a future with me if that is not what he wants. After ignoring me all day he later texts and says sorry for making you wait I was going to call you and tell I choose not to continue on with this .

 

I was heart broken but I understood. Still heartbroken after a few days I told him I still was not over him and I needed closure. I asked him what made him completly change his mind. I thought he wanted to wait for me. That is when he told me he has not been intimate with anyone but me for the last 4+ years he wanted to have sex with other women. Honestly I agreeded with him and told him yes I think he needed to get that out of his system as well.

 

I was heart broken but knowing that helped me not be as depressed and I was able to get my ass in the gym. We continued to stay in contact. He will initiate sometimes. When I initiate contact sometimes I am ignored. Anyways I would like to go FULL NO CONTACT.

 

I have lost 20 lb since my trip in December and I have 40 more to go. I want him to want me again. Basically posting this so i can be strong and not contact him even when I have the urge to do so. I am in love with him. But I have a feeling all he wanted was sex because he was going through a dry spell. I am not mad at him because he is fit and I want to be sexy again and honestly this situation has motivated me to kick ass at the gym.

 

So i was thinking 30 to 60 days no contact or even no contact till the rest of the 40lbs are gone. We are FB friends (if that matters for anything) So he sees my progress. Any tips for me?? I will be using this thread to help me through this difficult time. I want him to be in love with me and never let me go. I am pretty but I look wayyy better when I am thin. All advice is appreciated! Much love and thank you for reading!

 

 

 

 

 

Long story short: Got back with old flame Dec 2016. He rejects me for gaining to much weight says we might have chance when I lose it. Then changes his mind and he tells me he wants to experience other women. I have lost 20 lb since seeing him and plan on losing another 40. i WANT TO GO NO CONTACT TILL ALL THE WEIGHT IS GONE!

 

 

Sweet heart... I can understand if you had a relationship and you simply let your self go and just didn't care and started gaining weight and just didn't care about the relationship. This however is a whole different ball game, Your not in a relationship... you are in a contract and bonded by this contract. You are thus agreeing to all stipulation with the confines of this contract or you can be let go, traded, or bumped by another tenant.

 

Is this what you want? Is this the love you desire?

 

If you do I suggest you stay within the confines and agreement of this contract.

 

However, If this is not the love you seek... I suggest you permanently leave this guy on the curb for the county to collect the trash. Once the trash man picks up the trash... you cannot get it back.. its gone. Thus we would call it permanent No contact.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I would suggest keep getting in shape for you, but don't pin too many hopes on him regaining interest once you've lost the excess weight.

 

I would continue No Contact. Think about this: how does it feel knowing you're putting in all this hard work, while he is very likely seeing other women? He told you he wants to sleep around so you need to believe he's doing it.

 

You say you want to fight for this, but it's a one-sided fight thus far. He doesn't seem to be putting in much effort to keep a connection with you. Don't do the Pick Me! dance.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Love yourself first. Lose the weight for you. You will gain confidence and attention from other men.

 

But I want him. I don't want anyone else. If we tried again after I lost weight and it did not work THEN I would accept that we were not meant to be. Honestly I kind of respect him for not validating me at my highest weight. :/ I know I am weird.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I would suggest keep getting in shape for you, but don't pin too many hopes on him regaining interest once you've lost the excess weight.

 

I would continue No Contact. Think about this: how does it feel knowing you're putting in all this hard work, while he is very likely seeing other women? He told you he wants to sleep around so you need to believe he's doing it.

 

You say you want to fight for this, but it's a one-sided fight thus far. He doesn't seem to be putting in much effort to keep a connection with you. Don't do the Pick Me! dance.

 

HE is an introvert and a video gamer. He is not seeing other women right now. He never meets anyone outside of work. Which is why in the last 4 years im the only one he has been with, While I have been dating.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Sweet heart... I can understand if you had a relationship and you simply let your self go and just didn't care and started gaining weight and just didn't care about the relationship. This however is a whole different ball game, Your not in a relationship... you are in a contract and bonded by this contract. You are thus agreeing to all stipulation with the confines of this contract or you can be let go, traded, or bumped by another tenant.

 

Is this what you want? Is this the love you desire?

 

If you do I suggest you stay within the confines and agreement of this contract.

 

However, If this is not the love you seek... I suggest you permanently leave this guy on the curb for the county to collect the trash. Once the trash man picks up the trash... you cannot get it back.. its gone. Thus we would call it permanent No contact.

 

Hey Sweet Fish I see you post all the time when I am lurking so it's cool that you are on my thread lol

 

I would not mind having to make sure I do not gain weight again. He actually worked out with me while I was visiting and we even talked about being a "fit couple"

Edited by Vrunner1990
typo
Link to post
Share on other sites
Hey Sweet Fish I see you post all the time when I am lurking so it's cool that you are on my thread lol

 

I would not mind having to make sure I do not gain weight again. He actually worked out with me while I was visiting and we even talked about being a "fit couple"

 

:p:cool:

 

So your kinda using him too...?

 

Is he your checks and balances or are you using him as validation?

Link to post
Share on other sites

He rejected you. It doesn't matter why. He doesn't love you. I know that's awful for you to think about but you need a guy who loves you and wants you and does not judge like him. Imagine what life with him would be like - you would be constantly worrying about gaining a pound or two, about how he'd feel if you became pregnant, etc. Honestly, you should tell the guy to go and find someone else. He is currently feeding off your adoration and he does not deserve that ego trip.

 

You are a great person and there will be a great guy out there who sees that. While you are fixated on this guy, you will not be open to the others because you will be mentally shut off from them. Consider, for a moment, what it might be like to meet someone else who truly adores you? It is possible.

 

No contact for ever is a better idea!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
:p:cool:

 

So your kinda using him too...?

 

Is he your checks and balances or are you using him as validation?

 

Not using him as validation. I just like everything about him. He is the kind of man I want in my life. I don'y want anyone eles to find out how great he is.

Edited by Vrunner1990
typo
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry you're hurting right now, but it seems that it's time to let this guy go.

 

100% pftttt

 

Look at it this way: It's a good thing you found out fairly quickly what this guy is made of. He's not the guy for you. the sooner you get on with your life the sooner you will become available for someone who loves YOU.

 

grieve, pick yourself up, and move on to being the kick-ass gal you are!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
He rejected you. It doesn't matter why. He doesn't love you. I know that's awful for you to think about but you need a guy who loves you and wants you and does not judge like him. Imagine what life with him would be like - you would be constantly worrying about gaining a pound or two, about how he'd feel if you became pregnant, etc. Honestly, you should tell the guy to go and find someone else. He is currently feeding off your adoration and he does not deserve that ego trip.

 

No contact for ever is a better idea!

 

 

I do not want any children. Also I would be hapy to have motivation everyday not to gain weight. But I understand what you are saying. He doesn't care about me. -_-

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I'm sorry you're hurting right now, but it seems that it's time to let this guy go.

 

100% pftttt

 

Look at it this way: It's a good thing you found out fairly quickly what this guy is made of. He's not the guy for you. the sooner you get on with your life the sooner you will become available for someone who loves YOU.

 

grieve, pick yourself up, and move on to being the kick-ass gal you are!

 

Thank you. I wish I could let him go. I have a feeling he might still be a little interested still because he does still message me on FB. But maybe he is just bored :/

Link to post
Share on other sites
HE is an introvert and a video gamer. He is not seeing other women right now. He never meets anyone outside of work. Which is why in the last 4 years im the only one he has been with, While I have been dating.

 

OP, don't you get that if he used the excuse of wanting to sleep with other women as a reason not to get involved with you - then he's really not into you?

 

He said what he thought would turn you off the most, because frankly, most women would run the other way if a guy told them he wants to sleep around. This sadly suggests that your weight gain is not the only issue.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I do not want any children. Also I would be hapy to have motivation everyday not to gain weight. But I understand what you are saying. He doesn't care about me. -_-

 

Is he on the same page regarding kids?

 

And you would be HAPPY to feel insecure on a daily basis that the guy you love, may reject you if you gain weight. Yeah that sounds like a fun way to live life!

 

Honey, your describing an unhealthy relationship as your ideal.

 

Lose the weight and keep it off FOR YOU. I have gained, and then lost weight over the years (I am now thinner than when my husband met me). I couldn't imagine the stress if I had to worry about his love during my heavier years.

 

Here is another thing to consider. Relationships need to have a balance. If you are smitten with him, and he can take or leave you (which is the reality). He will always have the upper hand in the relationship. The power will always be in his court. His choices will mean more than yours, his feelings will mean more than yours. Disagreements? Well better let him win, because walking away from you is no big deal to him.

 

If you want to play a "pick me" dance forever - well then that is what you are seeking.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
OP, don't you get that if he used the excuse of wanting to sleep with other women as a reason not to get involved with you - then he's really not into you?

 

He said what he thought would turn you off the most, because frankly, most women would run the other way if a guy told them he wants to sleep around. This sadly suggests that your weight gain is not the only issue.

 

I understand that he isn't into me right now because I gained weight. But the only reason I am ok with him wanting other women is because I am very open sexually. Plus if he is single he absolutly has every right to try out other women. I would rather him date while we are apart and find out that we were a good match, then him always wondering what sex is like with other people. Like i said in my post have have dated and slept with other men after him and he has not been with anyone.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you. I wish I could let him go. I have a feeling he might still be a little interested still because he does still message me on FB. But maybe he is just bored :/

 

delete him, erm, unfriend him from all social media. go dark. the sooner the better.

 

I"m sorry to be harsh, but get a hold of yourself! you are so much better than this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Is he on the same page regarding kids?

 

Yes we are on the same page. He does not want any kids either. And you are right he can live with or with out me

I guess :/ Thank you for putting it that way

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're committed to the prospect of capturing his interest, then full steam ahead. He might show some interest at -50 pounds, but don't let that deter you from your goal.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...