Feeling lost

[Lost2017]

I've been a very long time lurker just never posted as I guess I wasn't in any position to reach out but right now I just need to get back on track today is my 1st day NC I'll start from the beginning of when I began lurking!

 

I was in an abusive relationship for 18 months eventually he left me (that hurt) but I took sometime to educate myself on abusive relationships and learn about 'red flags' but rushed into another relationship as I needed a safe place, that relationship also had abusive signs 1 occasion resulted in me having surgery a few months ago but we walked away on okay terms in the end.

 

This then leads me to my current issue I got involved with a guy and things were amazing, we did rush and it was short term (6 months) he told me he was a recovering gambling addict 3 weeks in but hadn't done for 2 years, at the beginning of the year however it emerged that he couldn't pay his way cos he had gambled the money, I got him through the month and he said he was leaving me again, we spoke a lot and he didn't until 4 days later when I returned from work to find his key posted and stuff gone! He had said he needed a few days but that seemed very final! But he said he didn't know what he wanted came over to talk after 2 days and I said I couldn't live waiting, he said he wasn't sure it was the best thing and was due to come 2 days later he text and said he'd had a bad day at work and would make it the next day no matter what, the next day he didn't show and made no contact, so yest I sent an email saying I had to admit his addiction meant he wasn't the man I met (I really didn't want to give up but no contact from him I didn't know what more I could do) I messaged a bit later when he said he was going to reply when he had 5 minutes but hasn't !!

 

So day 1 no contact I woke up thinking his silence when he even said we had a lot to say isn't fair and the fact he has problems and won't allow me to help and instead is just turning his back on me should show me what kind of man he is, but now I'm back on the wagon of wanting to tell him I deserved a chance and I would have been there so instead I'm posting here and I'm expecting to be told how stupid this is but it's stopping me reaching out to him xx

[ExpatInItaly]

You've been through a lot in the last couple years, OP.

 

It's time to take care of you now. Stay single and learn to love yourself again. When you do so, you'll better be able to filter out the abusers and leeches and will tell a guy like this most recent one to hit the bricks.