Broke up, reconciled, & now we're distant. She may be seeing someone else.

[Rng]

A little backstory: I've been dating my most recent girlfriend for the past 6 months and things with us took off very quickly from the beginning.

 

I was completely infatuated with this woman because it seemed that we were compatible, at least in the beginning, on every level. Our connection was the strongest I'd ever felt, and it meant that things moved fast.

 

The first month was absolutely fantastic. We took a lot of weekend trips and spent all of our free time together. At about 6 weeks in though, cracks started forming in the relationship and the rose-colored glasses came off. I began seeing some really unattractive qualities in her.

 

First, when we first became "official," we told each other that we'd cut communication with exes or others that we'd been talking to while single. I held up my end of that, but she did not. I came to find out that she was texting a guy she had been talking to before we met in an inappropriate way.

 

I confronted her about this, told her it was unacceptable, and she promised to stop. She didn't. I caught her multiple times afterward doing the same thing with the same guy.

 

A few months into it, her cousin basically tells her "I have a guy for you when you break up with your boyfriend." To her credit, she told me about this immediately. However, instead of doing what I would expect someone who's taken to do in that situation (i.e. cut it off and make it clear that they were dating someone), she continued to add him as a friend, talk to him on Facebook, and eventually exchange numbers and start texting.

 

I lost it over this after finding this out. We had a big fight over it and she, again, promised she'd stop and that I had nothing to worry about.

 

In December, on her mom's birthday I came over to have dinner with them all, and she said she wanted to spend time with her mom alone afterward, so I left. She was supposed to come over that night, but I didn't hear anything until 1:30 AM in which she said she broke her phone and wanted me to come over.

 

Several days later, I get a call from an apartment complex across town that said that they found her phone in the stairwell and called me because I was the last person to text it. She then lied and said that she took her friend home from work. I was highly suspicious and decided to snoop and found out that she was over at her guy "friend's" apartment that night and had blown me off to go over there.

 

Again, I lost my **** and it resulted in a big fight.

 

The day before New Years Eve, I was over at her house and couldn't sleep so I told her I was going home. She blew up on me, yelled, cancelled our New Years Eve plans and didn't talk to me for a day. When we did talk, she was convinced she had nothing to apologize for. I disagree.

 

Most recently, she said she was going out of town this past weekend until Sunday night to clean her old apartment (4 hours away). I come to find out that, while she may have been gone Saturday, she got back Sunday way earlier than she said she was and lied to me about where she'd went after getting back.

 

I met her at her house when she got back, blew up on her, broke up with her, and blocked her on all social media and other forms of communication.

 

She shows up the next day and we reconcile on the agreement that if either of us were further dishonest with the other. I don't know why.

 

Then, she lied about going to an appointment last night. I also found evidence that she was in an area of town she has no excuse to be in beyond that I know the guy that her cousin connected her to lives nearby.

 

Normally, I wouldn't put up with this type of behavior this long. I have an emotional connection to her like no other, but it does not seem to me that it is being reciprocated, nor am I being respected. I don't really trust her any more at all, but a part of me still wishes that there were a way to put this thing back on track and build a solid relationship with one another, but I think she's just playing me.

 

What are the odds that she's just cheating on me and seeing what she can get away with? Should I just go back to ending this and move on? Its obviously not what I want to do.

[BluesPower]

She is just toying with you.

 

You know what you have to do.

[preraph]

Look, you know as well as I do that she's a liar and she's keeping her options open and not at all dedicated to this relationship. So if you want a serious relationship, dump her and get on with finding someone. Most women will NOT do this to you. If however you are really just wanting sex, by all means remain one of her partners, but she is looking for a new boyfriend. Sorry. Liars suck.

[Rng]

Yeah, I believe that is the unfortunate reality of the situation also. Its really unfortunate because the connection we shared early on, and still share to some extent, felt deep to me. Its been getting shallower though with time, and she's shown no willingness to change her ways.

 

Its strange to me though still. She's highly-independent and works in one of the top fields in healthcare. She's not the type to fear being single, or at least that's how it seems. Why would she stay in this for this long if that were the case?

[dumbass2]

One thing we often have a problem seeing and believing is how can our partner not feel the same way we do. She does not feel the same about you. Her actions show quite the opposite. They show that you are just another man to her. Nothing special about you or else she wouldn't consistently do what she has. This one needs to be blocked and NC applied to the fullest. She will not change and I see no hope for you and her being together in a healthy, trusting relationship. Your trust in her is long gone and unfortunately will not come back because of her consistent lying. You need to start fresh with someone else who doesn't have this type of baggage.

[kgcolonel]

RNG....you do know that she was definitely with the Other guy when she lost her phone, New Years eve and day and the weekend she went to her apt to clean it out, likely with him...right?

 

So was it her or you that started the R effort? If it was her, the big question is WHY? If you didn't get a really good response to that, I would tell her that you have second thoughts as to the rationality to getting back together as you and i both know that it won't get any better. Do a FWB if you want the Sex but she has proven she's not GF material. Sorry to tell you this but better now than later....

[Rng]

RNG....you do know that she was definitely with the Other guy when she lost her phone, New Years eve and day and the weekend she went to her apt to clean it out, likely with him...right?

 

So was it her or you that started the R effort? If it was her, the big question is WHY? If you didn't get a really good response to that, I would tell her that you have second thoughts as to the rationality to getting back together as you and i both know that it won't get any better. Do a FWB if you want the Sex but she has proven she's not GF material. Sorry to tell you this but better now than later....

 

Yep, I'm aware. I've been operating in a guarded state for a while now, expecting this type of thing to rear its head.

 

She initiated reconciliation, and I don't know why. The only thing I can think at this point is that she gets off on seeing what she can get away with under someones nose. I've had this hunch for a while now though.

[Rng]

Update: She went MIA tonight as well so I went to the apartment complex where this guy I suspected her of seeing is. Sure enough, her car was parked right outside.

 

I sent her a picture of her car and told her we were through. She tried to push the blame off on me saying that I drove her to it because her lies made me become insecure and untrustworthy of her words.

 

She's a sociopath and I feel sorry for her and for anyone who's unlucky enough to get involved with her.

[Been]

Its done. When people move too fast I often find its because they don't want you to see the real them-everything is going so fast that your trying to keep up so you might not notice certain things.

If your dating someone and they are texting people of the opposite sex who they aren't friends with RUN.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, the next time someone shows you that they don't respect you and lie to you and keep their door open for other men, the correct response is to run. The first time. And run far.

 

The incorrect response is to ignore the fact that she's not that into you, and to try to make her see the error of her ways. She doesn't care enough about you to change her behaviour. Harsh? Yes. But it's the truth.

 

Stay away from people who show you they don't give a crap about you.

[Rng]

Yep, I agree. I interpreted those actions exactly the same way: that she had no respect for me and I truly meant nothing to her despite her words.

 

I'm not really an emotional wreck though. I'm bothered by it, but a weight feels as though its been lifted from my shoulders now and I don't have to stress about it.

 

Her negative qualities far outweighed the positives in the end. I absolutely loved the person I thought she was, just not who she actually is.

[Hopefuleddie]

Hello, sorry for what you are experiencing in your relationship. Feeling like you can’t trust a person close to you is frustrating. A willingness to forsake all others and focus on your relationship is the only way to success in your relationship. Hope you can find a way to do that.