BF stopped responding

[globailey16]

I'm going through bit tough times & any suggestions are truly helpful.

 

So my colleague at work introduced me to an amazing man few months ago. I'm 33 , single, qualified, independent & working in corporate. I met this guy who is amazingly equally qualified like me working in corporate as well.

 

 

I wasn't attracted to him initially but in due course I started to like his personality eventually, we started dating in no time. He is barely 4 months older to me.

 

One day he has informed me , he would like to keep the dating casual & low profile for the first few months & he doesn't want to post anything on social media about our dating until we both get to know each other better. He has informed he all his previous relationships lasted for barely few months so this time he would like to take his own time, keep it low profile & take it slow for the first couple of months. It doesn't mean it is casual but we decided to keep it normal , low profile, see how it goes & then socialize. We both decided to keep it exclusive to each other.

I was fine with all of this & it did made sense to me. He has a pretty boyish look , petite , tiny frame.

 

Within the first few months of dating, we started to get physical. We happen to see each other like 3 to 4 times a week & things were going smoothly. Within few weeks I realized , sex with him wasn't great.He is a shy guy.However, I started to love him slowly.

 

He never made me reach my climax.I decided to bring this up many times, but was hesitant he would get hurt. He seemed to have his own deep insecurities , he is also the youngest child in his family & I have to say he lead a pretty comfortable life financially ( his parents are very wealthy). I didn't think he has been through any tough times in his life , nor seen any hurdles and hence grew up very polished, soft spoken with a very sensitive heart.I decided to not offend him & hurt his feelings so kept it low.

 

Two Saturdays ago, he was with his guys out drinking & I was with my own girls partying. He texted me around 1:00 AM stating he wants to see me & he misses me. He came over to my apartment around 2:00 AM , we started kissing passionately & was about to have sex. unsure what triggered me ( I was drunk, we both were drunk). I just looked straight to his eyes & said ' You have a small [d***] ( This is exactly what I said, I'm sorry, I was drunk. I know this is profanity) .

 

He stopped right away , started weeping like a baby & kept saying it was so rude of me to say that.

He refused to show his naked body to me, turned away on the other side of the bed & refused to even see me, or touch me or show his naked frame. I kept hugging him from behind, kissing him , caressing him apologizing that I was drunk asking for forgiveness. We fell asleep like that.

The next morning , he approached me on bed & tried to have sex with me again. While we were having sex, I again yelled at him asking him to F*** me ., he kept staring at me while I was yelling the profanity term , kinda shocked.

 

He couldn't even last for a minute & was done.i was so agitated, I simply said , ' I lost interest in you'. He was astonished , shocked since he has never seen me with this behavior & immediately said ' Really?'.

I was dissaapointed, he was done so quickly & went on to the couch.

 

He then decided to leave, showered, dressed up & kissed me on my forehead, hugged me telling me we will hangout soon again. While he was leaving my apartment, I offered him a bottled water, he thanked me telling me 'You are the best, best, you are the best' & he left.

 

I texted him after an hour to make sure he got him safe. I have also asked him ( first time ever), why is that he never helped me reach my climax. He responded, I was just too drunk & tired.

 

Fast forward, after five days, no texts, at all. HE completely disappeared . On Thursday, I texted him asking how his week been so far & also gave my true apologies over text messgs for offending him manhood the other night.

No response, I sent him 8 long detailed texts in the last 4 days, called him , left voicemails, no response at all. I'm just heartbroken, I have been bedridden, unable to resonate, not knowing what is happening & what to do next.

I do not want to call & text him repeatedly. He is a man who would reply to my texts within 2 mins doesn't matter even if he was on christmas vacation with his parents in Florida. The same man now completely disappeared. How do I handle this now . I don't want to stand in front of his apartment uninvited, or show up at his work.

 

Is this completely over? Do I need to give some more time?

 

- Is he really offended to this level that I have insulted his manhood/sexuality when I said he has a small p****, he is heartbroken & upset that he is totally humiliated?

- He simply isn't interested anymore & was looking for a way out & found it?

- Is he upset b/c I used the 'F' word while having sex ( was it a shocker to him) but I was hungover.

- or is he upset b/c I offended him the next morning again telling him on his face that I lost interest.

- Did he think it was all casual relation??

 

I'm confused, he needs to give me a closure. People have issues, I regret for what I said, I was drunk, I have been saying sorry over text messgs, he simply wouldn't respond. when people have issues in a relation, they make things work out or take a break.

Even if he wants to end it after all this, I'm fine. I just want him to reply to me once, accept my apologies, end it amicably , I wish him nothing but the best. Why would he not give me a closure.

 

I love him & still want him. He is a down to earth polished man, sophisticated & soft spoken. We have spent so much time personally & do not want to let him go. I'm heartbroken, been bedridden for three days, so weak & emotionally so down weeping. How do I fix this? - I want to make this work

Will he ever forgive me? what should I do now. Is this truly over?

 

This is way too extreme . I sent him an IM on FB, he ignored even opening. I'm astonished. Is he upset to this extent? - I begged him, give me one reply once you are free to go if you want & we can end all this here.I never thought he is this insensitive, i'm just so lost. He did not even care to respond. Is he upset to this level?

 

Please no trolling or humiliating me. I have spent over 30 mins typing all this. I need some genuine valuable suggestions, please help me get through this.

[dumbass2]

I'm surprised he even stayed after you said that. Alcohol is the truth serum. Not much you can do now except see if he contacts you again. Don't keep at him with the calls and texts. You've said enough for now. I doubt he comes back and if he did I can't see things working after that. He'll never forget that.

[LitTunnel]

Wow!

 

What I'm wondering is what were you trying to gain/prove by humiliating him by telling him he's got a small penis? Like honestly. So you were drunk and you blurted out those words just like that? Why? What were you trying to gain? Please answer that for yourself because to me it seems you have no ability to control yourself when tipsy and that's not a good sign and certainly no excuse. My ex was like this; an out-of-control drunk and it was such a turn off for me, part of the reason why we broke up. And hate to say this but you reaffirmed his insecurity when the next day you blurted out F*** ME! That's basically you telling him "You're doing wrong, now do it right!" So you double gutted him, tsk, tsk smh. And probably what happen was he already was very insecure and all you did was reinforce his belief and naturally he ran and on top of it you chased him when you should've laid back and let him contact you. Look, it wasn't cool what you did and I get the feeling you know but for F-Sake if you guys do end up together again please refrain yourself from ever feeling too comfortable speaking your mind because they could potentially devastate the other person like you did with your ex. Learn from this, stop chasing and if you already feel this to be a problem then maybe you should just move on because clearly it's something that's important for you. I mean think about it. Can your ex grow his penis if you guys do end up back together? NO. So this is going to be an issue for you. Maybe not now, but for certain later on in the relationship and this whole mess is going to happen again, only worse. Just really think deep and hard if this is indeed what you want to continue with because to me it seems it's a big deal to you otherwise you wouldn't have said those hurtful things. Good luck!

Edited February 9, 2017 by LitTunnel

[Sweetfish]

The kiss on the forehead was the kiss of death. Its over.

[basil67]

Closure is for people who don't really understand what went wrong. But you know exactly how rude you were and you know why he's left you without a word. Frankly, no apology could make this one better. Your behaviour is exactly the kind which will leave a person being ignored by an ex.

 

I notice that you don't want to be humiliated. Sad you didn't think about how awful humiliation feels before you humiliated your ex.

Edited February 9, 2017 by basil67

[enddeck]

What you said to him is the cruelest thing any woman can say to a man and quite frankly you have the sensitivity of a dog in heat.

It can never be unsaid and there is nothing he can do about the size of his penis,there are sexual positions that could have been tried out and are proven to improve the sex life of both partners but it's too late for that now.

If it had been him that said you were too loose how would you have felt?

It's over and you have lost a good guy,learn from this.

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to learn how to treat people and not be an abusive bully.

 

There's no fixing this.

[oasis]

My jaws dropped when I read this. You have totally emasculated him. There is no possible way he could ever see you the same way again. He could never trust you again as you have said the most ruthless thing a woman can ever say to a man.

 

Leave him alone and learn from this. If I was him, I would avoid you like the plague.

[anna121]

Don't badger him anymore. I think you badly needly to work on yourself. I know you're feeling bad, but your post reeks of selfishness. Ask yourself why you would be so cruel to someone you claim to love. I'm sorry, but being drunk is absolutely no excuse. Plus, from your OP, you told him "I lost interest in you" the next morning. That can't be explained by being drunk.

 

It sounds to me like you love certain things about him, but don't respect him. So, have enough respect for him to leave him alone.

[Redhead14]

I'm going through bit tough times & any suggestions are truly helpful.

 

So my colleague at work introduced me to an amazing man few months ago. I'm 33 , single, qualified, independent & working in corporate. I met this guy who is amazingly equally qualified like me working in corporate as well.

 

 

I wasn't attracted to him initially but in due course I started to like his personality eventually, we started dating in no time. He is barely 4 months older to me.

 

One day he has informed me , he would like to keep the dating casual & low profile for the first few months & he doesn't want to post anything on social media about our dating until we both get to know each other better. He has informed he all his previous relationships lasted for barely few months so this time he would like to take his own time, keep it low profile & take it slow for the first couple of months. It doesn't mean it is casual but we decided to keep it normal , low profile, see how it goes & then socialize. We both decided to keep it exclusive to each other.

I was fine with all of this & it did made sense to me. He has a pretty boyish look , petite , tiny frame.

 

Within the first few months of dating, we started to get physical. We happen to see each other like 3 to 4 times a week & things were going smoothly. Within few weeks I realized , sex with him wasn't great.He is a shy guy.However, I started to love him slowly.

 

He never made me reach my climax.I decided to bring this up many times, but was hesitant he would get hurt. He seemed to have his own deep insecurities , he is also the youngest child in his family & I have to say he lead a pretty comfortable life financially ( his parents are very wealthy). I didn't think he has been through any tough times in his life , nor seen any hurdles and hence grew up very polished, soft spoken with a very sensitive heart.I decided to not offend him & hurt his feelings so kept it low.

 

Two Saturdays ago, he was with his guys out drinking & I was with my own girls partying. He texted me around 1:00 AM stating he wants to see me & he misses me. He came over to my apartment around 2:00 AM , we started kissing passionately & was about to have sex. unsure what triggered me ( I was drunk, we both were drunk). I just looked straight to his eyes & said ' You have a small [d***] ( This is exactly what I said, I'm sorry, I was drunk. I know this is profanity) .

 

He stopped right away , started weeping like a baby & kept saying it was so rude of me to say that.

He refused to show his naked body to me, turned away on the other side of the bed & refused to even see me, or touch me or show his naked frame. I kept hugging him from behind, kissing him , caressing him apologizing that I was drunk asking for forgiveness. We fell asleep like that.

The next morning , he approached me on bed & tried to have sex with me again. While we were having sex, I again yelled at him asking him to F*** me ., he kept staring at me while I was yelling the profanity term , kinda shocked.

 

He couldn't even last for a minute & was done.i was so agitated, I simply said , ' I lost interest in you'. He was astonished , shocked since he has never seen me with this behavior & immediately said ' Really?'.

I was dissaapointed, he was done so quickly & went on to the couch.

 

He then decided to leave, showered, dressed up & kissed me on my forehead, hugged me telling me we will hangout soon again. While he was leaving my apartment, I offered him a bottled water, he thanked me telling me 'You are the best, best, you are the best' & he left.

 

I texted him after an hour to make sure he got him safe. I have also asked him ( first time ever), why is that he never helped me reach my climax. He responded, I was just too drunk & tired.

 

Fast forward, after five days, no texts, at all. HE completely disappeared . On Thursday, I texted him asking how his week been so far & also gave my true apologies over text messgs for offending him manhood the other night.

No response, I sent him 8 long detailed texts in the last 4 days, called him , left voicemails, no response at all. I'm just heartbroken, I have been bedridden, unable to resonate, not knowing what is happening & what to do next.

I do not want to call & text him repeatedly. He is a man who would reply to my texts within 2 mins doesn't matter even if he was on christmas vacation with his parents in Florida. The same man now completely disappeared. How do I handle this now . I don't want to stand in front of his apartment uninvited, or show up at his work.

 

Is this completely over? Do I need to give some more time?

 

- Is he really offended to this level that I have insulted his manhood/sexuality when I said he has a small p****, he is heartbroken & upset that he is totally humiliated?

- He simply isn't interested anymore & was looking for a way out & found it?

- Is he upset b/c I used the 'F' word while having sex ( was it a shocker to him) but I was hungover.

- or is he upset b/c I offended him the next morning again telling him on his face that I lost interest.

- Did he think it was all casual relation??

 

I'm confused, he needs to give me a closure. People have issues, I regret for what I said, I was drunk, I have been saying sorry over text messgs, he simply wouldn't respond. when people have issues in a relation, they make things work out or take a break.

Even if he wants to end it after all this, I'm fine. I just want him to reply to me once, accept my apologies, end it amicably , I wish him nothing but the best. Why would he not give me a closure.

 

I love him & still want him. He is a down to earth polished man, sophisticated & soft spoken. We have spent so much time personally & do not want to let him go. I'm heartbroken, been bedridden for three days, so weak & emotionally so down weeping. How do I fix this? - I want to make this work

Will he ever forgive me? what should I do now. Is this truly over?

 

This is way too extreme . I sent him an IM on FB, he ignored even opening. I'm astonished. Is he upset to this extent? - I begged him, give me one reply once you are free to go if you want & we can end all this here.I never thought he is this insensitive, i'm just so lost. He did not even care to respond. Is he upset to this level?

 

Please no trolling or humiliating me. I have spent over 30 mins typing all this. I need some genuine valuable suggestions, please help me get through this.

 

Please no . . . humiliating me -- I won't do that because you've done a fine enough job of doing that to him and yourself.

 

Is he upset to this extent? -- Let's see, how would be react if he told you your t*ts were too small or saggy, got drunk and treated you like a piece of meat, told you he'd lost interest in you . . .? You behavior was shameful.

 

The 30 minutes you spent typing all this could have been spent researching counselors for guidance on social/relationship skills, emotional/verbal abuse and self-awareness.

[marky00]

What's funny is if the guy was on here complaining he got dumped, we'd all be laying into him for not paying attention to his gf's sexual needs. We don't know how bad he was in this department and sounds pretty bad if he going to blame his lack of performance on being drunk.

 

Look, I get why your all laying into her for her comment and most of you know I was brutally dumped myself so I'm not one to defend cruelty in any way.

 

But at least she is here being remorseful and we seriously do not know what had been going on to lead to this outburst.

 

It's pretty rare for a woman to complain about the sex being bad so it must have been very bad.

[Bromeo]

What's funny is if the guy was on here complaining he got dumped, we'd all be laying into him for not paying attention to his gf's sexual needs. We don't know how bad he was in this department and sounds pretty bad if he going to blame his lack of performance on being drunk.

 

Look, I get why your all laying into her for her comment and most of you know I was brutally dumped myself so I'm not one to defend cruelty in any way.

 

But at least she is here being remorseful and we seriously do not know what had been going on to lead to this outburst.

 

It's pretty rare for a woman to complain about the sex being bad so it must have been very bad.

 

This right here. This community is disproportionately tough on dumpers. I understand why, but in this, and several other cases, these OP's are being vulnerable, laying out the facts, and asking for guidance.

 

Op, nothing further needs elaborating on your conduct during the incident in question was abhorrent.

 

After reading the post, it sounds like you are simply more forward and aggressive than he is. Your personality may not gel with his. I know for me, under stress is when you see people's true colors, good and bad, come out.

 

In this case, offer a sincere apology, and then give him time to digest and figure things out may be warranted.

[Zahara]

This is way too extreme . I sent him an IM on FB, he ignored even opening. I'm astonished. Is he upset to this extent? - I begged him, give me one reply once you are free to go if you want & we can end all this here.I never thought he is this insensitive, i'm just so lost. He did not even care to respond. Is he upset to this level?

 

It's eye-opening that you can't see your own ways. If anyone was extreme, it was you. If anyone should be astonished, it should be him. And if anyone was being insensitive, it was you.

 

The fact that you've failed to see the levels of your unkind behavior and feel that what you did is insignificant and that he should just get over it, is very telling.

 

There are other ways to approach an issue with a partner especially something as sensitive as intimacy. Emasculating someone isn't the way to go about addressing your needs.

 

Leave him be. He may come around or he may not. Hopefully you learn from this and what it means to be able to communicate tactfully, and empathetically.

[RecentChange]

You have been absusive towards him. He would be wise to stay very far away from you. Young will continue to damage his ego and self worth.

 

Is English your first laugage? Do you have some sort of social disorder?

 

Your communication style seems a bit off...

[kidm]

How you approached the topic was tasteless but what's done is done. Own it and quit blaming the alcohol. You had been feeling sexually frustrated for awhile and I believe you knew exactly what you were saying and doing but thought you could hide behind the alcohol excuse.

 

You have reached out to him several times. You have to give him space and stop hounding him. He may come back and he may not, but you need to give this time. Sorry you're hurting. Frankly, it sounds like you two are sexually incompatible so I am not sure if your relationship would last long term.

[VeveCakes]

Have you ever been with a man before? Even joking about his size will send some off the deep end.

 

He is aware of his size. Did you ever think maybe you are too big for him? Imagine he had said that?

 

Seriously though, you were a b*tch. As if he would ever want to see you again. Sorry to be harsh but, you need to learn how to treat ppl.

[marky00]

And if she simply ended the relationship (without discussing the reason) due to his small tackle and poor performance, we are saying that is better?

 

 

And he did blame that on alcohol as well.

 

 

Again, what she said was way out of line but we have to look big picture here.

 

 

All this is just the straw that broke the camel's back, especially with regards to the bedroom issue.

Edited February 9, 2017 by marky00

[VeveCakes]

And if she simply ended the relationship (without discussing the reason) due to his small tackle and poor performance, we are saying that is better?

 

 

 

Yeah it is better! While in the act she yells out he has a small package.... that's not her explaining to him why she is breaking up with him. 1 that never happened and 2 that is totally unrelated to the incident.

 

A little empathy can go a long way.

[ExpatInItaly]

And if she simply ended the relationship (without discussing the reason) due to his small tackle and poor performance, we are saying that is better?

 

 

And he did blame that on alcohol as well.

 

 

Again, what she said was way out of line but we have to look big picture here.

 

 

All this is just the straw that broke the camel's back, especially with regards to the bedroom issue.

 

Where did anyone suggest she should have disappeared without saying anything?

 

That is not the only alternative in this scenario. Not by a long shot.

 

But since you present it as though it is, what would you prefer: have a woman tell you that your penis is too small in the act and have her tell you she's not interested in you because of it...or have her step away from the relationship?

 

If you claim you would choose the former, then you're going to need a fire extinguisher to put out those firey pants.

[Zahara]

And if she simply ended the relationship (without discussing the reason) due to his small tackle and poor performance, we are saying that is better?

 

We're not saying that it is better. We're saying there is certainly a better way to communicate the issue of intimacy with empathy and tact. And if she needed to end it, there could have also been a way to do it without emasculating someone.

 

All this is just the straw that broke the camel's back, especially with regards to the bedroom issue.

 

She created that straw. She kept suppressing her dissatisfaction many times over and chose not to address it him. It was because she didn't want to hurt him. The end result however has done more damage.

Edited February 9, 2017 by Zahara

[basil67]

What's funny is if the guy was on here complaining he got dumped, we'd all be laying into him for not paying attention to his gf's sexual needs. We don't know how bad he was in this department and sounds pretty bad if he going to blame his lack of performance on being drunk.

 

Look, I get why your all laying into her for her comment and most of you know I was brutally dumped myself so I'm not one to defend cruelty in any way.

 

But at least she is here being remorseful and we seriously do not know what had been going on to lead to this outburst.

 

It's pretty rare for a woman to complain about the sex being bad so it must have been very bad.

 

People here traditionally harsh on people who exhibit obnoxious and/or hurtful behaviour - whether that be the dumpee or the dumper. And she wasn't 'brutally dumped' - she simply got what was coming to her. Any man worth his salt would do the same thing.

[Blanco]

Look, unless a dude is carrying around porn-star-caliber dong in his pants, he isn't going to be able to take a harsh criticism of his goods by his lover, especially if it's a LTR.

 

There's a difference between discussing bedroom issues in a tactful manner and blurting out "You have a small d*ck" like you're on the set of Jerry Springer.

 

I'm, ahem, firmly, in "average" territory down there, and even I would find a comment like that toward me to be something the relationship couldn't bounce back from. I can't imagine being a dude who actually has substandard junk hearing this from a romantic partner. Game over.

[marky00]

Settle down guys.

 

 

I didn't say that dumping him without explanation was the only other option.

 

 

I'm simply pointing out the fact there was a nasty issue at hand and t wasn't going to disappear magically, some pain was always going to be endured.

 

 

Also my point was that I have noticed us LS posters criticise and offer advise in response to an OP's comments and not always the big picture (i.e. the situation at hand).

 

 

Lets for a minute assume she didn't say that nasty comment but simply told him she was sick of him not satisfying her. And the guy came on telling us the story and also admitting that he uses being dunk as an excuse for not performing? I know what some or most of you would say and so do you. And is it at all possible that if this issue of lack of performance had been dragging out for ages, he might know she just said it out of complete frustration (i.e. it was comment symbolic of lack of performance and frustration).

 

 

And so what it comes down to is one sentence from this women has totally flipped the script to the point we give no thought to the other side of the story? Relationships and breakups can be long, drawn out and painful and always a journey and I think putting all that to one side on the account of one very stupid comment is out of balance.

 

 

And for those who say I don't have empathy. You must be kidding.

 

 

This person has come on here asking for help. Lets all stop being jilted dumpees and at least respond according to the bigger picture.

Edited February 10, 2017 by marky00

[marky00]

She created that straw. She kept suppressing her dissatisfaction many times over and chose not to address it him. It was because she didn't want to hurt him. The end result however has done more damage.

 

Ahh but how could she address him? Since she can't mention the issue about his small tackle right?

[basil67]

Ahh but how could she address him? Since she can't mention the issue about his small tackle right?

 

You're kidding right? If a small penis is an issue, there are many ways to address the problem without actually mentioning size.