Move on and/or Reconcile?

[gamlefisken]

Hello LS,

 

My ex girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me broke up with me a month and a half ago. We had an amazingly loving relationship, were living together and had built our lives around each other. We were the best of friends and spent all of our time together. The memories that we share are incredible and it was an intensely strong relationship.

 

She told me she needed to move on with her life, and I assume she had some anxiety over codependence and being stuck with one person. We are young, in college and each other's first loves. The break up came out of the blue, although I sensed similar anxieties for a long time. Immediately when i left her house, she texted me to say she loved me.

 

For the first week after the breakup, we were in very close touch. She would text me late at night telling me how great it was seeing photos of me with my friends, or with quotes from books that reminded me of her. One week after the break up, I called her and asked her to get back together, which she said no to. We then got into a small fight in which she told me that she was going through a lot and that the break up was very hard for her too.

 

I then went into No Contact. She began actively avoiding me, including asking mutual friends if I would be places to steer clear and leaving organizations at our school that we were a part of. A month after no contact (2 weeks ago), I saw her in passing and said hello calmly. She immediately texted me saying that it was good to see me and that she hopes I am well.

 

In the past 2 weeks, she has begun interacting with me on social media (liking my things) and liking the things of my high school friends who she met only a few times. We met up to return some of her things, and she avoided eye contact and conversation (besides saying that I looked great), but I could sense her become more and more comfortable as the conversation continued. She immediately texted me saying that it was good to see me, and that she will text me soon to catch up.

 

I can't tell whether or not to move on or try to get her back. She is a terrible communicator and timid person, so I know that even if she wanted to get back together I would need to be doing the reaching out.

 

What are your thoughts? In the meantime I have become more relaxed, fun loving and mellow- all of which were traits she desired in me that I lacked at times. I also have become more creative and have developed more of a social life.

 

Does this seem worth a shot? Thanks for your help.

[gamlefisken]

Hello LS,

 

My ex girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me broke up with me a month and a half ago. We had an amazingly loving relationship, were living together and had built our lives around each other. We were the best of friends and spent all of our time together. The memories that we share are incredible and it was an intensely strong relationship.

 

She told me she needed to move on with her life, and I assume she had some anxiety over codependence and being stuck with one person. We are young, in college and each other's first loves. The break up came out of the blue, although I sensed similar anxieties for a long time. Immediately when i left her house, she texted me to say she loved me.

 

For the first week after the breakup, we were in very close touch. She would text me late at night telling me how great it was seeing photos of me with my friends, or with quotes from books that reminded me of her. One week after the break up, I called her and asked her to get back together, which she said no to. We then got into a small fight in which she told me that she was going through a lot and that the break up was very hard for her too.

 

I then went into No Contact. She began actively avoiding me, including asking mutual friends if I would be places to steer clear and leaving organizations at our school that we were a part of. A month after no contact (2 weeks ago), I saw her in passing and said hello calmly. She immediately texted me saying that it was good to see me and that she hopes I am well.

 

In the past 2 weeks, she has begun interacting with me on social media (liking my things) and liking the things of my high school friends who she met only a few times. We met up to return some of her things, and she avoided eye contact and conversation (besides saying that I looked great), but I could sense her become more and more comfortable as the conversation continued. She immediately texted me saying that it was good to see me, and that she will text me soon to catch up.

 

I can't tell whether or not to move on or try to get her back. She is a terrible communicator and timid person, so I know that even if she wanted to get back together I would need to be doing the reaching out.

 

What are your thoughts? In the meantime I have become more relaxed, fun loving and mellow- all of which were traits she desired in me that I lacked at times. I also have become more creative and have developed more of a social life.

 

Does this seem worth a shot? Thanks for your help.

[preraph]

Whether you think she is timid or not, she wasn't too timid to dump you and block and avoid you and tell you no a second time, so I certainly would NOT reach out. If she thinks she made a mistake and wants to try again, she owes you an apology and to do the asking.

[kztar]

You're young buddy.

 

Move on. Not worth it at all.

[Maggie4]

There was something she didn't like about you, which she never told you and probably never will. It's likely to be something you cannot change anyway (age, height, etc.) People can fall in love, sincerely too, with someone that they know, deep down, will never make for a spouse. She broke up with you for a reason that's not your fault so stop trying to fix it. It's not easy to break up with someone you love, so there must have been a reason much stronger than anything you can overcome.

[springy]

You have already asked her and she said she didn't want to get back together. I think the ball is in her court, but from what you say here, I really don't see genuine interest on her part. If she reaches out again and you feel you have to give it all you've got, tell her what you want, and if she declines again, tell her not to contact you unless she changes her mind. From what I have witnessed high school loves are not built to last.

[Marc878]

Move on with your life like she has.

 

You'd be better off blocking her on everything.

 

Staying friends, communicating will just keep you in limbo.

[Popsicle]

No absolutely not unless she asks you back and expresses regret. And don't text much with her either. Move onto other girls.

[goldway90]

She's being friendly and you're reading too much into it. I can see you getting "let's just be friends" if you keep pursuing. Just move on and meet other people

[gamlefisken]

Hello,

 

My ex broke up with be close to two months ago. We are college students, were passionately in love and shared a deep emotional, intellectual and personal bond. We are each other's first loves.

 

For the first week after the break up, we maintained close contact. She would send me sweet texts at night, and I felt led on, so I asked her if she was interested in reconciling, to which she said no. We then went into a month of no contact. In that time, she completely isolated herself from our many mutual friends and made her depression very public on social media.

 

After one month of no contact, she began texting me. First saying hello, then saying we should meet up and eventually more and more. In this period, I began seeing another woman in a sort of fling-like relationship. My ex saw us together at a bar, and after that began making more and more consistent contact. She began liking my posts on social media, sending references to old jokes we had over Facebook, asking me about my days, and began showing up to events she knew I would be at. She even invited me to a party at her house, which I declined, saying I have other plans.

 

Today, she confided in a friend that she had seen me at the event and felt sexual tension and comfort around me. She asked our mutual friend how I was and who the woman she saw me with was. My friend told her about the other woman, and she began sobbing. As my friend comforted her, she said they were "tears of joy that we can now be friends".

 

An hour after this conversation with my friend, she texted me asking to catch up. I told her I was willing to do so. She then sent me a link to a poem about memories, saying it reminded her of me.

 

Does she want me back? WHAT IS GOING ON?

[jamili]

All common behavior. Read up on here, you will see it has happened millions of times. She's been giving you breadcrumbs, keeping you on a string, etc. Mistakes you made is answering any of her calls and texts, meeting with her, and all that. What you should have done is go 100% ghost, complete NC and ignore her, dont reply to her texts or calls, let her be completely alone.

 

If you want to remain "friends" with her forever, then keep talking to her, keep her on Facebook, keep agreeing to meet up and catch up. But, if you want her back, you need to take a completely different approach. Disappear. Unfriend her on facebook, stop responding to her messages, emails, texts, calls. Dont say a word about her to ant mutual friends. And literally evaporate from her life.

 

She will try to call you and freak out. Ignore it all. Dont respond to ANYTHING, until she says "Im sorry, i messed up, i want you back". Then you can decide if you want her back or not.

 

But right now, whether you realize it or not, you are just blowing your chances at reconciliation by maintaining contact and staying in her life. I know it seems counterintuitive, but you have to take a leap of faith here. She dumped you, and is keeping you on a string. She doesnt see your value, and hell, by remaining at her every call you are showing to her that you dont have any value and that you have no self respect. She will lose attraction to you over time, and eventually just disappear on you once she finds another guy. You are being a doormat, to put it bluntly. Shes using you to alleviate guilt, keeping in contact so she can more easily let you go. If you continue down this path, any chances of reconciliation will eventually be gone.

 

Evaporate from her life ASAP. Full, real NC forever, until she says she wants you back. Walk away, and be a man instead of a doormat, and she will respect you for it, and be more attracted to you. She needs to miss you and feel you are gone forever unless she gets you back. She needs to feel the loss of you.

[dreameater]

She will try to call you and freak out. Ignore it all. Dont respond to ANYTHING, until she says "Im sorry, i messed up, i want you back". Then you can decide if you want her back or not.

 

This is so true... I fall into this mistake with my 1st Ex and she moved on by using me as a doormat. Then she dated with another person and had a daughter now. She did not give a fk on me after all. I wasted 5 years trying to win her back. 2 Years of NC, but she dated with that person and felt really comfortable.

 

So, I am the one that end up being the loser...

 

Give a respect to yourself before someone else. And as jamili said, once she feels the regret, you need to act accordingly because if someone else dated her, your chance is done just like mine if that person is her good one.