Dennis18 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Hii My ex-girlfriend and I broke up 6 weeks ago. We've had a relationship for 3 years with ups and downs and after trying to work things out for so many times, she doesn't want to work on it anymore, ''it's enough''. She wants to focus and work on herself because she was not doing herself good with all the stressing. After talking occasionally for the past 6 weeks, she gave me a lot of mixed signals. First she told me: ''We will never be together anymore,'' and after giving her some time and space, she realised that she actually didn't really like it that other girls were talking to me and told me: ''Maybe we can come back together again, but right now I don't want a relationship. But there is a chance we can come back together, yes.''. Maybe I'm Plan B and I realise that, but she isn't talking to other guys (I know that for 100%), so I think I still have a chance. We both still have (jealous) feelings for each other and we definitely don't like it to see each other with someone else. Which is naturally and normal after a breakup, I know, but still.. But the thing is... My ex girlfriend is afraid that IF we come back together again that the struggles we had won't be different this time and that we will fall back into the same sh*t. She also said that we didn't do enough ''fun things'' together. This was mostly because of our busy schedule of school/work etc.. I'm trying to convince her that when I turn 18 things are gonna change, when I turn 18 I am allowed to drive a car and so we can do fun things ALL THE TIME, every weekend! And the moment I told her this I just felt that she was doubting her decision and was thinking Hmmmmm maybe, maybe... but she isn't convinced, yet. Also she for example told me she wants to go shopping with me, to see how she ''feels about it''. She literally said this, which is a good thing, right? I just know for a fact that she is doubting, she wants to try it again but she is afraid it doesn't work out and has to deal with these awful feelings again, and so she is saying she doesn't want a relationship.. I have to somehow convince her it will be different this time around. How can I change her mind that a relationship is possible and that it can work out, especially when we can do fun things now! Tomorrow we're going to the woods to walk around a bit and talk about things that happened in the past couple of weeks. She came with the whole idea to come together and talk, not me! (good thing?) Should I ask her where she's so afraid of and why? And then PROMISE her that things will go a lot different this time around if we come back together? Should I just keep in touch with her, and if she has time do things together to step-by-step get the feelings back? What's a wise decision? Thanks everyone, I abosutely love this forum. It's helping me a lot!♥ Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Seems like your jumping through a lot of hoops to satisfy her. Also seems like she's got you confused enough where your analyzing everything. She's scared? Tell her you love her and you know what you want but it seems she doesn't so go NO CONTCT so she can figure some things out. And when she wants to sit down and talk you'll hear her out. Seems like if you were to jump back in she's already got this notion it won't work and she's prepared to jump ship at the first sign of a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Lots of things change when you turn 18. Her fear that your relationship has run it's course, may be valid. You two are about to embark on the next phase of your lives. Perhaps it's time to leave childhood behind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 I have a son who has just not long turned 18, his girlfriend is also about to turn 18 and they have also been together 3 years. I've lost count of the number of times they've 'broken up' but they still hang out together, then all of a sudden it's all on again. Sounds like you're in the same boat. Just go with the flow, lots of hormones and life changing stuff happening for you both at this age. If you want to see each other do so, if you don't then go no contact. I highly doubt that my son's girlfriend is the one for him forever, I'd love to be wrong as she is lovely and very intelligent, but generally relationships that start that young don't last....although in saying that my parents met when they were 16 and 17 and have been married for nearly 51years now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dennis18 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Share Posted February 4, 2017 So my Ex girlfriend wants to do things together again. She broke up with me 6 weeks ago and we've been talking occasionally ever since. Yesterday we went to a restaurant and we really had a lovely time together, she said this herself! So being the person I am, I started talking about our relationship again and why it will be different this time. (She broke up with me because we didn't do enough ''fun things'' together and the spark was gone, we've tried many many times to work things out but it always ended the same way and now she had enough of it). She tells me she just doesn't want to commit to a relationship right now. But now since I'm turning 18, I can drive a car, we can do ''fun things'' every weekend and visit all kinds of places (brighten our horizon). Also I really changed so I'm just super positive that things won't go the way as before, but she's afraid it's not different this time around.. and I feel like I need to convince her, not with words, by actions.. by keep doing ''fun things'' together.. will this work? will this eventually get her feelings back? or is it a hopeless task? She doesn't want a relationship right now because yeah.. she is afraid. But she DOES want to do things with me and hangout (to see how she feels about it). And she told me we'll look from there what will happen. Should I do this? Should we do it step by step again? Hangout, chat, do fun things every once in a while and see if the feelings for her get back.. or not? What is the ''normal/usual'' way of getting back together with an ex in this situation? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Have a think how she is when she's around you, that'll probably give you your answer. Does she treat you like you're more than a friend or is it completely platonic? No doubt you enjoy spending time with her but you have to be honest with yourself also. Can you do this for weeks/months and hope she comes around? She might not and you'll be wasting your time and money. Of course she might change her mind but just be careful in case you get back in too deep. To answer your question; just be fun and laid back, don't bring up the past and act attractive - keep your distance a bit in terms of feelings and see if she chases you or puts any effort in. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 She's got you on a yo-yo. She doesn't really want you back. She's looking for daylight but as a teen girl she's scared. You represent the known. Being single without a BF is more daunting then she thought. So she's playing with you. She has one foot out the door of your relationship & will end this eventually. Especially if you will be graduating this year, she looking forward to what's next. It's not about you having a car or doing more fun things together. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Good luck with being her puppet on a string. Link to post Share on other sites
mystificatecg Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 I would ghost her. She's young and dumb.She won't appreciate you until she dates a guy that treats her like crap, but she doesn't have enough maturity and emotional exp to realize you're worth. I'd drop her and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 (edited) Next time she wants to do something, make sure to have another date lined up. Edited February 5, 2017 by dumbass2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dennis18 Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 Any cool ideas to do together? Some info: So me and my ex girlfriend broke up 7 weeks ago. We're both 18 and had a relationship for 3 years. She broke up with me because the spark was gone, we didn't do much ''fun things'' together and the relationship always came to the same ''end'' and now she had enough of it. Her life is too busy and she just doesn't want to commit to a relationship anymore. I could possibly win her back by proving that I'm changed (this time for real) and by doing ''fun things'' every now and then. But yeah obviously she keeps saying she doesn't want a relationship. We'll see if we get back together as a couple or not. I am convinced that I can turn her wrong thoughts about me and the relationship into good ones by showing that I'm changed and by doing ''fun things'' together. It just needs some time, right? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Your EX GF's reasoning is merely an excuse. You could have been the most fun BF in the world and she still would have ended things. She is looking forward to the next phase of her life, leaving childhood & her HS BF behind. Sorry. Do not spend Valentine's Day with her. It will only make you more miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 she keeps saying she doesn't want a relationship. ... It just needs some time, right? Wrong. She has made it quite clear that she does NOT want a relationship with you. You should believe her. You should spend your Valentine's day playing video games, and she should spend it having a relaxing bubble bath with scented candles and stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dennis18 Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 Yeah but what if there is still a chance of reconciling? She even said this herself.. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 "She keeps saying she doesn't want a relationship" Why are you still contemplating this? she has told you straight up. Don't be that guy who lingers trying to prove he's 'changed', it just looks desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Yeah but what if there is still a chance of reconciling? She even said this herself.. She's a teenaged girl who doesn't really know her own mind. Play this out in your head. What is going to hurt you worse? 1). You go all out for V-day, spend a bunch of money you probably don't have & she dumps you by 2/17 anyway or 2). You ignore her & V-day because she is your EX GF? Do the one that will cause you the least amount of pain because they will both hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dennis18 Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 @JimmyJackson She said this but she also says that a relationship is not excluded. It's still possible but RIGHT NOW she doesn't want a relationship and the only reason for it is her thoughts of ''why a relationship if it doesn't work out''. I want to change this thought of her by showing that things are different this time around.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 You can't. When somebody says to you that they "don't want a relationship" you have to add the prepositional phrase "with you" to the end of that declaration. If a different boy appeared she'd be happy to start a NEW relationship. Do yourself a favor & stop trying to resuscitate this dying relationship. Let it be over already. Link to post Share on other sites
Bromeo Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 No. Let me upgrade that to a Hell no. You spend your time and resources with someone who wants to be with you. Not this person. Remember, clear communication defeats confusion. If it, or she, is confusing it isn't right. Hard lessons I've recently learned. Take the advice of the good people here. Link to post Share on other sites
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