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Was I just a rebound?


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English is not my first language so sorry for the mistakes.

 

She was the love of my life. I knew it from the very beginning. No girl has ever made me feel that way. Everything clicked between us and our relationship went from 0 to 100 real quick. It was like a dream.

 

But there was a twist. She had dumped her ex 2 weeks before she started being with me. I should have seen that as a red flag, but she convinced everyone she had moved on and didn't even think about her ex anymore. I believed it and fell in love with this girl. I got completely blinded by love.

 

From the very beginning she would always compare me to her ex (huge red flag I suppose). Mostly in a positive way: "you're so much better than my ex." "I wish I had met you before my ex" etc. In bed, she said: "lemme give you a BJ, my ex never got one from me haha". She would compare me to her ex in every possible way. When I was on a bad mood and didn't answer her calls she would say: "that's what my ex used to do to me :,(".

 

She made sure we suddenly bumped into her ex. Like it was an accident. We went to this local bar when her ex was there too. She made sure her ex saw that I was her new boyfriend and that she was happy with me. She displayed me like a trophy. She wanted to make her ex jealous. She even forced a kiss right in front of her ex to really show him. I felt like I was being used.

 

She texted her ex constantly. I was bothered but thought it wasn't up to me to decide who she texts with. She told me they were "just friends" and that she pitied him. Whenever her ex sent her a text or whenever we "accidentally" bumped into her ex, she would react more than she ever reacted seeing me. It was obvious that she still had strong feelings for her ex. Maybe not love, but anger, frustration etc. She was not completely over her ex unlike she had told me, and that really put pressure on our relationship.

 

From the beginning, I saw that she used me as a rebound, or so I thought but I couldn't be sure. Maybe I was just over analyzing or being insecure as I am. But what if it was genuine? I had to see so I didn't mind her behavior and supported her. I fell deeper and deeper in love.

 

She saw her ex everywhere. We were watching Youtube videos and all of a sudden she said that man looks like her ex, and her reaction was seemingly strong. We were watching The Walking Dead and she said that dude looks like her ex. Her ex was everywhere. We passed his house and she saw a light in his window and said: "Oh, look who's home!" and got seemingly sad after that. I tried to ignore everything and act calm. I was there to support her, I was her rebound guy, or was I?

 

The thing is, we were a perfect match. I tried to ignore all the rebound signs and believe that we were meant to be because we had special chemistry. But it didn't help.

 

All of a sudden she grew distant and cold. She didn't contact me anymore unless I contacted her first. She didn't hug me or kiss me unless I initiated it. She used to sleep close to me grabbing me all night, but now she slept in the other end of the bed and didn't even touch me.

 

I asked her what's wrong and she said she didn't have feelings for me anymore. That she didn't feel like she felt in the beginning of our relationship. She wanted to leave me. Everyone questioned her choice, from me to her closest friend and sister. They were confused as well; "You were such a perfect couple, are you sure about this?". But her decision was final and she didn't want to reconcile or give me another chance. I didn't even know what went wrong since she didn't give me any proper reasons or closure.

 

What do you think: was I being used as a rebound? Did she never actually love me? Did I read the signs right so that she really wasn't over her ex BF yet when she jumped in a relationship with me? I feel used. The next day she dumped me she seemed happy already. She had already moved on and it was like I was never there. Like I was nothing.

 

I damn surely made some impact in her life. We had fun and made a lot of memories. I associated myself with everything she does and likes. Whenever she listens to her favorite song, she has to think about me, since it was my favorite song too and we would always listen to it together. But how can she seem so happy now that she dumped me? Everything she said and did to me was nothing? I still love her madly so I simply can't hate her. But I'm starting to feel anger. I want revenge. I want to show her I'm a human being with emotions and that you can't do that to people.

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confusedbuthopeful1

Hi there- I'm really sorry this happened to you. I don't understand why people need to be so cold. It sounds like this girl was still a bit hung up on her ex or still hurt about it if she was trying to make him jealous and comparing you to him all the time. I once had a guy do that to me and it was so bizarre.

 

She is probably looking happy because thats how she deals with things.I am sure you had some great memories together and if she told you she loved you then she may well have and she did in fact care for you- but was possible still not 100% over her ex.

 

My advise would be for now to try and move and enjoy your own life once again- it sounds like you invested a lot in this girl- I know the feeling - but trust me with time you will feel better. I would try and not contact her at all for a couple of weeks- dont look at her social media or anything- its the only way. If she wants to she will get in touch.

 

You need to heal and be kind to yourself. I am sure you will meet someone else who deserves and appreciates you.

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Hi there- I'm really sorry this happened to you. I don't understand why people need to be so cold. It sounds like this girl was still a bit hung up on her ex or still hurt about it if she was trying to make him jealous and comparing you to him all the time. I once had a guy do that to me and it was so bizarre.

 

She is probably looking happy because thats how she deals with things.I am sure you had some great memories together and if she told you she loved you then she may well have and she did in fact care for you- but was possible still not 100% over her ex.

 

My advise would be for now to try and move and enjoy your own life once again- it sounds like you invested a lot in this girl- I know the feeling - but trust me with time you will feel better. I would try and not contact her at all for a couple of weeks- dont look at her social media or anything- its the only way. If she wants to she will get in touch.

 

You need to heal and be kind to yourself. I am sure you will meet someone else who deserves and appreciates you.

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it.

 

Talking about being cold: When she dumped me, she offered the friend card. I obviously declined it, stood up and walked away. As I was walking to the door all she said was: "It was nice to know you though". Just like that. "It was nice to know you". I was walking away from her life never to be seen again and that's all she could think of?

 

A week later I found out she's dating a new guy. As if being dumped wasn't enough for me. She sure is cold as hell.

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What made you stick around when all she did was talk about her ex constantly?

 

Thats a huge red flag. Next time, see the flag, and act on it. That is really whack behavior on her part.

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What made you stick around when all she did was talk about her ex constantly?

 

Thats a huge red flag. Next time, see the flag, and act on it. That is really whack behavior on her part.

I had a crazy crush on her. I made the first move and things started rolling and soon we were together.

 

I was so happy that I looked everything she did through fingers. I was so madly in love that I wanted to ignore all the red flags and just keep going. Love makes you irrational.

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I had a crazy crush on her. I made the first move and things started rolling and soon we were together.

 

I was so happy that I looked everything she did through fingers. I was so madly in love that I wanted to ignore all the red flags and just keep going. Love makes you irrational.

 

You were not in love, you were hardly together long enough. This is unhealthy behavior from you too. Have some self respect and boundaries next time.

 

Don't date people fresh out of relationships.

Don't continue dating someone who uses you to make other ppl jealous.

Don't continue dating someone who stalks their ex by driving by their house and comments about them 24/7.

 

These are all red flags...learn to recognize and avoid in the future.

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So I met this wonderful woman. Everything clicked between us and we started dating really fast. I think everything was too easy, since there was no chase at all and that made me a bit suspicious. She called me her boyfriend on our first official date(We kinda skipped the whole getting to know eachother -phase.) But maybe she just fell for me?

 

So here's the twist: She had dumped her cheating boyfriend 2 weeks before she started dating me. She said it was her first serious relationship and it ended because she just had to dump him for cheating, which is perfectly understandable.

 

When she was with me she would always talk about her ex. Her ex would pop up in every damn conversation that had nothing to do with him in the first place. She would badmouth her ex and compare me to him but in a positive way. She said things like: "you're so much better than my ex" etc. When she was a bit drunk she would sart opening up about her ex and the previous failed relationship nonstop. It always made me uncomfortable and I didn't know what to answer but "mmmm" and try to change the subject.

 

She didn't want to delete her ex on social medias and go No Contact because according to her own words "she did not want to be a bad person" and that "she pitied him". I thought OK, it's not up to me to decide who you talk with.

 

Her ex tried to get her back the whole time we were together. He sent her a lot of messages begging and pleading for another change and she kept replying to them. The point is they were constantly in touch despite the fact I told her I don't like it. She didn't initiate contact with her ex but neither did she do anything to prevent her ex from contacting her. It felt like she didn't want to let go.

 

When her ex came up or she saw something that reminded her of him she would became seemingly sad and distant. After that she would usually hug or kiss me for solace (or that's at least what I think). And then tell me things like "I'm so happy I found you, he was so horrible".

 

She dumped me out of nowhere after we had been together for only 1 month. Really short relatinship I know, but it was intense and things proceeded so damn fast. I think that might have been another sign she was not over her ex and I was rather a replacement: she wanted to proceed fast to get to the point she was with her ex. I believe it is not normal to constantly talk about your ex, see him everywhere and keep him as a "friend" when you claim you've gotten over him. He cheated on her and she was the dumper, yes, but I think whatever he did she couldn't just turn off her feelings for him. Feeling anger, jealousy and bitterness towards ex are signs you still have lingering feelings for him, am I right? And she had only been single for 2 weeks.

 

Were my worries genuine or am I just over thinking? Was she not really over her ex and dumped me because of that? All she said during the BU talk was she suddenly started loosing feelings for me about 1,5 weeks ago and didn't know what caused it. What do you say?

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You were a rebound and distraction, I'm sorry. You need to take this as a lesson learned. Things didn't feel right you should have listened, like I said lesson learned and time to move on.

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She started dating you 2 weeks after dumping her ex, and she ended things with you after a month. So only 6 weeks passed during all of this. Think about it objectively, and it will seem crazy. 2 weeks is not anywhere near enough time to move on, especially if you were cheated on. If her BF cheated on her, she was the forced dumper. That's more like the dumpee. And yeah, if you are dating someone who talks a lot about an ex, that is a red flag.

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You were a rebound and distraction, I'm sorry. You need to take this as a lesson learned. Things didn't feel right you should have listened, like I said lesson learned and time to move on.

 

Thank you. She was a sweet girl and according to her own words did not want to hurt anyone's feelings. She was cheated on and it must have felt horrible. However the fact that she used me to get a revenge on her ex and to fill the void in her life, and then dumped me like I never meant anything, does not make her any better person her ex was. She broke my heart, just like her ex broke her heart.

 

I haven't contacted her since but I hope she's pleased with herself now that she broke an innocent man's heart and supposedly got what she wanted: to show her ex she moved on, make him jealous and make herself feel better after the BU.

 

Of course, it might not have been her intention, maybe she was doing it all unintentionally, but that doesn't make it any different. I should have know better but usually you see these things only after the BU when you've been analyzing it all for a while.

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She started dating you 2 weeks after dumping her ex, and she ended things with you after a month. So only 6 weeks passed during all of this. Think about it objectively, and it will seem crazy. 2 weeks is not anywhere near enough time to move on, especially if you were cheated on. If her BF cheated on her, she was the forced dumper. That's more like the dumpee. And yeah, if you are dating someone who talks a lot about an ex, that is a red flag.

 

Thank you. Yes, there were so many red flags all along. Now that I think of it, our relationship was pretty much a textbook example of a rebound relationship and she did all the things someone who's not over their ex would do.

 

But I had no knowledge on these things since this was my first time I encountered anything like this. It is only now that I understand it all and I certainly won't make the same mistakes in the future.

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When a woman is constantly going on about her ex, its a big sign to pretty much get the hell out of there. Coldness and destruction will surely follow.

 

To be giving your emotional commitment in a situation like this is crazy, how is it enticing if a she's constantly talking about her ex? Sorry to be sarcastic but telling you about her ex during a BJ? Whats next, chatting about her ex as you propose? As she walks down the aisle? As she gives birth to your kids? 'Oh, I didn't do that with my ex..'

 

Seriously man, do up your trousers and get out of there in that situation, no more sex with Miss Ex. No more nothing.

 

Using you as a jealousy tool in front of her ex is what 16 year olds do, and is disrespectful towards you. Don't tolerate this sort of treatment.

 

no disrespect but are you new to relationships/dating?

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Sorry to hear about that mate. Your story is identical to mine. If I had to write about it now, it would be in your words.

You have been a rebound. She just unknowingly shifted all her feelings onto you. At first it seems so good, like a dream and then it all turns into a nighmare.

 

Obviously she still had feelings for her ex and you were a makeshift bf. Soon she realised that you are not her ex. Not your fault though.

 

I would suggest you to go NC. Because if you look for answers, it will end badly. She will be rude and insulting. Just skip this. I can guarantee you that she get back with the ex. And believe it or not she has been in contact with the ex all the time, be it passive communication.

 

The best you can do is forget about her. I know you are angry and resentful towards her but do not let that overshadow your rational thinking. Just think about it well and you will find all the answers you are looking for by yourself. And it was not love for her, just a fling. Maybe you loved her but not her.

 

Now, try to move on. I am sure you will.

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When a woman is constantly going on about her ex, its a big sign to pretty much get the hell out of there. Coldness and destruction will surely follow.

 

To be giving your emotional commitment in a situation like this is crazy, how is it enticing if a she's constantly talking about her ex? Sorry to be sarcastic but telling you about her ex during a BJ? Whats next, chatting about her ex as you propose? As she walks down the aisle? As she gives birth to your kids? 'Oh, I didn't do that with my ex..'

 

Seriously man, do up your trousers and get out of there in that situation, no more sex with Miss Ex. No more nothing.

 

Using you as a jealousy tool in front of her ex is what 16 year olds do, and is disrespectful towards you. Don't tolerate this sort of treatment.

 

no disrespect but are you new to relationships/dating?

 

Hi. Yes, I am new to relationships. I've had women interested in me, had sex etc. but this was my first relationship. This was the first time I was so interested and attracted to someone I actually made the first move and got things going.

 

Everything was so easy and I thought is this what it feels like? Where's all the chasing and stuff like that? Well it turned out to be a nightmare and that I was being used. No wonder everything felt too good to be true.

 

I learned a valuable lesson, too bad it happened to be my first official relationship. Hope I can get through this and forget her and sometime in the future have a healthy relationship with an emotionally available person.

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Its a learning process. As a general rule avoid women who are still getting over their ex, or has someone else in any shape or form.

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She started dating you 2 weeks after dumping her ex, and she ended things with you after a month. So only 6 weeks passed during all of this. Think about it objectively, and it will seem crazy. 2 weeks is not anywhere near enough time to move on, especially if you were cheated on. If her BF cheated on her, she was the forced dumper. That's more like the dumpee. And yeah, if you are dating someone who talks a lot about an ex, that is a red flag.

 

Our mutual friend told me something today: She has a new man. She met this new man maybe 2 weeks after she dumped me. What the actual **** is she doing? This is her 3rd man in a span of ~3 months. Is this some kind of a disorder or something or is she on some kind of a rebound spree? Because this is not healthy behavior.

 

Is her baggage really that heavy she can't deal with it alone and she has to be in a relationship all the time? I'm confused.

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So sorry to hear about this situation. She was clearly not in the same mindset as you about the relationship. Hope you find someone who will love you back as much as you love them. In the meantime, try and guard your heart until it is the real deal.

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Our mutual friend told me something today: She has a new man. She met this new man maybe 2 weeks after she dumped me. What the actual **** is she doing? This is her 3rd man in a span of ~3 months. Is this some kind of a disorder or something or is she on some kind of a rebound spree? Because this is not healthy behavior.

 

Is her baggage really that heavy she can't deal with it alone and she has to be in a relationship all the time? I'm confused.

 

She might be trying to make her ex jealous. Who knows. She's all over the place. A lot of people try to jump right into a relationship or start sleeping around after a relationship ends. It's not a disorder. She's hurting, and this is probably how she's coping.

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Don't take it personally. As BC mentioned, this is how some people cope with the pain.

 

I had an ex who openly admitted that her way of dealing with the end of a relationship was finding a fling quickly. She would then drag those out until a more suitable candidate for a LTR presented itself unless the fling turned into a LTR.

 

She's in her thirties now and I would hazard a guess that she's probably had a total of less than a year since high school where she wasn't either in a relationship or "hanging out" with someone.

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This girl is not ready to settle on anyone right now. You did absolutely nothing wrong except miss some red flags which you'll hopefully learn from. Please don't contact her or reply to any contact she may send your way. You see how messed up she is and you wanted a relationship out of her, not a casual short fling. Remember how she acted if she does pop up again and don't be surprised if that happens.

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eyeteachscience

ThReboundGuy:

 

Your post really touched me for a couple of reasons. First, you were genuinely and at all times really trying to see the best in this situation and in this woman, and second, you are still dealing with some of the residual shock of it turning out the way it did. I feel for your broken heart, and I agree with your thought that she did not mean to do this to you out of any ill intent. However, she was also not aware of anything but her own burning need for comfort amidst her pain, and in her selfishness, she hurt you badly. The bottom line is you have already learned the hard lessons of ignoring those red flags. My only recommendation is to slow way down in the future, and even if the attraction is crazy-good, take your time and get to know her before making any type of commitment, physical, emotional or otherwise. People can be terribly selfish and manipulative and the longer you know them, the more likely you will see who they really are. I will send a prayer up for your broken heart.

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Thank you for all the replies. However there's still one thing I don't understand. She introduced me to her family after we had been together for only a week. She also introduced me to her inner circle consisting of her friends, BFF and sister. Why would she do any of that if she was just using me to cope with her heartbreak? Or did she not have any idea what she was doing?

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Thank you for all the replies. However there's still one thing I don't understand. She introduced me to her family after we had been together for only a week. She also introduced me to her inner circle consisting of her friends, BFF and sister. Why would she do any of that if she was just using me to cope with her heartbreak? Or did she not have any idea what she was doing?

 

Probably didn't realise she was doing it.

 

I think a lot of people enter new relationships with the intention for them to last but realise after some time they weren't over their ex. At least I think this is what happened to me anyway. I wouldn't take it personally.

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She dumped her ex. She was never heartbroken. You were never a rebound. You were just NEXT.

 

You've completely misjudged this girl.

 

She's on the prowl. She dumped her ex because she wanted some new boys. She found you, and you caught her eye. For whatever reason, probably because he ignored her for a while, she wanted to see if she could get her boyfriend back... you know, just to prove she could, like an ego stroke. So she made him jealous, then we he made his move she put you on ice. Once she got him, she figured out real quick why she dumped him in the first place. Boom! Out with the old, in with the new.

 

Now the new guy is right where you were a few short weeks ago. A few short weeks from now, he might be where you are today.

 

If you treat her the way she deserves starting now, maybe in a few weeks she'll try to make you jealous, and then she'll make an offer you can't refuse.

 

Take her up on it, bang her a couple times and then dump her. She'll never forget you if you do that.

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