drseuss Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 (edited) I was here a couple years ago after a killer break up but it was a good thing in the end , priceless lessons and all that . Been seeing this girl for 9 months , I was never that interested and took her for granted. I fluctuated in how was with her . She was so into me and just wanted to be my gf and told me quite alot She blew it off a couple times but I always talked her back. The biggest problem she had was interpreting texts and messages in the worst way possible, I said a couple harmless things last week and she blew up and eneded it then agreed to talk amd I replyed and she took that horrible and that was it When I tired to talk to her she wasn't having any of it and wouldn't meet, she said" I'm not meeting you because you will just lure me back in " , she's deleted me on snapchatt and unfollwed my instagram but not blocked mel and she hasnt deleted my number I did take her for granted and I want to sort it out , it's a classic don't know what you got till its gone , she tried telling me she's been seeing someone else who treats her right but I don't think she has it in her ..... I think her friends have had a big influence on her and I know they ust to say " I don't know why your seeing him " and things like that but I was never nasty ro her or mistreated her , I just didn't show her enough affection or appreciation I left it couple days and dropped some flowers and a letter round acknowledging I'm an idiot and took her friends granted and that I understand why she doesn't want anything to do with me and that I do care about her ect That was yesterday and I haven't heard a thing ........i would ike to sort it and I want to get her to give me a chance to change , I think i was trying to over protect myself after my last break up , didn't ever want to go through that again ! Any thoughts on what I should do ? And I think nc just solidifies that I don't care .... Edited January 18, 2017 by drseuss Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 I dunno. Not showing affection or paying enough attention can certainly be a form of mistreatment. We all expect affection and attention from our relationship partners. When they don't give us any it hurts. We feel unloved. I say move on and treat your next girl better. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author drseuss Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 i appreciate the advice there and your quite right , however i want to try and rectify it if i can and show her i do care , i know i had my chance ect but i haven't got anything to lose in trying has anyone got some advice on how a i could make it up to her and sort it out, ii know its a fine line between over doing it and not doing enough Link to post Share on other sites
SerPundnes Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 I got dumped for doing the over-doing. As you said, there is a balance. Stick to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author drseuss Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 Where is the balance though ? I wasn't doing enough so she's sacked it off and now I've bought her flowers and a letter to try and show her I know where I went wrong and I do care about her ..... How far can it be pushed before its too much ? Link to post Share on other sites
Offspring Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 One bunch of flowers and a letter is not enough. You'd need to show her that you do care and are committed. This would occur over time. By the sounds of it, she probably thinks you are trying to 'lure' her in again, only to take her for granted again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 What 'harmless things' did you say to her? You might have thought they were harmless but she obviously didn't. Whether anyone was in the right/wrong here, she has opted out. You have tried by sending her flowers. If she doesn't respond to that, it would be foolish to keep on trying. I am sure most women would be thrilled to get flowers and she would have to be very upset with you to ignore that gesture. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 You learn that if you want to keep people in your life you treat them with respect. Start by respecting her wishes not to associate with you anymore. She's probably seeing someone new now, but at the very least, she doesn't want to deal with you anymore. You must leave her alone. This is not a case of "you don't know what you got til it's gone" because she's not an 'it'. She's not a toy you can throw away and get back when you want it. She's a human being with feelings and she's done. You said yourself you were never that into her. Recognize that, deal with the fact she'll find someone who does, and move on. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 (edited) If she doesn't respond to you, then accept that you made some big mistakes and have now paid the price. Respect her choice now, and leave her be. She knows where to find you if she changes her mind. You can't convince someone to talk to you if she doesn't want to. And honestly, why would she? 9 months of back-and-forth and hot-and-cold is way too much. There's not much incentive for her to try again, and if she is dating someone else, your chances are essentially zero. Her friends are right to be reminding her that you didn't treat her well and that she deserves better, OP. If my friend were dating a guy who was as emotionally unavailable as you are, I'd tell her the same thing. The problem with "I didn't know what I had until it was gone" is that it shows the other person that the only reason you're changing your tune now is because you can't have your way. It's not exactly a sign of appreciation, if you get my point. It looks like it's about your ego more than anything else, to her. Edited January 19, 2017 by ExpatInItaly 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 She was always interpreting your messages in the worst possible way. Even if you could show her more appreciation, why would you choose to go back to the drama? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I'm sorry, but I don't feel any sympathy for you. You said: "She was so into me and just wanted to be my gf." And you just couldn't be bothered to treat her well and make her feel valued. You're definitely not 'second chance' material. Try to learn from this. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I'm sorry, but I don't feel any sympathy for you. You said: "She was so into me and just wanted to be my gf." And you just couldn't be bothered to treat her well and make her feel valued. You're definitely not 'second chance' material. Try to learn from this. Take care. Yeah, OP. You rejected her first, but now she's rejected you. I've been there. I've done it to guys and then came back wishing I hadn't but it's too late. Their feelings were cashed and my attempts to get back in their lives were futile. Flowers, gifts, begging , pleading won't win a heart back that's gone to that extent. Rejection sucks but we are to blame 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author drseuss Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 you guys are all totally right but people do make mistakes and i am willing to change for her. i saw her mum in my gym last night and she spoke to me and just said how much of a shame it is and i told her to let my ex know i'm thinking of her my ex has a horse and tends to it each evening so i think im going to go up to try and speak to her and if that fails il have to just leave it and then i have tried. i know she has feeling and thats why she doesn't want to see me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopefuleddie Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 I would encourage you to continue trying to talk to her and ask for a chance to prove to her that you are in for the long haul. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RocketQueen Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 Sounds like she's at the end of her rope. Turning up to the party now may be too little too late. I am now in the position of your ex, after giving my 'confused male' more chances than he deserved. The fact that anyone should have to tell someone they once cared about and who they asked to be a part of their life to leave them alone and you're still trying just shows how every time it is all about you. Respect her wishes, she may not totally mean it right now but needs the space anyway. I wish you luck in the future x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author drseuss Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 (edited) was seeing a girl for 9 months , i wasnt very attentive or commited and she was so keen she finally listens to her friends who didn't want her to be with me and decided to knock it in the head , i wanted to meet up with her and talk about it be she wouldn't , she said that she knows i would just lure her back in and she told me she was seeing someone else. the reality is i just slow to commit and didnt realise how i felt about her til she left and i do have feeling for her, i was never horrible to her but just not super loving and she hung for a long time anyway this was a couple months ago and she had deleted me off social media. she made her instagram public so it could be seen. a week ago she liked and unliked a photo on my instagram and my best mates instagram so i sent her a snapchatt request and she accepted it , i asked if she was ok and she replied " ok now i dont have to see you " we then went a bit back and forward messaging with her saying how much she didnt want ayhing to do with me and how **** i was . she has really villanised me ! she sent me snap like 3 days later of her in the gym so i replied and got nothing... i dont see why she would accept my request and engage with me if she "didnt want anything to do with me ...." i felt she was starting to come around and thinking about her reply's i had told her i understood where things went wrong and that with some work we could sort it and that i would change amd that I really care about her and I was sorry for not making her feel loved just a bit confuesed, she hasnt blocked me or mentioned she was seeing someone since she accepted my request What is she doing? Edited February 28, 2017 by drseuss . Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 It's hard to say what she's doing and maybe she doesn't know herself, but don't blame her friends for it or you will be permanently in the doghouse. Guys like to blame a woman's friend for blocking them and all that because it gives them a way to excuse her, but she has her own brain, so blaming friends is truly a disrespectful thing to do and she wouldn't like that because it implies she hasn't a mind of her own. I agree that she has in a way reached out. But it is also clear she is still really mad. What you need to do is be realistic. However you were before, is that how you eventually will end up if you are in your comfort zone, not being very loving and just kind of being there but not trying much? Listen, I'm not really criticizing. We can all behave better for awhile to win someone or win them back, but in the end, real change is rare and slow when it does come. It's stressful to keep up a level of behavior that is not natural to you. Also, knowing she might be dating someone else may have simply triggered in you the competitive urge. Anyway, think about whether you really could change and maintain that better more attentive behavior or not before you try to get her back. No point in getting hurt twice, you know. Hope you feel better soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 She is playing with you. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author drseuss Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 it is a tricky one , we have had some back and forward but i think she is still really mad as you say , its hard to show someone you are willing to put in the work and change is they wont meet you of talk to you properly really all she wanted was the label " boyfriend - girlfriend " and i was resistant because i didnt see why we had to put a label on it , but i should have respected that it meant alot to her. i guess she needs a bit more time but i feel things are positive to a point , she has let me back in and there is a very low level of contact to build on Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Nothing more you can do here it's over! The damage is done already.. Never leave unattended love alone. You did that and there is no turning that back on to green light! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts