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Broken LoveStory. Do you see hope for us?


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I may need your advice...

My 3 year relationship came to an end. Ithave been 2 months now that we are apart. It was my longest ever, we supposed toget married…(Im 27 yo, she's 25 yo).

It seemed that she broke up with me for several reasons. It first overwhelmedme, I was schocked. It hit me hard as I told myself how could I be such a badman?

After some days I took a deep breath as it's not my first BU and started toanalyze all the reasons she mentioned,how true they are, knowing that the main one lies always between us two.

As I thought I was right. I was not my fault even if I'm guilty of the mistakesI made during the relationship. No doubt about that. After putting together thewhole reasons, looking at this from a distance, reading helpful books, articlesand stories – there it was, the reason for our Broken LoveStory.

At first I would like to introduce us:

- Introvert, with passion about sports like football, gym, travel. A greatperson to have as a friend, helpful, faithful,always there. Trying to get the best in life by self improvement.. Strugglingwith life issues like learning, focusing on stressful life issues, often lazy, likesto spend time at trips or at home. Coming from a house with overprotectivemother, and father facing the alcohol problem. That’s me.

- Extravert. A person who is totally dedicated to the partner. Independent,talk active, seeking for attention. Can help herself in at any point in time. Agreat person to have as a friend, helpful, faithful, always there. Struggling insituations where it's better to thing before act, often lazy, likes to spend timeon trips, home, or a party. Coming froma house with divorced parents. That's her.

So where's the reason?

It's in the live situations we were facing at the moment, also the lack of honestcommunication about our feeling's ( we were talking different love languages)

Coming to the point. I can't force anyone to love me. I can't stuck in themoment with my feelings dreaming about being together once again. But as I am,I want to make clear why it happened that way between us.

I have a sick mother. She had cancer this year and we were really fighting and praying that she gets through that alive. Everyphone call that I received at work from my loved ones was like a little heart attack.I was at my worst. I was seeking for support, understanding, and had a lot of fear inside.Then came also problems at my work. She had some arguments with her mother andbrother at that time – 3 grown up persons couldn’t find a common language.

We had also a important topic between us. Were about to move together, thistopic was the most actual. I wanted it but couldn’t make the decision at thattime because of the situation at home. In 3 Months we had 3 big arguments aboutthat. The fact that her best girlfriends were also at that point andsuccessfully planning their future madeit not easier for me. And we didn't make to have the clearing conversation.

I made some tries to have it even after the BU. A week after and a month after it happened. That was a lotto early. At first meeting she was still in the attacking position, and I was unawareabout the real reasons, at the second we just cried and hold hands.

Now I cooled down a lot, even if it's still hurting. But living with the awarenesswhy it happened is a lot more comfortable.

The problem is that since then I can't get her to meet me. At the secondmeeting as a relaxing prelude to theconversation we were supposed to build acandlestick together but we didn’t came to do it so she proposed that I shouldbuy some additional accessories for it and we will finish it the next time wesee each other. She will prepare also something special. She obviously stillcares about me. I see in her eyes and in her acting when I'm sitting next toher that she's longing for my touch and attention. Since then I was trying to set up anappointment. We chose a day, but when I called her that I will be there at 5 p.m she texted meback: sorry I forgot about that, and im on my way to my grandma, can we setanother date? . The second try when we should meet was on Christmas. Wechoose the second day after, and in thecall she's saying sorry but can we move our appointment to an another day, as Iwant to travel with my brother and his wife to some friend of them. OK, the last try, you can guess what comes…. I'mcalling her and asking for seeing each othernext week so that she can plan it ahead. Her answer: OK, I have bought today acalendar so I will not forget it, and later I will write you down how my work shiftslook like In the particular week. I was happy. I thought we were clear. But theweek came and no message received, she didn’t even reply to my reminder. NowI'm a bit angry. I hate playing games. Sincerity is the biggest value for me.At any point in life. But especiallywhen it comes to relationships. Now I knowI have to move on.

Do you know maybe why is she acting so strange? Why is she still into me whenwe are near, why is she talking about next meeting, why is she planning what wecould do, when she even don’t want tomeet?

I think that my person still wakes up the deepest feelings in her, and as shehas decided to move on im pulling her back. And considering that she's actinglike a strong independent person, who in reality is really weak inside and seekingfor love I might have right. She also told me that yes, she misses me, and evenI heard that she would never leave if she only knew that my mother begged me tostay with her in this thought time. I know that she mentioned all the brake upreasons just to convince herself that she's making the right decision. If thereason would be totally truth, she would left be much earlier.

Now she's alone, totally focusing on work – has now 2 job's.

 

Relationships are maybe the most difficult issue that we are facing, becausepeople are complicated, the world is offering a lot of different opportunities.But I'm still holding to my conviction that we should try to fight for someonewe truly love. But also understand whenwe should let go. You can not make someone's mind. As her mother said: she hasa difficult character, because alwayswhen there was a argument at home she escaped to her room, closed it and wascrying inside and letting no one in. (That'sthe fear she has that is coming from the difficult relationship of her parents.)And added: please do not give up on her, sometimes she must experience the life on her own to know that she made amistake…

I still truly love her.

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I may need your advice...

My 3 year relationship came to an end. Ithave been 2 months now that we are apart. It was my longest ever, we supposed toget married…(Im 27 yo, she's 25 yo).

It seemed that she broke up with me for several reasons. It first overwhelmedme, I was schocked. It hit me hard as I told myself how could I be such a badman?

After some days I took a deep breath as it's not my first BU and started toanalyze all the reasons she mentioned,how true they are, knowing that the main one lies always between us two.

As I thought I was right. I was not my fault even if I'm guilty of the mistakesI made during the relationship. No doubt about that. After putting together thewhole reasons, looking at this from a distance, reading helpful books, articlesand stories – there it was, the reason for our Broken LoveStory.

At first I would like to introduce us:

- Introvert, with passion about sports like football, gym, travel. A greatperson to have as a friend, helpful, faithful,always there. Trying to get the best in life by self improvement.. Strugglingwith life issues like learning, focusing on stressful life issues, often lazy, likesto spend time at trips or at home. Coming from a house with overprotectivemother, and father facing the alcohol problem. That’s me.

- Extravert. A person who is totally dedicated to the partner. Independent,talk active, seeking for attention. Can help herself in at any point in time. Agreat person to have as a friend, helpful, faithful, always there. Struggling insituations where it's better to thing before act, often lazy, likes to spend timeon trips, home, or a party. Coming froma house with divorced parents. That's her.

So where's the reason?

It's in the live situations we were facing at the moment, also the lack of honestcommunication about our feeling's ( we were talking different love languages)

Coming to the point. I can't force anyone to love me. I can't stuck in themoment with my feelings dreaming about being together once again. But as I am,I want to make clear why it happened that way between us.

I have a sick mother. She had cancer this year and we were really fighting and praying that she gets through that alive. Everyphone call that I received at work from my loved ones was like a little heart attack.I was at my worst. I was seeking for support, understanding, and had a lot of fear inside.Then came also problems at my work. She had some arguments with her mother andbrother at that time – 3 grown up persons couldn’t find a common language.

We had also a important topic between us. Were about to move together, thistopic was the most actual. I wanted it but couldn’t make the decision at thattime because of the situation at home. In 3 Months we had 3 big arguments aboutthat. The fact that her best girlfriends were also at that point andsuccessfully planning their future madeit not easier for me. And we didn't make to have the clearing conversation.

I made some tries to have it even after the BU. A week after and a month after it happened. That was a lotto early. At first meeting she was still in the attacking position, and I was unawareabout the real reasons, at the second we just cried and hold hands.

Now I cooled down a lot, even if it's still hurting. But living with the awarenesswhy it happened is a lot more comfortable.

The problem is that since then I can't get her to meet me. At the secondmeeting as a relaxing prelude to theconversation we were supposed to build acandlestick together but we didn’t came to do it so she proposed that I shouldbuy some additional accessories for it and we will finish it the next time wesee each other. She will prepare also something special. She obviously stillcares about me. I see in her eyes and in her acting when I'm sitting next toher that she's longing for my touch and attention. Since then I was trying to set up anappointment. We chose a day, but when I called her that I will be there at 5 p.m she texted meback: sorry I forgot about that, and im on my way to my grandma, can we setanother date? . The second try when we should meet was on Christmas. Wechoose the second day after, and in thecall she's saying sorry but can we move our appointment to an another day, as Iwant to travel with my brother and his wife to some friend of them. OK, the last try, you can guess what comes…. I'mcalling her and asking for seeing each othernext week so that she can plan it ahead. Her answer: OK, I have bought today acalendar so I will not forget it, and later I will write you down how my work shiftslook like In the particular week. I was happy. I thought we were clear. But theweek came and no message received, she didn’t even reply to my reminder. NowI'm a bit angry. I hate playing games. Sincerity is the biggest value for me.At any point in life. But especiallywhen it comes to relationships. Now I knowI have to move on.

Do you know maybe why is she acting so strange? Why is she still into me whenwe are near, why is she talking about next meeting, why is she planning what wecould do, when she even don’t want tomeet?

I think that my person still wakes up the deepest feelings in her, and as shehas decided to move on im pulling her back. And considering that she's actinglike a strong independent person, who in reality is really weak inside and seekingfor love I might have right. She also told me that yes, she misses me, and evenI heard that she would never leave if she only knew that my mother begged me tostay with her in this thought time. I know that she mentioned all the brake upreasons just to convince herself that she's making the right decision. If thereason would be totally truth, she would left be much earlier.

Now she's alone, totally focusing on work – has now 2 job's.

 

Relationships are maybe the most difficult issue that we are facing, becausepeople are complicated, the world is offering a lot of different opportunities.But I'm still holding to my conviction that we should try to fight for someonewe truly love. But also understand whenwe should let go. You can not make someone's mind. As her mother said: she hasa difficult character, because alwayswhen there was a argument at home she escaped to her room, closed it and wascrying inside and letting no one in. (That'sthe fear she has that is coming from the difficult relationship of her parents.)And added: please do not give up on her, sometimes she must experience the life on her own to know that she made amistake…

I still truly love her.

 

It is over. She no longer wants you. Move on.

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Women are complicated emotional beings. You can do everything right, and one thing that'll hurt her with or without you knowing, will destroy the relationship in her eyes. Let go, maybe she'll be back, maybe she won't.

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It's hard to tell you how much I'm in pain. It's like i know i have to move on but i don't want to. It just doesn't make sense...

I had previous relationships in which i didn't want to be anymore. In first i saw with my own eyes when my girl kissed some other guy at a party, and the next girl leaved me for her ex. When i saw her by accident sitting with the guy at a bench, seeing how much she was cuddling him i realized she was never so much into me. In both cases i have go NC as i didnt want to know them anymore. I dont need such girls like that.

But here it was totally different. The relationship was really great. The BU shouldnt take place. I see no serious reason for it. She still loves me but made a decision. Thats insane. Wy are women so emotionaly complicated? Does anyone understand what's going on in their minds?

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Look, now its time to be there for you mum. A year from now you'll most probably be with another girl and this girl will just be a memory. But you mum is the one who gave birth to you, and when this girl and the next girl has been and gone its your mum you'll be thinking of.

You'll be thinking of your mum till your dieing day. She's your priority, not a woman you've known for a very short time on the scale of life. Put your love and your time where its needed most right now.

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exactly, your mum should be a priority right now. The woman who spent her life taking care of you, not some woman who didnt hesitate to leave you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I agree that you should try and spend as much time with your mom as possible. Also, people are unpredictable and have pasts that affect their emotions. Women are very emotional beings and without honest communication about why they are acting a certain way, you may never know. It sounds like she likes the idea of meeting up again, but when it comes time, she does not want to anymore. I don't know why because I do not know her, but in the meantime, I hope you continue to heal through this, take one day at a time.

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eyeteachscience
I may need your advice...

My 3 year relationship came to an end. Ithave been 2 months now that we are apart. It was my longest ever, we supposed toget married…(Im 27 yo, she's 25 yo).

It seemed that she broke up with me for several reasons. It first overwhelmedme, I was schocked. It hit me hard as I told myself how could I be such a badman?

After some days I took a deep breath as it's not my first BU and started toanalyze all the reasons she mentioned,how true they are, knowing that the main one lies always between us two.

As I thought I was right. I was not my fault even if I'm guilty of the mistakesI made during the relationship. No doubt about that. After putting together thewhole reasons, looking at this from a distance, reading helpful books, articlesand stories – there it was, the reason for our Broken LoveStory.

At first I would like to introduce us:

- Introvert, with passion about sports like football, gym, travel. A greatperson to have as a friend, helpful, faithful,always there. Trying to get the best in life by self improvement.. Strugglingwith life issues like learning, focusing on stressful life issues, often lazy, likesto spend time at trips or at home. Coming from a house with overprotectivemother, and father facing the alcohol problem. That’s me.

- Extravert. A person who is totally dedicated to the partner. Independent,talk active, seeking for attention. Can help herself in at any point in time. Agreat person to have as a friend, helpful, faithful, always there. Struggling insituations where it's better to thing before act, often lazy, likes to spend timeon trips, home, or a party. Coming froma house with divorced parents. That's her.

So where's the reason?

It's in the live situations we were facing at the moment, also the lack of honestcommunication about our feeling's ( we were talking different love languages)

Coming to the point. I can't force anyone to love me. I can't stuck in themoment with my feelings dreaming about being together once again. But as I am,I want to make clear why it happened that way between us.

I have a sick mother. She had cancer this year and we were really fighting and praying that she gets through that alive. Everyphone call that I received at work from my loved ones was like a little heart attack.I was at my worst. I was seeking for support, understanding, and had a lot of fear inside.Then came also problems at my work. She had some arguments with her mother andbrother at that time – 3 grown up persons couldn’t find a common language.

We had also a important topic between us. Were about to move together, thistopic was the most actual. I wanted it but couldn’t make the decision at thattime because of the situation at home. In 3 Months we had 3 big arguments aboutthat. The fact that her best girlfriends were also at that point andsuccessfully planning their future madeit not easier for me. And we didn't make to have the clearing conversation.

I made some tries to have it even after the BU. A week after and a month after it happened. That was a lotto early. At first meeting she was still in the attacking position, and I was unawareabout the real reasons, at the second we just cried and hold hands.

Now I cooled down a lot, even if it's still hurting. But living with the awarenesswhy it happened is a lot more comfortable.

The problem is that since then I can't get her to meet me. At the secondmeeting as a relaxing prelude to theconversation we were supposed to build acandlestick together but we didn’t came to do it so she proposed that I shouldbuy some additional accessories for it and we will finish it the next time wesee each other. She will prepare also something special. She obviously stillcares about me. I see in her eyes and in her acting when I'm sitting next toher that she's longing for my touch and attention. Since then I was trying to set up anappointment. We chose a day, but when I called her that I will be there at 5 p.m she texted meback: sorry I forgot about that, and im on my way to my grandma, can we setanother date? . The second try when we should meet was on Christmas. Wechoose the second day after, and in thecall she's saying sorry but can we move our appointment to an another day, as Iwant to travel with my brother and his wife to some friend of them. OK, the last try, you can guess what comes…. I'mcalling her and asking for seeing each othernext week so that she can plan it ahead. Her answer: OK, I have bought today acalendar so I will not forget it, and later I will write you down how my work shiftslook like In the particular week. I was happy. I thought we were clear. But theweek came and no message received, she didn’t even reply to my reminder. NowI'm a bit angry. I hate playing games. Sincerity is the biggest value for me.At any point in life. But especiallywhen it comes to relationships. Now I knowI have to move on.

Do you know maybe why is she acting so strange? Why is she still into me whenwe are near, why is she talking about next meeting, why is she planning what wecould do, when she even don’t want tomeet?

I think that my person still wakes up the deepest feelings in her, and as shehas decided to move on im pulling her back. And considering that she's actinglike a strong independent person, who in reality is really weak inside and seekingfor love I might have right. She also told me that yes, she misses me, and evenI heard that she would never leave if she only knew that my mother begged me tostay with her in this thought time. I know that she mentioned all the brake upreasons just to convince herself that she's making the right decision. If thereason would be totally truth, she would left be much earlier.

Now she's alone, totally focusing on work – has now 2 job's.

 

Relationships are maybe the most difficult issue that we are facing, becausepeople are complicated, the world is offering a lot of different opportunities.But I'm still holding to my conviction that we should try to fight for someonewe truly love. But also understand whenwe should let go. You can not make someone's mind. As her mother said: she hasa difficult character, because alwayswhen there was a argument at home she escaped to her room, closed it and wascrying inside and letting no one in. (That'sthe fear she has that is coming from the difficult relationship of her parents.)And added: please do not give up on her, sometimes she must experience the life on her own to know that she made amistake…

I still truly love her.

 

As a woman, I can tell you that there is a whole lot of stuff going on in her head, and most likely it is far more complex than we could predict. Women absolutely do think differently than men and it would be presumptuous of anyone to tell you they know what she is thinking and processing. However, all of the red flags are there that she has withdrawn into a solitary land in her head and emotions, and you can do nothing to fight that except pray that she finds peace and clarity. I’m also not sure it’s too late to speak with a relationship counselor if she would be willing to pursue that. That being said, from what you wrote, I do think she is unreachable at this time, and if it’s any consolation, your love for her was one of the best gifts she was given. I’m sorry she was unable to truly receive it.

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