Lost.

[RatherNotSay]

Hey guys,

 

I've already had a post about me being lost and obsessed regarding a long term relationship that I've had.

 

I'm not getting any better, I keep reliving past memories, and finding myself looking at old pictures online, I even get jealous over some old pictures, my heart keeps ripping itself apart. This been going on for a year and a half now.

We have stopped contact for more than 6 months. But it feels like I talk to her everyday. I've never felt or been this way before, I tried neglecting it, trying to live a normal life. It's not working. And its getting a bit scary, I've lost sight of who I am, I can't be me anymore.

 

I don't know what to do, and if you want to know more, a summary of how we were (in order to maybe understand me more), I've already posted about it.

 

Also, it's kinda impossible to get help (therapist) where I live, plus it feels like no one will be understanding and it's very difficult for me to talk to someone, so what better way than posting about it anonymously.

 

There's this cloud in my brain blocking my vision and slowly suffocating me, and she's that cloud. I wish we have never met, I didn't ask for this.

[LitTunnel]

You can take solitude in knowing that you're NOT ALONE my brother. I, unfortunately, am going through the very same thing as we speak. Go and read my original thread and you'll see what I mean.

 

All I can tell you is God is preparing something great for you. This happened to you for a good reason. I know it doesn't seem like it and you'd rather wished it never happened. I totally, TOTALLY get it. But what if I told you that tomorrow you're going to meet a better girl then your ex who's even nicer, more loving, more understanding, HOTTER, SEXIER? I bet you'll QUICKLY snap out of your slumber. And you know you would so don't deny it.

 

All I can tell you is just know that this day will come but for you and I to mope and kill ourselves over this is not doing us any good. Just keep bettering yourself my brother. Again, I know it's easier said than done but do your best. It's okay if it's been a while. It's okay if you're having breakdowns. It's okay if you feel jealous. It's okay if you feel the unrelenting regret in the core of your gut. It's okay if you're anger at her and yourself. It's okay if you want to flip out in rage. It's okay if you consider suicide (just don't act on it of course). It's all perfectly okay.

 

The thing is we are working ourselves up in a panic when we think we're the ONLY ones going through this when the truth is, we're ALL in it together. Trust me. I don't care how unique you think your situation is, YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

 

Let at least that be your comfort my friend because it sure as heck is mine. Reading your post almost made me do a double take cause I thought for a second it was my thread. So you see, we're all human. We're all feeling the same feelings. You're no different then I. So this should be a comfort to you. Don't worry how long it's taking just know that a new season of harvest is coming your way but you'll ONLY be able to handle it if you've been tried and tested.

 

So right now try to make a decision, as hard and difficult as it may seem to wake up tomorrow and work on being a better version of yourself. I mean it. Go work out. Read positive self-help books. Watch positive videos. Talk to others on the outside. Smile more, even though deep down you're hurting but smile anyways. Dude, you can do it, trust me. Don't sell yourself short my friend.

 

Like I said, it's okay to cry, rage, feel ashamed, feel fear, worry, etc, etc. Let the feeling of pain run it's course. So what it's been a while. So what!!! Just keep bettering yourself and keep repeating to yourself that all this is happening for a GOOD reason and that a new harvest is coming your way:)

[Been]

Thier is no time limit to get over someone. Some people get over people quickly some take longer.

The thing you have to ask yourself is the why. Why do you keep reliving the past?I know somethings trigger memories and that at times can't be helped.

I have not read the why you broke up. (I will latter).

Just know like the previous poster stated your not the only one that has gone through this. And it is hard. But somewhere you going to have to reach deep within yourself to get past the hurt.

[mightycpa]

You guys do not want to know how long that lasted for me. It got better over time, and it even slipped below the surface, life got back to normal again, just as long as I didn't think about her.

 

But when I thought about her? You just do not want to know.

 

That said, I can laugh about it now.

[RatherNotSay]

You can take solitude in knowing that you're NOT ALONE my brother. I, unfortunately, am going through the very same thing as we speak. Go and read my original thread and you'll see what I mean.

 

All I can tell you is God is preparing something great for you. This happened to you for a good reason. I know it doesn't seem like it and you'd rather wished it never happened. I totally, TOTALLY get it. But what if I told you that tomorrow you're going to meet a better girl then your ex who's even nicer, more loving, more understanding, HOTTER, SEXIER? I bet you'll QUICKLY snap out of your slumber. And you know you would so don't deny it.

 

All I can tell you is just know that this day will come but for you and I to mope and kill ourselves over this is not doing us any good. Just keep bettering yourself my brother. Again, I know it's easier said than done but do your best. It's okay if it's been a while. It's okay if you're having breakdowns. It's okay if you feel jealous. It's okay if you feel the unrelenting regret in the core of your gut. It's okay if you're anger at her and yourself. It's okay if you want to flip out in rage. It's okay if you consider suicide (just don't act on it of course). It's all perfectly okay.

 

The thing is we are working ourselves up in a panic when we think we're the ONLY ones going through this when the truth is, we're ALL in it together. Trust me. I don't care how unique you think your situation is, YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

 

Let at least that be your comfort my friend because it sure as heck is mine. Reading your post almost made me do a double take cause I thought for a second it was my thread. So you see, we're all human. We're all feeling the same feelings. You're no different then I. So this should be a comfort to you. Don't worry how long it's taking just know that a new season of harvest is coming your way but you'll ONLY be able to handle it if you've been tried and tested.

 

So right now try to make a decision, as hard and difficult as it may seem to wake up tomorrow and work on being a better version of yourself. I mean it. Go work out. Read positive self-help books. Watch positive videos. Talk to others on the outside. Smile more, even though deep down you're hurting but smile anyways. Dude, you can do it, trust me. Don't sell yourself short my friend.

 

Like I said, it's okay to cry, rage, feel ashamed, feel fear, worry, etc, etc. Let the feeling of pain run it's course. So what it's been a while. So what!!! Just keep bettering yourself and keep repeating to yourself that all this is happening for a GOOD reason and that a new harvest is coming your way:)

I've went over your thread..

 

Yeah, I suppose the way you expressed how you are feeling is similar, just a bit different situation.

 

My ex fu*ked me up. Literally. I didn't know I can fall this deep, and I am improving my daily life, gym, hanging out with friends, etc.. that I did all (of course with a mask on) One thing I couldn't do is dating. I tried being with other women, but if I see images of her in my daily life, when I dated, I swear I felt her presence next to me.

 

As much as I hate saying this, but yes, there's comfort in knowing others have also suffered from such feelings.

 

Even as I write, I feel a bit "coward" or "weak" or even "not man enough to handle this and stfu". This is also one of the reasons why I need to put a mask so badly, I know thinking this way is just retarded, but I can't help it and this is how I'm programmed since childhood.

 

Now you can know why I'm posting here even "anonymously".

 

Also, you know how sometimes you drive, take a walk, and reach a place and you have no idea how you got here ? Yea, daydreaming been happening to me more often than at first now.

 

But again, knowing you guys passed through something similar, and even laughing about it later on, does give me comfort.

[Been]

I read your post about your relationship. I think and I could be wrong but I think you had a sense it was t going to work but you ended up falling madly in love with her knowing it was doomed to fail eventually. And maybe your mad at yourself for getting this deeply involved with her?

I know my last one I just KNEW in my heart it was doomed to fail. I mean their was soooo many red flags that I just ignored and I was willing to put up with just to be with her. And when we ended-which was a foregone conclusion-I was mad at myself more then her for getting myself involved with someone who was bad.

And thier were times where I would miss being with her but I would catch myself. What did I miss? The cheating? The lying? Because like you I knew I could never fully trust her-I was knew how she operated. Knew what she was.

You get used to being around someone rather they treat you right or wrong. And then when you part company with them thier is a sense of a void in your life. And it's easier said then done to fill that void. Some fill it with other people. Some get into hobbies. Me I used the gym. I worked out like a madman to the point I was TOO TIRED to even think about her. I think maybe you need to figure out how to fill that void that you feel in your life.

[LitTunnel]

I've went over your thread..

 

Yeah, I suppose the way you expressed how you are feeling is similar, just a bit different situation.

 

My ex fu*ked me up. Literally. I didn't know I can fall this deep, and I am improving my daily life, gym, hanging out with friends, etc.. that I did all (of course with a mask on) One thing I couldn't do is dating. I tried being with other women, but if I see images of her in my daily life, when I dated, I swear I felt her presence next to me.

 

As much as I hate saying this, but yes, there's comfort in knowing others have also suffered from such feelings.

 

Even as I write, I feel a bit "coward" or "weak" or even "not man enough to handle this and stfu". This is also one of the reasons why I need to put a mask so badly, I know thinking this way is just retarded, but I can't help it and this is how I'm programmed since childhood.

 

Now you can know why I'm posting here even "anonymously".

 

Also, you know how sometimes you drive, take a walk, and reach a place and you have no idea how you got here ? Yea, daydreaming been happening to me more often than at first now.

 

But again, knowing you guys passed through something similar, and even laughing about it later on, does give me comfort.

 

When I say similar I don't mean our circumstances, rather, the feeling of obsession and the constant thoughts of our exes on a unstoppable loop. That's where you and I are similar.

[RatherNotSay]

I read your post about your relationship. I think and I could be wrong but I think you had a sense it was t going to work but you ended up falling madly in love with her knowing it was doomed to fail eventually. And maybe your mad at yourself for getting this deeply involved with her?

I know my last one I just KNEW in my heart it was doomed to fail. I mean their was soooo many red flags that I just ignored and I was willing to put up with just to be with her. And when we ended-which was a foregone conclusion-I was mad at myself more then her for getting myself involved with someone who was bad.

And thier were times where I would miss being with her but I would catch myself. What did I miss? The cheating? The lying? Because like you I knew I could never fully trust her-I was knew how she operated. Knew what she was.

You get used to being around someone rather they treat you right or wrong. And then when you part company with them thier is a sense of a void in your life. And it's easier said then done to fill that void. Some fill it with other people. Some get into hobbies. Me I used the gym. I worked out like a madman to the point I was TOO TIRED to even think about her. I think maybe you need to figure out how to fill that void that you feel in your life.

Doomed to fail, but kept holding on 'till I was doomed with it.

 

You're right, I just can't see it yet. And yes there is this void, this emptiness in my chest where my heart used to be. I tried filling it, tried keeping myself busy, I even started playing video games.

 

This led to a build up of emotions that I had ignored, which led to my occasional breakdowns, that are happening more frequently now than before.

 

I am facing my emotions from time to time, but I keep losing, and getting lost more.

 

I know this, I won't give up, not just yet. As long as it might take I'll stay standing 'till the bells ring.

[RatherNotSay]

When I say similar I don't mean our circumstances, rather, the feeling of obsession and the constant thoughts of our exes on a unstoppable loop. That's where you and I are similar.

Unstoppable loop.

 

How do you exit that mate ? Did you?

 

It feels like i'm constantly looking for answers, an explanation for this weird "self-desctruct" feeling.

 

You said you felt light headed ? And getting obsessed, jealousy, anxiety, etc.. Is it worth it ? Would you meet her if you go back in time? Would let yourself fall in love again, knowing the outcome ?

 

If you say yes, you're lying, nothing is worth feeling this way, no fairy tale is worth feeling this way giving yourself up for someone else.

 

We can't allow ourselves become so weak and vulnerable toward someone else, because sooner or later, by choice or not, they will take advantage of that.

 

It will destroy us.

[mrtango]

There is no time limit for healing. But believe me when I say that healing is real. It just takes time. It's kind of a process of coming back from "being us" to "being me". There will be darker nights, ups and downs.

 

If your ex couldn't appreciate your love already given, it means that she doesn't deserve you (nor your love).

I know that you gave your love, you gave your soul. It's you who gave it, it means you're the source of your love and your happiness. They are not. Don't put them on a pedestal and don't think that you will never be happy again, because you will. Happiness and love are gifts from your heart.

[Sunnymae]

Okay, let's peel the onion or unravel the yarn.

 

It may help to know that the sting of rejection has a purpose. Evolutionarily speaking, A solitary human being could not have survived during the six million years of human evolution while we were living out there on the African Savannah.

This heartache serves as an impetus for you to seek out someone else.

 

So how do you calm this intense feeling?

 

I can tell you what I did. When I got that intense, gut wrenching feeling of sadness, that you're missing this person that has rejected you, that's been rude, and dismissive, this person who's ignoring you, and You feel he/she must still love you, this person that you feel is so wonderful that you've given god like qualities too.

 

These feelings you're projecting onto your ex is not how they feel, it's about how you feel it's you. These wonderful qualities there not that person there your qualities you're projecting.

 

You need to accept that this person does not care. Like for myself I was trying to fill an unmet need from childhood. It's called repetition compulsion ( google it) So, accept that these feelings are your feelings, not your ex. She/he doesn't have these feelings, or else you wouldn't be writing on Loveschack.

 

This is an exercise that worked for me:

I would just go ahead and feel the physical sensation, I would scan my body from the pit of my stomach to the top of my head. So you go ahead and lean into the pain, and in about a minute of doing this the pain in your stomach will dissipate, then I I would feel it in my chest, I d sit with the pain and again I'd wait about a minute and maybe it moved to my throat, I'd to the same thing again feel the pain physically till it dissolves then at my temple, then visualize it as a bubble you pop once it's reached the top of your head. But this is not the end of pain, you'll have to this many times, the good news is you'll notice a difference in the intensity of the pain. So you can practice not chasing those thoughts. Practice not being like a dog when it gets a scent and chases it.

 

Btw: there's a study done by C. Nathan Dewall PhD, a psychologist at the University of Kentucky. That shows that taking a Tylenol can alleviate some of the pain experienced from a breakup.

 

Use your imagination. I had a few scenario: So google Nero-pathways and brain plasticity, and how you create new pathways to help you break the addiction.

 

So I would find a quite place and imagine myself on the waters edge and the current, and I would visualize the ridges on the sand ( that would be old pathways) I would visualize myself lying in the shallow waters, I then visualize new ridges (representing Nero pathways) created by the current.

Or visualize your brain on a brain scan and the areas that are activated with pain, then visualize yourself cooling off that area using meditation. When meditating you need to find your Wise mind, not your emotional, or logical, you need to be in the middle. I would recommend printing out Dialectical behavior which is a list of skills to help you cope with your emotions, and get them under control.

[RatherNotSay]

Okay, let's peel the onion or unravel the yarn.

 

It may help to know that the sting of rejection has a purpose. Evolutionarily speaking, A solitary human being could not have survived during the six million years of human evolution while we were living out there on the African Savannah.

This heartache serves as an impetus for you to seek out someone else.

 

So how do you calm this intense feeling?

 

I can tell you what I did. When I got that intense, gut wrenching feeling of sadness, that you're missing this person that has rejected you, that's been rude, and dismissive, this person who's ignoring you, and You feel he/she must still love you, this person that you feel is so wonderful that you've given god like qualities too.

 

These feelings you're projecting onto your ex is not how they feel, it's about how you feel it's you. These wonderful qualities there not that person there your qualities you're projecting.

 

You need to accept that this person does not care. Like for myself I was trying to fill an unmet need from childhood. It's called repetition compulsion ( google it) So, accept that these feelings are your feelings, not your ex. She/he doesn't have these feelings, or else you wouldn't be writing on Loveschack.

 

This is an exercise that worked for me:

I would just go ahead and feel the physical sensation, I would scan my body from the pit of my stomach to the top of my head. So you go ahead and lean into the pain, and in about a minute of doing this the pain in your stomach will dissipate, then I I would feel it in my chest, I d sit with the pain and again I'd wait about a minute and maybe it moved to my throat, I'd to the same thing again feel the pain physically till it dissolves then at my temple, then visualize it as a bubble you pop once it's reached the top of your head. But this is not the end of pain, you'll have to this many times, the good news is you'll notice a difference in the intensity of the pain. So you can practice not chasing those thoughts. Practice not being like a dog when it gets a scent and chases it.

 

Btw: there's a study done by C. Nathan Dewall PhD, a psychologist at the University of Kentucky. That shows that taking a Tylenol can alleviate some of the pain experienced from a breakup.

 

Use your imagination. I had a few scenario: So google Nero-pathways and brain plasticity, and how you create new pathways to help you break the addiction.

 

So I would find a quite place and imagine myself on the waters edge and the current, and I would visualize the ridges on the sand ( that would be old pathways) I would visualize myself lying in the shallow waters, I then visualize new ridges (representing Nero pathways) created by the current.

Or visualize your brain on a brain scan and the areas that are activated with pain, then visualize yourself cooling off that area using meditation. When meditating you need to find your Wise mind, not your emotional, or logical, you need to be in the middle. I would recommend printing out Dialectical behavior which is a list of skills to help you cope with your emotions, and get them under control.

I'm projecting my own qualities.

 

I didn't look at it this way before, and doing so now, kinda makes sense m8.

 

The thing is I keep looking for answers to why am I feeling this way still, and how to "fix it", and no answer is good enough for me, its as if I'm looking for the answer (lie) that I want neglecting everything else.

 

Its a really complicated painful feeling.

 

I love what you've said though, and I've never tried meditation but however I'm going to do this type of exercise "somewhat spiritual" and see how things go.

 

I'm going to share my experience with this, and I'll go at it with my spirits up (I'll try)

Hopefully I'm not too lost in this "dark hole".

 

Starting tomorrow morning. And I thank you for your support m8

[RatherNotSay]

There is no time limit for healing. But believe me when I say that healing is real. It just takes time. It's kind of a process of coming back from "being us" to "being me". There will be darker nights, ups and downs.

 

If your ex couldn't appreciate your love already given, it means that she doesn't deserve you (nor your love).

I know that you gave your love, you gave your soul. It's you who gave it, it means you're the source of your love and your happiness. They are not. Don't put them on a pedestal and don't think that you will never be happy again, because you will. Happiness and love are gifts from your heart.

I swear I'm trying to think of it this way, but the though of her brings other "bad thoughts". Its like a train of "bad thoughts" (ex, jealousy, anxiety, nervous, etc..)

 

But again, I thank you for your reply, it did bring a smile.

 

I'm going to try what Sunnymae suggested and see how things go !

[Sunnymae]

I'm projecting my own qualities.

 

I didn't look at it this way before, and doing so now, kinda makes sense m8.

 

The thing is I keep looking for answers to why am I feeling this way still, and how to "fix it", and no answer is good enough for me, its as if I'm looking for the answer (lie) that I want neglecting everything else.

 

Its a really complicated painful feeling.

 

I love what you've said though, and I've never tried meditation but however I'm going to do this type of exercise "somewhat spiritual" and see how things go.

 

I'm going to share my experience with this, and I'll go at it with my spirits up (I'll try)

Hopefully I'm not too lost in this "dark hole".

 

Starting tomorrow morning. And I thank you for your support m8

You don't need her. You got a whole lot of other women out there, just open yourself to new people and new situations. Stop Chasing after the one that's rejecting you. It may be hard st first to think of being with someone else. Or just be with your friends. Good luck! It's been 7 months since I broke up, and let me tell you you gotta find a way to work through this. Watch YouTube videos on how to get over your ex. I recommend Selflove U Jenna Ryan

[mrtango]

I swear I'm trying to think of it this way, but the though of her brings other "bad thoughts". Its like a train of "bad thoughts" (ex, jealousy, anxiety, nervous, etc..)

 

It is totally normal, my friend. You're going through something difficult. Don't try to avoid pain. Go through it. If you can do it, a happy life waits for you at the other side of this experience.

[SerPundnes]

Yes, feel all the pain coming towards you. Let it sink in. There will come a time where the pain lingers, maybe not everyday, but sooner or later you'll start getting happy-toughts!

[RatherNotSay]

You guys are amazing here, all very supportive and we have never met.

In a way you guys know me better than my friends know me.

 

Please keep sharing your thoughts on this subject, it's actually helping me and it will result in helping each other. The complexity of the human being is something else, how each person experiences a set feelings and how he interprets these feelings, it differs from every other individual.

 

I'm looking forward for more replies and I thank you guys for being here for me, hopefully this "loop" of pain being lost will break soon. And if it didn't, knowing I'm not alone is in itself a comfort.

[LitTunnel]

Unstoppable loop.

 

How do you exit that mate ? Did you?

 

It feels like i'm constantly looking for answers, an explanation for this weird "self-desctruct" feeling.

 

You said you felt light headed ? And getting obsessed, jealousy, anxiety, etc.. Is it worth it ? Would you meet her if you go back in time? Would let yourself fall in love again, knowing the outcome ?

 

If you say yes, you're lying, nothing is worth feeling this way, no fairy tale is worth feeling this way giving yourself up for someone else.

 

We can't allow ourselves become so weak and vulnerable toward someone else, because sooner or later, by choice or not, they will take advantage of that.

 

It will destroy us.

 

Would I want to go through this all over again if I knew I could go back in time and change it? Well, that depends. If I don't change and don't become a better version of myself and don't end up with someone actually compatible then no, I wouldn't want to. But if I knew that I was going to be a better version of myself and end up with someone I'm totally compatible with, then HELL YES!!!

 

Look, you and I and many others on these boards are hurting big time. It's called walking through the valley. What I mean by "walking through the valley" is a metaphor for struggle. But it is in times of struggle (walking through the valley) is when we're all morphing into a "better version" of ourselves. It is in times of struggle as we introspect, learn and look to the higher powers with absolute confidence and submissiveness and say,

 

"I don't like this feeling now because I'm absolutely destroyed within but I accept it for what it is as it is making me a better version of myself despite my reluctance but because of this I will benefit from it 10 fold. I expect great change peace and joy to enter my life and I'm excited for what's to come. I believe the woman of my dreams who I'm totally compatible with will enter my life. I deserve it!"

 

So, you see, our goal is to reach the mountain top (metaphor for peace and joy) but in order to do so we MUST walk through the valley. It's the ONLY way. Meanwhile we should work on ourselves through whatever means necessary, self-help books, videos, articles, meditation, forums, loved ones and meanwhile do NOT fight the emotions. Instead, go with it. Let it run its course. DON'T FIGHT IT. Meanwhile, lets try our BEST each and every day to find the joy within us. Slowly but surely, inch by inch as we walk through the valley we find ourselves suddenly starring at the mountain top. But we just have to keep working on creating that better version of ourselves, which is inevitable.

Edited January 18, 2017 by LitTunnel

[mightycpa]

Is it worth it ? Would you meet her if you go back in time? Would let yourself fall in love again, knowing the outcome ?

 

If you say yes, you're lying, nothing is worth feeling this way, no fairy tale is worth feeling this way giving yourself up for someone else.

 

We can't allow ourselves become so weak and vulnerable toward someone else, because sooner or later, by choice or not, they will take advantage of that.

 

It will destroy us.

Wrong! Of course I'd do it over again, and in fact, I did. Not with the same one, of course. One with a little less destructive force. But only a little less, still pretty destructive.

 

Then I went for a third time on the ride. And a fourth.

 

It's totally worth it, even if you throw up.

 

Heartbreak is such a manly thing to do.

[RatherNotSay]

You don't need her. You got a whole lot of other women out there, just open yourself to new people and new situations. Stop Chasing after the one that's rejecting you. It may be hard st first to think of being with someone else. Or just be with your friends. Good luck! It's been 7 months since I broke up, and let me tell you you gotta find a way to work through this. Watch YouTube videos on how to get over your ex. I recommend Selflove U Jenna Ryan

Soo, today morning I woke up feeling different, less "bad thoughts" (We'll just call my "I want to physically hurt myself feeling so the emotional pain would stop" bad thoughts).

But I knew it is temporary, still though an improvement from where I was a year and a half ago.

 

I wanted to give meditation a try, I sat back, relaxed, and started counting my deep breaths till reaching 10. Focused on my chest as I was breathing in... and out.

Kept doing that with my eyes closed for about 10 minutes, then I fell asleep (at least I think I fell asleep). The reason why I think I fell asleep is because I remember I was still counting my deep breaths, but this time my mind was roaming in a place it shouldn't be roaming in.

 

I saw her, and we started talking and talking and gazing, with every deep breath I took, I felt a spike in my chest, I told her I miss you, lets fix this sh*t. I don't remember the rest of the convo, I just remember her face clearly, and then my phone rang (thank god) when I saw what time was it, only around 8 mins have passed. The dream felt like hours !

 

Guys, I know i'm messed up too badly and I really don't mean to keep on nagging, but I'm not giving in to this ****ty feeling.

 

ugh..

 

I'm going to try to check your recommended videos, but I'm very new to this, I do not know how or what to do in these situations other than feeling enough psychical pain that will make me forget the other "bad thoughts"

[RatherNotSay]

Would I want to go through this all over again if I knew I could go back in time and change it? Well, that depends. If I don't change and don't become a better version of myself and don't end up with someone actually compatible then no, I wouldn't want to. But if I knew that I was going to be a better version of myself and end up with someone I'm totally compatible with, then HELL YES!!!

...

"I don't like this feeling now because I'm absolutely destroyed within but I accept it for what it is as it is making me a better version of myself despite my reluctance but because of this I will benefit from it 10 fold. I expect great change peace and joy to enter my life and I'm excited for what's to come. I believe the woman of my dreams who I'm totally compatible with will enter my life. I deserve it!"

.

 

 

Yeah, but I mean, what if you were a better person, and you gave it all, literally all.

What if she took advantage of that, and hurt you, or maybe you will hurt yourself, because love blinds.

What if the end result was all the same, hell, having the possibility of feeling that pain, even if you two were perfect, is it still really worth it ?

 

Why go into the this valley to begin with ? When you can stay on the greener side of life.

 

Maybe how deeply each person falls in love differs.

 

Anyway, I have to look at it the way you've described it, its just I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. All I see is despair.

 

And I will still climb this not ending mountain. Maybe you're right, maybe I will suddenly find myself at the top, or beneath the ground, either ways, don't stop moving, right?!

 

mightycpa,

 

I have to agree, it's needs a lot of bravery to let yourself fall in love, I guess I was too brave for my own good.

[LitTunnel]

@RatherNotSay, look, I went through absolute hell with my breakup. It's been close to 8 months broken up and 5 months NC. I'm just barely now feeling better again. I'm still having flashes of jealousy, yearning, anger, saddness but boy have I gotten better. Thank God!!! I honestly didn't think this was going to happen. I thought I was broken. Well, I was wrong. I know EXACTLY where you're coming from and all I can really tell you is don't woooooooorry my friend. You will prevail, I PROMISE YOU. You will get there.

 

Here's what I learned and I will one day write a very detailed outline of my recovery, but only when I feel I'm 100% indifferent because I fear a relapse (hopefully not). Don't fight your thoughts. Honestly. Don't constantly remind yourself "Oh man, I'm obsessing way too much. She's not leaving my thoughts. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. MAKE IT STOP!!!" This thinking is wrong, you know why? Because you have to allow your mind to process the grief all on its own. If your mind is wanting to think about her, then do it. Don't force yourself to stop. If you notice after obsessing over your ex after a while you then calm down and somewhat back to normal, until next day? It's gonna feel like groundhogs day (If you seen the movie you'll know what I mean).

 

Now, the truth of the matter is it's going to take a while but everyday you'll be chipping away at the obsession. You won't notice it because it'll be reall subtle but it's happening. You THINK nothing is happening but it is, that's why it's important to have your moments of just sitting, sulking and move on. Go with the wave instead of against it. Don't fight your thoughts.

 

I remember one day, not too long ago actually where I was literally forcing myself to think of something different. Literally forcing myself. I swear to you it drained me so bad because all I want TO DO was think about her but I was forcing myself NOT TO. Well, you better believe when I went to sleep all I was doing was now DREAMING of her. I mean I couldn't win!!! lol. So that's when I decided it was best to just let this ride and you know what it was after this discovery when I started getting better much quicker.

 

Just hang in there bro. We've got your back here so keep fighting the fight. You'll eventually prevail and feel indifferent towards your ex and that day is going to feel so friggin fantastic!!! I'm slowly beginning to feel this so I'm kinda SEEING THE LIGHT!!!

[preraph]

One thing that helped me during a really bad time with sadness and anger was aggressive exercise. Now, for me, it was just water aerobics and "boxing" with milk cartons! I was really letting those milk cartons have it! The instructor noticed. It really helps keep the stress of it all from breaking your body down, plus it releases some of the anger. Plus it's a distraction. Win/win.

[RatherNotSay]

@LitTunnel Who would've thought something so beautiful and breath taking ("love") would turn into surviving and fighting a fight between yourself, your feelings and thoughts.

 

But I will keep hanging on 'till I see that light !

 

And yes please ! I'd love to fully read your experience about recovery and all once you exit that long dark tunnel.

 

@preraph I've read somewhere that best cure for the heart is distraction. I'm trying to keep myself busy all the time !, it does help sometimes honestly, but still the thought/image of her stupid face is still stuck. But yup, going to the gym does help release most of the anger and agony, otherwise god knows how often I would've exploded or fell apart.

[preraph]

@LitTunnel Who would've thought something so beautiful and breath taking ("love") would turn into surviving and fighting a fight between yourself, your feelings and thoughts.

 

But I will keep hanging on 'till I see that light !

 

And yes please ! I'd love to fully read your experience about recovery and all once you exit that long dark tunnel.

 

@preraph I've read somewhere that best cure for the heart is distraction. I'm trying to keep myself busy all the time !, it does help sometimes honestly, but still the thought/image of her stupid face is still stuck. But yup, going to the gym does help release most of the anger and agony, otherwise god knows how often I would've exploded or fell apart.

 

When you spontaneously think something good of her, try making yourself think of two bad things instead. And yes, distraction is key. Making new memories to override all the associations you have with her helps too. So like if a certain song makes you think of her, dilute that feeling by taking another young lady to that concert of making love to her to that song. Overwrite those associations when possible.