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Like I've been punched in the gut


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Well, on a whim tonight, I went to match.com and did a little searching and lo and behold who should I find a profile for but my ex. He was last active over three weeks ago, when we hadn't even broken up yet! I also suspect that the fact that he hasn't been on the site for nearly a month means he might have already met someone. I feel like I've had the wind completely knocked out of me.

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HotCaliGirl

Why don't you post an ad of your own that he might come across and experience what you're experiencing... What a jerk.

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know this is mean, but for a split second, I thought about "winking" at him just to see if he'd respond, but he'd probably figure out it's me.

 

I want nothing to do with him, but I was just shocked that he hadn't even gotten rid of me and he was already looking.

 

A week ago, I posted my profile to a site, but the next day I deleted it. I need to be alone for a while to work through things before I can try to be in another relationship. I realized that it wouldn't be fair to any man I met because it would be strictly a rebound relationship and even though my ex's treatment sucked, I would end up comparing this new guy to him. Not fair to the new guy one bit.

 

The site saying over three weeks ago I think means it could have been at any point over three weeks ago, so maybe the profile was up even sooner and he was cheating on me. Nice.

 

Thank goodness I didn't send that letter!

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ConfusedInOC

Sorry to hear about your plight. Good thing you know what a dirty snake he is now. It could have been worse.

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One more thing I forgot to mention. I checked to see how much of a match we were. How many things I was looking for matched what he is looking for and vice versa.

 

We matched in every category ... a perfect match. What a joke!

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RecordProducer

When Match.com shows that he's been active over 3 weeks ago, it means sooner than 4 weeks. If he was active 5 qweeks ago, it would have said 'over a month'. You can look at other profiles and see how it classifies the day of activity. But your BF was active 3-4 weeks ago last time.

Good luck in getting over him! You're a good person. :)

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Your ex sounds like a loser. That's just rude.

 

I think you should post your info there too. Just do it. It might make you feel better. But you don't have to answer reponses. That'll be funny you'll show up as a new recruit.

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chancecookie

HA! I've had that happen to me. I didn't find it on my own though, a friend found it and forwarded it to me. I was so humiliated. I think everyone I knew saw it. I was glad the relationship ended and I knew what a scumbum he was before it got serious. I'm glad we never married and that there were no kids involved.

 

 

You'll feel better soon. Once a scumbum always a scumbum. Now he'll be someone else's problem.

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Other side of the coin.

This question is for the guys, just an informal poll (maybe it should be a new thread so it gets more exposure?)

How many relationships have you been in where things started going south for you (for whatever reason) and you started to look elsewhere, but didn't say anything and gave no warning before breaking the relationship off?

 

It's my experience that if a relationship is having problems, men will start to move away emotionally and sometimes sexually. This may include posting at match.com for example, but I'll bet that it wasn't a serious effort, it's just something he found himself doing late one night, and I'll wager the relationship was (from his perspective) in trouble--and he just wasn't talking about it.

 

Then, one day, the tipping point came, and the distancing activities got more and more frequent. Flirting with other women, actually checking match.com, dreading time spent with you, not being in the mood to spend time with you, and bam, one day he breaks up with you, because the whole time, he didn't say a word.

 

I'm guilty of this myself, which is why I am posting anonymously. I didn't create a match.com profile, I didn't even really flirt more with other women and didn't "set something up" in the form of a new girlfriend, but I didn't talk about problems in the relationship. I retreated emotionally, and in one relationship, sexually also, and when I broke up with her, it was a TOTAL shock and surprise to her. (Interestingly, she bragged that she was okay with women expecting men to read their minds, because she professed she could read anybody like a book, including me, and that it was easy to do.)

 

When I met the woman I would later marry, I did discuss problems I was having, and so did she. In fact, I communicated more with her than any other woman, and the only thing I can ascribe it to is that I really cared about her and found my feelings growing stronger rather than weaker.

 

What this would mean for you, of course, is not that you're better off without men who do this, it means you're better off without HIM. He wasn't right for you, and it doesn't much matter who did the breaking up (he dumped you or caused you to dump him) because either way, you are far better off, and rest assured, in the future, if you get a man who actually discusses the relationship or if he's a quiet type and even just says every now and then a little comment about how positive the relationship is and how good it makes him feel, you've found someone worth your time.

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ConfusedInOC

Well I can tell you that pattern is true of women too.

 

When my G/F started having second thoughts, everything came to a screeching halt. The phone calls, the emails, the PMs, sex. Everything.

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I definitely know that there are good men out there who would never do what he did. I mean this sincerely when I say I feel sorry for any woman he's with now or women he will be with in the future, they don't know the heartache they are letting themselves in for.

 

Tonight I am so angry at him. My brother told me on the phone tonight that "I need to let this go and move on." It's just so hard.

 

I don't think I'm a mean-spirited person, but I absolutely loathe this man and can't believe this is someone I loved and who once professed to love me. I'm sorry I wasted three years of my life with him, the thought of it all sickens me!

 

I am seriously weighing whether or not counseling would be good for me to deal with the anger and sadness I'm feeling right now. Finances wouldn't allow me to see a psychologist, however, my employer has a confidential HELPLINE I could call to talk to someone.

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HotCaliGirl

Can you share that number with us or is it exclusive to the employees there? That would be nice to pick up the phone and talk to someone who wants to hear your problems :p

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The number is exclusive to employees of my company, I'm sorry that I'm unable to share it.

 

However, I would suggest contacting your company's HR department to see if there is a similar program where you work.

 

I have an out of state job interview next week, so I'm excited about that. At first I wasn't willing to relocate because of him, but now the possibilities are open to me.

 

One step forward, one day at a time.

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