xxgreen20 Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 (edited) I have been 4 months no contact with my ex girlfriend now, and we have not spoken since the day after the breakup. She dumped me because she lost interest in me. We didn't talk on her birthday, Thanksgiving, or Christmas, and we worked together briefly when I was home from college and completely ignored each other there. I have blocked her on all social media and deleted her number, and she did unfollow me on Instagram herself right after the breakup. Not a single word was said between us in the time that I worked there. My birthday is coming up in the middle of February, and it has popped into my head that she more than likely is going to text me. She said she still wanted to be friends when she dumped me, and I refused, and then found out that she got a new boyfriend a week after we broke up, so now I'm really done with her for good. I don't feel any jealousy or anger anymore when I occasionally think about her and her boyfriend, and I honestly wonder why I ever dated her. The problem is, we were good friends for a year before we went out, and we have a couple of friends in common, who respect my wishes not to see her. But I am afraid these friends are going to tell her my birthday is coming up, and I will hear from her. I really have no interest in ever talking to her again, and I've had a few people tell me she definitely won't text me, but I feel like she probably still wants to be friends and will reach out. To be honest, I think she is just leaving me alone right now because she gets the hint. I know so many people want to hear from their exes on their birthdays and are upset when they don't, but did anyone else feel the same way as me? And did you hear from the ex or not? And please don't tell me to be friends with her, I already made a decision not to and I know it was a good decision. Edited January 16, 2017 by xxgreen20 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I don't know if it's normal or not to feel how you are feeling, but I can give you my personal experience. I did want to hear from my ex on my first birthday after we broke up, and I did hear from him. After that birthday, I didn't want to hear from him, and I didn't. On that first birthday, I had broken NC shortly before, and he ended up sending me a gift and texting me. I did text him thanks, but he never answered. It was confusing at the time because I still had feelings for him. I think you will find a variety of experiences. Maybe you should block her if you fear she might try to contact you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxgreen20 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 I don't know if it's normal or not to feel how you are feeling, but I can give you my personal experience. I did want to hear from my ex on my first birthday after we broke up, and I did hear from him. After that birthday, I didn't want to hear from him, and I didn't. On that first birthday, I had broken NC shortly before, and he ended up sending me a gift and texting me. I did text him thanks, but he never answered. It was confusing at the time because I still had feelings for him. I think you will find a variety of experiences. Maybe you should block her if you fear she might try to contact you? I was actually going to tell our mutual friends, who are much better friends with me than with her, not to mention my birthday, but I figured I'll just let whatever happen happen. I'll just reply "thanks" and that's it if she texts me. After seeing her at work several times, I completely lost my physical attraction to her, and it makes me cringe to think that we were ever together. So this is not based on feelings, I just really don't want to talk to her and start a friendship. Her unfollowing me on Instagram confused me too, because she said she wanted to be friends and then unfollowed me a few days later, even though she had lost all feelings for me by the time she ended it. I feel guilty all the time for not being her friend, and I feel like she is still torn up about my refusal to be friends, but it was the right thing for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 If you block her, you won't know whether not she reaches out to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxgreen20 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 If you block her, you won't know whether not she reaches out to you. Yeah that is true. I just will feel bad if she sends me a really heartfelt and friendly message, and I don't acknowledge it. I'm too nice of a person, and even though this girl strung me along for a month after she lost her feelings for me and started talking to another guy the day after she dumped me, I'll still feel badly for ignoring her. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Yeah that is true. I just will feel bad if she sends me a really heartfelt and friendly message, and I don't acknowledge it. I'm too nice of a person, and even though this girl strung me along for a month after she lost her feelings for me and started talking to another guy the day after she dumped me, I'll still feel badly for ignoring her. She dumped you. It's OK to look out for your own best interest, even if it means hypothetically hurting her feelings. What you're effectively saying is that the feelings of a girl who dumped you and is out there enjoying her life is still more important than your own months after the fact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxgreen20 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 She dumped you. It's OK to look out for your own best interest, even if it means hypothetically hurting her feelings. What you're effectively saying is that the feelings of a girl who dumped you and is out there enjoying her life is still more important than your own months after the fact. No, I really don't care about her feelings, but since I'm a nice guy by nature, it can't help but pop into my head once in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Big difference between being a nice guy and a pushover. No one says you need to hate her or spread lies about her or talk badly about her or confront her or anything like that. But far too often people who got DUMPED still put their dumper's feelings above their own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frozensushi Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 You should stop being a pushover and doormat. What's being the 'nice guy' gotten you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxgreen20 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 You should stop being a pushover and doormat. What's being the 'nice guy' gotten you? Excuse me, have I once contacted her? All I said on this post was that I did not want to hear from her on my birthday and I wanted to continue the no contact. So many people want to hear from their exes on their birthdays, and I don't understand it, which is honestly what I was curious about. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I was actually going to tell our mutual friends, who are much better friends with me than with her, not to mention my birthday, but I figured I'll just let whatever happen happen. I'll just reply "thanks" and that's it if she texts me. After seeing her at work several times, I completely lost my physical attraction to her, and it makes me cringe to think that we were ever together. So this is not based on feelings, I just really don't want to talk to her and start a friendship. Her unfollowing me on Instagram confused me too, because she said she wanted to be friends and then unfollowed me a few days later, even though she had lost all feelings for me by the time she ended it. I feel guilty all the time for not being her friend, and I feel like she is still torn up about my refusal to be friends, but it was the right thing for me. It's not fair to put the responsibility of telling her not to contact you on your friends. If it's worrying you that much, just say thanks like you plan to. I think you are overestimating her interest in you. She had a new BF a week after the breakup, so I doubt she's overly concerned about you. Also, why wouldn't she remember your Bday without friends reminding her. Link to post Share on other sites
Protec Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 What is normal these days? Once my ex even got me a BD present after our breakup. Years after breakup. But we were kind of friends back then. I don't mind if i hear from my ex's. But i don't care if i don't. I have usually sent "merry xmas" and "happy birthday" one time after breakup. Just to help my own feelings i guess and to let that other person know i still think about them. It doesn't mean i want them back, it's my way of telling them "i'm ok, i hope you are doing well too. I miss you, and think about you but it was best for the both of us we got separated. I love you and hope you are doing well". Just hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
not-again Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Yeah my birthday is in a few days time, still raw from the break up nearly two weeks ago now. I personally don't want to hear from her as it'll be picking at my wounds again. Yet agin her birthday is this coming Monday and I have the urge to wish her a happy birthday. Confusing times. In a way I want to move on yet I still adore her. Maybe it's me adoring the old her, missing what we had the memories we created with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
not-again Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I apologise it my comments above wasn't productive. Still searching answers myself. All the best to you and I hope whatever you do makes you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Yeah that is true. I just will feel bad if she sends me a really heartfelt and friendly message, and I don't acknowledge it. I'm too nice of a person, and even though this girl strung me along for a month after she lost her feelings for me and started talking to another guy the day after she dumped me, I'll still feel badly for ignoring her. So you don't want to hear from her ever again but you would feel bad about ignoring her? I don't get it. That doesn't mean you're any less nice. Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 You want to move on, the right thing to do. Hearing from her is a waste of your time, and you have stated clearly that you don't wish to remain friends. I'd feel the same in your position. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxgreen20 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 It's not fair to put the responsibility of telling her not to contact you on your friends. If it's worrying you that much, just say thanks like you plan to. I think you are overestimating her interest in you. She had a new BF a week after the breakup, so I doubt she's overly concerned about you. Also, why wouldn't she remember your Bday without friends reminding her. I never had a birthday while we were together, and since I blocked her on all social media, I don't think she would remember the date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxgreen20 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 So you don't want to hear from her ever again but you would feel bad about ignoring her? I don't get it. That doesn't mean you're any less nice. If someone sends you a text like, "Happy birthday! I hope it's a great day ," for example, no matter how much you dislike the person, it's always gonna feel a tad wrong not responding. If it's just a plain, "happy birthday," it feels less wrong to ignore. I plan on responding and keeping it very short if I hear from her, but it would be great if I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxgreen20 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 Yeah my birthday is in a few days time, still raw from the break up nearly two weeks ago now. I personally don't want to hear from her as it'll be picking at my wounds again. Yet agin her birthday is this coming Monday and I have the urge to wish her a happy birthday. Confusing times. In a way I want to move on yet I still adore her. Maybe it's me adoring the old her, missing what we had the memories we created with each other. Well, in a few months you'll feel like I do, not caring anymore but not interested in being friends either. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 So she hasn't contacted you since the day after you broke up, not even on the holidays and you think she will contact you on your bday even though you weren't together long enough for her to even celebrate a bday with you? Why do you think this? She's made zero effort in all this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxgreen20 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 So she hasn't contacted you since the day after you broke up, not even on the holidays and you think she will contact you on your bday even though you weren't together long enough for her to even celebrate a bday with you? Why do you think this? She's made zero effort in all this time. When she dumped me, she said to me, "Text me whenever you're ready to be friends, and take all the time you need." Even the day after, she kept trying to make small talk, until I finally told her politely to stop. The only reason I think she's not texting me is because she knows I don't want to be friends, but still maybe thinks I will be friends one day. I think she is leaving me alone to be respectful to me because I told her after the breakup to stop contacting me. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I guess I don't understand why you think she could contact you now, especially given the info in your last post. I'm not trying to be an a&$. Sounds like it was a short relationship where she moved on immediately. You told her to leave you alone. She has complied. I don't think this is something to fret over. Lots of folks throw the let's be friends line when they dump someone. Oftentimes it is not sincere. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 (edited) When she dumped me, she said to me, "Text me whenever you're ready to be friends, and take all the time you need." Even the day after, she kept trying to make small talk, until I finally told her politely to stop. The only reason I think she's not texting me is because she knows I don't want to be friends, but still maybe thinks I will be friends one day. I think she is leaving me alone to be respectful to me because I told her after the breakup to stop contacting me. I'd say it means that you are over her, that's all. At the same time, I find the question itself to be odd. The only reason I think she's not texting me is because she knows I don't want to be friends -- Really? I'd think that the reason she isn't texting you is: I finally told her politely to stop and I told her after the breakup to stop contacting me. She has a brain and got the "message". It sounds to me like you were using "no contact" as a tool to get her to chase you and it's not working. No contact is a tool for a person to move on from a relationship, not to get them back. Edited January 16, 2017 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 your next - and real - girlfriend will be happy exes that hang around can be suspect from the girlfend's pov, yet can be bathed in self-righteousness, as if their friendship offer means they have all the say Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I don't want to hear from my gf on my birthday I don't want to hear from my gf on my birthday I don't want to hear from my gf on my birthday I don't want to hear from my gf on my birthday I don't want to hear from my gf on my birthday My gf didn't contact me on my birthday... Ow, that hurts! If you really didn't want her to contact you on your birthday, you would not be posting on here about it. Of course you want her to contact you on your birthday as that may mean she is thinking about you and maybe regretting her decision... It is very early days, but you will get over it, in time.. My guess is that she won't contact you. Sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
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