Back and forth - Years go by. How to heal?

[The_BRgurl]

It hurts. I have been keeping myself up at night trying to figure out why. The break up was years ago... Almost three years ago. So in love, we were ready to start a family. But he vanished a couple months ago after YEARS of back and forth. He's finally gone..

 

Recap: Few years ago I moved away, so I broke up with him. We hurt eachother so bad and I pushed him away. And for three years he let me come back into his life whenever I pleased to give me another chance. We would date, talk, see eachother but it just didn't work. I am young, and I partied a lot after our BU. That pushed him away. But I would always go back to him, get a hold of him, whatever. It was two years of back and forth. Trying to give eachother another chance, etc etc. I would start drinking again and my wounds that have not healed (family relations) would come up and I would start attacking him again. Him leaving me alone to heal would re-start.

 

This guy would spend hours. EIGHT hours once talking me through one of my episodes. Whatever I was doing was hurting our relationship and all I had to do was breath, and handle or approach it in a different way. I kept my ego in the way and never changed or never tried to approach our relationship in a positive way. He told me what he wanted to see me do to better myself which would have a good effect on our relationship and I couldn't do it.

 

He still see's the girl he fell in love with (me). He told me this recently, but he is done dealing with being a "punching bag". Me picking fights profusely is exhausting and he couldn't do it anymore. But he would still be there to talk whenever I wanted.

 

Before I am made out to be the bad guy, I know I messed up. I do and trust me - it kills me. I really am a compassionate person. I am a person who needs to seek out councelling for my backround issues.

 

Anyway - I seen him recently. He flew to come see me at where I am living for a counceling appointment. We spent time together and were going to try to repair our relationship. He was great - for weeks afterwards he was available to talk at any time I needed, he really was there for me. His patience will always be his most remarkable quality. BUT we fought REALLY bad one night. I was drunk and crying and all I remember is blocking his number. I don't even know how it really ended... The conversation that is. For two weeks I didn't talk to him. I came back (Like I do....) two weeks later and while he has not blocked me or changed his number (hes threatened this before saying he's done with me and can't do this) he just hasn't replied.

 

How has someone that used to be so "weak when it comes to me" (in his own words) be so strong and ignore me? I have tried to tell him I love him. I have bombarded him with these kind of messages before and always got POSITIVE messages back. Now I get nothing. He is reading my messages, and choosing to ignore me.

 

How can he forget me? Is this a good sign? I am so hurt because we just seen eachother and our feelings are still there. He's gone. And I sometimes have a hardtime coping because while I ask myself "does he even know how much I really did love him?" I shouldn't have to ask myself that. I loved him in the wrong way and all I wanted was to love him the right way. I let this guy get away and I need help coping. I miss him.

 

Will I ever hear from him again? Am I forgotten?

 

Thanks guys.

 

#soheartbroken

Edited January 16, 2017 by The_BRgurl

[marky00]

It takes a huge amount of mental work and introspection for someone to change from being the most invested to the least invested in the relationship.

 

 

I am also a male dumpee and our stories are similar. Except that I don't think my Ex has a kind bone in her body.

 

 

But over the last 2 years, I have done a huge amount of mental work and although I still love her in some ways, I too am ignoring her recent messages.

 

 

After you get burnt like 3 times, you just don't want to risk it anymore and you start make yourself the major priority.

[divegrl]

Love is an action not a feeling.

[RatherNotSay]

It hurts. I have been keeping myself up at night trying to figure out why. The break up was years ago... Almost three years ago. So in love, we were ready to start a family. But he vanished a couple months ago after YEARS of back and forth. He's finally gone..

 

Recap: Few years ago I moved away, so I broke up with him. We hurt eachother so bad and I pushed him away. And for three years he let me come back into his life whenever I pleased to give me another chance. We would date, talk, see eachother but it just didn't work. I am young, and I partied a lot after our BU. That pushed him away. But I would always go back to him, get a hold of him, whatever. It was two years of back and forth. Trying to give eachother another chance, etc etc. I would start drinking again and my wounds that have not healed (family relations) would come up and I would start attacking him again. Him leaving me alone to heal would re-start.

 

This guy would spend hours. EIGHT hours once talking me through one of my episodes. Whatever I was doing was hurting our relationship and all I had to do was breath, and handle or approach it in a different way. I kept my ego in the way and never changed or never tried to approach our relationship in a positive way. He told me what he wanted to see me do to better myself which would have a good effect on our relationship and I couldn't do it.

 

He still see's the girl he fell in love with (me). He told me this recently, but he is done dealing with being a "punching bag". Me picking fights profusely is exhausting and he couldn't do it anymore. But he would still be there to talk whenever I wanted.

 

Before I am made out to be the bad guy, I know I messed up. I do and trust me - it kills me. I really am a compassionate person. I am a person who needs to seek out councelling for my backround issues.

 

Anyway - I seen him recently. He flew to come see me at where I am living for a counceling appointment. We spent time together and were going to try to repair our relationship. He was great - for weeks afterwards he was available to talk at any time I needed, he really was there for me. His patience will always be his most remarkable quality. BUT we fought REALLY bad one night. I was drunk and crying and all I remember is blocking his number. I don't even know how it really ended... The conversation that is. For two weeks I didn't talk to him. I came back (Like I do....) two weeks later and while he has not blocked me or changed his number (hes threatened this before saying he's done with me and can't do this) he just hasn't replied.

 

How has someone that used to be so "weak when it comes to me" (in his own words) be so strong and ignore me? I have tried to tell him I love him. I have bombarded him with these kind of messages before and always got POSITIVE messages back. Now I get nothing. He is reading my messages, and choosing to ignore me.

 

How can he forget me? Is this a good sign? I am so hurt because we just seen eachother and our feelings are still there. He's gone. And I sometimes have a hardtime coping because while I ask myself "does he even know how much I really did love him?" I shouldn't have to ask myself that. I loved him in the wrong way and all I wanted was to love him the right way. I let this guy get away and I need help coping. I miss him.

 

Will I ever hear from him again? Am I forgotten?

 

Thanks guys.

 

#soheartbroken

The guy you were with, reminds of me honestly,

 

Because I've also been with this girl who on and off for the past year and it literally broke me into pieces.

 

One day she wants me and loves me and the next she thinks this isn't healthy and it won't workout.

 

I eventually got obsessed with her, and I've started to see her image everywhere, I controlling it and not let this obsession become hate towards her, so after breaking my heart every single day, I've took a step and blocked her everywhere. Its been about 6 months now and no contact.

 

And it really ****ing hurts. You should know your ex is also hurting a lot. And no one deserves this kind of pain.

I say leave him be, if you go back and contact him, it will only cause more pain. Not 'till you change your mentality and the way you love, otherwise what's the point ? (This needs time, and it just might never happen to begin with).

 

And trust me, you're not forgotten, he's probably thinking about you and even dreaming about you every day or two.

 

I still haven't concluded or realized how can I get over her, because I still relive all of our memories together almost every single day. And she did that to me, I HATE her, and I am still madly in-love with her.

 

So trust me, you're not forgotten.

[Nadine123]

because at some point people get sick of being treated like a punching bag and want to move on with their life. Im not being hard on you but maybe you should stop taking people for granted.

[Protec]

Only way to heal is to cut off contact. It does not mean you cannot ever talk to him again. But just forget about that person for now.

 

"out of mind, out of sight" really is the only thing that works. When you have feelings left, you can never let go if you still see this person frequently.

 

Just give yourself some time now. And if you can afford go to talk with a therapist.

They really can do wonders, trust me. I go to therapist myself because of a nasty relationship (and other problems it seems...)

 

What i can tell you, you are not forgotten. Do you still remember important person from your life like from 10 years ago? Most likely you do. So i doubt he is any different.

 

Just hang in there.