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How do I get my ex back?


Countryangel707

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Countryangel707

So me and my boyfriend dated for a little over 4 years. We had promise rings and planned on getting married in a few years. We broke up in June over something really stupid and we still talk to each other. We were best friends until recently. He told me that he’s been talking to this new girl and that he is thinking about asking her out.

 

The weird thing is the week before he was talking about me and him getting back together but it never happened. He told me that he didn’t want us to be lovey anymore and he wanted me to tell him if I was jealous of his new relationship.

 

What does this sound like honestly? Does it sound like he’s still into me and trying to make me jealous? How do I get him back? He’ll be coming to my college this fall so I’ll most likely see him a lot. Should I stop talking to him to make him want me? It’s hard because we’ve still been close friends even as exes

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So me and my boyfriend dated for a little over 4 years. We had promise rings and planned on getting married in a few years. We broke up in June over something really stupid and we still talk to each other. We were best friends until recently. He told me that he’s been talking to this new girl and that he is thinking about asking her out.

 

The weird thing is the week before he was talking about me and him getting back together but it never happened. He told me that he didn’t want us to be lovey anymore and he wanted me to tell him if I was jealous of his new relationship.

 

What does this sound like honestly? Does it sound like he’s still into me and trying to make me jealous? How do I get him back? He’ll be coming to my college this fall so I’ll most likely see him a lot. Should I stop talking to him to make him want me? It’s hard because we’ve still been close friends even as exes

 

Sounds like you you are starting this too late, but I think you need to go No Contact immediately. Disappear. Unless you have no interest in reconciliation.. maintaining a friendship or staying in contact is a bad move. It makes it easier for them to move on from you and they will never get the opportunity to miss you.. and end up eventually just finding someone else (as you see is exactly what happened here). Go NC asap, ignore him if he texts/calls you, just evaporate from his world. Maybe he will start missing you and realizing he took you for granted, but it's going to take a long time - might take many months or even many years, but it's the only thing you can do. NC, start moving on without him.

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You can't 'get' someone back, they have to want to come back on their own. Best way to look at it is remember he has his own thoughts and feelings just like you do. Imagine someone trying to tell you how to think or feel? That's is exactly how it comes across trying to 'get' someone back. You would tell the person you feel the way you feel and that's the end of it.

 

He's in a new relationship, while you're texting him he's doing all the couple things with his new flame...perhaps focus on that?

 

Try not to contact...if he reaches out and you want to reply do so but just be blunt. If he comes back he will do so on his own, if he doesn't then he obviously didn't feel enough for you - or at least doesn't any longer.

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So me and my boyfriend dated for a little over 4 years. We had promise rings and planned on getting married in a few years. We broke up in June over something really stupid and we still talk to each other. We were best friends until recently. He told me that he’s been talking to this new girl and that he is thinking about asking her out.

 

The weird thing is the week before he was talking about me and him getting back together but it never happened. He told me that he didn’t want us to be lovey anymore and he wanted me to tell him if I was jealous of his new relationship.

 

What does this sound like honestly? Does it sound like he’s still into me and trying to make me jealous? How do I get him back? He’ll be coming to my college this fall so I’ll most likely see him a lot. Should I stop talking to him to make him want me? It’s hard because we’ve still been close friends even as exes

 

 

We need more information about the relationship and what lead to the breakup

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Countryangel707

I asked him yesterday if he still had feelings for me and he said yes he still had a little bit of feelings for me. We called again last night for the second night in a row and after he texted and told me how fun it was to talk to me. He said that he thought about asking me out again but didn't know if it was the right thing to do. Then that's when he called me to talk(we didn't talk about our relationship on the phone, we just laughed and had fun). He said he still thinks that we should try to see other people and see what it is like, then if we aren't happy get back together. Please keep in mind that we are each others first. I really think he still has more than just a little feelings for me though.

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First loves are rarely our last.

 

He wants to see other girls. Maybe you two will find your way back to each other someday, but at the moment, he is fishing in other ponds.

 

You need to keep your distance from him for a while, or you will get hurt.

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I know that he will be coming to my college in the fall and he said that this girl will be going somewhere out of state. We will most likely see each other lots( It's a small school). Could that be where we reunite together? I mean he says he still has feelings for me. He's always asking my opinions on stuff and we text 24/7. It just seems like he has more feelings for me then what he is saying.

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I know that he will be coming to my college in the fall and he said that this girl will be going somewhere out of state. We will most likely see each other lots( It's a small school). Could that be where we reunite together? I mean he says he still has feelings for me. He's always asking my opinions on stuff and we text 24/7. It just seems like he has more feelings for me then what he is saying.

 

It would appear you've just ignored the replies you've received already. He's in a relationship with someone else and you're texting each other 24/7? Why don't you both consider how this third party must feel? Poor girl.

 

He's with someone else and not you, whether he has feelings or not is irrelevant. You said yourself he has told you to 'see other people'.

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It would appear you've just ignored the replies you've received already. He's in a relationship with someone else and you're texting each other 24/7? Why don't you both consider how this third party must feel? Poor girl.

 

He's with someone else and not you, whether he has feelings or not is irrelevant. You said yourself he has told you to 'see other people'.

 

Well He's not in the relationship with the other girl yet. He has only spoken to her once and said that he is thinking about asking her out. He said if it didn't work then we could get back together.

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Well He's not in the relationship with the other girl yet. He has only spoken to her once and said that he is thinking about asking her out. He said if it didn't work then we could get back together.

 

So you don't mind being the second choice???? Expect more for yourself. You are letting HIM decide what happens with YOUR life??

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Well, yeah. I mean he actually told you he wants you to tell him you're jealous.

 

I'm going to give you my best advice and you're going to make up 101 reasons why you don't want to do it, but here it is:

 

Start dating other guys. Do not rub it in his face. Just do it.

 

Stop always being available to him as "just a friend." Be too busy because you are staying busy socially -- and stay busy socially.

 

Don't EVER let him interrupt a date or girl's night out by calling or texting you.

 

You see, right now, he likes this situation. You still want him and he's free to date other women! He knows he can get you back anytime. So this is the precedent he set, and so as not to create a relationship imbalance, you should do the same, except you do it and don't agree to talk to him like a friend about it. If you let things stand as they are, he'll always know you don't have enough respect for yourself to expect more out of a relationship.

 

You go have fun and date and stop being his mommy or his friend or the girl who wants him back under any circumstances and find someone new.

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Well He's not in the relationship with the other girl yet. He has only spoken to her once and said that he is thinking about asking her out. He said if it didn't work then we could get back together.

 

Oh dear oh dear.

 

So he's with you, breaks up with you to chase another girl. Tells you he wants to see how it goes and then maybe go back to you...and you're ok with this? Where is your self-esteem!

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Good relationships don't end over "something stupid".

 

Most likely, it was a poor relationship which couldn't withstand a minor disagreement - or it was actually a significant problem which is being glossed over as insignificant. Or as a last option, one of you is highly reactive and poor at communicating...also a bad thing to have in a relationship.

 

The background to the breakup is significant. And unless you figure out the breakup in depth, any possible future with him is going to have poor foundations.

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I know that he will be coming to my college in the fall and he said that this girl will be going somewhere out of state. We will most likely see each other lots( It's a small school). Could that be where we reunite together? I mean he says he still has feelings for me. He's always asking my opinions on stuff and we text 24/7. It just seems like he has more feelings for me then what he is saying.

 

So you arent even going to focus on the new opportunities starting college with bring. You are going to waste your time there on him and whether or not he wants you.

 

I'd see if you can switch colleges. The worst thing you can do is waste 3 years on trying to get him back at college.

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Good relationships don't end over "something stupid".

 

Most likely, it was a poor relationship which couldn't withstand a minor disagreement - or it was actually a significant problem which is being glossed over as insignificant. Or as a last option, one of you is highly reactive and poor at communicating...also a bad thing to have in a relationship.

 

The background to the breakup is significant. And unless you figure out the breakup in depth, any possible future with him is going to have poor foundations.

 

I got dumped out of the blue or something stupid once. I literally didnt see it coming.

 

I found out later he had been cheating and the minor disagreement gave him the out he needed. Always a cover up for something big.

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Oh dear oh dear.

 

So he's with you, breaks up with you to chase another girl. Tells you he wants to see how it goes and then maybe go back to you...and you're ok with this? Where is your self-esteem!

 

Actually I broke up with him. Ok I broke up wit him because I wasn't allowed to date our whole relationship(I wasn't allowed to date till I graduated high school). In addition my parents forbid me to ever see him again. So I was scared right before graduation and broke up with him. I had planned for us to get back together once I started college( the college is only 5 minutes from his house). I just told him this about 2 days ago and he was really nice about it and said he thought I was through with him and that's why he wanted to move on. I kept apologizing about not telling him the whole story. When I broke up with him I just told him we were broke up and confused him a whole bunch until he believed it....now I regret that. He keeps telling me not to be jealous and how he don't know if he should talk with me about the other girl because he is afraid of hurting me and doesn't want that.

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Don't let yourself become the Fall-back Girl. That's what's developing here.

 

In other words, he's definitely interested in someone else but wants to maybe keep you around if things don't work out there. Take it from those of us who have been down this path: Do not ever allow someone to treat you as their second option.

 

All you know right now is that he is choosing not to be with you. You have to stop the constant texting. You're both still in the habit of talking to each other all the time, but that doesn't really get you anywhere when he likes someone else.

 

At the moment, he doesn't need to make any choices. You're making this way too easy for him. He doesn't miss you because you're always around when he feels like chatting. So, he gets the best of both worlds. He gets the thrill and excitement from his new crush, and the comfort of the familiar (That would be you)

 

You want to see if he's really still got feelings? Let him know you need your own space now because talking all the time is hurting too much. Tell him only to contact you if he would like to seriously talk about getting back together. Light a fire under his butt. Otherwise, you're going to wind up being his shoulder to lean on while he's actually dating some other girl. Sound like fun?

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Don't let yourself become the Fall-back Girl. That's what's developing here.

 

In other words, he's definitely interested in someone else but wants to maybe keep you around if things don't work out there. Take it from those of us who have been down this path: Do not ever allow someone to treat you as their second option.

 

All you know right now is that he is choosing not to be with you. You have to stop the constant texting. You're both still in the habit of talking to each other all the time, but that doesn't really get you anywhere when he likes someone else.

 

At the moment, he doesn't need to make any choices. You're making this way too easy for him. He doesn't miss you because you're always around when he feels like chatting. So, he gets the best of both worlds. He gets the thrill and excitement from his new crush, and the comfort of the familiar (That would be you)

 

You want to see if he's really still got feelings? Let him know you need your own space now because talking all the time is hurting too much. Tell him only to contact you if he would like to seriously talk about getting back together. Light a fire under his butt. Otherwise, you're going to wind up being his shoulder to lean on while he's actually dating some other girl. Sound like fun?

 

I told him he couldn't deny that there was something between me and him and he responded and said yea and there's something between me and her. So I told him that he needed to choose then and he said her but he still wanted to be friends with me. He said he would consider me and him when he starts college where I am at this fall. The thing I get worried about is this girl is possibly going to a college that is only an hour away from our college. And one time I asked him and he said that maybe they would work something out cause its not that far. He called me last night again and he didn't say much, I feel like I did all the talking. He told me that he understood that I wanted another chance but he just wasn't ready to get back with me yet he wanted to see what other girls were like, but he still wanted to be close friends with me. Its so weird its like one moment he's considering and then the next he's not.

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I told him he couldn't deny that there was something between me and him and he responded and said yea and there's something between me and her. So I told him that he needed to choose then and he said her but he still wanted to be friends with me. He said he would consider me and him when he starts college where I am at this fall. The thing I get worried about is this girl is possibly going to a college that is only an hour away from our college. And one time I asked him and he said that maybe they would work something out cause its not that far. He called me last night again and he didn't say much, I feel like I did all the talking. He told me that he understood that I wanted another chance but he just wasn't ready to get back with me yet he wanted to see what other girls were like, but he still wanted to be close friends with me. Its so weird its like one moment he's considering and then the next he's not.

 

 

That's all you need to know.

 

Don't worry about how or if they will work out. It's not your concern, and it doesn't really matter anyway. He still is choosing not to be with you.

 

Stop accepting his calls. It's keeping you confused when he's actually told you he wants to be with her or other girls.

 

He's made his choice now. You need to start really detaching or you are going to wind up even more hurt, OP.

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That's all you need to know.

 

Don't worry about how or if they will work out. It's not your concern, and it doesn't really matter anyway. He still is choosing not to be with you.

 

Stop accepting his calls. It's keeping you confused when he's actually told you he wants to be with her or other girls.

 

He's made his choice now. You need to start really detaching or you are going to wind up even more hurt, OP.

 

Ok, so last night he texted me being all sweet and told me that he was sorry and he hasn't really chosen her because they aren't dating. He told me that he realized he really does still have feelings for me and wanted to give us another try when he starts college. I asked him to tell me on a scale of 1-10 what the chances of that would be and he said 7. He said he wants to work on rebuilding our friendship right now then moving on to a relationship when he starts college. Should I still just ignore him and move on? I'm getting so many mixed signals. I think that he himself is confused.

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Ok, so last night he texted me being all sweet and told me that he was sorry and he hasn't really chosen her because they aren't dating. He told me that he realized he really does still have feelings for me and wanted to give us another try when he starts college. I asked him to tell me on a scale of 1-10 what the chances of that would be and he said 7. He said he wants to work on rebuilding our friendship right now then moving on to a relationship when he starts college. Should I still just ignore him and move on? I'm getting so many mixed signals. I think that he himself is confused.

 

He's dangling you on a string.

 

Mixed feelings usually mean the person isn't that interested, otherwise they wouldn't be unsure would they?

 

Best way to find out if his intentions are real would be to just stop talking to him, see if he comes begging.

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Mixed feelings usually mean the person isn't that interested, otherwise they wouldn't be unsure would they?

This ^^^^^.

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Do not ever allow someone to treat you as their second option.

How about we write this on a big bulletin board?. Ladies read this over and over and over again.

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The minute he said you should date other people, you had your answer. If anyone ever tells you that again, know that they are not that interested in you. It's possible he still has feelings for you but doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Don't get hung up on his words. Look for the actions to back up the words.

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