Girlfriend of 2 years is Lesbian - Staying Friends

[Mjcr1990]

Hi All,

 

Sorry for the long first post there is a TL;DR at the end (Too long didn't read)

 

I am not usually one to post for advice for these kind of topics but I feel I am in a quite unique situation where my usual support network is limited.

 

My (Now Ex) girlfriend of 2 years came out as lesbian to me.

 

Background:

 

We met 2 years ago, she was already in a relationship with a girl which then ended and me and her became friends and then later on decided to be together. This was great all the usual fireworks etc.

 

She had assured me she was bisexual, her relationship with the girl was her only lesbian relationship prior to this she had been in two heterosexual relationships.

 

We relocated together and built a new life in which we both have grown as people to become much stronger than we were previously, however along the way the sexual desire/intimacy had taken a back seat. Sex becoming infrequent (once/twice per month)

 

We had put together a plans to go traveling and then move cities as we did not currently enjoy the place we were living in (lifestyle and weather).

 

Current situation:

She went home for the holidays and came back. We had spoke previously regarding this however I knew this time was different, she was no longer 'confused' about her sexuality as she had stated in previous discussions (1/2 months prior) she was certain she was just into girls and not both.

 

I am completely open to this and do not resent her at all, besides its nothing I can change nor can she. Nor should she feel obligated to go against her feelings at all. In fact in some ways I am proud that she feels empowered enough to embrace her sexuality.

 

We have discussed still going on a short travelling trip (2 months) together as we both know we do not want to stay here and would love to support each other in getting away. (this will not be for another 2 months so we can distance ourselves from our relationship prior)

 

In this trip we would both be single, staying in different rooms and also the full duration of the trip would not be spent together.

 

Upon returning from the trip we will be going our seperate ways, although this will be in the same city (is both our dream to live there). She will have her sister there and live with her and I also have my best friend there so will be living with them. We would just meet up as some friends usually do.

 

I want to reiterate, I am completely open to her sexuality and do not resent this, our relationship had pretty much turned into a friendship anyway (lack of sex and intimacy) and we are essentially each others best friends.

 

I am currently experiencing all the usual ups and downs however I am more leaning towards the up side of this that, neither of us have done anything 'wrong' in the relationship to cause one and other to dislike each other and nothing can be done to 'change' this outcome.

 

It simply, is what it is.

 

So I guess my question is any advice on a situation such as this?

Is taking a trip together a bad idea?

Am I dealing with this in the correct/mature manner?

 

I have spoken to 2 close friends who know me and my ex very well and they suggested to take the trip we are clearly unhappy where we live now regardless of our relationship status and we are close friends.

 

TL;DR

 

GF of 2 years was 'previously' bi now lesbian. (I know you don't turn etc but this is TLDR)

 

Do not resent her for this, have total respect and pride for her being brave and embracing her sexuality.

 

Relationship had turned into friendship through lack of intimacy and 'sparks'

 

Had plans to go travelling. (a 2 month trip)

 

Still thinking of doing so as we dislike where we live. (not all of trip will be together)

 

Continue as friends (where we live is neither of our home countries, so is nice to have a support network)

 

Experiencing ups and downs but leaning towards up

 

Looking for: General advice. Is it a good idea? Am I dealing with this in the correct way in terms of attitude?

[mrtango]

I will try to answer your question from different perspective: you say that she was a "bi" because she had feelings and was attracted to both gender. OK, I got that. She was your girlfriend and she was attracted to you and at some point she lost the spark and now attracted to a girl. Am I right?

 

Let me please tell you something. In the end, she chose somebody else instead of you. The reason (change in her sexual orientation) doesn't change this fact. You can't be mad at her because the reason is beyond you and her but in the end you are dumped whatever the reason is. So in my humble opinion, you must protect yourself from any kind of heartbreak that can arises from your separation.

[PegNosePete]

Taking a trip is a great idea! You will rediscover yourself. You will meet new people. You will do amazing things, find new hobbies and interests, get your confidence back.

 

Why on earth would you want the EX hanging around you, to remind you of a failed relationship, while you do all that amazing stuff?

[preraph]

I see nothing wrong with going together on the trip as long as neither of you have girlfriends who are going to seriously hate you for taking a trip with your ex! Just don't get drunk and make a pass -- or if she does, she might end up regretting it. But your head sounds like it's in a good place to be friends with her.

[SerPundnes]

I got dumped by a girl because she wanted to go back to her ex (also female).

It hurt a bit, but I thought the whole thing was kinda funny.

I knew she were together with an female before we started dating, but didn't think it would ever come to this.