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I broke up with my LDR bf a month ago. I initiated but in the end, when I wanted him back he said we wouldn't work out. I apologized for everithing, we wished each other all the best and went NC for a month. Today, I texted him IMY text and he completely ignored it. I know I have my answer but how can he be so disrespectful. Does it mean he moved on?

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I broke up with my LDR bf a month ago. I initiated but in the end, when I wanted him back he said we wouldn't work out. I apologized for everithing, we wished each other all the best and went NC for a month. Today, I texted him IMY text and he completely ignored it. I know I have my answer but how can he be so disrespectful. Does it mean he moved on?

 

The one that is being disrespectful is you.

 

You initiated an ending. Then you wanted him back. He chose to remain broken up. Then both of you went on your way amicably.

 

You sending an IMY seems manipulative, putting him in a position that he does not want to be in. Respect his need to move on and to remain NC.

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Yes he has moved on. How can you call him disrespectful when you were the one to break up with him and now you are hurt because he doesn't want you anymore. What did you expect? Of course he has move on.

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Yes he has moved on. How can you call him disrespectful when you were the one to break up with him and now you are hurt because he doesn't want you anymore. What did you expect? Of course he has move on.

He was putting work before our relationship and he, himself said he was aware of it. I eventually had enough frustration and ended it in a heat of the moment. The next day I called him and wanted to work things out. He didnt want it to continue.... He knows I didnt break up due to losing interest in him. Basically, he is a dumper in this situation.

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He was putting work before our relationship and he, himself said he was aware of it. I eventually had enough frustration and ended it in a heat of the moment. The next day I called him and wanted to work things out. He didnt want it to continue.... He knows I didnt break up due to losing interest in him. Basically, he is a dumper in this situation.

 

Yeah I remember your story. Still, it's over and he doesn't want to get back together no matter what the reasons were. He accepted it so quickly I wouldn't be surprised if he had someone else waiting in the wings.

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He was putting work before our relationship and he, himself said he was aware of it. I eventually had enough frustration and ended it in a heat of the moment. The next day I called him and wanted to work things out. He didnt want it to continue.... He knows I didnt break up due to losing interest in him. Basically, he is a dumper in this situation.

 

You ended it to try and provoke him and hopefully shake his core enough to chose you. Unfortunately, it backfired. He didn't chose you and agreed to ending it. He was probably already thinking about it as he showed no resistance.

 

Accept that it is over. Stick to your decision and push forward.

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Ok, he just replied. Told me he misses me too and asked how had I been. I know he could only be polite and I should not have my hopes up but.... i really want him back :(

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I broke up with my LDR bf a month ago. I initiated but in the end, when I wanted him back he said we wouldn't work out. I apologized for everithing, we wished each other all the best and went NC for a month. Today, I texted him IMY text and he completely ignored it. I know I have my answer but how can he be so disrespectful. Does it mean he moved on?

 

You ended the relationship. He is not being disrespectful. He owes you nothing. Yes, he's moving on.

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Ok, he just replied. Told me he misses me too and asked how had I been. I know he could only be polite and I should not have my hopes up but.... i really want him back :(

Just ask him if he wants to try again...

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Yes please do this so you will have your answer once and for all.

 

I am scared. We texted back and forth, he asked a lot of questions (regarding school and other things going on in my life). Also, told me about his days and how he still has a ton of work to do. He didnt respond to my last question, I guess he got busy at work.

I want to shift the conversation towards "us" but I am scared and don't know how to approach it.

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I am scared. We texted back and forth, he asked a lot of questions (regarding school and other things going on in my life). Also, told me about his days and how he still has a ton of work to do. He didnt respond to my last question, I guess he got busy at work.

I want to shift the conversation towards "us" but I am scared and don't know how to approach it.

 

Well, you didn't have any trouble approaching the topic of breaking up. Grown ups have the "hard" conversations with the ability to be prepared for the outcome. Don't mess with this guy. Be straight up with him and tell him you regret what you have done and take it from there.

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Just say, "I want to try again, do you"? Don't beat around the bush this time. Ask what you want to know and say what you want to say. What are you afraid of, his answer?

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Just say, "I want to try again, do you"? Don't beat around the bush this time. Ask what you want to know and say what you want to say. What are you afraid of, his answer?

 

Yes, I am afraid of his answer. He already told me he doesnt think it wpuld be a good idea (a month ago). I, also, in a sense, still feel overwhelmed with everything that happened. But I guess, I need to ask if I want to know. Otherwise, we will be texting back ad forth today and tomorrow, I will be wondering if we could be together ever again.

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And should I first apologize for being childish or explain that I had some time to really think about everything and came to some conclusions and how wrong I was to react the way I did, promise not to do that again etc, etc... And then ask him to try again?

I know I sound crazy, but I am so anxious. I feel I got this one chance and trying so hard not to ruin it...

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CaliforniaGirl
He was putting work before our relationship and he, himself said he was aware of it. I eventually had enough frustration and ended it in a heat of the moment. The next day I called him and wanted to work things out. He didnt want it to continue.... He knows I didnt break up due to losing interest in him. Basically, he is a dumper in this situation.

 

Okay, this may not have been what you were doing at all, so I'm not judging, but IMO almost anybody would "read" this as game-playing. "I'll break up with him...that'll make him come running." It's so obvious by the way you turned around immediately and tried to "work things out." That's a real turnoff and who wants to be with someone who will jerk his emotions around?

 

He already wasn't very interested. You rolled the dice and lost on this one...he didn't respond to the breakup by begging you to come back and suddenly having some epiphany that he couldn't live without you or something. He then went on to utterly ignore you and lead his life, followed by you telling him you miss him and him ignoring you too.

 

What does all this tell you??? He was never that into it. No matter how "busy with work" a man is, usually (I suppose not always..but usually...IME), he will manage to keep on track with a woman he really, really wants. If he can't physically be with her he'll manage to send her a number of texts...he'll rearrange things...just a lot of different ways to keep letting her know how into it he is so she doesn't wander off.

 

This guy NEVER did that and when you lowered the boom he basically agreed wholeheartedly (I know that hurts). He was never the one for you. Find the one who thinks you're amazing and moves heaven and earth to make you understand that he wants you.

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Yes. Since this is your last try, tell him exactly how you feel and exactly what you want. Also tell yourself before the call that this is your one and only chance to get him back and whatever he tells you you will accept it.

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Okay, this may not have been what you were doing at all, so I'm not judging, but IMO almost anybody would "read" this as game-playing. "I'll break up with him...that'll make him come running." It's so obvious by the way you turned around immediately and tried to "work things out." That's a real turnoff and who wants to be with someone who will jerk his emotions around?

 

He already wasn't very interested. You rolled the dice and lost on this one...he didn't respond to the breakup by begging you to come back and suddenly having some epiphany that he couldn't live without you or something. He then went on to utterly ignore you and lead his life, followed by you telling him you miss him and him ignoring you too.

 

What does all this tell you??? He was never that into it. No matter how "busy with work" a man is, usually (I suppose not always..but usually...IME), he will manage to keep on track with a woman he really, really wants. If he can't physically be with her he'll manage to send her a number of texts...he'll rearrange things...just a lot of different ways to keep letting her know how into it he is so she doesn't wander off.

 

This guy NEVER did that and when you lowered the boom he basically agreed wholeheartedly (I know that hurts). He was never the one for you. Find the one who thinks you're amazing and moves heaven and earth to make you understand that he wants you.

 

Thank you. I agree with you but there is more to this story. When we started dating he put a lot of effort into the relationship. He was planning trips, texting me every two hourse and pursuing me a lot. He was changing his work schedule to adjust to mine so we could see each other.

Then he "got busy". He still initiated conversation most of the time and said good night every night. But there was shift. I confronted him and he said it was due to his work and stress but he still felt the same abput me and wanted to continue seeing me on a regular basis (every two months). When, the same pattern continued I broke up with him- twice. Both times, he said he didnt want things to end and kept explaining his situation. We made up and he warned me about the similar pattern of communication to continue due to his work. Finally, when I broke up the third time, he said he couldnt justify arguing with me in order to keep things going.

 

I think that he realized how difficuly LDR will be and took a step back but still wanted to try and make it work. But, when I kept brining up how unhappy I was, he let me go.

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Thank you. I agree with you but there is more to this story. When we started dating he put a lot of effort into the relationship. He was planning trips, texting me every two hourse and pursuing me a lot. He was changing his work schedule to adjust to mine so we could see each other.

Then he "got busy". He still initiated conversation most of the time and said good night every night. But there was shift. I confronted him and he said it was due to his work and stress but he still felt the same abput me and wanted to continue seeing me on a regular basis (every two months). When, the same pattern continued I broke up with him- twice. Both times, he said he didnt want things to end and kept explaining his situation. We made up and he warned me about the similar pattern of communication to continue due to his work. Finally, when I broke up the third time, he said he couldnt justify arguing with me in order to keep things going.

 

I think that he realized how difficuly LDR will be and took a step back but still wanted to try and make it work. But, when I kept brining up how unhappy I was, he let me go.

 

Oh, uh-oh...

 

I mean the "sudden shift" and all that...it just sounds like he's getting some strange.

 

I don't want to panic you or make you hurt more, but...whatever's going on here...even if it's EXACTLY as you've described above, he is just not the one for you. He can't give you what you want. It hurts a lot, I know, it hurts terribly but you can't forever chase the "whom he used to be" thinking if only some mysterious thing had been different, he'd have stayed that way forever. Because that's not realistic...you couldn't have done anything differently, really, because of COURSE you were upset, the person you were initially dating (or thought you were) did a 180 and disappeared. If he can't even handle this by lightening things *a bit* but still making you feel wanted then he is not the man for you no matter what his reasoning is. And guaranteed he is NOT the over the top "Mr. Attentive" he put on in the beginning. Rip off that bandaid. Move on. For your own sanity.

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Also, this info that you already broke up with him twice previously...well, he was already backing off, for whatever reason (I'm sorry but it really REALLY sounds like someone else came into the picture...I can't guarantee it but...yeah...sees you only every two months, backs off suddenly...? Hmmm), and then you did a breakup, he came back, you did a second breakup, he sort of came back again...Third time, he must have been feeling like a trained seal being thrown a fish. He just got sick of the same old game.

 

So...his behavior changed and maybe that was cruel, but you also played your own game and he didn't respond the third time. Would you? Wouldn't you feel really played by then?

 

This just wasn't an association that was going to work out. He was cooling, you were playing him. What were you going to do, keep breaking up with him forever just to get an I love you? This isn't right for you, or for him. Move on, honey. You THINK things could have been "perfect" like in the beginning if only you'd played things correctly but if you feel like you have to play anything at all, there's already something desperately wrong. Just let go, honey.

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And should I first apologize for being childish or explain that I had some time to really think about everything and came to some conclusions and how wrong I was to react the way I did, promise not to do that again etc, etc... And then ask him to try again?

I know I sound crazy, but I am so anxious. I feel I got this one chance and trying so hard not to ruin it...

 

No you already apologized once for it. Did he ever call you back after the last time you contacted him? I forgot.

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No you already apologized once for it. Did he ever call you back after the last time you contacted him? I forgot.

 

Since our break up was messy, with me telling him some hurtful stuff, I reached out two weeks later and apologized and told him I didnt mean it. Then, I asked for another chance and he said it wouldnt make sense. I said I understand and I will respect that.

And now, a month later I told him "I miss you" and he replied he misses me too and he misses our conversations. So we exchanged texts and caught up with each other but I am still working up the courage to ask him for another chance. The fact he responded doesnt mean he is interested in trying again. It took him a day to respond though so I guess he was really thinkig hard about it.

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Since our break up was messy, with me telling him some hurtful stuff, I reached out two weeks later and apologized and told him I didnt mean it. Then, I asked for another chance and he said it wouldnt make sense. I said I understand and I will respect that.

And now, a month later I told him "I miss you" and he replied he misses me too and he misses our conversations. So we exchanged texts and caught up with each other but I am still working up the courage to ask him for another chance. The fact he responded doesnt mean he is interested in trying again. It took him a day to respond though so I guess he was really thinkig hard about it.

 

No, I mean back when he was to call you the next day to talk it over and he hadn't so you sent him a text asking what happened. Did he ever call you back after that text and talk?

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No, I mean back when he was to call you the next day to talk it over and he hadn't so you sent him a text asking what happened. Did he ever call you back after that text and talk?

 

He told me to sleep on it and talk about it the next day but he never called. I sent him an angry text and he said he was waiting fo me to call. Then, he told me he didnt like the angry text and didnt want his relationship to continue like that. At that point he had to go back to work and said we would call me back to continue the conversation....

 

Then, he rescheduled the call twice, and after I didnt hear from him in the next five days I said all the hurtful things....

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Also, this info that you already broke up with him twice previously...well, he was already backing off, for whatever reason (I'm sorry but it really REALLY sounds like someone else came into the picture...I can't guarantee it but...yeah...sees you only every two months, backs off suddenly...? Hmmm), and then you did a breakup, he came back, you did a second breakup, he sort of came back again...Third time, he must have been feeling like a trained seal being thrown a fish. He just got sick of the same old game.

 

So...his behavior changed and maybe that was cruel, but you also played your own game and he didn't respond the third time. Would you? Wouldn't you feel really played by then?

 

This just wasn't an association that was going to work out. He was cooling, you were playing him. What were you going to do, keep breaking up with him forever just to get an I love you? This isn't right for you, or for him. Move on, honey. You THINK things could have been "perfect" like in the beginning if only you'd played things correctly but if you feel like you have to play anything at all, there's already something desperately wrong. Just let go, honey.

 

Thank you Cali girl. I really appreciate all kinds of inputs. I was the girl who always had guys who were head over heals for me so I know how it feels. And I know that when the guy is into you, you will know. He wont let you wonder.

But in this case, there were soooo many mixed signals (correct me if I am wrong and don't be hesitant to be harsh. I cant afford to lose more time on wrong people).

When I say mixed signals I mean - why wpuld he continue seeing me if he didnt want to? We live 4 hours away by plane. I was specific and told him that I want to keep seeing him but ONLY if he wants the same. He said he wanted to keep meeting every two months and see where it goes. When we made up the second time, he asked where I saw myself in one year. I said I would moved over to be with him and he confirmed it was exactly what he wanted to. He then proceeded to make plans how to cover future expenses of seeing each other and how to help me out with money (regarding these trips). And he didnt disappear, he just seemed less enthusiastic and we texted less comparing to the beginning. He still kept me updated about his days and sent pucs regularly so I do know that he was spending most of his time at work sites.

I just dont want to throw away something wonderful because I cant understand his work commitments. On the other hand, I dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to try his best to be with me :(

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