Just a Girl with a Broken Heart

[divegrl]

Hi All

 

This is my first post.... so here goes....

 

In July I moved for personal reasons. 2 weeks after moving, I met my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend). The relationship started off great, he was sweet and caring. Our relationship evolved and before long, we were saying "i love you" and planning a future.

 

Fast forward to the holidays. We both spent the holidays with our own families as we are from different parts of the country. Before we left, we spent a lot of time together and everything, I thought, went great.

 

During the holiday apart, we spent time calling and texting. Once we both got back in town, he texted that he loved me and wanted to see me. He said he wanted to see me last Monday. I told him i had to work that day, but could we meet later on in the evening.

 

Then things started falling apart. He didn't contact me at all during the day, which is very unusual for him. I texted him later on that evening and he replied a couple hours later and he seemed distant. I then tried to make plans and he didn't answer. Over the next couple days I tried making plans, and he basically kept ignoring me with limited texts. On Friday I texted, "when are we going to see each other?" And he did not respond all weekend. Again this is very unusual for him.

 

After not responding for a couple of days, I asked him "Im not sure if you still want to be with me". His response was "ok". I then texted, asking him what is going on and why he wasn't seeing me. He has not responded to any of these texts.

 

At this point i don't know what to do. I just don't understand what happened. I am not contacting him anymore, but I am searching for some explanation. Did he meet someone else? Does he not want to hurt me, and think ignoring me is best?

 

Any advice or encouragement is greatly appreciated. I am really hurt, emotional and confused. Thanks so much for listening,

 

Im just a girl with a broken heart

[Marco Valerio]

Well, sadly, I believe he wants to break up with you, but he's quite a ****ty coward. He prefers to ignore you so YOU get the hint, rather than to face you with the truth.

If I was you, I would start my own path right now and leave him on the sidewalk.

[VeveCakes]

Hes a bastard....ignoring you until you break up with him. Been there...sucks big time. Sorry this has happened

[stillafool]

He was using any flimsy excuse to get out of the relationship. It's over. What a jerk.

[BlkVelvet]

I'm sorry, OP, but his 'ok' when you said you didn't think he wanted to be with you said everything you need to know. I know this hurts really bad, and I'm sorry he's such a douche. You need to believe that it's over now so that you can move on.

[keiji]

His actions (or lack thereof) are those of a big, big coward. I know it hurts a lot now, but very soon, and fortunately this has been a short relationship, you'll realize how pathetic he is. You deserve much more, so please, don't reach out to him.

[divegrl]

Hey everyone,

 

Thank you for your responses. Your responses bring me some closure. I just don't understand how last Monday he said he loved me and made plans to see me. And then by Monday evening he had basically disappeared and was emotionally "gone". I mean we were truly in a serious exclusive relationship for 5 months. We had made firm plans for the month of January, and now he just disappeared. It doesn't make sense.

 

I just keep thinking something happened during the day on Monday. I keep analyzing and thinking if I had seen him on Monday, we would still be together. But I know that is wrong thinking because now I know what type of person he can be.

 

It just hurts because of all the things he said. All the promises he made. How he said he wanted to be with me for always and forever. He said he would never hurt me and never wanted to be away from me. How do you make all these promises and just end it with "OK"?

 

Brokenhearted

[VeveCakes]

Hey everyone,

 

Thank you for your responses. Your responses bring me some closure. I just don't understand how last Monday he said he loved me and made plans to see me. And then by Monday evening he had basically disappeared and was emotionally "gone". I mean we were truly in a serious exclusive relationship for 5 months. We had made firm plans for the month of January, and now he just disappeared. It doesn't make sense.

 

I just keep thinking something happened during the day on Monday. I keep analyzing and thinking if I had seen him on Monday, we would still be together. But I know that is wrong thinking because now I know what type of person he can be.

 

It just hurts because of all the things he said. All the promises he made. How he said he wanted to be with me for always and forever. He said he would never hurt me and never wanted to be away from me. How do you make all these promises and just end it with "OK"?

 

Brokenhearted

 

I went through something very similar. There is a really long thread on it and some good advice there. Basically this was not the real him, he was pretending to be Mr Great but reality has set and now you are seeing the real him.

[sharkbite0]

First, let me tell you that I'm sorry this happened. I believe it is the coward's way out. He took the easy route, obviously there is either someone else in his life now, or a change of heart. I think you gave it an honest effort by sending multiple texts and giving him a chance to respond. He has failed to do so and anyone that really cared about the other person would at least send a "I'm done with the relationship" text or a simple quick call. Please do yourself a favor and move on, sounds like you are looking for a quality relationship and this guy is not giving you that. Good luck in the future!

[divegrl]

Hi Everyone

 

Thank you guys again for everyone who read and responded to this thread. It means a lot to me. Your responses have cleared up my confusion. I am very thankful that i wont have to spend many more days, weeks, or months wondering what he means. And thank you for validating that his actions and behavior were very wrong. He was a coward and a jerk for treating me like this. I would still really like some type of "why", but it doesn't matter. Its over and i need to grieve and move on.

 

Just because what he did to me was wrong, it does not diminish my heart's ability to love others. I will not go to his level and treat anyone like he treated me. But it hurts so so bad. At least almost done with no contact day 1.

 

Still Heartbroken

[whichwayisup]

He's a jerk and doesn't deserve you.

 

Good riddance!

 

Sorry you're hurting, cry and grieve the loss, but don't spend too long down and out. He's not worthy of your tears!

[Whitestar]

You sound very nice and I'm dreadfully sorry this has happened to you. People can be quite awful sometimes. But nothing lasts for ever, not even the stars...

[AT15]

True love naturally evolves slowly.

When a guy hits the ground running and starts the future faking and I love yous, it generally means they are commitment shy. They want it all in the beginning, the chase, the emotional intimacy but once they have it, they get distant. He will come around again, but this may be the beginning of the classic push/pull relationship, which can be very hurtful.

 

Try to be strong and ignore him until he reaches out.

[divegrl]

Hi Everyone,

 

Thank you everyone again for your validation and encouragement. Reading the responses and the stories of others has been extremely helpful in processing all my emotions. In seeing that others, too, have gone thru the same heartbreak. I have read and reread the No Contact Guide. The idea that closure is an illusion has been especially helpful.

 

To say that my ex was a jerk and I'm moving on happily without him would be a lie. He left me, but my heart still has to live somewhere. More then anything I want him to say that he is sorry. That it was all a mistake and that he loves me deeply. To see him one more time. To hear him say "hey beautiful".

 

But if I can take a step back and focus on the present moment. A warm cup of Early Grey in my favorite mug. It is handmade, painted sky blue with indigo feathers. I can see the fire, with orange and yellow flames. The feathers and the flames are dancing so freely; and my heart yearns to feel this free. If I live in the present, there is no pain.

 

I am still here. My heart is still beating.

[divegrl]

So he texted "hey". What a joke!

 

Stay strong out there all my no contact friends!!

[divegrl]

I have just moved to my current city 7 months ago for a job opportunity. My ex was one of the first people i met here. Sadly 6 months ago he ghosted me.... but then came back couple of days later with "i miss u" texts.

 

I was doing well on my second round of NC, when today I lost my job. My whole department was eliminated. Right now I'm in a state of shock. I do not have a very good support system here.... I poured a lot of time and energy into the relationship with my ex.

 

I feel so weak right now. I have already unblocked him and have received the following texts:

 

"I miss you always"

 

"I wish you were with me"

 

It is taking every fiber in my being not to text him back. Should i text him back? Maybe he has thought about things and feels differently? I just want to feel someone close to me as I feel so lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you

[mightycpa]

I have just moved to my current city 7 months ago for a job opportunity. My ex was one of the first people i met here. Sadly 6 months ago he ghosted me.... but then came back couple of days later with "i miss u" texts.

 

I was doing well on my second round of NC, when today I lost my job. My whole department was eliminated. Right now I'm in a state of shock. I do not have a very good support system here.... I poured a lot of time and energy into the relationship with my ex.

 

I feel so weak right now. I have already unblocked him and have received the following texts:

 

"I miss you always"

 

"I wish you were with me"

 

It is taking every fiber in my being not to text him back. Should i text him back? Maybe he has thought about things and feels differently? I just want to feel someone close to me as I feel so lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you

Text him back, tell him that you moved here 7 months ago for a job opportunity and now that job opportunity is gone. Tell him that if you can't find a job in X weeks, you've got to move back.

 

Say nothing more, not even "hi" and then wait to see what he says. You'll learn a lot about him and about your relationship.

[divegrl]

And I misspoke above. He basically ghosted me 1 month ago after 6 months together. My hands are shaking right now.....

[Raena]

The first thing you do is focus on where you are going next. Start looking for jobs and figure out what your next move will be in that regard. I'm sorry that happened to you... I'm sure it's making you feel very anxious about what will happen.

 

When you are down and out like this it's really easy to get sucked back in with the "I miss you" and "I wish you were with me" texts. Really easy. Don't let him suck you back in. It's been what, a month and he hasn't talked to you? He disappeared with no explanation at all. Unless he was in the hospital and couldn't talk, there are very few (if any) acceptable reasons for treating you that way. I would say block him again and move on. No explanation he gives you is going to explain away how he could just hurt you like that. The only thing talking to him would do is to allow him to justify his actions and beg for you to take him back. Neither of which would help you move on.

 

The world is your oyster at this point. You are free to move anywhere you want to take any job you are qualified for. Focus on that and let him go.

[divegrl]

Text him back, tell him that you moved here 7 months ago for a job opportunity and now that job opportunity is gone. Tell him that if you can't find a job in X weeks, you've got to move back.

 

Say nothing more, not even "hi" and then wait to see what he says. You'll learn a lot about him and about your relationship.

 

Thank you for the advice. This sounds like a great idea but he knows I have kids in school and would not pull them out until the end of the year around June.

 

Could I still use that same line of logic?

[mightycpa]

A woman with kids and no job will do all sorts of things that were previously unthinkable.

 

You might go with " ... and I hate to do it, but if I don't find a job in X weeks, I'm going to have to pull the kids out of school and move back."

 

That will make it believable. I wouldn't make X = 26, that's for sure.

[divegrl]

The first thing you do is focus on where you are going next. Start looking for jobs and figure out what your next move will be in that regard. I'm sorry that happened to you... I'm sure it's making you feel very anxious about what will happen.

 

When you are down and out like this it's really easy to get sucked back in with the "I miss you" and "I wish you were with me" texts. Really easy. Don't let him suck you back in. It's been what, a month and he hasn't talked to you? He disappeared with no explanation at all. Unless he was in the hospital and couldn't talk, there are very few (if any) acceptable reasons for treating you that way. I would say block him again and move on. No explanation he gives you is going to explain away how he could just hurt you like that. The only thing talking to him would do is to allow him to justify his actions and beg for you to take him back. Neither of which would help you move on.

 

The world is your oyster at this point. You are free to move anywhere you want to take any job you are qualified for. Focus on that and let him go.

 

Thank you Raena

 

He basically just stopped responding to my phone calls emails. I talked with one of our mutual friends who said that I was the first person my ex loved and that my ex had a lot to deal with right now. I know this does not justify his actions. At that point i blocked him so he could not contact me.

 

My ex is also 9 years younger than me.... i don't know if that has anything to do with maturity level and the ability to handle a relationship... he is 26.

 

I'm just not thinking clearly right now. Nothing makes sense. I feel like someone has punched the air out of my gut. Honestly I love him... and would want to get back together.... but i just don't understand his actions.

 

I'm just trembling... like I can't move. Has anyone ever felt this?

 

Thank you my friends.

[mightycpa]

Oh, he's 26 who had a 35 y/o GF with at least two children in school and then he drifted away suddenly? I think that's relevant.

 

Sounds like he had a sudden smackdown with reality. No offense, OP, but that is a lot for any 26 year old to contemplate, much less handle.

 

If you really love this guy, you might want to start looking at what his life could be like from his eyes, and ask yourself if what you have to offer him is something a 26 year old should consider as his first choice. I don't know you, I don't know your kids and I don't know him. That said, I think you're better suited for someone a little more mature, who knows what he's getting into.

[Jj66]

Why do we communicate about emotional things by text message? In my experience, no.good ever comes of it. In.person is best. Phone call next. Avoid texting if at all possible .

[divegrl]

Oh, he's 26 who had a 35 y/o GF with at least two children in school and then he drifted away suddenly? I think that's relevant.

 

Sounds like he had a sudden smackdown with reality. No offense, OP, but that is a lot for any 26 year old to contemplate, much less handle.

 

If you really love this guy, you might want to start looking at what his life could be like from his eyes, and ask yourself if what you have to offer him is something a 26 year old should consider as his first choice. I don't know you, I don't know your kids and I don't know him. That said, I think you're better suited for someone a little more mature, who knows what he's getting into.

 

Lol no offense taken. He asked me out while I was with the kids and he adored them. I get pursued a lot my younger men.... 27 seems to be the magic number. My kids and I are amazing..... so yes.... we would be any guys first choice.

 

Honestly I love him... but I'm also fine with letting him go. Today has been really hard getting laid off. I wouldn't even be thinking about this except for the dayum "I love u" texts.