I'm still fighting for her since 5 months. What could i do to make her belive in us?

[mourinho]

We were together about 2,5 years, It was a wonderful time.. We almost never argued, were strong phisycally and mentally attracted to each other, had passionate sex, and a lot of fun doing even simple, insignificant things.

The brake-up happened in July. She wanted to take the relationship to the next level by moving together. I tried to ask her for some time as I wasn't ready yet (my mom had overcome cancer in May and was not in the best shape, also had seven vertebrae broken). I also had problems in my job - hated it truly but I was stuck in the moment and couldn't overcome myself to make the step to look for something better. From March we were arguing a lot. She was very supportive, made a lot to build me up - said everything is going to be all right, belived in me that i will find a better job, said many times she loved me, and will never leave me it can come what want. But i was stuck...

Im an introvert and have my problems with showing deep emotions. During our relationship she gave me three time a warning that she begs me to change as she sometimes doesn't feel loved. Of course i promised i will change myself, but not much happened. When the time came that we wanted to talk about us there was always something in the way. And of course she was still remembering my "little" life mistakes - the biggest as she was working abroad for 9 months i didn't came once to visit her, but she did visit me several times.(Im studying on weekends, working during the week - and when there was the one oppurtunity when i had 3 days off i wanted to rest. It was wrong that i didnt take the 1100 Kilometers journey to her - blaming myself for it every day).

It came as it shouldn't come that we are living apart now. I'm fighting for us by letting her the time that she needs, I try not to make pressure on her, and we rarely see each other maybye 5 times in this 5 months. As you can imagine it's a hard time for me as im suffocating , but i don't care about myself I'm just thinking about "us".

In this time I'm really confused cause i get conflicting messages from her side. When she's sitting next to me she corrects my hair, starting to touch my ear, is showing her newest photos on her phone and explains every detail about it. Last time she admitted that she would never did this when she new that my mom was beging me to not leave her now in this sittuation.(I didnt told my love about it).

Back in time 2 months after brake-up i wanted to talk about us but we ended crying together - it was to early. The one thing I noticed is she said she is still missing me, the memory of the moments together squeezes her hearth, but she doesnt know what will come, and she didnt want to give me hope. But she was hugging me, shivering, crying and holding my hand...

On the other site is our contact. It's comming just from my side. Im the first who always calls, who's sending text messages( from her site she only did it 2-3 weeks after the brake-up). Of course she's replying to it, but sometimes im waiting 2 days, 1 day - even when i know that she has read it. When not im remniding her about me by gently asking again what i wanted to know. The difficulty is also in our meetings. As i mentioned - they are rare. We have several terms to meet but once she is saying that she forgot, or has no time to meet(but we agreed that we will set up meetings).

As you see I can not get behind what she thinks of us. I truly love her and know I made mistakes in the past. I also know that she is hurting and lost attraction on me as she didn't saw any change comming from my side. She just doesn't belive that i could change myself. It's sad for me.

I changed my job, Im working out a lot now, im reading books about relationships, im overcoming my wrong addictions, and im trying to be there for her, to show her that i always loved her, and im ready and willing to love her till the end of my days if she gives us the chance...

[PLT]

The short answer to the title of your post is nothing.

 

She must come to that conclusion on her own, you can't force her to see it.

[Tyler_Tyrell]

You may (I repeat: may) achieve what you want by stopping reaching out for her. Stop contacting her altogether and stay in no contact for a while. One month, maybe more. That may reawaken her interest in you, but don't put too much hope into that.

 

Staying in no contact will also help you detaching from her and get used to not have her in your life, which will help in case you two don't get back together.

[Jimmyjackson]

Flip the script and imagine you're the dumper instead, if you'd made your mind up and your ex tried to get back with you for 5 months you'd probably feel annoyed and fed up, right?

 

You can't change someone's feelings, they can only do it on their own.

[GorillaTheater]

Five months. Jesus. She's probably about ready to take out an Restraining Order against you.

 

 

Your best bet is to invest your energy and the lessons you've learned into your next relationship.

[basil67]

There really aren't any mixed messages. Spending occasional time with an ex is not uncommon where relationships have ended. She still enjoys your company, but as a cuddly friend and not a lover. If she was interested in you romantically, she'd be much more forthcoming in wanting to spend time with you.

 

Fighting for someone who no longer wants a relationship with you is holding you back from healing and moving on.

 

I'd suggest you stop contacting her.

[Satu]

You can't make her do/think/feel anything.

 

The only influence you have is over yourself; so continue with your efforts at self-improvement.

 

Don't do it for her, though.

 

Do it for yourself.

 

I would also cut the contact right back.

 

If she feels any 'hunger' for you, she'll be in touch.

 

 

Take care.

[lauri]

You can't negotiate these things. Someone's feelings cannot be changed by the approach you have taken. If anything, you've solidified her feelings and made her feel like she has made the right choice.

 

I know that hurts to hear but you need to start to move on. Stop trying and focus on yourself.

[marky00]

Two Words:

 

 

STOP FIGHTING

[ExpatInItaly]

Is she dating anyone, OP?

[spiderowl]

You need to let her come to you not the other way round.

 

You have learned a lot from this about things that may have affected your relationship. Unfortunately, you cannot turn back the clock and her feelings seem to have changed. She obviously does care about you but I see no signs that she wants to reconcile.

 

I know you are hurting and wanting another chance but she has moved on. Once you accept it is not going to happen, you will have chance to rebuild your confidence and start to look outwards and beyond her. You can move on, but it requires letting go of her.

 

People on here advise 'no contact' because it helps you to wean yourself off the ex. Each contact or hope of contact puts you back to square one. She is not the one for you because, if she was, she would be with you. There is hope of a better future with someone special, but a different someone special. Think about it. Once you really open up to that possibility, things will change for you.

[mourinho]

No shes not. She's still alone and isnt dating anyone thats for sure.

Just time to time im realizing that she's hurt to. I didt have her on FB but a friend of mine shared with me that she likes posts like: smiling on the outside broken in the inside..

[requiem1]

What she posts on FB may be about you, maybe not. It has been five months, which is quite a while.

 

You can reach out to her if you want, but don't expect anything from it. If you do, don't mention anything about a relationship, because what you had with her is gone. It may be rekindled, but it won't be the same - and it shouldn't be the same, since there was a problem the first time around.

 

Keep working on bettering yourself.

[mourinho]

Of course I will keep going forward, but it hurts a lot. This girl was the one i wanted to purpose, she meant the live to me. It's like I lost the best friend and the love of my life in one person. In life it's all about love, beliveing and hope. With letting her go i must learn to live without this three basic feelings.

That hurst the most. I know all of you are here talking have right. I should stop contacting her and move on with my life as she did. But what is makeing me hold on to this is the thing that i dont like to play any games, and if i must end my efforts for winning her back i just want to talk to her just for the last time.

Just to go through the relationship, to go through our feelings as I wanted it to do 2 months after the brake but the emotions overwhelmed me and it ended up with our tears.

The FB posts are 100% about me. She's a kind person, with a soft loving inside even when she's acting like she's so independet and strong. I know how much its hurting her also. But she did the brake-up without really knowing whats going on in my emotions, without going through some situations - she just compared her realtionship to others and called it worse just because in some situations i failed. In the relationships she compared to there were even bigger mistakes made by the men, but this she doesnt take into account. Because the men are showing the girls their love in the public, i liked it to show more when we were alone.

This situtation is killing me slowly as the brake-up is because of misunderstanding, just because of that...

and im getting angry why some people can understand each other and forgive, but I'm always in that bad situation when the girl is just stubborn in her conviction, and hurting, but doesn't want to open the door in her hearth..

I can not force her to anything, i just want a single talk, even if it should be our last one...

[fromheart]

Every time you are in the vicinity of your ex, you are driving her away and putting yourself more and more in the friend zone. Any self respecting man would simply DISAPPEAR if his feeling weren't reciprocated.

 

The only thing to tell her is to let you know if she changes her mind, and then walk on completely. That looks after yourself first and as a consequence is the only way to re attract someone.

 

In my experience anyone who gives a 'warning,' will usually sabotage the relationship at some point. They'll either dispose of you, or act in such a way that they have to be left. You don't tell someone you'll be with them for life but then give them 'warnings.' Very immature.

[Slimtripper]

"Fighting for her" implies something noble and brace and I'm sure you've convinced your self of that but it's in fact the complete opposite.

Being brace wokpd be walking away and being a man about it.

You have spent 5 months helping ur gf get over her break up and I'd give it about one more month before she tells u not to contact her any more as she has someone else now.

You don't build any attraction by sticking around, you just lose it.

You're now a friend and she's lost the attraction completely.

You have to walk now before she does.

[mourinho]

Immature for me was when she pushed the movingtogether topic when I was at my worst. Even if she was totally supportive andloving at the hardest moments , right after my mom health got better, shestarted pushing like never before. I wanted her to understand my situation, but she madeher own mind. Pulled some old stuff out:you feel comfortable with you parents, you don’t like living in a flat, you arefocusing just on money, you said thatwhen you live with your parents its easier to save some money to buy me a caror something.

Total bull****. I said that related to a topic when we were talking aboutadvantages and disadvantages of a house and flat, and what is better for ayoung person. Like living with parents in my country for the first years of marriage is good because youare able to save money to buy a house, in other cases its nearly impossible(you can save money and build one when you are 40-50 yo as a normal employee),or after taking a huge credit. I also told that young married couple needs herown space to focus on own problems not that parents in-law come between us.

When it comes to moving together I told: please give me time as my mother now I sick and I cant make it right now, also that I will talk with my parents that the I want to move and not to fulfill their dreams about living in one big house which means not that I will not care about them, also that I will move together with her as it is for her very important. But she created her own reality..

She told me that it's sitting deep inside her, because she never will be on thefirst place, there always will be something more important then her. When thehealth of our family members isnt very important , what else?

She's still has no one new. Till now I know that she's going out with someimmature 19-20yo friends to calm her maternal instinct. She wanted kids with meas she said she don’t want to be a old mother. I will never forget when therelation between us was far away from good, she initiated sex but when I pulledout the condom from my trousers she was like – oh no, when you want it, thanjust without the protection. I was angry and confused at once. I refused theopportunity and came home in a really bad mood as she behaved like not her. NowI know that it was something like a test. She self told me: have alwaysprotection with you as you have a girlfriend by your side that is reallywanting you. And now I should choose between going the risk to have a baby ornot. I wanted it but not yet. For me it was the worst situation in ourrelationship.

Nothing was more important then her. I did everything always having her on mymind.

 

About moving on. I try. I have some good days and days when I want to write herdown on whatssup everything about us, as she refuses now to meet me again. Ialso know that I'm not giving her the opportunity to feel the emptiness of not beingaround. Even when she told me that she misses me, it's not that hard as itshould be. Maybe my chance is gone because I'm pushing myself away from her. I don’t care. I wantjust clarity and she didn’t want to tell me the truth in my eyes: that she don’tloves me. Why? Because she still does. I know that the phone calls and messagesmade her every time uncertain because she knows that im telling the truth. But shemade a decision. A bad decision for her, but she doesn't know about it yet.

 

She called me at my birthday and on Christmas to talk and wishing me the best. Infew days there is her birthday. I don’t know what will I do, but as a presentshe could get a sold bunch of truth!