Purepony Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 So my fiancée left, we where together for 5 years and I cheated at three because I felt alone in the relationship, I hurt her and we reconciled after 6 months of no contact We moved in and everything was good so flash forward to 2016 now we're engaged and have al little over 5 years, well she finds text messages from a girl at work who gave me a blow job I know I screwed up so pleas don't bash me I really screwed up she confronted the girl at work because I lie and said that there was no contact so she packed her bags and moved out l. I know I screwed up I also believe I can fix this even though I know she's not coming back l. I wake up with this guilt but here's where I don't understand the whole time I had a doubt the whole time I felt alone and never saw her care much I feel like we where together only because we where used to each other but no love no bond I tried contacting her after she moved out but she left and when I got home the teddy bear I gave her was sliced open and all our pictures tore and frames broken I know she's upset but I don't know what to do so I'm just staying away , I begged I cried with her, I slept on the floor to give her space in my house, I didn't even kick her out she left I know I know I made this stupid choice, I shouldn't have allowed this to happen the other girl meant nothing and we don't even speak anymore but how do I move on from this without the guilt even when I know this is the best out come for both of us She deserved someone who wants to be with her and has no walls I do too I never felt support from her, last week I told her I was thinking of buying another car and her reply was "it's your money do whatever you want" I wanted her input but no Friend please help I feel like crap so please don't bash me anymore if I could fix this I swear to you I would but I can't erase what happened Link to post Share on other sites
PinkPampies Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Sounds like you're only sorry because you got caught... Put yourself in her shoes. If she cheated on you in the past and you took her back, then you found out she gave someone else a blow jo*, would you really be able to get past it? Probably not. Let her go and learn from your mistakes. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 No im not sorry I got caught I'm really regretful and humiliated But I tried to do what I could to save this I've signed up for therapy Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovepizzalady Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Why did you do what you did? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 I felt alone in the relationship, it's almost like I did all the pulling I never had that 100 from her it was always her her her and I was doing anything I could to make her happy I didn't get a Cake on my birthday she didn't even know what to get me for Christmas it was one disappointment after another Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 Overall she was a great person and didn't deserve this, I think the guilt is what's killing me inside. Everyday she's becoming less of a memory and I even feeel better as far as myself. I have been on no contact officially for 2 days since this happened this week Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovepizzalady Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 It doesn't matter how bad you feel in the relationship! Being cheated on is far beyond her not behaving as you like. It's a total betrayal to someone who trusts you completely. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted December 31, 2016 Share Posted December 31, 2016 (edited) Oh please. You feel "alone." This is the same horse crap my ex gave me when he confessed to screwing his ex-gf behind my back. He was feeling "vulnerable." Listen, STFU. You're clearly a broken individual. You need to heal your own problems before you enter into a serious relationship. Instead of actually fixing issues WITHIN the relationship, you knee-jerk react and go for external validation in the form of cheating. If this doesn't point out how broken of a person you are, I don't know what will. Stop messing with your ex. Let her go. Let her go to find someone who actually cares for her, respects her, is willing to put in the actual work in a relationship, who's able to communicate, and cherish her in ways you are incapable of. There are ZERO excuses for cheating. Each instance isn't a mistake, these are conscious CHOICES you are making. Stop crying and begging for her back, in her eyes, you look like an idiot and you're making a joke of the relationship you had. Get into some individual counseling and figure out why you do the things you do. Oh, and you were likely not getting anything from her because she didn't trust you anymore. My ex cheated on me and I took him back. (Stupidly.) I should never have gotten back or stayed with him. I said I forgave him, but if I'm being honest, I didn't. I lost all respect for him, care for him. I just DIDN'T CARE. For Christmas, I had no idea what to get him either. I didn't feel he was deserving of anything, or deserving of any effort on my end. I didn't care to think about what he'd want or like, I just wound up getting him some BS shirts and ties, and yes, he was very obviously disappointed. Oh well. When you cheat on someone, you destroy what you had, and it's something you NEVER get back. Even if you two remain together, it's just forever broken. Move on. Edited December 31, 2016 by KatZee Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted December 31, 2016 Author Share Posted December 31, 2016 Oh please. You feel "alone." This is the same horse crap my ex gave me when he confessed to screwing his ex-gf behind my back. He was feeling "vulnerable." Listen, STFU. You're clearly a broken individual. You need to heal your own problems before you enter into a serious relationship. Instead of actually fixing issues WITHIN the relationship, you knee-jerk react and go for external validation in the form of cheating. If this doesn't point out how broken of a person you are, I don't know what will. Stop messing with your ex. Let her go. Let her go to find someone who actually cares for her, respects her, is willing to put in the actual work in a relationship, who's able to communicate, and cherish her in ways you are incapable of. There are ZERO excuses for cheating. Each instance isn't a mistake, these are conscious CHOICES you are making. Stop crying and begging for her back, in her eyes, you look like an idiot and you're making a joke of the relationship you had. Get into some individual counseling and figure out why you do the things you do. Oh, and you were likely not getting anything from her because she didn't trust you anymore. My ex cheated on me and I took him back. (Stupidly.) I should never have gotten back or stayed with him. I said I forgave him, but if I'm being honest, I didn't. I lost all respect for him, care for him. I just DIDN'T CARE. For Christmas, I had no idea what to get him either. I didn't feel he was deserving of anything, or deserving of any effort on my end. I didn't care to think about what he'd want or like, I just wound up getting him some BS shirts and ties, and yes, he was very obviously disappointed. Oh well. When you cheat on someone, you destroy what you had, and it's something you NEVER get back. Even if you two remain together, it's just forever broken. Move on. You obviously didn't read my post I have not conflated her since she left I tried to salvage the situation but I have stayed away and changed all the locks in my house because she took stuff that wasn't even hers but that's not the point here I am going to start therapy this week because I feel it will help me I'll admit I've felt a lot better that many of the other brak ups I've been through As much as it hurts I still think this happened for a reason and it's for the best I wish her the best and I love how every girl always says "she deserves someone who will do this and that " yeah katzee like there's romantic men with good hearts at every corner .... Either way that's one side of the story Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I felt alone in the relationship, it's almost like I did all the pulling I never had that 100 from her it was always her her her and I was doing anything I could to make her happy I didn't get a Cake on my birthday she didn't even know what to get me for Christmas it was one disappointment after another The decent reaction to this is to sit her down and explain to her your problem. Not to cheat. If talking has no effect you leave the relationship. Then you get intimate with other girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 Thank you for your above post I've tried to reason but it seems there's no open door so I wished her well via text and have disappeared I emptied her room and there's no more memory of her there , she has not contacted me and I have not and will not Link to post Share on other sites
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