Does NC work?

[S7182]

Long story short my bf broke up with me last week (we're in high school and were dating two months). Up until the last two weeks it was the perfect relationship, we got along perfect and he was crazy about me. He talked about us like we were going to be together forever, and I was the prefect girl of his dreams. He started basketball however and a week into it everything was still good but then he seemed to pull away. He stopped telling me when he had to go to practice, stopped calling me, didn't put as much effort into plans, and I wasn't happy anymore. I kept trying to talk to him about it but whenever I did he would tell me it's fine, and he's just busy, and things aren't always going to be like they were in the start and we should give eachother more space. I tried at first but I still felt like a phone call once in awhile wasn't too much to ask.. It didn't feel right though, there were other things but overall I didn't think he was as committed as I was anymore. I couldn't take it.. I love him but I was so unhappy. I have anxiety so I couldn't tell how much of this was supposed to be normal in a relationship or if I was just overreacting, but we started fighting about it. He would get angry and accuse me of being too needy when I brought it up so I would feel so guilty and back down every time. We seemed to have made up but then last Wednesday we had barely talked again and I just blew up. Turns out he was just watching a game but there was no way I knew that, I immediately apologized but it was too late. Literally the day before the fight he said he was never going to leave me.. I didn't need us to talk all the time, I just missed telling him about my day, and if I knew he couldn't talk I'd have no problem but I never told him that..He said before the last fight he was feeling good about us but it was the last straw and he said he didn't feel the same about me anymore and I regretted it so much. We talked a few times since and I tried to clear everything up but it seems to be too late. I need him back, I need the guy I feel in love with back. I'm starting nc but does this actually work?? I'm planning on it for 60 days (until basketball is over) and making improvements to myself before then, but I'm so scared I'll try to contact him and he'll already be with someone else.

Edited December 15, 2016 by S7182

[Redhead14]

Long story short my bf broke up with me last week (we're in high school and were dating two months). Up until the last two weeks it was the perfect relationship, we got along perfect and he was crazy about me. He talked about us like we were going to be together forever, and I was the prefect girl of his dreams. He started basketball however and a week into it everything was still good but then he seemed to pull away. He stopped telling me when he had to go to practice, stopped calling me, didn't put as much effort into plans, and I wasn't happy anymore. I kept trying to talk to him about it but whenever I did he would tell me it's fine, and he's just busy, and things aren't always going to be like they were in the start and we should give eachother more space. I tried at first but I still felt like a phone call once in awhile wasn't too much to ask.. It didn't feel right though, there were other things but overall I didn't think he was as committed as I was anymore. I couldn't take it.. I love him but I was so unhappy. I have anxiety so I couldn't tell how much of this was supposed to be normal in a relationship or if I was just overreacting, but we started fighting about it. He would get angry and accuse me of being too needy when I brought it up so I would feel so guilty and back down every time. We seemed to have made up but then last Wednesday we had barely talked again and I just blew up. Turns out he was just watching a game but there was no way I knew that. I didn't need us to talk all the time, I just missed telling him about my day, and if I knew he couldn't talk I'd have no problem but I never told him that..After the fight he tried but he said it was the last straw and he said he didn't feel the same about me anymore and I regretted it so much. We talked a few times since and I tried to clear everything up but it seems to be too late. I need him back, I need the guy I feel in love with back. I'm starting nc but does this actually work?? I'm planning on it for 60 days (until basketball is over) and making improvements to myself before then, but I'm so scared I'll try to contact him and he'll already be with someone else.

 

No contact is not a tool for getting someone to come back to you. It is a tool for moving on and allowing yourself to process the break up without being triggered and being hurt over and over again.

 

If you implement no contact it means that you don't contact them or respond to them when/if they reach out.

 

If you think you want him back, take this period of no contact to really think long and hard about why you want him back. And, let me tell you something, 60 days to "work on yourself" isn't going to be enough time to make the necessary changes, etc. I think you should focus on being you and your school work and friends, etc. Date some other guys. You may find a guy who likes you just the way you are and wants to meet your needs. A guy who really likes you will keep in better touch at least when he gets busy.

[Sunnymae]

I know from experience how frustrating it is when you text someone, and you wait for them to reply, and you send them nine text and maybe after an hour they'll reply with one text.

From what you say, it sounds like You want a relationship. But,he isn't reciprocating.

 

Reality check: You can't make him commit to you. You may try to manipulate it by doing NC. But from my humble opinion, it's not going to Work. So, he is out there with the Bros playing basketball and having fun. He's completely oblivious of the emotional turmoil he's causing you. So from his perspective everything is how it should be. If you do NC he'll just stop all communication with you. Don't take his actions or behavior personally, I just don't think he's ready. Listen I have a son that loves to play basketball, and hangout with his buddies, and at this point in his life he isn't prepared to be in any kind of relationship with a girl that requires a lot of his time. He may like them, but he is just not ready. I've even had girls ask me for help on getting him to be with them again. There's an old saying you can lead a horse to the water......I would advise just leaving him alone and start pursuing other guys. Who knows maybe he'll take notice.. I'm telling you that the young adults that play sports are not into serious relationships. Take it from a mom that has two jocks. So if that is what you want, I would advise you to not put the time and effort into it b/c you'll end up being hurt and disappointed.

I know I'm being blunt, but I've seen to many of my son's girls get hurt, and I wish I could've given them a heads up. Best of luck to you.

Edited December 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[Satu]

snip

No contact is not a tool for getting someone to come back to you. It is a tool for moving on and allowing yourself to process the break up without being triggered and being hurt over and over again.

 

Reposted for emphasis.

[Satu]

Don't run after a guy who is demonstrating a lack of interest.

 

It never works out well for people who do.

 

 

Take care.

[DarrenB]

There's no real set period of time for you to 'recover' and go through some emotional rehabilitation phase. 60 days is just one of those estimates which presumably is utter malarkey.

 

If you go through with that progressive mindset, then of course there's all chance that you'll help yourself overcome and heal, but realistically you know that the only reason you're doing so is to get him back. The thing is, there's no point in doing the above and then to be dissapointed, humiliated by the end of it. You'll see yourself back at square 1.

 

Everyone's made valid points. You simply cannot make someone commit to you and give you what you seek. They will either do so, or they won't.

 

No contact is a process that fundamentally you proceed with alone. Then, after a period of however much time, you'll gradually begin to open and be in a much better state entirely. The focus is not to get back what you've lost, as much as it would be tremendous if that was truly the correct mindset to have.

[jamili]

Been doing "NC" for 2 months now myself. Zero signs of my ex coming back thus far. In fact, I'm fairly sure it is helping her move on and forget about me. I happen to think if the ex is going to come back, they will come back, and if they aren't then they won't, and it probably doesn't have much to do with NC... and if they do only come back because of NC then its probably because of the wrong reasons (lonliness) and thus won't last. Kinda out of your hands no matter what... best to go NC for your own self respect...dont contact someone who ejected you from their life.

[EvilLawStudent]

It's a bumpy road but I have good news it does work it's not used to get him back but for you to move on, took me 8 months to fully move on. You will too.