Amsedel Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 My ex boyfriend broke up with me last week. He made it a point that he genuinely cares and wants us to be friends. We are both pretty sad about it, of course i am hurting more though. Just recently I found out that he changed his fb settings to hide all of his posts from me. He didn't unfriend me or block me. Just doesn't want me to see his posts. He's generally a private guy who rarely posts pictures of people (friends/family/relationships). He usually posts about video games/movies/TV/memes, etc. Upon asking a mutual friend what he has been posting lately, it's all related to what I just said, plus a plane pic of a trip he took with family (which I knew about anyway). Nothing about other people he's been seeing. Also, I rarely blow up his notifications by liking or commenting. I just don't understand why he would do this. If he's trying to protect me it won't make a difference bcz he never posts anything personal anyway. Any thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LargoLagg Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Maybe he did that to send a message that he's not open to getting back together. Maybe he did that to help himself move on, because he was going crazy waiting for you to like his posts. Who knows? Why care? Because he's your EX and exes do all sorts of things they would never have done when they went out with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Any thoughts? Yes. My thoughts are that you need to stop FB stalking him and trying to psychoanalyse his every move! So he hides his posts from you. So what? You need to think about YOURSELF now, not him and his actions. Unfriend him. Block him. Your relationship is over and you need to remove him from your mind and from your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatdeww18 Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Ex's do crazy things to help cope and move on... My ex isn't the type to unfriend or block, just unfollow. For me, when it all happened, I unfriended him. I wasn't nor able to move on then, I just had to do it to help me move on. I am on the road to moving on and realized that not facebook stalking or instagram stalking is the way to help cut him out and just focus on me. ONLY ME. Also, you are analyzing every little thing. I did that too. Trust, it doesn't help haha. It only makes you come up to the worst solutions or false hope. Don't delude yourself to that. Focus all that thought and time on yourself. Websites and coaches say you should pick up a hobby or exercise. It is right, but realize it's a distraction so that you don't do these things. With time, it gets easier to move on and that's what these distractions serve as. We can do this and let's move on together haha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Generally when the dumper initiates the break up, the friend line helps take away some guilt. So for appearances sake he is keeping you on Facebook, but not if that makes sense. He needs to move on too, so he will be doing what he needs to do, to enable him to do that. You need to think about what you need to do, to do the same! I would de-friend him and give yourself some space to come to terms with the break-up. I know it hurts like hell, but you need the time and space not over analysing everything your ex is posting on FB. Cry, let it out, accept it and look after you now. Hanging on just prolongs the pain, trust me! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 He wants to keep you at arm's length. Probably used the friends line to lessen the pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amsedel Posted December 16, 2016 Author Share Posted December 16, 2016 (edited) I figured it out. He has posted some stuff on "being lonely" =____= Edited December 16, 2016 by Amsedel 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amsedel Posted December 16, 2016 Author Share Posted December 16, 2016 (edited) My ex and i split up after being together 5-6 months. Before me, he had just gotten out of a relationship that was 4 years. I am certain that he doesn't have feelings for her because he said the relationship had been finished a year before the actual breakup and that he had been delaying the break up only because they lived together and he didn't want to deal with the awkwardness of living with an ex. During the course of the last year with ex, he had a single person mentality and had been mourning/moving on from the relationship already. When we got together it was perfect. We loved each other dearly, and I was able to provide the love and acceptance that no other lover has ever given him. He introduced me to his parents too (I'm the first one he took home in many many years). We really had a strong connection, and he even said he could see us being together for awhile. Like every couple, we had our fights. The one that seemed to end it was when we were fighting and I said something like "are you going to cheat on me now?" And that triggered him really bad...like really bad. He had cheated before and what I said caused flashbacks and intense pain. I didn't say it to hurt him, i said it because my ex has had infidelity problems that traumatized me. He has forgiven me but broke up with me because he needed to heal and to be alone. He told me he still loves me as a friend and wants to be friends. What can I do? I already spent 2 weeks begging and trying to find closure. He constantly says he wants us to move on separately and hopes to reconnect as friends after he gets some space. I asked if there's a chance at getting back together and he said "not at the moment, we both have stuff we gotta work on". I really love him and want him back. I last talked to him two days ago, I'm going to do no contact for 3-4 weeks and see what happens from there. I don't plan on asking him out so soon, I will definitely give him time. I spoke to some mutual friends and they tell me not to be so hard on myself and that he is generally unstable and it's hard to tell what can trigger him. They conclude that he wasn't as ready for a relationship as he thought he was. Was this inevitable? Couples fight all the time, was he bound to get triggered eventually? What do I do? I really, really want him back. I feel great remorse over what I said and I cant stop thinking about it. I really want a second try. I know we haven't been together long but I really felt he was the one. Edited December 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator threads merged ~6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 The 'friends' thing is just about the most ridiculous piece of nonsense that ever gets posted here. When one person decides that they don't want to be in the relationship anymore, it invariably causes pain to the one who is being rejected; sometimes severe and lasting pain. What kind of friendship can grow out of that? If someone rejects you, and says they want to be your friend, just tell them to eff off. Tell them to assuage their guilt some other way, on their own time, not yours. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovemefirst Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 Im sorry you are hurting. There can be a number of reasons, as to why he hid his posts from you. Whatever it is, you should try to refrain from FB stalking. It will only delay your process of healing. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 (edited) If someone rejects you, and says they want to be your friend, just tell them to eff off. Tell them to assuage their guilt some other way, on their own time, not yours. Agreed, but the exact words you should use, are: " " (ie. silence) I already spent 2 weeks begging and trying to find closure. He constantly says he wants us to move on separately ... I asked if there's a chance at getting back together and he said "not at the moment, we both have stuff we gotta work on". ... I really, really want him back. Look I'm sorry to put this so bluntly but he has told you quite clearly that your relationship is OVER. Whether you want him back or a 2nd chance is irrelevant. He has made it quite clear that this is the end for your relationship and he does not want to get back together. No matter how much you want it, you can't make him change his mind. Edited December 16, 2016 by PegNosePete Link to post Share on other sites
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