sanne Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Well I think it's safe to say my relationship with my ex is officially over. After our fight last night, I just don't think she views me in any sort of romantic way anymore. Talking with her today was just painful, almost no emotions at all other than anger and resentment. She didn't even seem to care if we were friends or not, so I just told her tonight that I don't think us being friends would work out. Her response, "yea your right, ok". I mean not a single reaction out of her. Well I feel a little relieved to be honest, this never-ending cycle is finally over. I thank everyone her for giving me the common sense to just bail out of this bad unhealthy relationship. And the NC has officially begun tonight, I have deleted her cell # and will not go online for this entire week. It will be painful, it will suck, but that is life ain't it? This can only make me stronger, so I will endure this knowing that one day things will get better for me. Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 sorry to hear that man !! I swear women are heartless !! hah no i am not female bashing but it just sucks what we all are going through.. I am thinking about telling my ex to not contact me anymore the next time she contacts me. ( 30th of this month im guessing because it is my bday but who knows) I guess all we have is the future and lets just try to make it the best we can !! Take care bro !! Link to post Share on other sites
Fifth Dawn Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 You sound really positive and that's the best attitude to have! Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherAaron Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 I'm sorry to hear that it ended in anger and resentment. Breaking up is hard enough, and it's just so much worse when you find yourself bickering with the ex. There is one positive point to it though. You can now honestly tell yourself that you know the relationship isn't working, and it's time to move on - not because she wants to, but because you both do. You can honestly look at your interactions and say that they aren't good for either of you if you guys are reduced to fighting. So, pick yourself off the ground, dust yourself off, and get yourself going again. You have nothing to lose by walking away. When you look back at this, don't think that you got dumped. Instead try to think about how things weren't working and how you walked away from it knowing that it was better that you two split ways. If you let yourself agree with her decision, you take that decision away from her - and put yourself in a better position to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted April 12, 2005 Author Share Posted April 12, 2005 I know what you guys are saying is true, but honestly the only reason we were fighting recently was because things weren't turning out how I wanted them. I mean I did the NC thing for a few days, and she came back to me and told me how much she missed me and everything so I figured she would want to get back together. I was mistaken, unfortunately, and she tells me that at some point (not anytime soon) she thinks we both should date other people and explore our options because we're so young. I don't like being used, and the thought that I am good enough for her right now but not unless someone better comes along, really doesn't sit well with me and I have too much pride to be used like that. She justifies it by saying that I should go out and do the same, and that she wants me to date other people too. I honestly just miss her as a friend though, she was one of the few people I actually confide in, and losing her in that way is pretty huge. She wanted to stay friends, but I told her for now I just didn't think that would be a good idea. The way things are with us, I don't doubt that we will talk again, but I know that right now I'm nowhere near ready to have just a friendly relationship. I'd rather not know her, than have to deal with seeing her go out with other guys. What's sad is the longest we've gone without contacting each other is just 3 days, 3 stupid days of NC is the longest we've gone, and I've gotta do this for weeks/months before it all gets better............. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Yeah dont do the friends thing! I was the same. I thought all I was missing was my ex's friendship and company! It was my birthday yesterday and we went out for dinner last night! I kinda got my hopes up a little bit, but lets just say the whole night was very 'FRIENDLY'. She was kinda withdrawn from me all night.. sure we got along really well, but it was just that uncomfortable distance between us all night that made it hard on me. We are so used to the love and affection our partners gave us, and now just to be on a friends basis is really hard to deal with..Its a side of them we aint used to. So be carefull what you wish for. I just wanted contact with her and to be friends, but after last night when she dropped me off home, and I got a 'FRIENDS' goodbye, I found myself hurting and in tears again... Wasnt worth it... Stick with ur no contact and make urself better. Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 Originally posted by sanne I honestly just miss her as a friend though, she was one of the few people I actually confide in, and losing her in that way is pretty huge. She wanted to stay friends, but I told her for now I just didn't think that would be a good idea. The way things are with us, I don't doubt that we will talk again, but I know that right now I'm nowhere near ready to have just a friendly relationship. I'd rather not know her, than have to deal with seeing her go out with other guys. What's sad is the longest we've gone without contacting each other is just 3 days, 3 stupid days of NC is the longest we've gone, and I've gotta do this for weeks/months before it all gets better............. It's ironic isn't it? That what we truly miss more than anything is the super-close friendship (because it is true that the sex, or someone to hang out with, you can find anywhere), yet once you have let someone in that way, and made someone like a part of yourself, and once that other person has become your world (or a very large part of it), that "JUST friendship", without the rest (the love, the affection, the connection, and yes, the sex), just freaking hurts too much to do us more good than harm - at least for a long while, until we are truly over that person. I have completely gotten over an ex in the past and been casual friends again, but it's very hard to do, and depending on how you deal with things can sometimes take a lot of time before that can happen without it taking a tremendous toll on you. Getting over someone you cared about but lost not of your own choosing involves accepting that the person will never be a part of your life in that way again, and more importantly, that this is a good thing, because you were not both on the same page as far as your feelings for each other. It doesn't have to mean that either of you are bad people, just that it didn't work, and isn't going to. It is when you get to this point, and ONLY at this point, that you can even think about being any sort of friends with her again. I think you need to do no contact for now. At some point, sure, you will talk to her again (and if you ever get completely over her enough, perhaps even want to be FWB again as long as she wouldn't be using you), but with the feelings you still have this is absolutely NOT the time, and right now, using you is exactly what she would be doing. She has broken your heart, and it needs to heal some before she can be any part of your life again without it tearing you down. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 I think you are spot-on WithOrWithoutYou. Good Advice.... Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherAaron Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 Ohhh man FWB's with my ex would be great... maybe I will call her on her birthday! Oh, I forgot, she's been sleeping around. Nope, won't touch that. She's unclean. Oh well, her loss - I know what she likes Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted April 13, 2005 Author Share Posted April 13, 2005 the sad thing is that I'm the only one, as far as I know, who has had sex with another person since we broke up. i really just want to patch things up with her. Lately, I really don't miss our relationship that much at all, in fact I really don't want to be in a relationship at all. I just want to make it through school, have some fun along the way, no committments at all. I do want to meet new people as well, I don't know, I guess being with her just clouded all of my judgements. These past few days of NC have been the best thing for me, it has allowed me to see everything in a whole new light. Link to post Share on other sites
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