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Ex left me for his sister's friend [UPDATE Should I meet with ex?]


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Ilovepizzalady

I am 4 months out from the breakup and they are still together. A month after the breakup he claimed to be in love with her.

 

He contacted me every couple of weeks with various nonsense like that he had something that belonged to me. I contacted him about that after 2 days and he said oh actually it's my sister's nevermind. I received contact like this EVERY 2 weeks. (Except the first month)

 

I did NC the first month. and then talked to him when I found out about the girl he left me for on Sept 9. Then I did NC again, he emailed me in October twice and basically I HAD to respond because it was either about my things or he called me 4 times in a row at work.

 

Early November, he reached out to apologize and I said thank you I appreciate it. We've texted back and forth a couple of times about article links and tv shows. Very brief and we had a conversation on gmail chat a couple of times.

 

He reached out again last Monday and said he wanted to chat on gmail. He told me that in the last month I had been in his head so much, he had missed me a lot, he was SO SORRY, he never expected to hurt me like that and make me cry, he felt connected to me still, he had cried many nights. He said he was sorry several times. He said he was with someone else now but i would always be in his life, and he said you know me I never talk to my past but connected with you.

 

This threw me for a loop. I told him I forgave him and not to feel so bad because we had had good memories.

 

A couple of days later I texted him again that he shouldn't feel so bad, that I had great memories of him and our relationship, and I sent him a pic that he had sent a year or so ago of my name carved in the snow with a heart, he had done it and sent it to me with a text that said "good morning my sweet [my name]". HE didn't responded to that text (maybe I went overboard with being nice there).

 

Or maybe his new girlfriend saw it and banned him from contacting me.

 

I had also texted him about my space heater, he still has it so i asked him if he still needed it. He didn't respond to that either.

 

It is a little weird, he has never not responded before, so I wonder what happened.

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"so I wonder what happened."

 

He has a new girlfriend, that's what has happened. He was feeling bad for breaking up with you and you forgave him, so he can move forward now not feeling any guilt.

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breakupthrowaway663

You should not pay him any mind unless he has something of serious value to say to you, such as:

 

"X, I am terribly sorry about what happened between us, and I made a huge mistake. I want to fix what I have done wrong by doing Y. I want to be with you because Z. This was entirely my fault and I want to fix what I've done."

 

Even then, given your circumstances, I would move on to someone better for you. This guy jumped from you right into another relationship and seems to not have a regard for your feelings whatsoever. All casual talk should be ruled out at this point. He's just fulfilling his emotional needs like a leech.

 

Put your self-care first

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So sorry you are going through this. Break ups are always hard!!

 

Do you think he is really serious about getting back together with you with the way he is not responding to your last questions? I would have to question this. It could be that he wants the best of both worlds. Would you be happy that way??

 

I would like to think that you deserve someone who wants to seriously commit to you and your relationship. I'm not convinced this is the guy to do so.

 

Take care of YOU and leave yourself open for another guy....one who has a little more maturity.

 

Good luck.

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Ilovepizzalady

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 4 months ago and started dating someone else (still together). We were having lots of fights and I admit I was being totally ridiculous, jealous, clingy. He told his friends he was breaking up with me because he couldn't handle it anymore (the fighting/my ridiculousness). I feel so stupid for behaving that way. EVERY SINGLE DAY. What was I thinking?

 

Anyway, I cried hard when he left me. He sent this a week and a half ago (just including the parts that he said, not me):

 

English is his 2nd language so bear with that.

 

"I have been thinking a lot about you! This is being in my mind for the last month!11:45 AM

I have miss u a lot and thinking of you very well!11:45 AM

I wonder how you doing and i wonder if you are happy and safe!11:46 AM

I am sad of how things ended between us, i never ever expected to hurt you and its in my ind the night u spended outside and when i drove u to ur place ans saw ur face before i ledt11:47 AM

left11:47 AM

I AM VERY SORRY !11:47 AM

I am with someone now but you will always remain in my life and you know me that i just dont talk to my pass but i feel connected somehow with you!11:48 AM

i wish things would have been different but i believe somehow GOD does things its way!

IM SORRY12:08 PM

i have cry for many nights12:09 PM

thank you12:09 PM

i really needed to tell u this

I never meant to hurt you and ever see u crying that way12:11 PM

 

Breadcrumbs or what? He has apologized briefly twice before (without my asking or contacting him).

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Philosoraptor

Save your brain, and emotions, the trouble. Block him and focus on yourself.

 

Nothing at all positive happens by spending time pondering this.

 

If you want an opinion, it sounds like he wants to ensure you are still hooked as a "just in case". Respect yourself enough to not be just an "option".

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If he's still with the other woman. He's just apologizing for being an ass. It doesnt seem like he's got any intention of wanting to come back to you. Of course, you can always be straight up with him and ask. But its probably not going to happen.

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People like this don't have any respect for themselves or others, to be real enough to end things before they escalate the way that it did. You're better off without him.

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He just feels guilty for breaking up with you because you took it so hard. He doesn't want you back, just sorry for hurting you. If he was truly sorry though, he wouldn't have said things like "I am with someone now but you will always remain in my life". That is being a jerk and selfish. What he wrote was just for him, to relieve his guilt and not meant to sooth things for you. This does appear to be over for good between you two and he is moving on with his new girl.

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Two reasons a guy would do this:

 

1. He's totally Emo and really feels bad for how things went down. But usually these sorts of "clean up" missions are a big long text or two not the stream of consciousness stuff here.

 

2. He's prepping you to be a plan B. Maybe not right away but he wants to make sure he can double around back on you if he wants and you'll be as "cleaned up" with him as possible. So ya, breadcrumbs.

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He wants an ego boost, he wants to know that you are still pining after him. Maybe he was bored, maybe he is just a scumbag that doesn't care about you and that you are trying to move on. He is in a relationship leave him to it, delete and block.

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What others have said he wants to have you as a backup. I would try to work on the issues that caused you to be clingy and ridiculous so you don't repeat them in your next relationship

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Is there a way to get him to want me back?

 

Well he is banking on you feeling this way because he knows you are the clingy type. Let go move on and don't repeat the same mistakes with another guy. By acting this way you are giving them the upper hand all the time. You should be with a guy who's just as into you as you are into him

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Ilovepizzalady

Isn't it possible that he is just comparing the two of us, and had grass is greener syndrome and it will fade and he will realize he truly loves me?

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Philosoraptor
Isn't it possible that he is just comparing the two of us, and had grass is greener syndrome and it will fade and he will realize he truly loves me?

Isn't it possible to have enough self worth to not wait around to find out? He's out having his fun, why waste your life waiting around on someone who has no issue throwing you away?

 

Focus on yourself for now, find happiness and become content within yourself. Then you can move on to a healthy relationship where mutual respect is part of the foundation.

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Here's the thing, and I am struggling with it myself:

 

1. Yours has another woman, and is out having an awesome time. In my case, there is 0, and I mean 0 evidence to support this statement.

 

 

2. he is just having a hard time without you and during the holiday season.

 

 

Either way, your person is not making the effort to be with you. It sucks, it hurts, but they simply do not feel about you like you do for them. Be kind to yourself, you sound very sweet, so take it slow. Take the time to learn from others. I have a circle of about 10 folks with VERY different opinions, and create your own from pieces of everyones.

 

In my case, I finally sent a long email detailing the growth I had experienced in the last several months, that I forgave her and myself, and the fun things I was doing. I didn't ask to meet or reconcile, no I love you, no I miss you, none of that noise.

 

No response. Whatever the reason, Ive come full circle. It worked for me.

 

Read my tale in this forum for how much of a roller coaster a relationship can really be.

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Ilovepizzalady

He broke up with me August 5, I last saw him August 13th (morning) THEN I saw him with his new girlfriend September 9 (I went to talk to him when I found out). I found out that he left me for another woman September 9, from Instagram, and I saw that they were together ever since the breakup. I saw him September 9, calling her my love and trying to make her happy and treating me like I was not worth talking to. I can't reconcile this with the man who was so loving and giving for 2 years. I am tormented by the trauma of it. I have been in counseling since October and I go up to a 4 in feeling better then back to a 1. I have been a 1 for days now. I wake up in physical pain, a horrible feeling in my heart, anxiety.

 

I have been doing everything they say, exercising, activities, socializing, taking trips, giving myself time to rest, sleeping full nights. I don't know what else to do. I can't stand the idea that we aren't together and I can't deal with it.

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ARGH it makes my blood boil just reading this!! I stopped eating and sleeping when I found out that my ex was talking to girls on Tinder within a month after our break up. My stomach hurt and my chest hurt. The only way to stop the pain was to get onto a dating site myself and go on a date. As hard as it was to put myself out there again, I did it and I'm so glad that I did. Your ex is already dating again, why shouldn't you? Show him what he lost. You sound like such a beautiful person and I'm sorry you're in pain. Get out there and strut your stuff! I hope your ex sees pictures of you with another guy soon!! <3

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Ilovepizzalady
ARGH it makes my blood boil just reading this!! I stopped eating and sleeping when I found out that my ex was talking to girls on Tinder within a month after our break up. My stomach hurt and my chest hurt. The only way to stop the pain was to get onto a dating site myself and go on a date. As hard as it was to put myself out there again, I did it and I'm so glad that I did. Your ex is already dating again, why shouldn't you? Show him what he lost. You sound like such a beautiful person and I'm sorry you're in pain. Get out there and strut your stuff! I hope your ex sees pictures of you with another guy soon!! <3

 

I noticed that they stopped following each other on Instagram then restarted again in the same day. Maybe troubles in paradise I hope. I know I know! I need to move on. GAH

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