Did not respond to her first text, got a second. Why?

[Murmillo]

Hi everyone,

 

So 1 week ago I got a whatsapp message from my ex. This was very surprising because she had not texted me for 6 months. We have been broken up since late february and for 2 months I was the worst ex-boyfriend you can imagine. We don't live in the same country anymore and we have been in LC till October (most of it initiated by my because I wanted to work things out). She always seemed happy to hear from me but conversations were shallow.

 

The text said: 'Hi, how are you, hope you are doing well:-)'. She also had a new number.

 

I went on facebook for the first time in 10 days and I saw that a week before that she had sent me a similar message on facebook as well. My ex is not the kind of person to take initiative very fast (never was) so I was quite surprised.

 

What am I to make of this? Should I ask her to meet up, have a phone call?

[DarrenB]

Hi everyone,

 

So 1 week ago I got a whatsapp message from my ex. This was very surprising because she had not texted me for 6 months. We have been broken up since late february and for 2 months I was the worst ex-boyfriend you can imagine. We don't live in the same country anymore and we have been in LC till October (most of it initiated by my because I wanted to work things out). She always seemed happy to hear from me but conversations were shallow.

 

The text said: 'Hi, how are you, hope you are doing well:-)'. She also had a new number.

 

I went on facebook for the first time in 10 days and I saw that a week before that she had sent me a similar message on facebook as well. My ex is not the kind of person to take initiative very fast (never was) so I was quite surprised.

 

What am I to make of this? Should I ask her to meet up, have a phone call?

 

Well what do you want from all of this?

[dumbass2]

Just a simple text back of " Hi, I'm doing well and hope you are too"

[Redhead14]

Hi everyone,

 

So 1 week ago I got a whatsapp message from my ex. This was very surprising because she had not texted me for 6 months. We have been broken up since late february and for 2 months I was the worst ex-boyfriend you can imagine. We don't live in the same country anymore and we have been in LC till October (most of it initiated by my because I wanted to work things out). She always seemed happy to hear from me but conversations were shallow.

 

The text said: 'Hi, how are you, hope you are doing well:-)'. She also had a new number.

 

I went on facebook for the first time in 10 days and I saw that a week before that she had sent me a similar message on facebook as well. My ex is not the kind of person to take initiative very fast (never was) so I was quite surprised.

 

What am I to make of this? Should I ask her to meet up, have a phone call?

 

but conversations were shallow -- Apparently, nothing has changed. Don't respond. Keep no contact. If there was some kind of depth and clarity, I might entertain a conversation. She's bored, just checking to see if "you're still there" or feeling some kind of guilt. That's her problem.

 

I was the worst ex-boyfriend you can imagine. -- I don't know what you mean by that exactly, but if you were, I question her emotional intelligence. If a guy was a "bad ex boyfriend", I'd be leaving so much dust he'd be choking and never look back. If she's looking back, she's got "issues".

[Miss Clavel]

Hi everyone,

 

So 1 week ago I got a whatsapp message from my ex. This was very surprising because she had not texted me for 6 months. We have been broken up since late february and for 2 months I was the worst ex-boyfriend you can imagine. We don't live in the same country anymore and we have been in LC till October (most of it initiated by my because I wanted to work things out). She always seemed happy to hear from me but conversations were shallow.

 

The text said: 'Hi, how are you, hope you are doing well:-)'. She also had a new number.

 

I went on facebook for the first time in 10 days and I saw that a week before that she had sent me a similar message on facebook as well. My ex is not the kind of person to take initiative very fast (never was) so I was quite surprised.

 

What am I to make of this? Should I ask her to meet up, have a phone call?

 

not sure what you should make of it but what i make of it is that she's got a new phone and she's sending similar messages to everyone she had in her contacts. which leaves the door open. in case. someday. she might want to have another go. not now tho. just hit her back with what the other poaster said, "i'm fine, hope you're well, happy xmas, blah blah" and get on with your life.

 

if she sends you a text, "i miss you, i want you, i was a fool", then and only then you respond "you must not want me that much if you can't even CALL".

 

good luck.

[Methodical]

Since you've been in low contact up until a few weeks ago and she always seemed happy to hear from you, I would guess she wants you to have her new number. What you do with it is up to you .

[Jimmyjackson]

If you feel ok replying then just reply but keep it short and sweet - "Hi, I'm good, hope you are well". If she then continues the conversation and starts asking more questions she might be interested in something, but I'd still keep it short and try appear indifferent just in case she is just being friendly.

[Murmillo]

The thing is not that she messaged me once but that she tried it again after text when I did not respond for a week.

 

Here some more info on our breakup:

 

- She got cold towards mid November last year. I had some hormonals issues at the time that affected my personality very bad (that there was a physical reason for this I only found out months later)

 

- I was too complacent to see the signs till february of this year when I asked her why she was acting more cold. She told me her feelings had changed. The reasons she never told me but it was: me being complacent, too much texting instead of actual meeting, me not giving more certainty about our future, me not courting her anymore.

 

- I was a complete mess, I had a lot of physical complaints and was extremely weak (never really shared this with her). Despite this she still said, we will end up together again!

 

- I kept on pestering (she had to leave Europe 1 day after she told me which made me feel even more powerless) and she said she had to be more clear: we were on a break. She still texted that she missed me and loved me and often initiated contact.

 

- Again, I kept on pestering her and I pushed her away and away. At the 3 week mark she said that it better to call it a break up because then it would be more clear for me. Even after this she she still sent me a random ‘thinking about you’ text.

 

- I did not learn and we got in a big argument around the 2 month mark. In my weak moment I told her: ‘So you are closing the door for good?’. She told me ‘For myself I never said never but if this makes it more clear for you then yes, for good’.

 

- I did not contact her for 2 weeks and then wrote her a apology letter for my behavior. Surprisingly she responded that she loved my ‘beautiful letter’ and that my behavior of the last months did not make her forget what an amazing person I was. She admitted that she still thought about me a lot but that this was what she needed now.

 

- I took a break from contacting her till may when she had her birthday and even sent her a gift. Her reaction was a bit cold.Over the course of the summer I tried to connect with her but failed. We talked once every 2 weeks and at some point almost everything was initiated by me. She told me that she did not get the job close to where I live and that she had to move to Ireland. I was sad and tol her it made me sad that I would never see her again and she said we would definitely meet again.

 

- In august conversations went a bit better but out of the blue she told me she sometimes felt I had certain expectations of us. She declined my request for a phone call because it was still to early for her.

 

- I asked her again in October with the same response. I started dating which was nothing more than a few hook ups. I started to become less focussed on her.

 

- Two weeks ago is when she reached out via facebook. I did not respond because I only saw the message one week later. When I did not respond she wrote to me via whatsapp.

[VeveCakes]

She is reaching out because you stopped chasing her. She missed the ego stroke.

 

What do you want? To get back together?

[Murmillo]

She is reaching out because you stopped chasing her. She missed the ego stroke.

 

What do you want? To get back together?

 

More than anything in the world.

 

We had an amazing natural chemistry and I completely ****ed it up myself. I always had people chasing me in my life, even as a littly boy. It has made me completely complacent in friendships and also in relationships. I pushed her away during our relationship and I had a lot of limiting beliefs of why I could never be a good boyfriend to her. I even started behaving accordingly towards the end. It was almost like I wanted to prove to her that I was a bad boyfriend.

 

Now I have fixed all those issues (and I truly mean it, I am a complete different person now... We are more compatible now than ever before and yet here we are...

[Murmillo]

Any other insights?

[jorgeg3d]

Contact her man. Ask her to go out, or if you can't because you're long distance, ask her what her intentions are. If she says she wants to get back, talk it out, if she says anything else, tell her not to contact you anymore unless she's willing to work on things.

[Murmillo]

Contact her man. Ask her to go out, or if you can't because you're long distance, ask her what her intentions are. If she says she wants to get back, talk it out, if she says anything else, tell her not to contact you anymore unless she's willing to work on things.

 

Maybe but I want to wait a bit longer. I don't want to give her the idea that every time she contacts me I will jump on the opportunity to ask her out... Then she might stop reaching out completely.

[Kelley]

Maybe she is just curious to how you are doing? If you decide to pursue things just prepare yourself for rejection. She is just asking how you are, not saying she misses you etc. Tread carefully!

[Murmillo]

Maybe she is just curious to how you are doing? If you decide to pursue things just prepare yourself for rejection. She is just asking how you are, not saying she misses you etc. Tread carefully!

 

The things is, she will never say that she misses me even if she would everyday. That is just not how she is. She is a typical sufferer in silence and she will never take a risk that might hurt her or someone else.

 

What hurts is that when she broke up with me she still had feelings for me, I just was not the man anymore that she deserved... I took the break up so bad that I pushed each other further and further away what we both did not want.

 

Now I have worked so hard on all the issues that made us grow apart and I think at the moment I could be a better man for her than I ever was when we were together and maybe she will never ever find out how much I have changed...

[Murmillo]

The things is, she will never say that she misses me even if she would everyday. That is just not how she is. She is a typical sufferer in silence and she will never take a risk that might hurt her or someone else.

 

What hurts is that when she broke up with me she still had feelings for me, I just was not the man anymore that she deserved... I took the break up so bad that I pushed each other further and further away what we both did not want.

 

Now I have worked so hard on all the issues that made us grow apart and I think at the moment I could be a better man for her than I ever was when we were together and maybe she will never ever find out how much I have changed...

 

 

I will probably be in her country somewhere between 6-10 weeks from now... I decided that I will ask if her if she wants to meet somewhere after NYE.

 

That will be my very last resort. If she declines because she doesn't want to I will be honest with her and will probably remove her from my life. Last night I had a dream about her again and it felt terrible.

 

If she accepts then I will try to play it as cool as possible.

 

Any thoughts?

[alterest]

Hi everyone,

 

So 1 week ago I got a whatsapp message from my ex. This was very surprising because she had not texted me for 6 months. We have been broken up since late february and for 2 months I was the worst ex-boyfriend you can imagine. We don't live in the same country anymore and we have been in LC till October (most of it initiated by my because I wanted to work things out). She always seemed happy to hear from me but conversations were shallow.

 

The text said: 'Hi, how are you, hope you are doing well:-)'. She also had a new number.

 

I went on facebook for the first time in 10 days and I saw that a week before that she had sent me a similar message on facebook as well. My ex is not the kind of person to take initiative very fast (never was) so I was quite surprised.

 

What am I to make of this? Should I ask her to meet up, have a phone call?

 

Answer her question, but don't extend it. If she wants to contact you for another thing, she will. Another thing, if she dumped you, then she need to do all movements that lead to reconciliation. I see no pupouse in you do that if she is the dumper. But you can make it clear that you are opening for a talk, and if she wants that she could talk to you. Do not overthink about that, and neither chase her.