Did I lose her forever this time? Is she worth getting back?

[jtmyers1988]

My situation was a 4 year long LDR I am in Arkansas and she was in Texas. but we fit so well together and we visited each other often which was usually once a month. She was my best friend and I was her first everything. I never had the kind of love and connection with someone that I had with her. We were both 28 and shared a birthday within the same week. We did go on a "break" due to a lot of stress in her life in 2014 as she worked two jobs and then her mom nearly died, but it was resolved in 6 months and we got back together and we seemed better than ever.

 

Long story short, about a month ago me and my father were on a road trip to San Antonio to visit my grandmother for her 96th birthday and we get into a car accident and the car got totaled in Dallas. My now ex was in Fort Worth. We were stuck at a gas station with our luggage after the car got hauled off and my dad nearly gets mugged. I then call and tell my girlfriend what happened to us and she offers to help to come over and take us to a rental car facility as she was all we knew who were available to help us in the area. We did offer to pay for gas but she turned it down. Anyways, we get to a rental car facility and while my father was signing the paperwork my girlfriend dumps me right there in her car. Various quotes from her was that she felt nothing one way or the other and was saying I no longer come to mind when she wants to spend time or make plans with someone and she didn't want to hurt me any longer. (she canceled a visit the month prior and claimed she was too busy which left me pretty sad since we had not seen each other since July) She also made a comment that she never cheated on me. She then also brought up random stuff about our past issues (really petty stuff TBH) and said I give her anxiety and also made a random comment accusing me of expecting her to support me which did not make any sense to me and that I needed to get my life together. Yes I had been going thru an unemployment hardship for a couple months prior to this but never asked for money or anything. She also said she could no longer envision a future together. Didn't even say goodbye or check in on me or my father afterward as we concluded our trip to San Antonio and then back home in a rental car. I was shocked and devastated and it really was salt in the wounds considering what just happened to us with my parents car getting totaled that same night.

 

About a week later she even blocked me and unfriended my entire family on Facebook after I messaged her demanding answers but I was also trying to be loving and supportive to her situation which I will get to in a minute. The actual comment that made her block me was: "Good Morning! Have a great day! I love you! Just please do not throw away what we shared together over these 4 years." Then later that night when I saw she blocked or unfriended everyone I called her demanding to know what was going on and I was pretty intense with her about it. She simply said in a very neutral tone: "I simply don't want to be with you anymore. Leave me alone because I really do not want to change my phone number." I said a few regrettable comments and hung up.

 

We have not spoken at all in two weeks. Whats worse is we had just made plans for spending Christmas together and taking a vacation with my parents just two days before the breakup. I was gonna propose to her this month as well. She was very fond of my parents and she was like a daughter to them. We had made plans for getting an apartment together back in August and having me move down there next year. We were talking about being together forever and marriage. I have never felt so angry and betrayed in my life. She is Asian and had to move back in with her family earlier this year and she had mentioned there was a lot of family drama going on including her telling me that I was not welcome over there anymore after I visited her for our 4 year anniversary back in July for whatever reason she claimed to not know. I know enough about Asian culture from dating her long enough to know how they put family and career first before anything else. Now one thing I do need to point out is she is extremely career focused and driven and she was about to get her Masters Degree while working two jobs in the IT field. She is very bad about over exerting herself. I kinda got the vibe that me having a hard time getting a job for two months played a strong role in her building some kind of hidden resentment towards me. I honestly had no clue she was gonna cut me loose and completely go cold and disappear out of my life. I had just started two jobs the week following the breakup. I never got to tell her that, sadly. Could it simply be the extreme stress she is enduring on all fronts and my crisis that night triggered something to make her go cold turkey on me? We had a very harmonious relationship overall. She would always post stuff about how awesome I am all over her Facebook. She seemed totally crazy about me. But since she has me and my family either blocked or unfriended I cannot see if those posts and photos are still there (but there are tagged posts with me and her from as recent as October that are still visible according to my dads account as she had unfriended but not blocked him) but I refuse to believe I have been played or cheated on as some of my friends have been telling me. Its been three weeks and I am still so shocked and confused. I dunno what to do as I truly felt she was my soulmate and she was suddenly replaced by someone I do not know. It looked like her, it sounded like her, but it was not the loving and happy woman I knew. This has left me feeling so sick and hopeless. Will I have to give up on this situation after all we been through? Overall we had a really good relationship and we both looked at each other as our best friend and we had vowed to work things thru together. Now its like I am dead to her. I am at a loss.

 

Us: http://dlgdxii3fgupk.cloudfront.net/relationshiptalk.net/images/fbfiles/images/x970726_10200914051927909_1052911182_n-a4240e926652d58a7e66961d681e8b74.jpg.pagespeed.ic.yh8Lhc7GAg.jpg

http://dlgdxii3fgupk.cloudfront.net/relationshiptalk.net/images/fbfiles/images/IMG_20161111_modified_-7d239edade8de617c16666dc8c8d737a.jpg

Edited December 4, 2016 by jtmyers1988

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry this happened to you, OP.

 

It very much sounds to me like she has been seeing someone local and panicked when you were actually in the area and needed her help. She didn't want those two worlds colliding so she ended it with you, on the off chance that you could have discovered something while you were in the area.

 

Just my suspicion.

[jtmyers1988]

Sadly I have been fearing this as well as much as I do not think it is as I just didn't see her having the time with her being in school and the two jobs. (she mentioned she would be so tired that she was passing out in the college parking lot while in her car) But one thing she mentioned to me the night of the breakup is she randomly brought up a comment that she never cheated on me which kinda sat badly with me. (I did stupidly accuse her of that when we took a break before) I did notice looking back that on her Facebook she had been chatting with and hanging out with a guy in her friends circle who I never met before as she and all her friends went on a trip together to Vegas in October. Him and her and two of her other friends who are dating each other were making plans to have dinner at a restaurant they went to before. That whole thing has me feeling very sick and terrified that she is indeed hiding something and wanted me out of the way as she was feeling guilty about something she had done or would have done to destroy our relationship. (cheating) I did bring that issue up in the final phone call I made to her and she got irritated and dismissed it claiming he was gay and she couldn't believe I accused her of cheating again. She does have a lot of gay guy friends including her best friend who I have spent time with but I am uncertain she might or might not be lying this time. But all the subsequent behaviors with her removing the family along with her (but mutual) friends no longer talking to me or blocking me on Facebook when I asked what has been going on with her makes it look even worse. I never saw her as that kind of person and she was always posting awesome things about me on social media and called me nearly every night if I didn't contact her first. Her last post about me was on October 29th. We split on Nov 10th which was the night of the car accident. (horrible timing right?) She had a phone conversation with me and my parents a couple days prior to our breakup making plans for spending our first Christmas at their place with me. What is so weird about her is she was completely robotic in her speech when she said all she had to say to me. But she neither implied it was a break or permanent. She never officially used the words "its over" or "we are done forever" but when we split before she clearly stated she wanted space and time to work on herself but instead she kinda told me to do that. Surely she hasn't been playing me and my entire family this whole time.

 

EDIT: I will admit the pattern of her and her friends unfriending/blocking me and family was after I started prying for answers. She was still friends with me on Facebook for a week. (likely unfollowed me until I messaged her)

Edited December 4, 2016 by jtmyers1988

[jtmyers1988]

Another thing too is the Dallas Fort Worth Metro area is a huge place, and why would she risk getting in close proximity of me if she was?

 

The more I think about it and the sudden nature of this breakup is that her parents actually played a role. They are very asian in their ways and when I first met her mom 4 years ago she basically rejected me from the beginning when she made the comment that she was disappointed I was not asian. And it goes along with the fact that when she moved back in with them they didn't like me coming down all the time and my girlfriend later tells me that I cannot go there anymore to visit and that I would have to get a room or something to see her. Thats also why we started the discussion about finally getting our own place together next year back in August.

Edited December 6, 2016 by jtmyers1988

[BAcK]

So you are asking if she is worth getting back with?

The answer is NO. Plain and simple.

She dumped you. Whether she was confused or not, uncertain or not, influenced or not, she broke up.

Just remember one thing. She broke up with you. Why would you want someone who LEFT you?

[fromheart]

You know, when something happens in life, we quickly find out who's really meant to be in our close circle.

 

When you and your father had a car crash, this woman dumped you. Thats pretty much a big sign from the universe saying that she is not the one for you my friend.

 

As much as it hurts, you'll realize this soon enough.