Hung out with my Ex after 3 months and she said she missed me, now what?

[carlosb7792]

Sooo after 2.5 months of NC the girl that decided to end things with me added me through social media. Long story short, after a messages here and there I told her I can't be friends with her because I still have feelings. Also I told her I rather work it out and explained why.

 

She responded saying things like "I don't want to be with you because of this and that, I could care less, I want to focus on me, I have too much negative feelings about us and my favorite, maybe in the future."

 

After that convo she still proceeded to send me snapchats and like my IG pics. I took nothing of it but thought it was weird after telling her my intention. Fast forward to 2 weeks later I go back home to Philly. I post a pic of me eating a Philly cheesesteak. She responded to it and me being nice I told her I'm bringing some back to Colorado, and if she wanted one?

 

I met up with her so I can drop her off her cheesesteak. I assumed a quick drop off and that's it. She insisted to go hangout at a park while we sister gets her hair done. It was awkward and not that much eye contact for he first 10 mins. After that we both eased up, talking about good memories. She became playful, touching me and etc. Sister met up with us and we all sat at this park talking and laughing for 2 hours.

 

She walked me back to my car (during the walk she was playful and touchy) and I gave her the cheesesteak . She asked for a hug and I gave her a half ass hug. She walked off and halfway turned around and asked for another one. So this time I gave her a better hug and she rest her head on my chest and said "I missed your stupid face". My question is, how should I handle these signals? I've never been in a situation like that and need all advice???

[MarkIVSteel]

She needed some temporary validation and attention. You shouldn't have given it to her but you did.

[Frozensushi]

Here's what you need to do, you need to do nothing. Walk away from this girl, never call or text her, don't initiate any contact. Implement the attitude that you're keeping your options open, that you are a catch and it's her loss if she lets a guy like you get away. When she does eventually contact you, don't discuss the past or good memories and definitely don't talk about getting back together.

 

Ask her if she'd like to grab a bottle of wine and come over to your place and make dinner together. If she tells you no or makes up any excuse not to see you, tell her "That's fine, look I've got things to do but hey, keep in touch." Then walk away, rinse and repeat. After a few weeks, she'll realize that the only reason you two talk is because she makes something happen and if her interest level is high, will eventually throw in the towel and want to get together.

 

In the meantime, keep busy, focus on work and yourself. Start going out on dates with other women. If your Ex wants to see you, she will make it happen. Otherwise, she's just stringing you along and wasting your time and your time is valuable. Don't sit around waiting.

 

She probably started feeling lonely, was missing you, reminisced about the good times and reached out because you have history together. Dating is frustrating and scary. That's why a lot of people get back with their exes, because there's a certain level of comfort and certainty to be found. It didn't work out the first time, so keep in mind whatever the reason that turned her off you in the first place is most likely still there.

 

This is just my opinion, take my advice with a grain of salt. Good luck!

[loveloss86]

Oh man I just went threw almost the same thing about a week ago. She also told me with time we would probably get back together in the future. I haven't seen my ex in almost a month then we met up went to the park things got physical and what not.

 

Anyways long story short I shouldn't have gotten involved again. All my family and friends begged me to cut all ties to her. I should have listened to them because the next time we met up and went to the park things were not the same.

 

I dunno it's different when you talk on social media, text, phone calls then meeting in person. When I was talking on all those she was all like lets be friends, slow things down, give things time. When we are in person she flips into a lovey dovey person says how she misses me and what now. Hugs, kisses and all that.

 

If you decide not to cut ties I would leave all contact to in person. This coming from recent experience. Things are not the same not in person.

[carlosb7792]

Ohhhh ok, I see what you're saying. Back to being out of mind and out of sight then?

[carlosb7792]

Well she told me that the reason is because I didn't show her that I wanted to be with her. There was also a few innocents but I've always apologize and try to communicate. After she cut ties, I've made a few attempts. She likes to rush into relationships while I like to take things alittle slow. Also Im not too good at showing my emotions through language. These are things that I told her. After that I walked away. Now 2.5 months later she shows up. I found out that she started seeing someone a week after me, and that didn't work out for them. But I will take your advice because I've done made a few attempts. I date plenty women but I don't really click with them and she's the first female I've clicked with in a longggg time. Her mom loved me and notice despite the small bumps that I was a good guy. Also while we dated her step sister and mom told her that this was the happiest they seen her in a long time.

 

The idea to hangout at a park was her idea and caught me off guard, so I just went with the flow. Since I want this to work out I allow her to get in my head smh @ myself. I don't know that since if I showed her the side of me that she liked and wanted to be it causes her to ask for 2 hugs and say she misses me. Idk but I'll take the advice, out of mind and out of sight.

[MarkIVSteel]

Ohhhh ok, I see what you're saying. Back to being out of mind and out of sight then?

 

You need to go full NC. Delete and block her from ALL social media, sms, phone calls etc. She's dead to you.

 

There are other women out there. Meet them. Don't go back into your trash can to look for food.

[DarrenB]

Stick to your own routes mate. She brutally was honest with you and gave you her piece of mind when you initially broke up. She's now noticing she made a mistake? 2.5 months later? It's petty from her behalf.

 

Don't allow someone to be in control of your life again and enter when they choose to. If she had responded with a more agreeable manner rather than an insulting one, it'd be very simple to consider reconciling with her. But because she didn't I don't see why you'd want to try again with someone who would portray themselves to you as nothing but the past.

 

By all means, allowing her to do this there's two main scenarios:

 

1) You get together again, and you progress further the last time.

 

2) You get together again, things develop but become worse in the process and you're left in exactly the same position you were 2 months ago.

 

It's obvious you still have feelings for her, but don't be manipulated by someone else's innocence and naivety. Take your time, don't become too involved in a short space of time. Let her prove she wants to be with you.

[smackie9]

She's just stickin ya into the friends zone because she knows you are still weak for her. Don't be a fool, and get suckered.

[carlosb7792]

I'm going to take your advice brother and see what happens, it'll be tough but I'll manage.

 

 

Being friend zoned is something I'm not interested in right now.

[carlosb7792]

Well when she first cut me off she showed major signs of confusion. From I think we should go out separate ways, to the next day saying I'm done, then hours later telling me to come take care of her. Then the following week talking to another guy.

 

The 2.5 months I hear from her even though it was through snapchat. We're she also told me she didn't want to work things out and I respect that. But if I tell you I want to work things out and can't be friends with no then I feel like there is no need for her to send me snapchats and respond to my snapchat stories.

 

Now I'm willing to put the past in the past and work things out but I won't force her to. It just confused me on why she wanted to hangout, be playful, touchy, ask for 2 hugs then tell me she misses me.

 

I still have feelings, won't lie about that but I've done more then enough. Guess it's just time to move on, and if it's meant to be then god will take care of that.

[Been]

Man I don't know. Seeing another person a WEEK after you broke up isn't good and chances are she had him lined up before being done with you.

I'll give you my honest opinion. I think the guy she was seeing turned out to be not what she thought so she came back running to you. Like your plan B until she can find somebody she thinks is better then you.

Or he could have dumped her and she hates being alone-to be honest neither one is good for you.

[carlosb7792]

Ohhh trust me, when she told me that I didn't believe it for one second. I just laughed in the inside haha. I wasn't buying that one bit.

[carlosb7792]

And I believe that is what she did and I believe that she is keeping me as a plan b till something pops up. Right now she knows I still got feelings and like an idiot I give her the intention she wants. I'm just new to stuff like this and don't know how to handle it. It's a learning experience that I'll appreciate in the future. I'll talk people advices of just walking away. Let's see what happens.

[Been]

Your not an idiot. You just fell for the wrong woman so it seems.

If anything she the idiot-because playing with people's emotions/feelings makes her look rather shallow. And in time she more then likely will come to realize what she had and then have to face the fact that she threw it away.

[carlosb7792]

You make a good point and I won't act like I'm did everything right while we were dating. I had my flaws but I always kept it straight up, was honest and if I did something wrong I apologized. Like I said when she cut me off I took her flowers then kept low contact. After that she said no second chance and then I never spoke to her again till she added me on snapchat.

 

I can be an ******* at times but if people asked around you'll hear that I'm a nice guy with a good heart.

[Redhead14]

Sooo after 2.5 months of NC the girl that decided to end things with me added me through social media. Long story short, after a messages here and there I told her I can't be friends with her because I still have feelings. Also I told her I rather work it out and explained why.

 

She responded saying things like "I don't want to be with you because of this and that, I could care less, I want to focus on me, I have too much negative feelings about us and my favorite, maybe in the future."

 

After that convo she still proceeded to send me snapchats and like my IG pics. I took nothing of it but thought it was weird after telling her my intention. Fast forward to 2 weeks later I go back home to Philly. I post a pic of me eating a Philly cheesesteak. She responded to it and me being nice I told her I'm bringing some back to Colorado, and if she wanted one?

 

I met up with her so I can drop her off her cheesesteak. I assumed a quick drop off and that's it. She insisted to go hangout at a park while we sister gets her hair done. It was awkward and not that much eye contact for he first 10 mins. After that we both eased up, talking about good memories. She became playful, touching me and etc. Sister met up with us and we all sat at this park talking and laughing for 2 hours.

 

She walked me back to my car (during the walk she was playful and touchy) and I gave her the cheesesteak . She asked for a hug and I gave her a half ass hug. She walked off and halfway turned around and asked for another one. So this time I gave her a better hug and she rest her head on my chest and said "I missed your stupid face". My question is, how should I handle these signals? I've never been in a situation like that and need all advice???

 

If you allow people to treat you like a doormat, you are a doormat. Pick up the mat and close the door.

[Kelley]

Unless an ex is saying lets give us another go, I will do anything to make this work it's an ego stroke, they feel a bit nostalgic. Lessoned learned!

[BAcK]

From my personal perspective, let's assume she might be missing you and may even want to get back with you. Now, just consider a very close friend of yours in a similar scenario. What would you advise him as a rational human being who cares for his friend? Answer this and you will know what to do. We are designed in such a way that we only listen to ourselves. I hope you get my point.

[carlosb7792]

Yes I do get what you're saying and understand. But I get told numerous things buddy. Now I have sat here and felt like I've done everything to show this women that I do want to be with her and because of that I can't allow myself to do anymore.

 

Now idk if maybe some thing sparked when we hung out that caused her to be touchy, playful, flirty, ask for hugs and state that she misses me, idk. But based on the advices and thoughts be had out in this post no one mentioned anything about reconciliation. Now I could ask her but let's face it, why am I going to continued to beat a dead horse??

 

She told me 2 weeks ago that she has too much negative feelings about us and that she could care less. But when I tend to do a simple drop off she asks to hangout, and those all those things at the park? Let's face it confused me and got to my head.

[NopeNah]

Now idk if maybe some thing sparked when we hung out that caused her to be touchy, playful, flirty, ask for hugs and state that she misses me, idk..

Habit. When I was hanging out with my ex a couple of weeks ago for a few days, it was all done out of habit and feeling comfortable with her. I don't want to get back together with her but, I went with whatever.

[Bromeo]

Carlos,

 

There are some strong opinions on this forum for sure. You have to do what you have the strength to do. No one has the right to disrespect you, play games, or not treat you in the fashion you deserve.

 

The key is to manage expectations. You can reach out, she can reach out, but be prepared that unless boundaries are set and clear, your feelings will continue to feel like mashed potatoes.

 

Tell her you need some time to yourself, and if she still wants to work on your relationship after a month, I would tend to believe it then.

 

My 2 cents dealing with a very emotional, crazy ex.

 

Bromeo.

[BAcK]

Yes I do get what you're saying and understand. But I get told numerous things buddy. Now I have sat here and felt like I've done everything to show this women that I do want to be with her and because of that I can't allow myself to do anymore.

 

Now idk if maybe some thing sparked when we hung out that caused her to be touchy, playful, flirty, ask for hugs and state that she misses me, idk. But based on the advices and thoughts be had out in this post no one mentioned anything about reconciliation. Now I could ask her but let's face it, why am I going to continued to beat a dead horse??

 

She told me 2 weeks ago that she has too much negative feelings about us and that she could care less. But when I tend to do a simple drop off she asks to hangout, and those all those things at the park? Let's face it confused me and got to my head.

I'd say she is comfortable with you. Obviously you still have feelings for her but the real issue here is her. When a RS ends there is always someone who cares more. And here it's you. Basically when she asked to hug you she might have done so out of habit or comfort. And this might have rekindled something inside of you. Normal reaction.

 

Now it's upto you to decide. If you feel she is serious and there is a possibility that you could get back together then take things slowly and build on that. Do not rush anything.

On the other hand, if you feel she is not serious do not invest yourself anymore and cut off completely. Difficult but achievable. Good luck mate

[carlosb7792]

I appreciate all of the advices, i really do. The thing is that I'm friends with a few females I dated, friends with a couple of chicks i had feelings for, and I got a few females that intreatvlike the guys. Honestly none of them would act like this and they're comfortable around me to and that's because we're just friends and there's no need to be flirty, touchy and all of that stuff.

 

Personally I can't tell what she wants to do and how she feels. I wouldnt mind working things out but I feel like she should reach out to me first since I've done a majority of reaching out. Even though I don't want to, I'm going NC and back to focusing on my goals like I was doing before she came back. Is she changes her mind, she'll know where to find me!

[VienneseCoffee]

I went through this for months with all of this "maybe... someday" crap from my ex boyfriend then I found out he was seeing someone else. I still love him so much but I'll never speak to him again.