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VienneseCoffee

My ex and I broke up 4 months ago, it was his idea but he's been pretty vague about it all, at first saying he wanted to break up, then maybe not and at least he wanted some kind of a break. I was extremely distraught about losing him and immediately went into breakup grieving mode. I fell into a really awful depressed state of mind I'm still trying to work my way out of.

 

So the ex, I have seen him a few times and we have talked on the phone. He keeps saying he is not quite ready to move on and he might want to get back together. he's trying to work on himself, blah blah. I feel like he's just stringing me along at this point until someone else comes into his life. I know he's been dating or at least trying to. I already told him I can't do the let's be friends thing until I have done a better job of moving on and healing.

 

So, what do I do. For now I blocked him on my phone and told him he can email me if he's serious about wanting to work things out. Perhaps he is confused but I would think he could work that out on his own time and let me know if and when he makes up his mind. I just wanna let go of this situation if we're not going to reconcile. Thoughts?

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I know he's been dating or at least trying to. I already told him I can't do the let's be friends thing until I have done a better job of moving on and healing.

 

So, what do I do. For now I blocked him on my phone and told him he can email me if he's serious about wanting to work things out. Perhaps he is confused but I would think he could work that out on his own time and let me know if and when he makes up his mind. I just wanna let go of this situation if we're not going to reconcile. Thoughts?

 

Most times dumpers will revisit the dumpee for transitional purposes. It sounds like that is what he is doing because if he was seriously working on himself to get back into a better space so that he can he present for you, then he wouldn't be out there dating and checking out his prospects. Even if he were working on himself, you should be out of the picture. Even then I would have to question his motive should he return. Possibly a risk you will have to take if you want a second chance at this.

 

Keep him blocked.

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My ex and I broke up 4 months ago, it was his idea but he's been pretty vague about it all, at first saying he wanted to break up, then maybe not and at least he wanted some kind of a break. I was extremely distraught about losing him and immediately went into breakup grieving mode. I fell into a really awful depressed state of mind I'm still trying to work my way out of.

 

So the ex, I have seen him a few times and we have talked on the phone. He keeps saying he is not quite ready to move on and he might want to get back together. he's trying to work on himself, blah blah. I feel like he's just stringing me along at this point until someone else comes into his life. I know he's been dating or at least trying to. I already told him I can't do the let's be friends thing until I have done a better job of moving on and healing.

 

So, what do I do. For now I blocked him on my phone and told him he can email me if he's serious about wanting to work things out. Perhaps he is confused but I would think he could work that out on his own time and let me know if and when he makes up his mind. I just wanna let go of this situation if we're not going to reconcile. Thoughts?

 

You're basically just giving him the ability to control what happens with YOUR LIFE, giving him the option of "choosing" you or not. Remove the option right now. You are not being fair to YOURSELF. You're letting him step back and make a decision that affects both of you. He should be communicating with you, talking about his concerns, why he's feeling the way he's feeling, not cutting you out until he decides what going to happen.

 

This could go on for quite some time -- on/off, etc. End it now and use the "extra" time to start moving forward instead of probably wasting any time only to be let down by him.

 

When a guy says he doesn't know what he wants . . . he knows what he doesn't want and usually can't let go of it until there's a replacement.

 

Tell him you're out and go no contact. And, no friggin emails -- Unless this guy shows up at your door with a huge engagement ring and on bended knee with a clear plan for resolving the things he thinks he needs to work on, etc., you keep moving forward with your life and plan without him.

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VienneseCoffee

 

Tell him you're out and go no contact. And, no friggin emails -- Unless this guy shows up at your door with a huge engagement ring and on bended knee with a clear plan for resolving the things he thinks he needs to work on, etc., you keep moving forward with your life and plan without him.

 

lol! thanks for that. Yeah I did tell him already that I'm not a toy he can just put on the shelf and pick back up whenever he feels like it. He knows I am still in love with him but I need to just move on with my life, this is not a good place for me to be -- in ambivalent land. I definitely don't want to get hurt again.

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lol! thanks for that. Yeah I did tell him already that I'm not a toy he can just put on the shelf and pick back up whenever he feels like it. He knows I am still in love with him but I need to just move on with my life, this is not a good place for me to be -- in ambivalent land. I definitely don't want to get hurt again.

 

Take the control away from him. If you do that for yourself right now, you will be in a better "head" space going forward . . . leaving it to him will hurt more. There is a little more peace when you leave with the power.

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Sweetie,

 

Do yourself a favor. Block him or change your number. Don't engage with him again. Never settle to be anybody's backup plan or as someone stated, transitional person.

 

Dumpers love to keep the dumpee on the hook for their egos. It's comforting to them to know there's still someone out there who wants them and they can "fall back to" if things get rough on the single's front.

 

You need to slam that door in his face. Cut that off and vanish. He made his decision to kick you to the curb. You having any contact is holding you back from getting 100% over it and moving onto someone better.

 

I've know a lot of women over the years that were dumped. They accepted the news, knew reconciliations NEVER work out and immediately vanished from the dumpers life.

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VienneseCoffee
Sweetie,

 

Do yourself a favor. Block him or change your number. Don't engage with him again. Never settle to be anybody's backup plan or as someone stated, transitional person.

 

Dumpers love to keep the dumpee on the hook for their egos. It's comforting to them to know there's still someone out there who wants them and they can "fall back to" if things get rough on the single's front.

 

You need to slam that door in his face. Cut that off and vanish. He made his decision to kick you to the curb. You having any contact is holding you back from getting 100% over it and moving onto someone better.

 

I've know a lot of women over the years that were dumped. They accepted the news, knew reconciliations NEVER work out and immediately vanished from the dumpers life.

 

thanks, I needed to hear this. :(

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  • 4 weeks later...
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VienneseCoffee

Well, you guys were right if you go back and check my message history to see how my ex of four months was stringing me along with a bunch of maybes and false promises. Saying he needed time to make up his mind, saying we needed to talk more about the relationship. He wanted to be friends, he wanted to try again, blah blah. Just two weeks ago he messaged me about the possibility of getting back together. I randomly came across a FB profile who was a friend of a friend. Yep, he's on it and he's her boyfriend. I called him up to confront him and he said it was a recent development but the photo went up right after I talked to him the last time.

 

Now tell me what on Earth would make someone want to act this way? I'm just so pissed off.

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Cheryl11111111111111

Don't take this so personally. He isn't head over heals in love with her. If he was would he be talking to you. Let him have her and let her believe she has him. He isn't going to turn around and find himself happy with her. He may with someone else but it isn't you or her. Half the knowledge in your head are lies. Half the truth you believe is a lie.

 

This morning, I was waiting for an appointment for a Christmas hamper. My life sucks. I hate it but it's no one's fault and it isn't the end. Struggles are not bad because when you don't struggle, you really appreciate that and life isn't over because of our struggle.

 

 

This guy who is very respectable came in and comforted a few "unfortunate" people and I didn't even bother. He smiled and I said hi. He was being fake and it was so obvious. He was enjoying playing the hero but he was playing the role more than actually being a hero and most people live like this. I am so beyond where I would make friends or be respected. But I know that in three years I'll be a better person and the results will show. Your life is so much bigger then this guy and even if he did love her and became the perfect lover, only one person will land him which would equal his perfection to be 2 people out of everyone on the planet. Do you want to sacrifice your entire life for two people or do you want to maybe find someone better then both of them..

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Cheryl11111111111111

The idea of something happening is far worse then when it happens and he may be occupied and screwing another women but he doesnt' love her. He may even love himself more. Besides, if a guy is so perfect enough to find a perfect women and your single. Id be more happy that he took her off the market and left you with a better game. That way she can't take any one of your future guys. She has him, be thankful. She could have the next guy and that would suck!

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Because he's a manipulator. He put you on the back burner waiting for something he thought was better to come around. He only cares about himself.

And usually people like that don't have meaningful relationships-they are too concerned about themselves.

What you need to do is cut him off because people like that will always throw you a line in case the present relationship doesn't workout.

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Well, you guys were right if you go back and check my message history to see how my ex of four months was stringing me along with a bunch of maybes and false promises. Saying he needed time to make up his mind, saying we needed to talk more about the relationship. He wanted to be friends, he wanted to try again, blah blah. Just two weeks ago he messaged me about the possibility of getting back together. I randomly came across a FB profile who was a friend of a friend. Yep, he's on it and he's her boyfriend. I called him up to confront him and he said it was a recent development but the photo went up right after I talked to him the last time.

 

Now tell me what on Earth would make someone want to act this way? I'm just so pissed off.

 

Same thing happened to me. People have a way of talking themselves into questionable behavior. It's easy to normalize that kind of behavior when you are the one doing it.

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Why would you want to be with someone who is so unsure about it?

 

I've been in this situation a number of times. I always decide for both of us that it is over. They are always stuck in limbo and will tell you things like it might be the biggest mistake of their lives, or they can't imagine life without you in it, and that they would miss all the shared moments together.....but at the end of the day they should be thrilled to be with you. I know relationships have their ups and downs but don't you want to be with someone who isn't willing to let the relationship go so easily? get someone that will fight for it.

 

You said it yourself that you think he is or is trying to date others. Do yourself a favor and walk with pride and dignity. Waiting on someone only to be their second resort is pathetic, and I have a strong feeling you are much better than that.

 

Good luck! I hope you prioritize yourself!

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VienneseCoffee
Why would you want to be with someone who is so unsure about it?

 

I've been in this situation a number of times. I always decide for both of us that it is over. They are always stuck in limbo and will tell you things like it might be the biggest mistake of their lives, or they can't imagine life without you in it, and that they would miss all the shared moments together.....but at the end of the day they should be thrilled to be with you. I know relationships have their ups and downs but don't you want to be with someone who isn't willing to let the relationship go so easily? get someone that will fight for it.

 

You said it yourself that you think he is or is trying to date others. Do yourself a favor and walk with pride and dignity. Waiting on someone only to be their second resort is pathetic, and I have a strong feeling you are much better than that.

 

Good luck! I hope you prioritize yourself!

 

Thank you. It was only a few weeks ago he said he was seriously thinking of getting back together with me. He was claiming he still loves me and was agonizing over his decision. Back then I said I refused to be an option in his life and I wasn't going to hang around waiting for him to make up his mind. I never took the second resort option. And now this new person he was evidently seeing her at the same time from the date on the photo. It pisses me off so much but I am indeed walking away.

 

I know it was foolish for me to keep talking to him, I know.

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  • 3 weeks later...

ahhh, okay. Well, I'm happy to hear you are held your head high and walked away. If he was with someone else while you two were together, that does not reflect on you. That is his own insecurities and faults. This life is not easy, I am having a really tough night accepting that I am alone, that they aren't coming back. It's a sad night, I hope tomorrow is better. I wish you all the best, keep your chin up!

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If you want the pain to stop you have to stop going back for more! Enough is enough now block him everywhere, chalk it up to experience and move on. Yes it hurts like hell but the pain will ease, if you hold on the pain is indefinate. No guy lets a woman go that he loves, why risk losing her to another man? He was/is just stringing you a long, only he knows why! Time to put you first love you more. You will move on but you have to try first!

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  • 2 weeks later...
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VienneseCoffee
If you want the pain to stop you have to stop going back for more! Enough is enough now block him everywhere, chalk it up to experience and move on. Yes it hurts like hell but the pain will ease, if you hold on the pain is indefinate. No guy lets a woman go that he loves, why risk losing her to another man? He was/is just stringing you a long, only he knows why! Time to put you first love you more. You will move on but you have to try first!

 

Thank you, I agree. He has been blocked for a few weeks now. I should have done it sooner. I'm just trying to heal myself right now.

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VienneseCoffee
ahhh, okay. Well, I'm happy to hear you are held your head high and walked away. If he was with someone else while you two were together, that does not reflect on you. That is his own insecurities and faults. This life is not easy, I am having a really tough night accepting that I am alone, that they aren't coming back. It's a sad night, I hope tomorrow is better. I wish you all the best, keep your chin up!

 

Thanks. It still hurts like Sh*t but I won't settle for being an option or back up plan in his life. :(

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