it has been years and I'm not over it- !

[singleandsad]

I have come here as a last resort, I've read posts that are similar to my situation but none seem to answer all my questions... let me start from the beginning

 

I met this guy- we will call him Jay- in high school. We talked for a few weeks before officially meeting face-to-face but we knew we liked each other as soon as we met. He was amazing and so was his family. A few months into our relationship, I was on Jay's computer, a girl he had been messaging was texting him from the other room, I was reading the previous messages in their convo and was shocked to see he was sending her "sexual" requests. I called him out about it and threatened to break off the relationship, a few days later we met to talk about it and he said he wouldn't talk to girls, he was CRYING and hugging me and kept apologizing so I forgave him (I was 17, and my first relationship)

 

After all that we were fine, I had slight trust issues but wasn't psycho or overbearing and we talked everyday, we talked about the future, getting married, college, you name it we talked about it all. I was infatuated with him, he was my rock and support when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and he even came to the hospital with me. Once when she was in the clear, he distanced himself and I noticed but he kept saying I was being paranoid and crazy.

 

We dated a total of about 10 months when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to him (and vice versa) so we did, it wasn't anything special it was in his basement and it lasted about 25 seconds but he swore he loved me and I knew I loved him. Less than 2 weeks later he called me and broke up with me. I was devastated, I didn't eat I didn't sleep and I certainly didn't talk about it. Everyone was shocked, including my friends, his friends and my family. I was heartbroken and completely lost. I returned his things that day but his dad answered to door and we didn't speak after, I kept NC for almost a year. There were times when he would like my pictures on FB or Instagram and he never unfriended me on anything (still, to this day)

 

One night, I called him drunk and he said he would meet with me but that never happened so I gave up, I haven't talked to him in awhile and its been almost 3 years since he broke up with me. He has a girlfriend and seems to be pretty happy and content with his life, I on the other hand have met so many guys, Ive gone to formals and date parties with a lot of different types of guys and I still haven't found someone who gives me that "butterfly" feeling so I have a few questions...

 

1) How do I move on from something I thought was going to last forever?

2) Will he ever feel bad for what he did/miss me?

3) Why would he still follow me on everything when he's clearly moved on?

4) How do I move past this when he clearly will never give me a reason or explanation for doing this to me?

5) How do I move on from here?

 

I don't want to be that girl whose a senior in college not over her high school ex, but I haven't found anyone who makes me feel like he did, this is kinda a last-ditch effort at getting answers since I'll never get them from him... any further advice is welcome

[Satu]

Firstly, if you've been following each other on social media, you haven't been doing no contact. You've been doing 'observing from a distance.'

 

If you keep on doing that, you'll never move on.

 

I also suspect that you've been avoiding feeling the full pain and sorrow of the loss, by observing your ex and maintaining a very tenuous feeling of connection.

 

You have an omitted grieving process.

 

You haven't "found someone who gives you that "butterfly" feeling" because you've not done your grieving and healing yet.

 

When you have, you'll meet someone who does give you that "butterfly" feeling.

 

First step: Stop observing and being observed, and do no contact properly.

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

When you've been doing the above for a while, you'll start to feel the pain of the loss, and you'll begin to do your grieving and healing. Once started, the grieving process manages itself, because it's a totally natural thing.

 

When that process is complete, you will be able to be with someone new and experience that "butterfly" feeling.

 

You'll be ok.

 

 

Take care.

[Marco Valerio]

First of all, you can not forget about him like he never existed. So forget about erasesing him.

You just have to choose to move on, and be positive. Never compare boys/men because they are all diferent, and they should be.

There's always someone special out there, not that many, but enough.

Be patiente. It's easy to have many bfs/gfs, but not that easy to have one that's worth the shot.

[ExpatInItaly]

Firstly, you must delete him from social media. If you don't, you are sabotaging your efforts to move on.

 

Secondly, he still follows you because he doesn't feel an emotional attachment to you, so real need for him to delete. He's indifferent about it, so when you post something he probably thinks "Nice to see she's doing well!" but that's about it. It doesn't have a deeper meaning. I say this because an ex I broke up with more than 10 years ago is a FB friend, but we have both long since moved on - so when I see his occasional updates on my news feed, I think it's great that he's done well for himself. There's nothing more to it than that.

 

Thirdly, you are idealizing what was actually a rocky relationship. Him breaking up with you should have come as no shock, given his previous bad behaviour. That doesn't mean it shouldn't have been painful for you, but you need to take off those rose-coloured glasses you look at him with. He was no Prince Charming if he was trying to have sex with other girls.

Edited November 10, 2016 by ExpatInItaly