So I checked ex's Facebook.....

[Lovejunkie81]

Been nearly a month since we broke up, I have been missing him so much but really trying to move on.

 

But tonight I checked his Facebook - or rather I got my flatmate to as I didn't want to unblock him - and got the biggest shock to see he had changed his profile pic - to a photo of me & him when we were first together.

 

It's not a blatant photo of us - in fact most people wouldn't even realise it's me (it's taken from behind me so you can't see my face) but he would definitely know, that I would know; does this mean he's trying to let me know he's missing me or am I overthinking things?

 

I'm not gonna contact him still - he knows what he did, how much he hurt me, & i don't want to hurt like that anymore - but even so, I can't help wondering what he's thinking and if he misses me or regrets hurting me?

[Toodaloo]

He is thinking he looks good in that photo. That is all there is to it.

 

Really. That is it...

[Lovejunkie81]

But he doesn't look good in it. And it's like three years old so not even a recent one.

 

I dunno you're probably right, it probably means nothing. If he starts blowing up my phone or turning up on the doorstep then I'll read more into it.

[PegNosePete]

does this mean he's trying to let me know he's missing me or am I overthinking things?

You think this is how his logic works?

 

"Hey I really miss Lovejunkie but how can I tell her? I know, I'll change my FB pic to an old one with her in it, although you can't see her face so nobody will know except me. Even though she's blocked me I'm sure she'll somehow see it - maybe get a friend to check my page or something? Then she will know I still care"

 

Really?! No. Nobody thinks that way.

 

If he starts blowing up my phone or turning up on the doorstep then I'll read more into it.

Exactly. If he misses you or regrets hurting you then he would do something concrete about it. Not cryptically muck around with old pics on a page that you can't even see.

[Toodaloo]

Even if he starts blowing up your phone its probably going to be because he feels lonely or is drunk so just ignore it all.

 

I sometimes use a very old (probably taken before you were born) photo as my profile pic. I just like the picture. It has an ex in it, haven't spoken to him for years and have no intention of doing so. I just like the picture and it reminds me of a fun day out...

[whatnot]

You think this is how his logic works?

 

"Hey I really miss Lovejunkie but how can I tell her? I know, I'll change my FB pic to an old one with her in it, although you can't see her face so nobody will know except me. Even though she's blocked me I'm sure she'll somehow see it - maybe get a friend to check my page or something? Then she will know I still care"

 

Really?! No. Nobody thinks that way.

 

you mean "almost" nobody

Edited November 8, 2016 by whatnot

[Lovejunkie81]

I dunno.

 

He's still fb friends with my best friend so he'd probsbly have a fair idea I'd end up seeing....

 

The photo is just, weird. I haven't really explained it very well. Basically the original pic was a selfie by one of my friends, and in the background, he and I were in a swimming pool together, he had his arm round me and my back was to the camera. He's zoomed in, completely cropping out my friend (who took up three quarters of the original photo) so it's s very poor quality photo (being so far zoomed in) of him cuddling a chick in a swimming pool.

 

It's entirely possible he'd be scared to contact me. I was very angry when we broke up;, told him I hated him and to never come near me again or I'd ring the police.

 

As for "who thinks that way" re changing profile pic to something in hopes I'd see it? Well, he does. He'd done it previously (and told me later)

 

And I guess I just answered my own question. Which means I can probably expect a random visit within the next week. Which I don't know how I feel about, on one hand I miss him & on the other I'm still pretty hurt & angry from the reasons why we originally broke up and there's no way he'd have changed in under a month, no matter what promises he might make.

[Toodaloo]

You are making a whole heap of dramas here....

 

Overthinking and driving yourself mad...

 

What if he doesn't show up. Are you going to be disappointed?

 

Look in real life the ones who are successful are the ones who cut through the crap and fast.

 

Forget this guy and move on. He has already taken up too much of your head space.

[stillafool]

I dunno.

 

He's still fb friends with my best friend so he'd probsbly have a fair idea I'd end up seeing....

 

 

.

 

You should ask your best friend to block him on FB as well. Does she need him as a friend?

[stillafool]

 

And I guess I just answered my own question. Which means I can probably expect a random visit within the next week. Which I don't know how I feel about, on one hand I miss him & on the other I'm still pretty hurt & angry from the reasons why we originally broke up and there's no way he'd have changed in under a month, no matter what promises he might make.

 

I'm glad you found the answer to your question. Good luck!

[Lovejunkie81]

You should ask your best friend to block him on FB as well. Does she need him as a friend?

 

Why would I ask her to block him? She can still be friendly with him if she wants, it doesn't faze me. Besides he is also friends with her fiancé so that would just be awkward.

[Lovejunkie81]

You are making a whole heap of dramas here....

 

Overthinking and driving yourself mad...

 

What if he doesn't show up. Are you going to be disappointed?

 

Look in real life the ones who are successful are the ones who cut through the crap and fast.

 

Forget this guy and move on. He has already taken up too much of your head space.

 

 

So, having been with this guy for several years, living with him for most of that time, I should be "over him" in less than a month or otherwise I'm not successful? That's an interesting perspective.

 

Of course I'm not going to be "disappointed" if he doesn't turn up; truth is I probably won't even know if he does. It doesn't mean that I didn't have a WTF moment to see he'd changed his profile pic to one including me, though. Not what I expected to see at all.

[Blanco]

Why would I ask her to block him? She can still be friendly with him if she wants, it doesn't faze me. Besides he is also friends with her fiancé so that would just be awkward.

 

No, you should ask her to block him so she can't feed you information about his Facebook activity.

[Blanco]

So, having been with this guy for several years, living with him for most of that time, I should be "over him" in less than a month or otherwise I'm not successful? That's an interesting perspective.

 

No one said that you should just be over him. Being over him and moving on with your life are two different things. The first will come when you do the second.

[niji]

You've answered your own question down below, so you're probably not seeking answers but rather reassurance.

 

I've had someone who rejected me as a romantic interest but when I deactivated FB, still posted quotes specifically said by me (things I either posted on my FB before - from myself, not famous people's quotes, or generic statements in convos with him) on his FB. I saw them when I activated it for just a few hours every few days to check on him so nobody knew I was "active" (oh the dark days of fake NC ) then deactivated back. Did he expect me to see this? I'm pretty sure he didn't; he wouldn't know that I would activate for a few hours every few days. Did he miss me? Maybe he missed the thought of being able to talk to me (we were close friends for 3 years prior), but me? No.

 

The problem with these situations is, there is a possibility that person X missed you, but it could also be that said photo/quote/whatever reminds them of a fond memory, of which you may be a part. Because if they did love you truly, they don't play games. they would miss you enough to come back knocking on the door. And if it's games, it doesn't and shouldn't matter because sooner or later, the player will leave.

 

BTW I'm totally guilty of keeping a pic of me and my ex just because I looked good...

Edited November 9, 2016 by niji

[PegNosePete]

As for "who thinks that way" re changing profile pic to something in hopes I'd see it? Well, he does. He'd done it previously (and told me later)

Do you really want to be with someone who plays those kind of childish games, who is too scared to talk to you like an adult human being? What kind of relationship is that?

[stillafool]

Why would I ask her to block him? She can still be friendly with him if she wants, it doesn't faze me. Besides he is also friends with her fiancé so that would just be awkward.

 

So you don't find out any information about what's going on in his life. It sets you back from healing when you get updates. If you don't feel comfortable with her blocking him then tell her not to feed you information about what he's doing.

[Lovejunkie81]

So you don't find out any information about what's going on in his life. It sets you back from healing when you get updates. If you don't feel comfortable with her blocking him then tell her not to feed you information about what he's doing.

 

Really, there's nothing going on in his life that is going to stop me from "healing".

 

It's just a bit ironic that, several weeks after we split up, he suddenly changes his profile pic to one that includes me, then starts commenting on my best friends posts like he's trying to get her attention. And of course she sent me the screenshots of it - cos what friend wouldn't tell me, when he's doing that?

[Blanco]

And of course she sent me the screenshots of it - cos what friend wouldn't tell me, when he's doing that?

 

Probably a friend who knows it's in her friend's best interest to be cut off from unnecessary information about an ex so that she can heal and move on.

 

But I know that's not what you're looking to hear, so allow me to do the honors:

 

Your ex wants you back and he's letting you know in a manly, romantic fashion. That is to say, he's changed his online profile picture that he knows you can't see unless you have a fake account or have someone feeding you information.

 

I will add that the statement "there's nothing going on in his life that is going to stop me from healing" is not true, because instead of further detaching yourself from him, you're sitting around trying to decode the true meaning of something as innocuous as changing an online profile picture. But, to each their own.

[Lovejunkie81]

Well I thought I was doing fine.

 

Til yeah, he turned up on the doorstep last night.

 

To return a kitchen utensil, apparently. A tin opener, worth about $5 so really not important at all.

 

And now upset all over again, cos even though I kept my cool at the time, and kept it brief and said I was heading out so couldn't stop and talk, now it's been going over and over in my head all day.

 

Yes I KNOW this isn't how mature men behave or demonstrate their ongoing affection. And I know he's no good for me, etc.

 

But it still hurts.

[ainoviere]

Lovejunkie81, based your posts I actually think a part of him doesn't want to let go yet (either because he wants you back or is flip flopping), but is not confident/mature/secure enough or too prideful to apologise or otherwise tell you what he wants. He could also be confused and not know what he wants either. Assuming you want him back, you'll need to make the first attempt at reconciliation.

 

The above being said, you seem to have already decided that you don't want to be with him, in which case best to leave sleeping dogs lie. Any contact, direct or indirect, will just prolong the recovery period.

Edited December 16, 2016 by ainoviere

[Lovejunkie81]

Yeah.... well I hadn't made any contact. And definitely no "subliminal" messages on my Facebook wall - no sad songs or stupid quotes for anyone to decipher or read **** into either.

 

I really just want to meet someone nice - he wasn't, he was an abusive drunk (put me in hospital one time, smashed in my car windows while I was trying to get away from him another) and while he'd been so sorry and promised it'd never happen again, promised he'd stop drinking wtc - well the fact it ever happened at all is so bad. And he'd started drinking heavily again which was why I'd broken it off again - cos everytime he drank I felt scared he was gonna get physical again. Yet it didn't stop the fact I stilll loved him even if I knew how bad he was for me.

 

I move house next week, so at least he won't know where I live anymore and there'll be no more unexpected visits. Cos even if I know, intellectually, that he's no good for me, it's a lot harder to resist when he's physically standing in front of me saying he's sorry and begging for another chance ?