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Ex-Boyfriend Contacted During "No Contact"


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My ex boyfriend of 15 months and I have been broken up for about 2 months. Shortly after the break-up was over, we tried to be friends which didn't end well and only resulted in me feeling more confused and hurt by the entire situation. A few days ago, I had felt like I was at my breaking point and told him that I was coming to pick up the rest of my things and that I was done trying to be his friend if he wasn't going to treat me like a friend (not responding to texts, acting indifferent towards me in public, etc.). I guess the thought of me being completely done with the situation scared him, because for the first time since our initial break up he confessed his feelings to me. He told me that since the start of the breakup this hasn't felt like a real separation to him and he's yet to feel "apart from me" - partially because almost immediately after we broke up, I tried to force a friendship with him out of fear of losing him forever. I made the mistakes a dumpee usually mistakes (begging, promising change, sending long messages, etc.) and I feel really silly about all of this now. He also told me that he has felt confined and pressured for months, and that all he asked for was some space and time to himself for a while but I haven't "trusted that he'll come back". Which is true. Towards the end of the conversation, I asked him what should we do, and if he wanted to be done with each other and just completely forget about us? And he said no, he just didn't want to continue bickering or having resentment towards each other. In the end, he asked for space and distance and I agreed, telling him I would not contact him unless he initiated it. After that, he told me he still loves me (for the first time since we broke up) and that I still mean a lot to him, it's just hard for him to live his life when he feels so controlled all the time. I already know that he's been casually seeing/hooking up with other girls, and although it hurts I know I have no control over what he does being that we are not together anymore. His best friend is a close friend of mine, and has told me that he wants absolutely no emotional attachment to any of those girls. After the first day of not talking, for the first time in months I had started to feel indifferent towards the entire situation, and decided that I was going to do "no contact" for about a month and see where that leads me.

 

Later that night, out of the blue he texted me "hey" and asked me an irrelevant question about one of our friends (pretty sure this was his way of checking up on me, and trying to make sure things between us were still okay). I was responding with short answers and trying not to seem too eager about the fact that he texted me. He kept initiating conversation asking how I was feeling and wanting to know what I was up to. It was his idea to take "space" yet he reached out to me almost a day later. Eventually the conversation went dead, and since then we haven't talked much.

 

I feel like he has intentions of reconciling, he just needs time and space to himself, which I understand. We fought a lot in our relationship and it became really overwhelming. I feel like a break-up was a good thing because it's really opened my eyes to the things I need to change, and I know if we do end up reconciling in the future it would have to be a fresh start and a brand new relationship.

 

I've been having a hard time with no contact - although I haven't reached out to him, it's been really hard not too and I still feel extremely depressed about this situation. I have hope but I feel like as the days go on, I lose it little by little. Just wanted to post a thread to see if anyone has any advice or input to offer on my situation? Thanks! :)

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I think he misses you. Not clear if he wants to reconcile but it is possible.

 

 

How old are you two? What was the overall quality of the relationship - common friends, meeting families etc? How long did you try to e friends before the NC?

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