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Why wont she take me back?


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I have been with a girl for the past six years. We are 21 years old now and have a three year old boy together. She has been talking to a "Friend" which was another guy for months. I proposed to her and she said yes. We were together for a few more months and she was talking to this guy more and more. I let it go, and I went and bought a house. We had an argument on giving up her "friend" and she didnt want to. So I left and moved into an empty home all by myself. The first week I was gone she said she was lonely and wanted me back. I went over there and conforted her and I turly wanted her back, but I knew that I shouldnt because all we did was argue all the time. So I started to ignore her and my son.

 

The next week I went without talking to her at all. That saturday of the second week, she told me that she started seeing her friend and that they went on a date and that they kissed for the first time. I flipped out in tears and do not know what to do. I rushed to her house the next day telling her that I love her and I want her back. I was stupid to see that she loved me all this time and I was the one not loving her. I want her back so bad. She keeps letting me hang out with her and she acts so happy with me but does not want me to show any affection. She tells me that things are different now and that she needs space to think. It hurts so bad that she is with another guy right now. I want to wait for her. We hang out all the time like best friends. I want more and she keeps trying to push me away. She tells me that she doesnt love me that way anymore. I cant give her up.

It has been almost 10 days and I still have feeling so strong for her. She has plans to go out with this other guy this saturday and it tears me apart. I do not want another woman. I want her. Another woman would think that I am psychotic because all I would talk about or think about would be my ex. I want the comfort of her being there for me when I need her most. But she is not there and it seems that talking about it only makes things worse. Its just that she rushed into things and has her safety net already set up. She doesnt need me for anything now. She wants us to be best friends but I want more. I have to see her almost every day. Afterall we have a child to raise. I see my son everyday. so I see her everyday. Her whole family wants us to get back together and them telling her that pisses her off even more.

 

We hang out together and today we went shopping together. She asks me if things look good on her as if I was her boyfriend. She even helps me pick out things. She lets me hold her and hug her but gets annoyed if I hold her too long. She wont kiss me or hug me back either. When I hang out with her I feel like I never left yet I love her more and more each day. When I ask her if there is chance she says I dont know.

 

Should I wait for her? I need her. I dont want to go long without seeing her. That is the thing, I will her see her all the time. It kills me to know that she is already with someone else already. I wish that she would all of a sudden realize that she loves me and that we can live together and raise our son together as a family. But that would only be in an ideal world. That is what I keep thinking about everyday. I want to get back together. What do I do? I dont want to replace her, why is she replacing me? She says that she is not replacing me but she wants to experience other things in life except me. We have basically been together everyday since high sophomore and freshman years of high school. From age 15 we have been together and now we are 21 and I am 22. Out anniversary of six years would be April 11, which is next monday. Should I do something to try to get back together? I feel that you never realize what you had until you have lost it. All I can see are the positives and all she sees is the negatives. I cant move on. Please somebody help.

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I'm sorry that things are not going your way. Of course rebounds never work out. They are just a soft place to fall on untill you feel better. And your ex is not feeling that great right now. Although I'm sure she thinks so.

 

I really think that u should leave her alone for a while. Give her what she wants. You realized that you had something special because someone took it away from you. And you you had time to reflect on your thoughts. So leave her alone. As it seems that she has not even given herself the time to think about what she wants. And seeing someone else does not grant her the time she needs as well.

 

She'll come around. But not on your terms. She'll have to do it on her own. So don't push. By the way, stop hanging around with her the way you do. You make it too easy for her to forget you. Let her miss you for a while. Give yourself some worth. And have a little faith in yourself. She is getting everything she wants right now by you hanging out with her. Don't sell yourself short like that. And keep loving your little boy the way you do!

 

Hang in there, you're not alone.

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Got some time on your hands? Read this thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49359/

 

Don't let her make you believe it is your fault that she decided to allow this "friend" to move in on her. Is it really your fault she was unfaithful? She had at minimum an emotional affair. And I really don't believe that their first kiss was after she left you.

 

Give yourself some time. You will get past this girl and find someone alot better.

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I know how you feel, i am in a kind of similar situation to you, i was with my girl for nearly 10 years and she broke it off and started seeing someone else straight away, the pain is unbearable, but there is nothin you can do except give her space. Stop hanging out with her everyday, all your doing is holding yourself back, from getting over it. Start hanging out with your mates, to keep your mind off of her and in time you will heal.

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I dont understand why she keeps talking to me and being so nice to me. We have a kid to raise together and I had him last night. She came over and stayed the night with me, but she said that she is here for my son and not me. He was sick, but I still dont understand. She still calls me, and is helping me pick out paint for what was supposed to be "our" house. I go over to her house and she will hang out with me, but wont show any signs of affection. I tell her that I love her, but all she says is "I know." It tears me apart knowing that she has made out with some other guy and text messages him all the time. I would still take her back right now, I dont know what to do. I want to be with her. Every satrurday her and her new guy goes out on a date, but she hangs out with me all week long. I regret every saturday, and hate looking forward to it. She says she wants time away from me, but all it is doing is making me want to kill this other guy. He is with my woman. She wants time to see the world, but why does it have to be with another guy? Why cant it be her friends? She said to me, you want me to just have an answer for you in a few days, but I need more time then that. Is she just going to wait until I am crushed to tell me that I dont have a chance? What do I do?

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I was kind of in the same boat. .i am 21 was with my ex for 7 years.. we dont have any kids, nor were we going to get married.. Anyways I think she just wants to test the waters.. You two have been your only real relationship.. She wants to see what else is out there before settling down with you Im guessing. My mom told me this when we first broke up and my ex started seeing someone else.. I wish I would have listened to her sooner.. haha i even went shopping with my ex for panties and bra's when we werent together.. Same thing man.. She is just keeping you strung along while she trys this relationship out..

 

I finally realized this with my ex and was like ok she will come back sometime.. but now after 5 months I dont even care anymore.. I realized I have wasted 5 months trying to get her back and the best thing for me to do is not contact her and move on with my life.. If she does want to reconcile and I feel the same way in the future then maybe we can talk but until then I dont even want to talk to her while she has a b/f.. So just back off and dont talk to her.. dont let her know that this all bugs you because in reality all she is hearing when you say you want her back and all that is " Oh Drew33 is still here waiting for me so Im fine" She knows she still has you so there is no pressure for her to either get back with you or continue with this other guy..

 

I know it sucks... It took me about 3 months to realize I was doing everything wrong (calling her everyday, begging, confessing my love for her) All this does is show them they have the power still and you are still there waiting for them while they do whatever the hell they want to do.. So just dont contact her in anyways.. dont hang out with her unless it is necessary.. Just distance yourself like crazy and I bet she will be the one that calls you and she will show more interest. !! Trust me you might not think it now (like i did when people told me) but you will realize after time that it is the right thing to do..

 

 

Take care..

 

Peace

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My ex and I took my son to the doctor the other night, and we started talking. This guy that was just a friend and her had sex two weeks after we broke up. For the last six years of our life we were eachothers only and first. We are both 21 right now. How could she do this so fast??? WHY? She said that she was just horny, but the had sex for a long time. Now she wants to move in with me and raise our son together, but still date other people. What the f*ck is going through her mind. She wants to be together, but not have a relationship with me. She wants to be best friends. We even had sex the other night. And all she could tell me that I was so much bigger and better than him. What the heck do I do? I feel like she cheated on me and I still want her back?? WHY???? I want to go out and have sex with someone else now to just make it "even." But I know that if I went and slept with someone else that it would only makes things worse? or would it? If I was ever with her again I could never get the thought of her sleeping with someone else. I wanted it to just be us, I liked knowing that. We were much safer that way, and we were comfortable that way. She keeps telling me that she wants me to go and have a relationship with someone else as well. I DONT WANT TO!!! But I would feel better I think, if I had slept with someone else though. We were engaged, then split, then she has sex with someone else that fast? How can I forget her? or what do I do? For some reason I can see us having the opprtunity of getting back together in the future. She has the feeling too. I always said that I would never want to be with her if she was with someone else, but I dont feel that way. We were so pure together. Now she is ruined. Sex is something you do with someone when you love them. How could my ex be such a slut? When I slept with her the other night, she told me to not tell her new boyfriend. Can anyone explain this to me? I dont get it!!!!!!! ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

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It looks like most folks on this thread are telling you the same thing. And I have to agree with them. ;)

 

Currently your girlfriend is having her emotional needs met by TWO men. If you withdraw your emotional support from her, that leaves OM stuck trying to fill the bill on his own. It's highly doubtful that he'll be able to manage it.

 

She's young, and she hasn't had alot of experience in the world yet. It's natural for her to want to do that. Ideally, she should have experienced these things BEFORE committing to one person, and becoming a parent with them. The world is not always an ideal place though.

 

The best thing you can do at this point is to remove yourself from the chaos. This is best described at marriagebuilders.com as Plan B. What that means is that you withdraw your emotional support, and go into a state of minimal contact. NO CONTACT would be better, but is not feasible in your situation because you are co-parenting together. But if you need to deal with her, it should be ALL BUSINESS. However, it does need to be civil and brief. Not warm and fuzzy. And certainly not beligerant or rude. Give her NOTHING emotional of yourself.

 

That will accomplish several things actually. First, it will minimize the pain that you are experiencing in observing her behaviors and having intimate knowledge of her activities. This will help to preserve the love that you have for her, because you won't be taking on as much emotional damage.

 

Second, it will allow her a little peek into the future of what her life would really be like without you. For probably the first time, she'll wonder if she might actually lose you. :eek:

 

Third, as I said before...OM will be forced to fulfill ALL of her EN's. He will most likely fail. Remember, it's been taking TWO men to do that lately. That will probably ruin the excitement of the relationship. Do not have sex with your ex during this time. You are off-limits to her until she straightens up. ;)

 

Make sure that you give her the roadmap home before you implement the plan by writing her a letter. Let her know you love her, and that you want her back. But she is hurting you, and you can't preserve your love for her under the current circumstances.... and so, must withdraw to a safe distance emotionally. Set your terms on what you need in order to take her back. Usually things like NO CONTACT with OM, counseling, etc.....whatever it would take to make you comfortable enough to reconcile with her. Don't point fingers and make accusations. Do remind her of everything you once had. This is a love letter.

 

Then stick with it. Don't take her back EVER until she is compliant with what you've outlined in the roadmap. The cool thing about this method is that by withdrawing from the chaos, it makes it sooooo much easier to accept the separation if, in fact, she never does come back. It's step #one in moving on, and you're leaving her some breadcrumbs to follow.

 

I know it's hurtful, but time on your side. Be patient. :)

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LeftyBigstick18

Im very new to the boards, and the world of relationship community talk.. (see my thread) .. But people keep saying 'you'll find somebody better' .. Well, what if the person that just left you was your 'somebody better' from someone else you forgot about? How viscious is this cycle? Or have I just completly lost faith in relationships or women altogether?

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  • 2 weeks later...

i was in a serious realtionship with my ex since last january 2004...... we got engaged in august and moved away aform our home otown for my job in october... in february everythign all of a sudden fell apart in our relationship.... and we both moved back hoem to live with our respective parents. well everythign got blown outta proportion and because of that her dad wouldnt let us see each otehr or talk to each other.... im 21, and shes 20 yrs old. Up until now our parents adored each of us. anyways i fianlly saw her (she kept it secret form all of the ppl she knows) and talked to her 6 wks after we broke up. i had already known she was hanging out with another guy she kinda liekd.... but i foudn out that it was gettign serious and that they had had sex recently.... anywayz i dotn caer botu that... botu in the course of our convo i found out this

- she stil thinks abotu me everyday and loves me....

- she misses the time we shared.

- shes happy with this guy as she wasnt happy the last few months of our realtonship.

- shes lieks him cuz hes a lot like she is makes her happy

- if we had of talked sooner wed prob be together

-she said there might be a future for us down the road....

 

anywayz all fo this makes me feel positive... abotu us getting back together. I mean im her 2nd lognest realitonship and she thoguht i was the one i KNOW shes the one for me... and sicne we split we have both changed a lto for the better and i have to say i love her even more now cuz of the small thigns shes changed. anywayz i lvoe her to death im movign on in my life but unless its her i dont want a realtionship but i jsut cant stop but thinkign why did she jump into this other relationship???? i feel it wont last... but i dont knwo she thnks theres potential.... and ya... i mean were gonna be godo friedns and start healing as friends and so the ballis rollign if we do get back together but ya.... shes said it nto a rebound but im thinking it might be???? i mean she loves me and shes lieks this other guy and is spendidng all her time with him yet those small thigns she said to me above make me wonder if she is truely happy.... i mean ya .... i want her back..... we were happy i knwo we can be happy if we jsut talk about things... and i mean we did take several small baby steps to show trust and heal the other day liek i get to see our puppy again now.... i mean i think abotu her all the time...... and im hopign that when we do the puppy classes for our dog we can work as a team, maybe take our dog for wlaks togethe rmore frequenty as we did when i met her the other ngiht, and she said she woudl prob accomapny me for support to a course that i ahd comitted to doign whetehr we were together or not.... i think those thigns might helop us to rebulid and make our realtionship stornger btu ya... i keep wodnering how logn aor if shes gonna realize that im better....

 

any thoughts?

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I think you should start your own thread about your situation instead of throwing your situation onto an existing thread. You will get more responses that way.

 

And please use the spell check feature or slow down in your typing.

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Who the *%% is that girl man, I know you have a kid with her and everything, but if you say "I love you" and she says "I know" then she knows she can have you anytime she wants and that is not attractive to a female. Grow some and don't touch her anymore. Spend the time with your son, be a good dad and leave that girl alone. The more you confess your love for her, the more pathetic it seems.

 

GL

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