Day 5 of NC is killing me

[simon_uk]

Do the exes usually have regrets? I mean obviously I am exaggerating the positive things in the raltaionship so i assume she is exaggerating the negatives. Given time alone will those feelings begin to change? Obviously it dependson the individual so its hard to answer. Even if they are proudindividuals do they usually make an effort to contact and reconcile if they feel regret or do they just think well I dont want to make a fool of myself so not bother?

 

Anybody?

 

Simon

[greenhorn]

No they don't and live peacefully.

 

What you are thinking of ?? lingering hope of reconciliation I can see in your post.

 

Try to move on thats what NC is for.

[amytct]

Hang in there Simon and know that you're not alone. I'm only on Day 2 of true NC and it's killing me as well. He has a lot of outside interests and I keep thinking that he's out and about right now having fun with his friends while I sit in my apartment crying and alone.

 

I've always had a problem with my heart catching up to my head and that's what I'm working through right now. When I think through rationally about all the problems we had, I know this is for the best, but my heart keeps screaming how much I love and miss him.

 

In some respects, you feel like you're watching a movie that's not about you, but then you realize it's your life.

 

In my case, other things are coming into play. I received my master's degree in December and so far have been unable to find a better-paying job, I hate the apartment I'm currently living in and desperately want to move (need more income to do so), my dog is old and sick and I may have to consider having him put to sleep and now, the breakup. It's just all snowballed for me and I know that sometimes I'm crying over the totality of all these things and not just him.

 

It would make me feel better if he would respond to me or even talk to me so I could have some kind of resolution.

 

We last exchanged e-mails on Tuesday and he said he might check into chat that evening if he didn't get home too late from an event he was attending, but he never showed up. Wednesday, I e-mailed him about getting together this weekend and he didn't answer. Friday was when I was weak and broke NC twice.

 

I just can't seem to find closure when he won't communicate with me, but I have to reconcile that he may not contact me and I have to accept that.

 

I'm sorry for rambling, just know that you are not alone. I'll be thinking of you .. you are strong and you can do this.

[eastern_mystique]

Hey Simon,

I'm really hoping my ex will have regrets, but I think you need to give it time, things don't become apparent overnight. Supposedly, over time the bad memories fade (if there were any) and they remember the good stuff.

 

NC is hard but in my dabblings with it, I've found that my ex at least thinks about contacting me, even if he doesn't end up doing so. Example: I did NC with him for 4 days last week and on the 4th day I contacted him to ask him if he wanted to go to a party a few days later. When I was talking to him he said that he'd thought about calling me that lunchtime but hadn't because he thought I'd be busy. When I told him I'd be in town the next day to buy a few things, he even said "stop by the shop at lunchtime and we can hang out on my break" which I did. I haven't talked to him for two days but out of nowhere last night he sent me a text message asking about the party (he didn't go because he had a bad cold - and he wasn't lying either). So you see, not contacting them for a while really catches them off guard and when you do get in contact with them, they're actually quite happy to hear from you, or they even contact you first.

 

It really depends on whether you think your ex still likes you/ has some feelings for you or not. I think my ex does, even if he doesn't want to be with me right now. If they still like you, then you have a shot. I think being friends and staying on good terms is important to this process - probably the reason most people don't get back with their exes is because they don't bother trying to stay friends with them, they lose contact or they're just downright hostile to them. If more people tried the friends route, I bet 50% of people would get back together. Sure, people break up for a reason, but they also get together in the first place for a reason too. Relationships end, but they can begin again.

 

Hang in there!

[simon_uk]

Thats really what I wanted to hear. I am not saying that other peoples opinions arent valued of course they are and I wouldnt want people to tell me that everything will be fine just to make me feel better either. I just want to believe that miracles do happen thats all. Yes my ex does still like me, she says she loves me but is not in love with me because the fire has gone from her belly. hopefully something will reignite it and we can make the babies we dreamed of. I pushed my last girlfriend away by begging and pleading I wont let that happen again. im just scared of her forgetting me if theres zero contact. I also think that sif i dont let her know that I am thinking of her and wish for so many of our dreams to become reality then she will think that I no longer want them things or have gotten over her! Which apparently is a good thing for her to think to improve my chances. I just cant see that working though! :-(

 

Glad thiings are looking up for you!

 

Simon

[vickimonster]

They are bound to end up thinking of you. Spend that much time with someone and you can't help but wondering what they are up to. At the same time you and I both know that if we hope for miricles we will probably be disappointed, focus on you and two things will happen. You will start to heal. She will miss you and want to talk to you, you will be more stronger in yourself and be much better placed to deal with it. You are as important to yourself right now as you believe she is. Faith, strength and a little bit of hope.

 

V