Will "No Contact" have any effect at this point?

[freshwateroceans]

For the purposes of leaving the door open for reconciliation, that is.

 

Here is the story:

 

Met an amazing woman in January of 2016, we dated for 9 months, fell in love with each other, moved in together, everything was going great. Before meeting this woman I was single for a while; I was in a long term relationship with another woman that ended in January of 2015 (about a year before meeting this one). My current girlfriend found a photo packed away in some of my old belongings of my ex and I standing together from Summer of 2015. She questioned me about it , asking why I would take a photo with an ex several months after we had broken up. I honestly couldn't remember the instance or any particular reason for taking that photo. She was furious because I told her that I wasn't friends with my ex after the breakup, but this photo "contradicts that". I explained to her that I was not friends with my ex after the breakup, but we had to work out a lot of logistical things after the breakup, and maybe at some point we took a picture together after that... but I don't recall the reason. She broke up with me, believing that I was lying to her, and also now falsely assuming I've been talking to my ex behind her back all this time.

 

We still lived together at this point, and was moving out in a few weeks. The first week I tried over and over again to explain that I wasn't lying, and tried to reason with her about her misunderstanding. She didn't believe me, and would just get frustrated when I tried to argue my innocence. She assured me that she no longer trusts me, never will again, and that it is over forever.

 

So, after that week, I went complete NO CONTACT, and ignored her both in the home and when she would text me. She started texting me every day after this... more and more and more. Just random questions, statements, and photos of things. I just ignored all of them. This went on for two weeks.

 

When I finally moved out, she still texted me afterwards for days... weird meaningless texts, along with some quasi-logistical texts (none that really required any response from me), and also asking me about my new place. I tried to be cordial and responded with very short, vague messages. I still wanted to reconcile with her, if she wanted to, but none of her messages in the last 2 weeks had ANY semblance of an intent to talk about our relationship or work on any issues. They were just random things. At this point I got frustrated and sent a harsh and long wall-of-text to her, telling her that she is hypocritical because since we have been broken up she has texted and contacted me way more than any ex girlfriend before her ever had, and I told her to stop doing it because it was making it difficult to move on.

 

She stopped texting for a few days. She then messaged me asking me a purely logistical question, that honestly needed an answer- which I responded to in a short, concise way, and also mentioned that I didn't mean to be too harsh with her in my previous text and that I was upset and emotional due to the circumstances (honestly, I truly regret getting angry about it). She suddenly turned it around and proposed, herself, that we both never see or contact each other from here on out... I agreed to it (which was easy because this is what I was trying to do anyways...)

 

 

My question is, in a situation like this, will sticking to NC really have any effect on her coming to her senses and possibly coming back to reconcile? Did my emotional eruption of harsh text blow any chances of this? I love her and I hate that we broke up due to a big misunderstanding... but it's been couple weeks and she isn't texting me incessantly anymore since we both decided to go NC. I'm moving on, and focusing on myself, but I'm curious if anyone here thinks there is still some chance she might come back after staying NC? I know this isn't your typical breakup situation...

 

Thanks,

 

-freshwateroceans

 

Note: We are both in our early 30s.

Edited October 22, 2016 by freshwateroceans

[JewelD]

Hard to tell. It's a big misunderstanding on your end but even you don't have a clear explanation for the picture. Of course that's going to sound shady to her.

 

She might get bored of being lonely and eventually come back but if she truly thinks that you were disrespecting her and seeing your ex then I doubt anything's going to happen during this period of no contact that's going to prove to her otherwise. I wouldn't hold my breath.

 

Besides, if it truly was a big misunderstanding in which you did nothing wrong, why would you want to be with someone who would make such a rash decision and clearly does not trust you?

[freshwateroceans]

I know what you mean about the trust issue. We had an amazing relationship before this, never any issues of trust or dishonesty, I'm a very open, honest, and committed person and there has never been any question of anything like this in the past.

 

I was just hoping with time and space she would come to realize how ridiculous this is to over-analyze this photo from over a year ago, way before we ever met, and then jump to conclusions over it- disregarding 9 months of knowing that I'm a trustworthy and honest person.

 

FYI I'm not sure if this makes any difference, but the photo was found on an old laptop that was packed away, deep in the hard-drive (I told her she could use the laptop but she snooped through the old photos).

[ExpatInItaly]

You could tell her that if she would like to speak about the issue that caused the break-up, you are open to that and would welcome the chance to talk to her. But if that's not why she is contacting you, then it's best to go your separate ways.

 

Only say that if you mean it, and are wiling to actually speak to each other. This should not be done via text.

 

I can understand why she is skeptical. You say you weren't friends with you ex, yet somehow you two took a photo together. Doesn't make a lot of sense. I too have been through break-ups in which the logistics needed to be sorted out, and yet I have not managed to take any pictures with these men during that process.

[freshwateroceans]

You could tell her that if she would like to speak about the issue that caused the break-up, you are open to that and would welcome the chance to talk to her. But if that's not why she is contacting you, then it's best to go your separate ways.

 

Only say that if you mean it, and are wiling to actually speak to each other. This should not be done via text.

 

I can understand why she is skeptical. You say you weren't friends with you ex, yet somehow you two took a photo together. Doesn't make a lot of sense. I too have been through break-ups in which the logistics needed to be sorted out, and yet I have not managed to take any pictures with these men during that process.

 

I have tried to talk to her about it on several occasions, she didn't even want to talk about it. I admitted to her that it is odd that we took a photo on this occasion, but we had taken thousands of photos together during the decade we had been together, and it's really hard to recall each specific photo, especially since that was during a time I tried hard to forget (we were together for a long time, the breakup was very hard on us both). All i could say to her was that it obviously wasn't the best idea for us to take a photo together for whatever the reason, and I apologized over and over again for forgetting about it. She still thinks that I'm probably still talking to her today, which of course isn't the case. I told her though I cannot explain this old photo, she just has to trust me that my ex is no longer in my life and has not been for a long time, long before we even met. She said she was unable to trust my word about this.

 

She knows I am open to talk about it if she ever decides to do that... so I'll just stay NC until that happens. Each time I tried to discuss it and reason with her, it only pushed her further away. Like I said I'm an honest person, and have never shown her any reason to doubt that during our time together, and I'm just hoping eventually, when the dust settles on this, she looks back and understands that I'm not a dishonest person, nor would I have any reason to lie about this (as personally I'm not even opposed to people being friends with their exes if they so choose to. It doesn't bother me either way. It's just that me and my ex chose not to because it was too difficult after 10 years together).

Edited October 22, 2016 by freshwateroceans

[aileD]

Sounds to me like she wanted to break up with you anyway, the picture was her excuse. Her way to blame it on you instead of being honest about her feelings.

 

NC is best

[Doris1991]

hello

 

To me she sounds confused. It seems like she doesn't know what she wants and is keeping the door open just in case, or maybe she's finding it difficult to navigate the gap you've left in her life now. It's so hard doing no contact especially if your ex is contacting you a lot.

 

Whatever her reasons are I think no contact will help both of you to decide what you want whether you want to move on or reconcile it helps to get your emotions in check, calm down and think rationally! We're all emotional just after a break up and the fact you're in regular contact or have been is hindering you both and keeping the emotions running highly. If she contacts you in that time maybe just politely explain that you're doing no contact but it's not for forever just to give you both a bit of space!

 

Hope that helps!

[freshwateroceans]

hello

 

To me she sounds confused. It seems like she doesn't know what she wants and is keeping the door open just in case, or maybe she's finding it difficult to navigate the gap you've left in her life now. It's so hard doing no contact especially if your ex is contacting you a lot.

 

Whatever her reasons are I think no contact will help both of you to decide what you want whether you want to move on or reconcile it helps to get your emotions in check, calm down and think rationally! We're all emotional just after a break up and the fact you're in regular contact or have been is hindering you both and keeping the emotions running highly. If she contacts you in that time maybe just politely explain that you're doing no contact but it's not for forever just to give you both a bit of space!

 

Hope that helps!

 

Well she definitely stopped sending texts after I sent that long emotional text in reply. The last thing I really got was her telling me she wanted to no longer communicate from here on out i.e. no contact. I believe the message might have hurt her feelings a bit, but communicating with your ex is exactly what she broke it off with me for... so that fueled some frustration... in combination with constant meaningless texts that were interfering with my personal ability to move on. I believe we parted on bad terms due to this, which is unfortunate, but hopefully all is forgotten in time.