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Ex-boyfriend wants threesome before we try to reconcile


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Hi,

 

Ex and I broke up over unplanned pregnancy. We didn't see each other for a couple of weeks to give each other space. We agreed to try and work through things through but now he wants me to sleep with another man whilst he watches. He wants it to be ongoing.

 

Obviously I don't think this is ideal given the current situation of our relationship and I'm monogamous in relationships, but I'm shocked he even suggested it. I didn't see it coming at all. I feel like he just wants to treat me like a piece of meat.

 

Anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it?

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No, because most people have enough respect for themselves to not even consider such a ridiculous request.

 

You might need some therapy if you're even considering doing this.

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Hi,

 

Ex and I broke up over unplanned pregnancy. We didn't see each other for a couple of weeks to give each other space. We agreed to try and work through things through but now he wants me to sleep with another man whilst he watches. He wants it to be ongoing.

 

Obviously I don't think this is ideal given the current situation of our relationship and I'm monogamous in relationships, but I'm shocked he even suggested it. I didn't see it coming at all. I feel like he just wants to treat me like a piece of meat.

 

Anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it?

 

I feel like he just wants to treat me like a piece of meat. -- Uh, yeah . . . and I'll bet money that after you do it the first time, he'll dump you again. He doesn't want to reconcile, he wants to make a fool out of you.

 

How would I handle it . . . I'd block and delete his number immediately. No further discussion EVER.

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No, because most people have enough respect for themselves to not even consider such a ridiculous request.

 

You might need some therapy if you're even considering doing this.

 

 

Very true. As I said, I'm monogamous. No third party allowed. I guess I'm trying to make some sense of it. How could he quickly flick a switch like that. Does it appear that he's emotionally unstable after what happened only weeks ago?

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Something else which makes no sense... his last serious (long term) relationship ended due to infidelity. Not his, but his ex's infidelity. I find it strange that he would ask me to replicate something that had a significant negative affect on him.

 

It isn't like he's ever taken any frustration out on me. He had always been very gentle and respectful.

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I don't believe for a second that this guy has always been kind and respectful to you. Not at all. Regardless of whether you noticed the signs of his problematic behavior before now, it's pretty clear you don't mean anything to him. Otherwise he would never request this of you. But apparently you have been making it clear you really want to be with him and now he thinks he has enough leverage to get you to engage in this act.

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I don't believe for a second that this guy has always been kind and respectful to you. Not at all. Regardless of whether you noticed the signs of his problematic behavior before now, it's pretty clear you don't mean anything to him. Otherwise he would never request this of you. But apparently you have been making it clear you really want to be with him and now he thinks he has enough leverage to get you to engage in this act.

 

 

I have never once agreed to this. I said no. I asked him why and he said he just wants to try it.

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I'm quite sure this can be considered emotional blackmail. It's not the type of thing you do to someone you love and respect.

 

I don't have a problem with threesomes or cuckolding if the participants agree to it, but to demand it as a condition of reconciliation - knowing it's not something you're interested in - suggests he does not care for you.

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relationship issues aside, having sex with multiple men and exposing yourself to STDs while pregnant is not a good idea.

 

I lost the baby, but I agree 100% with this nonetheless.

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I'm quite sure this can be considered emotional blackmail. It's not the type of thing you do to someone you love and respect.

 

I don't have a problem with threesomes or cuckolding if the participants agree to it, but to demand it as a condition of reconciliation - knowing it's not something you're interested in - suggests he does not care for you.

 

He said he gets very aroused knowing other men find me attractive and wants to bring it into the bedroom. I don't.

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I have never once agreed to this. I said no. I asked him why and he said he just wants to try it.

 

That's not the point. It's a bold outlandish thing to ask a woman and I don't think he would have asked you if he didn't think there was a chance you would say yes. And you're trying to make sense of the situation but it's pretty clear. I don't understand why you wouldn't be more horrified and angry rather than curious about why he did it.

 

Are you still considering being in a relationship with him at some point?

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He said he gets very aroused knowing other men find me attractive and wants to bring it into the bedroom. I don't.

 

I like other men finding my woman attractive too. Still, nothing happens in the bedroom that we don't both agree to.

 

Using a reconciliation - a time when he has leverage - to manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do is a scumbag move.

 

I don't like the fact that he broke up with you over a pregnancy in the first place. I can understand not wanting an unplanned pregnancy, but to leave you over that when he's equally responsible and then pull this stunt is just low.

 

Just my opinion.

 

I don't think he cares about you very much.

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That's not the point. It's a bold outlandish thing to ask a woman and I don't think he would have asked you if he didn't think there was a chance you would say yes. And you're trying to make sense of the situation but it's pretty clear. I don't understand why you wouldn't be more horrified and angry rather than curious about why he did it.

 

Are you still considering being in a relationship with him at some point?

 

 

I am furious. We were quite adventurous sexually but I thought I made it clear early on that there would never be a third person involved. I brought it up, not him. He agreed without hesitation. I highly doubt there will be any reconciliation now.

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I like other men finding my woman attractive too. Still, nothing happens in the bedroom that we don't both agree to.

 

Using a reconciliation - a time when he has leverage - to manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do is a scumbag move.

 

I don't like the fact that he broke up with you over a pregnancy in the first place. I can understand not wanting an unplanned pregnancy, but to leave you over that when he's equally responsible and then pull this stunt is just low.

 

Just my opinion.

 

I don't think he cares about you very much.

 

 

Yeah, you're right.

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I am furious. We were quite adventurous sexually but I thought I made it clear early on that there would never be a third person involved. I brought it up, not him. He agreed without hesitation. I highly doubt there will be any reconciliation now.

 

Because you don't want to or because you think he won't want to?

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I'm glad you wont fill his request. All he wants to do is get his jollies at your expense. Problem is with someone like him, he would at some time want to video it and then you would have a big time problem.

 

If it's me I tell him to date a hooker and walk away

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Because you don't want to or because you think he won't want to?

 

I don't feel the same way about him. I don't think an ultimatum like that is fair.

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Very true. As I said, I'm monogamous. No third party allowed. I guess I'm trying to make some sense of it. How could he quickly flick a switch like that. Does it appear that he's emotionally unstable after what happened only weeks ago?

 

Mainly it's just that he's manipulative, and if that's an underpinning of his character it means he's not a good guy and someone who should be avoided.

 

Essentially he has too little regard for you to respect the boundaries you already clearly established and instead views disagreements and reconciliations as bargaining chips to use to get you to do stuff you don't want to. That's a low caliber person.

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There are several phrases you can use in a situation like this.

 

The more polite ones include

 

f*** off

Jog on

Trot on

Go screw yourself

 

 

What ever you use it doesn't matter as long as you convey to him that you never want to see him or his self centred ass ever again!

 

Do not give this man the time of day. Be single. Heal. Find a better class of man.

 

This man is not "emotional" over what happened. He is just trying to get what he can from you before he ditches you again. He doesn't give a damn about you. You are making the same mistake I usually make which is making excuses for their rubbish behaviour. Don't. All it does is waste your time and leaves you feeling like crap while he sits pretty.

 

Get rid because this guy stinks worse than a cess pit.

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Hey, this may seem a bit out of left field, but allow me to play something of a Devil's Advocate...

 

Lots of happy couples have "non-traditional" relationships. I myself have never been in anything but monogamous relationships, but I know a fair number of folks who, um, manage their personal lives differently.

 

Could it be that this guy just wants a life for himself where he has a relationship where such escapades are OK? If you were a couple, and were suddenly staring at the prospect of having a child unexpectedly, well... things suddenly get REAL right about then (I know from experience!).

 

It could be that the unwanted pregnancy simply served do crystallize his desire to have that sort of relationship. His timing and delivery might have been bad, but why was he wrong to ask you if you were interested in the same sort of relationship that he is?

 

I mean, what if you were *dying* for a threesome, and had only been waiting for him to ask? Is he a jerk merely because you were not similarly interested?

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^ As one of those ppl who manage their personal lives differently, I can tell you this still smells rotten. His timing is suspicious and his tact bscly nonexistent. She's apparently already made it clear that she's a person of monogamous sensibilities, so he shouldn't particularly be thinking that's sth that's on the table, and pitching it as a prereq for reconciliation is really tasteless and disrespectful. It debases the whole premise of the sanctity of the prior relationship as it existed in her eyes and just comes off like a cheap, sleazy sales pitch.

 

Any alt/prog person w dignity who wanted those things wouldn't just shove it out there that way in front of someone they respect, and they wouldn't push it in the first place if they'd already gotten an answer after asking respectfully. Whether they'd have much of a future w such diff sensibilities is another question, but his play here sounds more or less like a try for a sex trophy than an attempt to reconcile.

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There are several phrases you can use in a situation like this.

 

The more polite ones include

 

f*** off

Jog on

Trot on

Go screw yourself

 

 

What ever you use it doesn't matter as long as you convey to him that you never want to see him or his self centred ass ever again!

 

Do not give this man the time of day. Be single. Heal. Find a better class of man.

 

This man is not "emotional" over what happened. He is just trying to get what he can from you before he ditches you again. He doesn't give a damn about you. You are making the same mistake I usually make which is making excuses for their rubbish behaviour. Don't. All it does is waste your time and leaves you feeling like crap while he sits pretty.

 

Get rid because this guy stinks worse than a cess pit.

 

Yep.

 

Tell him to get a dildo and a mirror. He can have all the "threesomes" he wants.

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