Doris1991 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Hi everyone! I'm going through a break up at the moment and need a bit of advice! I was in a pretty short, turbulent relationship with a guy recently that I'd met online. When we first started talking he was absolutely lovely and would shower me with compliments. I wasn't sure how I felt about him or if I was going to like him when we met up as he seemed a little bit "rough around the edges" so to speak. When we met things went really well and progressed quickly and soon we decided to give a relationship a try. After we became official things changed pretty quickly, he became quite distant which made me anxious, when I was with him he'd hide his phone from me (like quite obviously turn it away from me - I respected his privacy but he made it quite obvious he was hiding something from me on there), he'd call me things like "weird" "crazy" "a psycho" etc, he'd criticise everything I did from the way I walked to the way I drove and if I brought any of it up he'd tell me I was too anxious or sensitive. He also engaged in some quite risky behaviours that I was concerned about. About 3 weeks ago i was at my wits end and I was thinking about potentially ending things but the problem was I did actually, despite everything, feel like I really cared about him and when he was nice to me, he was really nice to me. It just happened not often. In the end it was him that ended up dumping me. I was devastated and although it has got A LOT easier and I'm starting to believe maybe I'm better off without him. It has left me feeling paranoid and with an absolutely huge dent in my self esteem we have spoken and he's admitted that he was totally at fault and that I hadn't done anything wrong. I feel like we've smoothed stuff over, but the problem is I'm now doing the "obsessive ex thing" where I'm looking at any new friends that are girls and assuming they're dating, obsessing over when he's online etc. The reason I'm writing now is because I'm checking so much and as he hasn't been online for 2 hours I'm assuming he's on a date. So my first question is... how can I stop this obsessive behaviour? How can I stop worrying if he's dating other girls? (Which he is completely entitled to!) My second question is... how can I build my self esteem back up again? I think I have quite a pretty face and I've lost quite a bit of weight which has helped with my confidence, but I'm so shy around people I don't know very well I'm actually getting concerned that I'll never find another partner or love ever again I'm 25 which I know isn't too old! Thanks to anyone who's read this far! If anyone wants a tl;dr my ex was the one who finished things and it's led me to being a little bit obsessive over his online behaviour, and has dented my self esteem massively. How can I stop being so obsessive and build my self esteem back up again? Link to post Share on other sites
Sunnymae Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 From what I read, it sounds like he had a change of heart. Also it sounds like he continued with OLD. He shouldn't have moved in with you if he wasn't sure. I would say good riddance, and don't let the door hit you on the way out. You gotta do what's best for you, and as a objective observer, this guy is not worth trying to get back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunnymae Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Oh, to build your self esteem, you need to set boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunnymae Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 P.S. Look at the no contact guide. And listen to what the others will say on here regarding No contact. If you feel like contacting him write the letter and posted on here, wait a day and re-read, and you'll probably not send it. Just think about how sad, and confused he made you feel, how rude he was being OLD. Start working on yourself. Buy some clothes, get your hair done, reconnect with friends, or make new ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Doris1991 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Share Posted October 21, 2016 I've read a little about no contact but didn't realise about the letter idea! That sounds like a good idea! Thanks I have been doing those things (got my hair done today!! and also making new friends and contacting older ones! I am feeling a lot better in general!! It's just the self esteem issues as I'm so shy as it is and haven't got much confidence! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts