lovechunker Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Ok so here's the deal... I've been dating this girl for 7 months, and we just moved in together. She bought the place and now I'm sensing things going downhill. I feel like she walks all over my feelings, and intentionally sometimes. For instance, we're at dinner with a couple of her friends and we get on political topics. I proceed to get pommeled for expressing my opinions, and she joined in. I felt very betrayed by her. I showed up for the informal dinner 45 minutes late and she was super mad, so she responded by treating my like crap instead of explaining to me that she was mad. Then she says stuff like I was crying to my mom for an hour and a half to try to make me feel worse. This same day however, I told her very far in advance that I wanted to watch football with my friends from 3 until 7 and only got to leave to watch it at 345 because she made me paint with her and her mom. I'm think, listen I told you yesterday that I wanted to watch football, I never see my friends and they all think I'm dead because of this, and you decided to take 3 hours to pick up the paint so that I ended up running late to see my friends, but then you are pissed at me for running late to come home for dinner with your friends. I'm pretty sure we're about to break up because in my mind I think she's being insanely dramatic and I can't deal with this anymore. This is just one example. Someone please set me straight... Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 did you talk to her about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovechunker Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 I tried, but IMO she is hard to talk to. She is very sensitive so she reacts very dramatically to any confrontation for her being called out on anything. I've talked to her about similar things in the past but nothing has changed. I guess I'm trying to figure out whether I'm being a douche. I always feel like a crappy boyfriend because she seems very hard to please. I don't want it to end but it seems like she has very high expectations to where any small slipup from me and the relationship is in jeopardy but she can't even admit that she was overreacting in small instances. Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 I think you bit off more then you can chew. You're living with her, she owns you. Link to post Share on other sites
lightfoot Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Your girlfriend doesn't respect you. The question is, do you want to leave her now while you still have your dignity or do you want to wait for her to dump you with traumatizing humiliation? Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 sounds like a regular day in my marriage. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 sounds like a regular day in my marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 I feel like she is a bit insecure and that is why she overreacts. You need to have a final talk with her and explain to her clearly that you're speaking to her because you want things to work and if you didnt you wouldnt have. If she doesnt change then you did your part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovechunker Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 (edited) Bahaha love the responses. That's already how I'm feeling...I'm thinking am I really going to put up with this anymore? I don't want a marriage where she does this **** @lolablue17 but maybe thats just women. I texted her because she didn't contact me for 2 days and is still acting like she has a right to be mad at me. As far as i see it, she wants me to break up with her at this point. I guess I'll see when we talk tonight. Have to go home at some point ...fug I don't see anyway of reconciling this based on how she treats me and life's too short to deal with this kinda crap haha Now I have to figure out an exit plan. I don't even want to have sex with her...is that weird? Edited October 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovechunker Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 Thanks @Nadine123 I agree. She's been cheated on before and raped so I'm thinking the insecurity thing runs really deep with this one and it's coming out full boar now! It's so sad though because sometimes things are amazing when she isn't doing this stuff but then she acts dramatic and it kills the entire vibe of the relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 trust me, have one final conversation with her. Just one more. Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 It won't get better, I can assure you of that. I've been with 2 women very similar to your situation. Call her out on it and she'll react very badly. Get out now while your dignity is still somewhat intact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Why did you move in together so soon? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Seven months is a really short time to be with someone before deciding to co-habitat. You learn so much more about your partner, both good and bad, when you live together. At seven months, there was still probably a lot you didn't know about her, anyway. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovechunker Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 @expatinitaly things progressed quickly and since we both were in love had met the parents and all that jazz already and our leases were up simultaneously we moved in together. Looking back it was pretty quick but we were basically living together before this. @blanco i totally agree. I have never lived with a girlfriend before her and definitely didn't understand the magnitude of the decision. Anymore advice folks? I really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 I think you bit off more then you can chew. You're living with her, she owns you. No, he can move out. She bought the house and he moved in. He's pretty free. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovechunker Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 @blueiris you're right I am pretty free. I will definitely feel bad moving out and sticking her with the mortgage we are splitting but I really don't see another option. Also note, that just after we moved in she started saying a lot of insecure things and i always reassure her but it leaves me feeling that I will never have her as emotional support. Makes me feel like shes not emotionally able to support me because she needs so much of it and not matter what I give its never enough. Link to post Share on other sites
sharkbite0 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 It wasn't over until you said how hard she is to talk to. In my opinion, if things are going to go on any longer and progress in positive ways then there needs to be communication. I don't think its your fault, and maybe its not exactly her fault. Perhaps it is simply bad chemistry in the end. She needs someone that will give everything up for her and you don't seem to be that person. I have an ex who I went through a similar situation with. Every relationship is unique in their own way but she wanted me to be her little puppy dog. She wanted me to pretty much not have a life outside of her and I. To me, that's not a loving relationship. So I ended it with her and she ended up having a kid and getting engaged to a guy that follows her around and never says a word, I can see that I made the right decision. So will you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovechunker Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 @sharkbite0 lollol so funny about the following around not saying a word. Ya thats why I feel like I need to make a stand. She's trying to control everything I do and if I don't let her she puts up a huge fuss. I've literally heard her say before "that's how i get my way" feels good to type it out. I had like 10 weddings this summer and each one she did something progressively more annoying to start a fight and ruin the fun and then blame me. Pisses me off because these were all people i care about and now my memory of their weddings is tarnished by this. Thanks everyone for responses. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 @blueiris you're right I am pretty free. I will definitely feel bad moving out and sticking her with the mortgage we are splitting but I really don't see another option. ... Oh no, did she buy the house in reliance on your contribution? I hope not. I see so many unmarried people buying houses together or buying in reliance on another's contribution and it's just not wise. Do what you need to do. Definitely take more time getting to know someone in the future before entering agreements and becoming financially interdependent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trinity_84 Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I tried, but IMO she is hard to talk to. She is very sensitive so she reacts very dramatically to any confrontation for her being called out on anything. I've talked to her about similar things in the past but nothing has changed. I guess I'm trying to figure out whether I'm being a douche. I always feel like a crappy boyfriend because she seems very hard to please. I don't want it to end but it seems like she has very high expectations to where any small slipup from me and the relationship is in jeopardy but she can't even admit that she was overreacting in small instances. Sounds like you two are not very compatible, she has some growing up to do and you have to work on your communication skills... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovechunker Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 So we ended up having a talk and broke up last night! Thanks for all the input. I feel weirdly relieved because I think our relationship was stressing me out. We will see what the future holds now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Thanks @Nadine123 I agree. She's been cheated on before and raped so I'm thinking the insecurity thing runs really deep with this one and it's coming out full boar now! It's so sad though because sometimes things are amazing when she isn't doing this stuff but then she acts dramatic and it kills the entire vibe of the relationship I've been cheated on and raped yet I never treated my boyfriends nor my now husband this way. That is just an excuse for poor behavior. She's a brat and I wouldn't put up with it. Don't marry her. Break up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I've been cheated on and raped yet I never treated my boyfriends nor my now husband this way. This is what I was going to say. Sorry about the break-up, OP, but the relief you are feeling is an obvious sign that it was the right thing to do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 So we ended up having a talk and broke up last night! Thanks for all the input. I feel weirdly relieved because I think our relationship was stressing me out. We will see what the future holds now. You are relieved because it WAS stressing you out! I was going to advise you move out and break up asap. Do not be surprised if she tries to get back together with you in the next couple of weeks. Do not go back. She was demonstrating a complete over reaction to very basic and simple things. When you live with a person they do not "own" you. that is not what it is about. If it starts looking like that then there is something very wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
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