Do all dumpers come back eventually or feel regret

[LosTrueLove]

Hello

 

From your experience as a dumper or dumpee. Do all dumpee come if they selfishly checked out of the relationship I.e. To "meet new people" or thinks "3 years was good enough". And as a dumper do you feel regretful of your choice at the end of the day

[salparadise]

No.

 

If you got dumped the best thing is to accept it and move on. Otherwise, you'll end up feeling like you're on thin ice all the time, listening for the crack-splash noise.

[cucumber95]

I think it depends on some people, and of course how it ended. If somebody dumped parnter who was abusive, then why regret it?

[LosTrueLove]

I think it depends on some people, and of course how it ended. If somebody dumped parnter who was abusive, then why regret it?

 

Thanks for the reply. But as I said the dumping reasons is mentioned on the thread

[cucumber95]

If it is reasons you mentioed, then she/he lost intrests/attraction so I don't think she/he would regret it, maybe in future, when they won't find any good as you

[DarrenB]

The dumper always has a precise reason. Whether they tell you that or not. There's always a reason or excuse behind their decision. It might just be because they lose the attraction or the love they had for you. It's unfortunate, like I always say... but it happens.

 

Whether they regret it or not, should not cross your mind at all. It has been done, the decision has been finalized. They no longer serve a presence in your life. Even if it's for appropriate or inappropriate reasons, it's their loss.

 

As a dumpee, like myself. You always imagine the worst outcomes, and you begin to wonder of everything you had personally done to provoke their ultimate decision. There's just no point doing so. B/U's are such a confusing and hurtful process, especially when things end not how you would have assumed they would. You'll linger otherwise, onto the hope of reconciling with them in future, even though you're almost certain it won't happen. But, you have to think this way in order to motivate yourself further. Or you take the completely opposite approach, and move on entirely. I wish I could do that.

[ExpatInItaly]

No, they do not always feel regret or come back. I say that having been on both sides of the coin.

 

When I ended a long-term relationship, it was because I knew deep-down that he wasn't the right person for me. We had grown and changed and were no longer a good match. I don't feel that breaking up with him was selfish at all. Quite the opposite - staying with him and stringing him along for convenient affection and attention (while knowing I wasn't really invested anymore) would have been selfish.

 

He was a good person and I wished him well. But I never had any regrets. It's been many years since then, and we have both long since moved on.

[marky00]

The thing that annoys me about this topic is that so many will come in here and say its a dumper's prerogative to end a relationship when they aren't feeling it no more. Well, that may be well and true.

 

 

However, going back over centuries you have to ask yourself why so many cultures were defined by marriage, virginity, non-adultery etc. Why??? because breakups, adultery etc hurts like hell and wars have even started as a result of them.

 

 

When two people faithfully enter an LTR and both love each other for several years, neither party knows who will fall out of love first (usually due to the dumpee facing some issues that affect the relationship). But here is the thing, the reason why it seems grossly unfair to the dumper is that it could have easily gone the other way.

 

 

When I look back at my LTR, the dumpee in my case loved me for maybe 7 years. This I am certain of. Had I maybe been more of a game-player, a bit more demanding, using my financial status more etc (essentially me being more of an A hole), I think its quite possible I may have ended up the being the dumper. But I chose not to push her buttons and I chose not to play the game to put myself on top.

 

 

But yeh, no wonder marriages were designed to last a life time. Marriage was essentially an insurance policy for "since we don't know who will fall out of love first, lets take out the insurance policy of marriage so that neither of can become the dumper" Sounds like a fair deal.

 

 

That mentality has been going for centuries and now think its all fine to dump willy nilly. No it IS NOT COOl.

 

 

Honestly, I believe there are 2 types of dumpings that are necessary:

 

 

1) cheating, abuse or cruelty by the dumpee.

 

 

2) where the dumper realises they were never in love at all once.

 

 

This scenario where people leave after years just because they are not feeling it is much as far more GREY. So many dumpees coming here saying they were in a rut and were going to get through it... and who knows.. maybe they were right.

 

 

But yes, overall the current breakup culture isn't cool. If it keeps going this way, suicides and divorce rates etc are going to become astronomical.

[AT15]

I don't believe regret means wanting to return to the relationship. I regret my marriage failing, but would I go back? H€ll no!

 

So, speaking as the one who left and wanted out.

 

Now, on the receiving end of getting dumped, my thoughts are he is going to regret this, lol. He will be wanting me back. And you know, he did return.

 

But, I wish I had gone no contact. Because he hasn't really grown up. Living with his aunt, has a side sugar momma, and doesn't want to work for anyone, yet doesn't know what he wants to do with his life at 35! Am I better off without him? It sounds like it right?

[marky00]

regarding my post above.

 

 

I meant "grossly unfair to dumpee".

[Blanco]

But yeh, no wonder marriages were designed to last a life time. Marriage was essentially an insurance policy for "since we don't know who will fall out of love first, lets take out the insurance policy of marriage so that neither of can become the dumper" Sounds like a fair deal.

 

Well, I for one, am glad we're no longer living under the sense of delusion that getting married is effectively a life sentence no matter what happens.

 

Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly, and I think far too many people do so. However, that doesn't mean it's a bad thing that we've evolved to not feel like ending a marriage is this horribly taboo act. Truth is, people change, circumstances change, and sometimes, that just leads to the natural end of a relationship. It doesn't mean that love never existed. It doesn't mean there was any abuse or cheating.

 

My brother got married young. He got divorced young. They did love each other at one time. There was no cheating. No infidelity. No abuse. They simply realized that they were not compatible. They shouldn't have gotten married, but what was done was done. And thankfully, we weren't living in the dark ages any longer where they were then stuck until one of them died because of their decision to marry.

 

Honestly, I believe there are 2 types of dumpings that are necessary:

 

 

1) cheating, abuse or cruelty by the dumpee.

 

 

2) where the dumper realises they were never in love at all once.

 

As I said above, things change and just because you once loved someone doesn't mean you are obligated to stay with them forever and ever unless they hit you or cheat on you. People are not property.

 

I agree that some marriages could be saved if more effort was put in. But the reality is, some marriages and relationships just can't be saved or aren't worth saving. They simply run their course.

 

It can be painful to go through, but I still think that more times than not, it's preferable or at least a lateral move to a bunch of people being in a relationships where neither person is happy.

[stillafool]

Most people I know who are dumpers don't come back. I never did.

[elaine567]

Most people I know who are dumpers don't come back. I never did.

 

Neither did I.

Happy to be friends, happy to stay in touch if they want to, but that didn't mean I wanted them back, as AT15 said "H€ll no!".

[stillafool]

The thing that annoys me about this topic is that so many will come in here and say its a dumper's prerogative to end a relationship when they aren't feeling it no more. Well, that may be well and true.

 

 

However, going back over centuries you have to ask yourself why so many cultures were defined by marriage, virginity, non-adultery etc. Why??? because breakups, adultery etc hurts like hell and wars have even started as a result of them.

 

 

When two people faithfully enter an LTR and both love each other for several years, neither party knows who will fall out of love first (usually due to the dumpee facing some issues that affect the relationship). But here is the thing, the reason why it seems grossly unfair to the dumper is that it could have easily gone the other way.

 

 

When I look back at my LTR, the dumpee in my case loved me for maybe 7 years. This I am certain of. Had I maybe been more of a game-player, a bit more demanding, using my financial status more etc (essentially me being more of an A hole), I think its quite possible I may have ended up the being the dumper. But I chose not to push her buttons and I chose not to play the game to put myself on top.

 

 

But yeh, no wonder marriages were designed to last a life time. Marriage was essentially an insurance policy for "since we don't know who will fall out of love first, lets take out the insurance policy of marriage so that neither of can become the dumper" Sounds like a fair deal.

 

 

That mentality has been going for centuries and now think its all fine to dump willy nilly. No it IS NOT COOl.

 

 

Honestly, I believe there are 2 types of dumpings that are necessary:

 

 

1) cheating, abuse or cruelty by the dumpee.

 

 

2) where the dumper realises they were never in love at all once.

 

 

This scenario where people leave after years just because they are not feeling it is much as far more GREY. So many dumpees coming here saying they were in a rut and were going to get through it... and who knows.. maybe they were right.

 

 

But yes, overall the current breakup culture isn't cool. If it keeps going this way, suicides and divorce rates etc are going to become astronomical.

 

Yes unfortunately you are probably right about suicide and divorce rates going up.

 

I think going back centuries, as you stated above, people (especially women) stayed in unhappy marriages for financial reasons. Now and in the future women will make great strides financially and it's doubtful they will stay in an unhappy relationship when they can afford better. Also when you add social media; men and women have so many options it is like a kid in a candy store for some people.

[aloneinaz]

In all the relationships I ended, I never went back, ever. I had thought about the decision for weeks before ending it. It was the right decision for both parties as it just wasn't a good fit for long term success.

 

The only time a dumper tries to go back to the dumpee is when they get sick of dating and are not having much luck being single. They get lonely and desperate. They selfishly try to go back to fill THEIR needs, not the needs of the dumpee. The smart dumpees either ignore the dumper or tell them to f-off. The not so smart dumpees go running back into the dumpers arms and it's usually not long into the reconciliation that the dumpee remembers why they dumped them in the first place and end the relationship again.

 

Bottom line, it's simply not smart to recycle a relationship once it's broken up. This site is a testament to that fact.

[Blanco]

I think going back centuries, as you stated above, people (especially women) stayed in unhappy marriages for financial reasons. Now and in the future women will make great strides financially and it's doubtful they will stay in an unhappy relationship when they can afford better.

 

This is a great thing.

[elaine567]

. I had thought about the decision for weeks before ending it.

I think that is the common scenario, it is not a spur of the moment decision, although it may seem like it to the dumpee.

Once a person has been through all that careful consideration for weeks, months even years, all that weighing up of the rights and wrongs, all that looking at the advantages and the disadvantages, then going the whole hog and ending it, they do not want to go back, why would they?

[aloneinaz]

This is a great thing.

 

Agree with this and the fact that far too many people marry too quickly which ends in divorce. The divorce rate a couple of years ago was 50% of first marriages and 65% for second marriages. That's scary.

 

Ironically, my fiance and I are attending a wedding today of a 22 year old gal and her 24 year old BF. I'm REALLY not trying to be cynical when I want to assess odds on how long it will last. I'd bet less than 5 years.

 

I should really look up statistics of what age group has the longest marriages of success. I would wager that most marriages under the age of 25 last the least amount of years.