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Day 8 of No Contact


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My ex broke off our relationship a month ago. I must admit that I begged for a while, embarrassed myself. However I quickly moved to the NC approach after find this site. During my first two weeks however, I just felt I had to get some stuff off my chest, just for some personal closure.

 

I sent off an email, nothing too long or wordy. Just to state that she meant a lot to me, however I understand why the break up happened and that I wish her the best for the future. I did leave the door open to contact, and told her that I would like to regain contact in the future. I also apologise for the first couple of weeks, and told her that I was not myself.

 

I felt amazing after sending it, everything I had wanted to say. I don't expect a response to come, because she isn't the type to apologise. Her way of coping is just blocking it out, instead of going through the process to deal with it.

 

I'm now on day 8 of No Contact, after feeling amazing for the first few days, I

think I really have taken a step back. I had a dream about her last night, and it messed with my head. I find myself wondering what she's doing in her day, or what she posts on social media (we have each other blocked). I know I put everything out there that I needed to say, however after the breakup she didn't really say anything. Didn't wish me well, didn't say anything nice whatsoever. Its really starting to hit me with the thoughts that she doesn't care. I don't wish she was upset, I cared for her a lot and that's the last thing I want to see. I wish she had just given me some words to how she's feeling (or felt). The thoughts are always worse morning and night, I don't know how to turn them off.

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The actions of someone can be more clearer and descriptive than any words or speech. In this case, since she's given you nothing, that's a clear sign of her either a) Wanting to move on entirely b) Bitterness c) She simply just doesn't feel the need to continue something that has ended after it's expiry.

 

You're only 8 days in (to no-contact), so it's still a fresh type of B/U. It's completely normal to feel these emotions, to feel angst in what she's currently doing, who she's talking to; Etc. The questions we ask ourselves after a R/S has ended, is usually something we should have been asking ourselves during it, to prevent heartbreak and grieving in the future if we ever do not understand where the route of the problem/s were or as to why it happened, and so forth.

 

I'm sure she's currently doing the same as you. Feeling the same as you. You both are just handling it differently. There's always one of the two who handles it alot better than the other, leaving the other one lost... hurt and essentially broken. It's quite rare to be ever in between, well in a long and intimate relationship any way.

 

Sometimes it's better they say nothing, do you really want to know what she feels at the minute? do you really want to hear the truth from her? from personal experience, I can tell you now... you do not want that. Some things are better left unsaid indefinitely. Whereas some relationships fail and end, new ones arise and begin. Dwelling and grieving constantly will not help your entitlement to move on, it will not increase your ability to continue life as a happy person. Again, you do not want that.

 

We all react differently, every single one of us. Sometimes it benefits, sometimes it doesn't. We have to live on. As will you, this shall pass - your tendency to want to understand how things had ended and how she is will deteriorate as each day passes. Stay true to yourself. After all, no-one will love you more than yourself.

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The actions of someone can be more clearer and descriptive than any words or speech. In this case, since she's given you nothing, that's a clear sign of her either a) Wanting to move on entirely b) Bitterness c) She simply just doesn't feel the need to continue something that has ended after it's expiry.

 

You're only 8 days in (to no-contact), so it's still a fresh type of B/U. It's completely normal to feel these emotions, to feel angst in what she's currently doing, who she's talking to; Etc. The questions we ask ourselves after a R/S has ended, is usually something we should have been asking ourselves during it, to prevent heartbreak and grieving in the future if we ever do not understand where the route of the problem/s were or as to why it happened, and so forth.

 

I'm sure she's currently doing the same as you. Feeling the same as you. You both are just handling it differently. There's always one of the two who handles it alot better than the other, leaving the other one lost... hurt and essentially broken. It's quite rare to be ever in between, well in a long and intimate relationship any way.

 

Sometimes it's better they say nothing, do you really want to know what she feels at the minute? do you really want to hear the truth from her? from personal experience, I can tell you now... you do not want that. Some things are better left unsaid indefinitely. Whereas some relationships fail and end, new ones arise and begin. Dwelling and grieving constantly will not help your entitlement to move on, it will not increase your ability to continue life as a happy person. Again, you do not want that.

 

We all react differently, every single one of us. Sometimes it benefits, sometimes it doesn't. We have to live on. As will you, this shall pass - your tendency to want to understand how things had ended and how she is will deteriorate as each day passes. Stay true to yourself. After all, no-one will love you more than yourself.

 

Thank you for that reply Darren, I have to say it was extremely well worded. I understand that sometimes it's best to just leave it and not know. However throughout the closing stages of the relationship, I really did do a lot for her. Went travelling around country to country, to support her with her future. I always paid for myself, and never once said no. I will always support the person I'm with, no matter what. I don't regret it, however i never really got a thank you for it. I had hoped that as the break up had gone on, giving her space and allowing her time to move on would help in her process. And eventually she would reach out to acknowledge, or even be thankful for the support. I'm not bitter about this however, and if it never comes then I will never think less of her. Just a bit disappointed in how she handled it all.

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NC is a process to allow you to heal. Each day that passes with NC, no spying on social media nor looking at old pics will help ease the pain. It takes time, just like breaking a bad habit.

 

I can only suggest you never contact her again. You've acknowledged that you screwed badly by begging, pleading, contacting her and then finally, sending that email. Sadly, those steps only push them away further. They think you're weak, desperate and it makes you look horribly unattractive to them. What would of POSSIBLY gotten her attention is if you'd vanished after she ended it, never to be heard from again.

 

The only time a dumper OCCASIONALLY reappears months later is when the dumpee vanishes, moves on with their lives and even starts dating someone new. It makes them look strong, confident and attractive. They accepted the news of getting dumped and moved on. This demonstrated to the dumper that they have great pride and self esteem in themselves.

 

Her ignoring you is a good thing. She's sending a message that she wants to move on and is letting you heal. You need to give her credit for that. You now need to focus on you while accepting that relationship is over. Heal from it and when you're ready, start casually dating.

 

Relationships run their course and end. It sucks but comes with the territory.

 

You'll be fine.

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I went to the gym tonight, on my way home I passed where we met for the first time. I wish there was a way to just wipe out memories, even at this point I just feel I'm too exhausted to even think of the good times. I try so hard to hate her, just to make NC go by that little easier, but it's tiring.

 

I know I will always hold something special for her, it stings that she will never feel the same. I doubt she's even upset or giving me a second thought. She had the typical traits of a narcissist, never admitting when she was wrong. When we argued, I would always apologise and it would be twisted to put me in a bad light. I am also aware of how stubborn she is, I've watched her wipe people from her life.

 

it would be nice to just hear how she feels. I think that hit me more than the breakup, her ability to just forget my existence so fast. How do people do this.

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it would be nice to just hear how she feels. I think that hit me more than the breakup, her ability to just forget my existence so fast. How do people do this.

 

It would have been nice of her to help you with that, but people are selfish. Most of them.

 

When I initiated brake ups, I always allowed them to contact me after, and I was always there for them, in the first period after the break up. When I ended relationships, I didn't stop caring, and I have never treated the past as it was garbage. They were important part of my life, I use to love them, so they deserve my respect.

 

When people ignore you after they break up with you, it shows something not so flattering about their character. What the actually do is to $hit on themselves, on part of their life, to erase meaningful periods of their existance.

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Everyone thinks the dumper doesn't think of the dumpee anymore the second they end the relationship. That's false. They do. I can speak of my experiences when I ended relationships.

 

First of all, the decision to end it has been thought about well before telling the dumpee. Sometimes days, even weeks before. We think it through carefully but we simply don't see moving forward with the dumpee anymore for various reasons.

 

In my case, I was typically relieved once I had ended it. I wanted to give the other person the opportunity to meet someone they could better connect with. Did I still think of them? Sure. You can't hit a switch and turn them off. The difference is I didn't think of them in an emotional or romantic way nor did I have any sense of loss. In all my cases, they were nice women who didn't do anything wrong. I just lost interest in them and didn't see long term potential. I wished nothing but happiness in their future.

 

I think everyone has the right to end a relationship. They should do it with kindness and compassion. While it seems mean and heartless when they don't engage with the dumpees attempts to communicate with them afterward, they are in fact doing the dumpee a favor. Cutting the ties immediately severs the cord and allows the dumpee to come to acceptance that it's really over. It helps them recover from the loss faster.

 

I think we all take rejection to seriously. Lord knows I do. What I've learned is everyone has been dumped in their lives and have ended relationships as well. Even rich, beautiful celebrities get dumped, so no is immune. The secret is to accept that we are not all going to be a good fit for everyone. We get over it and try again.

 

I'm such a strong believer in NC after a R/S ends. It really does help us heal and get over it in the fastest manner. People who keep having contact with an ex take considerably longer and continue to go through the drama, head games, and BS before figuring out that vanishing is the best course.

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Everyone thinks the dumper doesn't think of the dumpee anymore the second they end the relationship. That's false. They do. I can speak of my experiences when I ended relationships.

 

First of all, the decision to end it has been thought about well before telling the dumpee. Sometimes days, even weeks before. We think it through carefully but we simply don't see moving forward with the dumpee anymore for various reasons.

 

In my case, I was typically relieved once I had ended it. I wanted to give the other person the opportunity to meet someone they could better connect with. Did I still think of them? Sure. You can't hit a switch and turn them off. The difference is I didn't think of them in an emotional or romantic way nor did I have any sense of loss. In all my cases, they were nice women who didn't do anything wrong. I just lost interest in them and didn't see long term potential. I wished nothing but happiness in their future.

 

I think everyone has the right to end a relationship. They should do it with kindness and compassion. While it seems mean and heartless when they don't engage with the dumpees attempts to communicate with them afterward, they are in fact doing the dumpee a favor. Cutting the ties immediately severs the cord and allows the dumpee to come to acceptance that it's really over. It helps them recover from the loss faster.

 

I think we all take rejection to seriously. Lord knows I do. What I've learned is everyone has been dumped in their lives and have ended relationships as well. Even rich, beautiful celebrities get dumped, so no is immune. The secret is to accept that we are not all going to be a good fit for everyone. We get over it and try again.

 

I'm such a strong believer in NC after a R/S ends. It really does help us heal and get over it in the fastest manner. People who keep having contact with an ex take considerably longer and continue to go through the drama, head games, and BS before figuring out that vanishing is the best course.

 

To be honest, the only relationship I ever ended was when I was cheated on. Afterwards I was so motivated to never speak to that person again, and go on to be happy as ever. This is why I'm taking it a little rough, sometimes I wish there was a reason for the breakup instead of "I've just changed my mind" with no explanation. Im not one for giving up on people easily, that could be good but in my situation, pretty difficult. I completely agree that NC is the way forward, I need to stop the thoughts that "maybe she will miss me if I disappear" because this needs to be about me and my healing. I'm sure after a while those thoughts will come less. My friend once told me that a breakup is basically like quick sand, the more you fight your feelings the faster you sink. It's best to relax and let time do everything. I hope with time, my thoughts and actions will be 100% about me.

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I'm such a strong believer in NC after a R/S ends. It really does help us heal and get over it in the fastest manner. People who keep having contact with an ex take considerably longer and continue to go through the drama, head games, and BS before figuring out that vanishing is the best course.

 

 

Yes indeed, NC can help, but not all the people are the same, and not every relationship ends the same. I think people in this forum are sometimes too obsessed with this NC to be the only right way, as if it is some kind of religion.

 

I'm a good example. In cases I was the dumpee, if they gave me attention after that, it helped me very much to heal. When the dumper forced NC with me, I felt very insulted, and there were lots of unresolved edges which I found it hard to live with, and it took me way longer time to heal. But when they gave me the attention I needed, I felt much better and got better tools to move on.

 

If someone cheated on you, it might be different of course. I'm talking about amicable break ups. My opinion doesn't contradict yours, it just another view.

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Yes indeed, NC can help, but not all the people are the same, and not every relationship ends the same. I think people in this forum are sometimes too obsessed with this NC to be the only right way, as if it is some kind of religion.

 

I'm a good example. In cases I was the dumpee, if they gave me attention after that, it helped me very much to heal. When the dumper forced NC with me, I felt very insulted, and there were lots of unresolved edges which I found it hard to live with, and it took me way longer time to heal. But when they gave me the attention I needed, I felt much better and got better tools to move on.

 

If someone cheated on you, it might be different of course. I'm talking about amicable break ups. My opinion doesn't contradict yours, it just another view.

 

Thanks for your post! I get what you're saying completely, I think that's why I sent the email in the first place. To put all my feelings out there, so there were no misunderstandings and I could apologise for my part in the break up. I broke NC to send that, I don't regret it at all. I could never have went NC straight away, I'd be consumed with everything! I think after saying my piece and leaving all my cards on the table, I'm now able to walk away and actually take the benefits from NC. She didn't reply to the email, which is closure enough that she has no interest in keeping in touch. That's it, there was nothing left to say on my part. The people who can do NC straight away, I commend their strength, just wasn't right for me

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Yes indeed, NC can help, but not all the people are the same, and not every relationship ends the same. I think people in this forum are sometimes too obsessed with this NC to be the only right way, as if it is some kind of religion.

 

I understand where you're coming from with your NC comments. I learned about it after I was dumped and quite frankly, it saved me lots of unnecessary pain and suffering by simply accepting it and vanishing. I just personally hate to see folks who've been dumped cling to the hope of reconciliation by staying in contact w/the person that kicked them to the curb.

 

You're a veteran here and you have read the majority of the threads where people go through that limited contact for months and months and it doesn't change the outcome in 99% of the cases. It only drags on the pain and suffering and prevents the healing process to take effect.

 

 

 

 

I'm a good example. In cases I was the dumpee, if they gave me attention after that, it helped me very much to heal. When the dumper forced NC with me, I felt very insulted, and there were lots of unresolved edges which I found it hard to live with, and it took me way longer time to heal. But when they gave me the attention I needed, I felt much better and got better tools to move on.

 

 

The only time I was dumped, I wanted no further contact with her. I was angry, mad and pissed off. I wouldn't of given her the satisfaction of hearing from me again. Like you said, everyone's different. Some need further contact and answers to find peace and others like myself heard they don't want us in their lives anymore and we give it to them.

 

I see both sides of the argument when a dumper ignores the dumpee. Some think it's mean and rude while others believe the dumper is ultimately doing the right thing by severing all communication so they and the dumpee can heal and move on. I'd say very few people ever really have contact with an ex after the relationship has ended and a year or more has past. Most wish nothing but the best for their ex but have no desire for any contact or friendly relationship.

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I'd say very few people ever really have contact with an ex after the relationship has ended and a year or more has past. Most wish nothing but the best for their ex but have no desire for any contact or friendly relationship.

 

You told me this is like quitting a drug addiction. After looking into it, you are right. Breakups renew the "can't get enough" feelings, but since the brain's reward system isn't getting that romantic "fix" it turns up the volume until you respond.

 

That's why we do stupid, irrational things after a hard breakup (like drunk dialing), because from what I read, the scientific studies place Romantic rejection in the same level as feeling hungry or thirsty. So our motivations are much more extreme than normal social rejection.

 

It also can affect parts of the brain that control distress and the response to physical pain causing all sorts of negative effects, such as the release of hormones that affect the heart, digestive system, and our immune system.

 

I think breakups are different for everyone. Personally, it's my own living hell and has caused me a lot of serious health problems. Getting those mini 'fixes' can help tremendously. Cold turkey is much harder but probably better in the long run.

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You told me this is like quitting a drug addiction. After looking into it, you are right. Breakups renew the "can't get enough" feelings, but since the brain's reward system isn't getting that romantic "fix" it turns up the volume until you respond.

 

That's why we do stupid, irrational things after a hard breakup (like drunk dialing), because from what I read, the scientific studies place Romantic rejection in the same level as feeling hungry or thirsty. So our motivations are much more extreme than normal social rejection.

 

It also can affect parts of the brain that control distress and the response to physical pain causing all sorts of negative effects, such as the release of hormones that affect the heart, digestive system, and our immune system.

 

I think breakups are different for everyone. Personally, it's my own living hell and has caused me a lot of serious health problems. Getting those mini 'fixes' can help tremendously. Cold turkey is much harder but probably better in the long run.

 

Great post! Yes, I do believe a breakup is like breaking an addiction. It's hard to do but is doable w/the right mindset. If people got angry and pissed after being dumped vs. feeling rejected, sad and down on themselves, it would help them soo much more.

 

My mindset when I was dumped was F-you. Who do YOU think you are. You're the train wreck that I put up with for far too long. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of EVER hearing from me again. That mindset worked for me. Instead of wishing we'd get back together, my mind went to "I can't wait to see her in public with me having a hot new girl on my arm". Her flipping loss. Those were the STRONG thoughts I had the first few months post break up.

 

But, to be honest, after 6 months, I didn't care anymore. I was over it. When she came back asking to reconcile 5-6 months later, it didn't feel nearly as good as I thought it would. My emotions had returned to normal and I was able to think rationally about how unhealthy and toxic my time was with her. There's NO way I'd ever date her again.. EVER..

 

I think most people start to feel this after a couple of months and by 6 months, they are full over it.

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Today's has actually been one of the best days. I've found myself enjoying other peoples company again, and focusing on my personal goals. The anger is still there, but it comes and goes. I personally don't think she knows what being on the end of a breakup feels like. Everyone she has been with, she has been the one to initiate the breakup. Of course she was never going to understand why I behaved the way I did, or why I was irrational. She will never understand it until it happens to her.

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Okay so my ex hasn't been in contact with me in over two weeks. She has someone else and I'm really not that bothered. However we were supposed to be going to a concert at the end of this month, I paid for my ticket and she paid for hers. However now that she's blocked me on everything, I sent a quick text to her mum to ask what is happening with them. I got no reply. Part of me thinks she will take her new partner, however I paid for the ticket. How should I go about this? I really just want my money.

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Part of me thinks she will take her new partner, however I paid for the ticket. How should I go about this? I really just want my money.

 

If it were me I'd just eat it. Same thing happened to me. I bought my Ex really expensive concert tickets for her birthday. She broke up with me a few days after her B-day. If she had any integrity she would have paid me for my ticket. Not surprised though as she never paid for anything during our R/S. I just chalked it up to a casualty of war. Just another reason why I want nothing to do with her.

 

If I were you, just forget about it. Stop contacting her or her family/friends. Just move on, lesson learned.

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If it were me I'd just eat it. Same thing happened to me. I bought my Ex really expensive concert tickets for her birthday. She broke up with me a few days after her B-day. If she had any integrity she would have paid me for my ticket. Not surprised though as she never paid for anything during our R/S. I just chalked it up to a casualty of war. Just another reason why I want nothing to do with her.

 

If I were you, just forget about it. Stop contacting her or her family/friends. Just move on, lesson learned.

 

No idea how people can be so bold. I would never consider not paying someone back, it's the height of disrespect. However I expect no less of her! I nearly broke NC to ask her through email, however it is not even worth my time to be ignored and start from square one. I'm glad my hurt is now turning into anger, how dare she treat me this way. I think if she tried to contact me now I would ignore it. She's poison.

 

I'm so sorry you didn't recieve your money back. I wish you the best of luck and happiness for the future, you can do so much better!

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I'm so sorry you didn't recieve your money back. I wish you the best of luck and happiness for the future, you can do so much better!

 

People can be very selfish. It takes someone with humility and integrity to do the right thing. Thank you and the best of luck to you as well. We all deserve to be treated better AND to be with someone who appreciates us. :)

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Okay so my ex hasn't been in contact with me in over two weeks. She has someone else and I'm really not that bothered. However we were supposed to be going to a concert at the end of this month, I paid for my ticket and she paid for hers. However now that she's blocked me on everything, I sent a quick text to her mum to ask what is happening with them. I got no reply. Part of me thinks she will take her new partner, however I paid for the ticket. How should I go about this? I really just want my money.

 

Don't worry about the money nor use it as a reason to contact her. It's not worth it. Chalk it up to the cost of that failed relationship and move on.

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Letter to you.

 

How the tables have turned. You should really think twice, the next time you try to keep two relationships going in two different countries. Not only did you allow me to take you to a spa days after our breakup, you kissed me and told me how much you loved me, but you had to think about it. You had to make a choice between me and him. However both of us didn't know each other exisisted. You made the choice of the guy you had just met, not someone you were with for a year and a half, you had already cheated on him with me. I don't think you fully grasp the fact that you have now cheated on someone. That doesn't stand well with your views though does it? So I was blocked off everything after the "we should stay friends" chat, to make sure that I didn't figure it all out and think badly of you.

 

Well I know everything, I know when It started, and I know you are both sitting at the exact same spa I took you to right now. People like you do not deserve love. I will never lower myself to give you the satisfaction of ever contacting you again.

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