I'm just so lost

[CJDJ6963]

I was with this girl for five months and we both fell madly in love with each other. We had the best sex of our lives and often. Our smiles made each other smile and yeah. About 2 months ago, my personal life was falling apart. My Grandad was in and out of hospital with his dementia and several infections. I didn't take this well. My Dad was never around so my Grandad became my father in a sense. I would avoid going to see him because we couldn't hold a conversation and I just couldn't do it. I didn't really tell my girlfriend about it but I ended up drunkenly crying about it.. Manly I know. My family started falling apart. Half of them wanted my Grandad in a home and the rest had to defend him. Lawsuits and load sof other things were involved and I was forced to be there when I already didn't like being around him as horrible as that sounds. My best friend also started being distant with me a week or two after that time I cried and I didn't understand why - I still don't. I was worried what I did and I overthought it because I was told not to talk to him and give him space.

My girlfriend has major depressive disorder so I knew it would be hard but I promised her from the day we got "official" that I wouldn't give up on her. With everything going on in my life I just couldn't give her the love she deserved. She felt I was distant and just not myself, which I wasn't. We ended up having stupid fights often over nothing. It was the last time I've gone on a night out - I had an argument with my girlfriend out in town and I don't remember any of it. I was so drunk and I previously had been crying about my grandad again. I accidentally dropped her phone and I was told I shouted at her in a way that scared her and well broke her trust too.

The day after that I bought her flowers and wrote her a card to say how sorry I was. My friends also stopped talking to me at this point because they haven't seen me act this way before. All of my friends and my girlfriend started going out for lunch and making plans without me but if I brought it up with my girlfriend she told me that it was only attempts to keep her happy and with her depression I thought that was fair. I saw her a few times between that night and the breakup and I spoiled her. I cuddled her, bought her her favourite foods etc and she used to text saying the way I've been acting makes her think I've realised my wrongs. I did but she couldn't trust it.

Around two weeks after that night out with the argument, we were discussing how she was feeling sick and craving weird foods. I went over to see her, spent time with her and I left some pregnancy tests for her because she didn't need to pee while I was there. She was pregnant. I asked what she wanted to do and instantly she said to abort it. Her parents would've disowned her apparently and well neither of us could afford a baby. I said I'd do everything with her but after my friends found out they got even more distant/disappointed and every time she spent with them, so did she. It got to the point where I wasn't allowed to go and see her during the abortion. Her excuse was I wouldn't be able to handle it and I'd break down the doors just to hold her hand. Which I would. My friend was allowed to go and she told me how she fell in his arms. She said she regrets not letting me go and I explained how hurt I was. I don't know why but I miss the baby and she told me she did too. I tried explaining to her that I'm hurting as well but because I wasn't there or don't understand the pain she just gets really angry when we talk about it. I only saw her once after the abortion and this is when she ended things. We sat under a tree and talked things over, I said I'd give her my all if she let me, she started crying so I held her. Neither of us wanted to let go. We also ended up kissing about five or six times but she said I just can't trust it. If we're meant to be, we'll be. So we got up and I walked her to where she was getting picked up to go home. She asked for a cuddle and I said well no because I'm your ex now and she got really mad. She also asked why I wasn't saying anything and I just said I don't know what to say. She got in the car, I said sorry and that I'll maybe see her around.

Two days past and we had no contact. I'm a songwriter and I uploaded a song explaining how sorry I was to both her and my friends. My friends hated me for it and my ex sent me a snapchat of her crying. We started talking again as she said it took all her feelings back. Over the course of the next week it was "I love you so much I want you back in my arms" one minute and "you're so selfish you'll never put my happiness before yours" the next. It confused me and she didn't know what she wanted. The Monday past she text me at like 6am asking me to not go to work because she needed me (she was having a bad depression day). I said I would try. The best I got was telling work I had a doctors appointment as I had been off ill the week before. She was fine with that until she went to college with my friends. They all go together and in the same car. She text me saying not to bother because she wanted more time with me. She was also going to stay at mine that night but told me she wanted to wait until we were both more available. I don't quite know what she meant but yeah. That night I cut things off. I told her we're both miserable and confused so if you change your mind you know where I am. I told her I loved her and that was it. We haven't spoke since.

She aims tweets at me now such as "I'll never settle for anyone below my worth again" or "people who always play the victim make me so angry" etc

I reached out to my friends and asked them to talk. My best friend was the one that was being distant at the start, I asked him to come over because I needed him. Which I do.. I haven't had any contact with anyone about this apart from my mum and girlfriend. He said he was busy and that he'd message if he had time. I apologised for coming across as if I wanted him to feel sorry for me but he never replied but a few minutes later my ex tweeted "Can't DEAL?".

I also asked my other friend if it was too soon to ask to meet her. She's purposely not opening it. I've lost everything and of course I want my girlfriend back I love her I just don't know what to do. My mum reckons something could've changed mentally since the first time I cried about my grandad. I can't concentrate at work and I can't eat or sleep and I don't know

[Toodaloo]

She sent a snapchat of herself crying?

 

What the....

 

Soooo much drama. You are creating it she is creating it... Nothing good on TV? Can't you watch Game Of Thrones instead?

 

I am sorry about your Grandpa but sadly that is life. Dementia is a cruel thing. When you pluck up the courage to spend time with him try talking about the past rather than today. The past is easier as its already "in there" where as now and the future are still being digested by his brain.

 

Sounds to me like your friends have all had enough with all the dramatics. Time to calm it down. Take control of your emotions.

[alwaysgrow]

I'm so sorry you are suffering with the loss of your relationship with your granddad. Dementia is a difficult thing to deal with, but I would encourage you to still visit him. My grandma has it and while visiting is sometimes hard, it's also a blessing to me. I believe it's our responsibility to continue relationships with them, not to ignore them when they're no longer 'benefiting' to us. Talk about the past with him, or let him lead the conversation and just go along with it, even if it doesn't make sense to you. You mentioned crying for the first time - it's good to release emotions and process what you're feeling. Do you have anyone to talk to that could help you fully process and deal with all that you're going through? Do you attend church anywhere - they often have someone who can listen and counsel. You mentioned missing your unborn child, so they could help you deal with that pain as well. I would also gently advise that you stop drinking. It seems to have gotten you into trouble and it won't lead to anything good. As to your ex gf - she has made her decision so maybe it's time to let her go. Unfollow her twitter account and move on. I know it's a terribly difficult time right now, but you can grow and learn from it. I encourage you to find a counselor and begin to work through these issues.

[CJDJ6963]

I recently stopped contact with my ex a few days ago (I went into most details in the thread titled "I'm just so lost") and after speaking to a work colleague I'm questioning myself on what to do. He advised me to take the time I have now alone without her to gether my thoughts and figure out if I really wanted to be with her.. I love her so my first thought is yes but then I don't know how to actually know. Bare in mind we only broke up on Monday (well I cut contact because we were still taking about how much we loved each other after breaking up). I'm pretty sure she's going out on the town this weekend and I had similar plans. But my work colleague advised against it because he says two exes in the same place while drunk isn't worth any of it. Part of me wants to go out to see if she'd get with anyone. But then the other half of me is like well if she gets with someone then I know where I stand and she doesn't have the feelings she says.

What do you think? Do I go out on Saturday and have fun? Or do I leave her to wonder if I'm out etc

[Zahara]

Stay away from her. Stop adding more drama to your life.

 

You should either stay home and have a quiet night or go out with your friends.

 

I read your other thread. It's not worth it.

[Satu]

*Part of me wants to go out to see if she'd get with anyone. But then the other half of me is like well if she gets with someone then I know where I stand and she doesn't have the feelings she says.

What do you think? Do I go out on Saturday and have fun? Or do I leave her to wonder if I'm out etc

 

*Don't go to where she's going to be.

 

There's been more than enough drama already.

 

The sooner that you realise its truly over, the better for you.

 

Watch your drinking too.

 

It's not good to drink too much when you're going through difficult feelings.

 

 

Take care.

[aloneinaz]

Good lord, stay away from anywhere you may run into her. As the others are stating, it was a short 5 month, drama filled R/S. The fact that you broke up at 5 months speaks volumes about it.

 

If you really want to go out with the boys, do it where you know you won't run into her. Who knows, you may find someone new.

[CJDJ6963]

Cheers for all the advice guys! I know some would take it as harsh but as soon as it sinks in that it was a short burst of "love" I'll get over it and her. I've decided to go out but not drink as much - go to a pub with friends instead of out clubbing. Thanks again

[GirlOnline]

I don't think that she is going to be with somebody else if that's the place you two used to go together. Not so soon.

Take few days away from her and see how you feel about it. You may miss her, but as well, you might feel even better without her presence.

[DarrenB]

Cheers for all the advice guys! I know some would take it as harsh but as soon as it sinks in that it was a short burst of "love" I'll get over it and her. I've decided to go out but not drink as much - go to a pub with friends instead of out clubbing. Thanks again

 

Don't make it a temporary thing, do it as commonly as possible (not to the point where you feel intoxicated daily though). Distraction is almost better than time for healing. If you have the combination of the two, then you're instantly set for healing in no time.

[CJDJ6963]

Basically I'm a singer/songwriter and I've recently gone through a break up. Took us about a month to actually decide it was over haha but nonetheless I've been very creative as music helps me deal with my problems etc.

I first wrote a song saying sorry basically and it had my ex in tears and she told me it wasn't fair as she believes in me for my music and that I made her feelings come rushing back etc. I took it down off social media until this blows over because it's a nice song and I'm going to re-release it when she's cooled down (or if we get back together I don't know what's going to happen).

I want to cover a song that I really like but I don't like some lyrics. I changed some lyrics but they're all relative to my life right now and my ex will definitely pick up that they're about her. Should I get in contact with her and ask if it would be okay? Or should I just (not) post it? It's a really popular song right now so I'm thinking of the attention it could potentially get with having fresh lyrics?

[cucumber95]

Well if you don't say her name, or anything personal about her in lyryics, then it is OK, but well if you respect her and don't want her to be in pain then you know. It's your decision, but If my ex-gf would have problem with that, and she did not hurt me (like cheat), then I would not release it.

[Blanco]

Most creative excuse to break NC I've seen on here. Well done.

[jen1447]

I wouldn't direct anything at her - she's either not gonna want to hear it or it'll hurt her. Also did you get permission to adapt the song?

[CJDJ6963]

Hahaha I never thought of it as breaking no contact actually.. I'm torn between trying to be original for potential new listeners etc and then not doing it because we both know we think of each other when we hear the song but then if I cover it I'll let go of the attachment I have between her and the song UGH confusion haha

[CJDJ6963]

So we ended things on "I love you but my head won't let my heart be with you because I don't want to get hurt".

She broke NC earlier today to tell me she has my jacket and wanted to know when my next day off was so that she could drop it off. I know she'll be getting a lift from a friend who doesn't approve of us being together so I know she's not using it as an excuse to come and see me. At least I don't think.

I slyly asked if she also had the tshirt I gave her that she used to sleep in and she said yeah I'll get it washed and ready along with your jacket.

I have two jobs so my next day off is a week on Sunday so it's quite a while.

Did I do everything correct? It was short and sweet - was all about returning my items and I reminded her she slept with my clothes.

 

Now in terms of the title of this thread, I'm probably going to see her tomorrow night. We live in a small town and basically I've been invited out for drinks with work friends. They know about her and they all say "it's your life you shouldn't not go out because she might be going out". Which I think makes sense.

If I see her I won't approach (maybe smile/wave) and if she comes up to me just say hi, ask how she's doing and then move on to whatever it is I'm doing.

I also don't know if I should flirt with other girls because I'm trying to make her miss me etc but then the whole problem with the relationship was I didn't show her I loved her... so wouldn't making her jealous and chatting up other girls make her resent me if she saw? Possibly push her to kiss some random guy also?

Cheers for reading ?

[basil67]

You may think that you slyly reminded her that she slept in your shirt. But I can guarantee she will think you're being petty by asking for your old shirt back. You made unnecessary drama and it will be a reminder to her that letting the relationship go was wise.

 

If you see her at the bar, be pleasant but not conversational. Don't use other girls for flirting if you're not ready to potentially date them. And your ideas of flirting with other girls and her potentially kissing other guys as revenge is just more stupid drama.

 

Go out with your mates. Be yourself. Don't create drama.

[CJDJ6963]

Drama is something I'm hearing a lot and should be taken on board. I intend on just having a good time and doing the norm but was more saying all my inner thoughts about it all and getting opinions. Only human eh, but thank you. You've helped