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Need some regarding a recent break up and No contact


2014dodgemegacab

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2014dodgemegacab

Okay so I have been seeing a girl for 8 or so months things where good no fighting, thinks just worked, few months ago I started too notice a change in behaviour and I had always new that her prior long term relationship she was sleeping with someone else who was also married, long story short I figured out asked her if she was talking too him again or had seen him and she told me she had been talking too him and had met him for a drink.

 

Fast forward too a week ago I could no long take the worrying and we broke up and I haven't talk too her for a week, basically give her time to realize and figure things out.

 

Last text message I sent was in regards too dinner and I had a response back basically saying "I'm emotional screwed up and it wouldn't be a good idea" my response back was "if and when you feel ready you have my number" her response was "thank you" and that has been left at that.

 

So here is my question do I wait for her too contact me or do I wait a full 30 days and then send her a message ask how she has been?

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Full 30 days NC. She still has feelings for the married guy and is trying to sort it all out. Leave her to it but by doing NC, you give yourself some time to heal, detach from the situation and also show her you're not a doormat.

 

I'm guessing she'll come back because she'll realize that Mr. Married intends to stay that way and after having a full blown awesome relationship with you, she won't want to go back to being a side chick. Hopefully. If she does want to, then you've dodged a bullet.

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2014dodgemegacab

Ya that's what I figured, she has been single for 2 years prior too meeting me and close too a year of not seeing mr. Married guy, what has happened was he is now divorced and contact her probably because he was Lonely.

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She's obviously still got feelings for Mr Married Man.

 

She said, "I'm emotionally screwed up," and she's right, she is.

 

She's not a horse I would want to bet on.

 

 

Take care.

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Don't wait around....who in the universe deserves another to "wait around". Time is one resource that cannot be replaced. Move forward and if the SO returns and it feels okay, then begin again but never "wait around". You deserve to the the "Awesome new guy she just met and can't wait to tell the world about", not the one she can't make a decision about.....

 

Think higher of yourself!! You should be your own best advocate in these cases,....I am not trying to beat up on you but to encourage you to expect what you deserve.

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Don't wait around....who in the universe deserves another to "wait around". Time is one resource that cannot be replaced. Move forward and if the SO returns and it feels okay, then begin again but never "wait around". You deserve to the the "Awesome new guy she just met and can't wait to tell the world about", not the one she can't make a decision about.....

 

Think higher of yourself!! You should be your own best advocate in these cases,....I am not trying to beat up on you but to encourage you to expect what you deserve.

 

I agree. Time is the most valuable thing we have.

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I wouldn't wait 30 days to contact her again. I personally would never contact her again. I personally don't want to EVER be someone's 2nd choice. If Mr. Married guy kicks her to the curb, she MAY look to fall back to you for a shoulder to cry on. Oh hell no..

 

Here's the bottom line. She didn't feel it or like you enough. You could of been her rebound. Had she really liked you, Mr. Married Guy would of been told to F-off by her when he reached back out to her again.

 

What you should do? Move on. Block her number and social media. Find someone who will like you more than anyone else and invest your time and effort on her.

 

Don't be a doormat nor accept being ANYONE'S second choice.

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Don't be a doormat nor accept being ANYONE'S second choice.

 

It's the truth. No matter how much you love someone, even if they are "the One", you have to know when enough is enough.

 

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. What a mess. I understand you want to give her another chance, is this pain worth it? :(

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DrReplyInRhymes
I wouldn't wait 30 days to contact her again. I personally would never contact her again. I personally don't want to EVER be someone's 2nd choice. If Mr. Married guy kicks her to the curb, she MAY look to fall back to you for a shoulder to cry on. Oh hell no..

 

Here's the bottom line. She didn't feel it or like you enough. You could of been her rebound. Had she really liked you, Mr. Married Guy would of been told to F-off by her when he reached back out to her again.

 

What you should do? Move on. Block her number and social media. Find someone who will like you more than anyone else and invest your time and effort on her.

 

Don't be a doormat nor accept being ANYONE'S second choice.

 

This.

 

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2014dodgemegacab

I totally know my self worth and also will never allow myself too be number 2 cause when you allow yourself too be someone's second choice you allow them to dictate your own worth. I'm not all that beat up because I also realize that this individual has a lot of maturing too do given everything.

 

I'll wait the 30 days and if I don't hear anything then it's a true sign with out anything being said. Not my first relationship where someone came back after it was to late.

 

With this all being said if she comes back the ball is in my court and it's just as easy too say "take care but no thanks"

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DrReplyInRhymes
I totally know my self worth and also will never allow myself too be number 2 cause when you allow yourself too be someone's second choice you allow them to dictate your own worth. I'm not all that beat up because I also realize that this individual has a lot of maturing too do given everything.

 

I'll wait the 30 days and if I don't hear anything then it's a true sign with out anything being said. Not my first relationship where someone came back after it was to late.

 

With this all being said if she comes back the ball is in my court and it's just as easy too say "take care but no thanks"

 

Instead of having a wet dream about getting back together after this time apart,

Or telling her off after the 30 days as it's really detrimental to YOUR own start!

Instead, just stop responding in this case, and use the extra 29 days you got,

Do some online dating, fill your time with hobbies, or watch a movie with a unique plot!

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Why are you even considering being intimate with someone who admits to being imbalanced, has a history of cheating, and is contact with the man she cheated with?

 

Hundreds of women available in your area alone, why are you even considering this one?

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Full 30 days no contact then continue it.

 

She is trying to be kind to you. She doesn't want you she wants to re-kindle her affair with married man again.

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You are her rebound mate. Been in almost an exact similar situation and I very glad in hindsight I dodged the bullet.

 

All the advise mentioned above is true. Love should be mutual and unconditional and she doesn't tick these two boxes. But it is though. You invested time with her, probably fell in love and your emotional heart is battling your rational mind.

 

Skip reading these 'get your ex back' guidelines with 30 no contact strategies. It's bs. Tell yourself to move on and do it today. Go no contact period.

 

Be prepared for breadcrumbs and open question messages. They are just meant to keep you on a leash. Never, ever, ever, ever be an option.

 

If she wants you back she will have to kick your door in and that is what will never happen.

 

The first days are though, the first breadcrumb is though, the first message is though but if you remain no contact you will be quicker on your feet again and see things in perspective. It will get better bro!

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If she wants you back she will have to kick your door in and that is what will never happen.

 

This is very true. If she really wanted you she would have fought for you. If she wants you back she must do everything in her power to show you that she made a huge mistake. That will never happen as it rarely ever does.

 

It sucks to be in love with someone and they don't feel the same. It's the worst feeling imaginable. You are not alone, many of us are currently going through the same thing you are.

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2014dodgemegacab

It's normally far too much work for someone else in my experience too fight and prove they want you. I have mentally prepared it's just tough I work in a very remote location and it's hard too find distractions. I know I have too move on and not let this get too me.

 

But on the flip side I do think she is torn between what she wants and has happend in my past with another individual once I moved on she realized she wanted me instead of the other guy but by then I had moved on.

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Try each day to learn 3 new words and use them in conversation.

 

Try your hand at drawing or some form of art (carving etc)

 

Challenge yourself to do 50 push ups a day for 10 days... Or harder if you find that easy...

 

Find ways to set yourself goals and then work at those.

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Just think through this whole mess through rationally. Write down her long list of baggage she has. Understand that people don't change, especially damaged people.

 

It's tough, no doubt but.. read the NC thread. It's the ONLY proven thing to help us heal and move forward w/our lives to a better, more healthy relationship.

 

Be glad it was only 8 month and not 8 years. You'll rebound quick. You met her and you'll meet her replacement who's hopefully mentally and emotionally healthy.

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It's normally far too much work for someone else in my experience too fight and prove they want you. I have mentally prepared it's just tough I work in a very remote location and it's hard too find distractions. I know I have too move on and not let this get too me.

 

Yes, this is possible. I think there may be the odd occasion where a dumper honestly feels they made a mistake but they instinctively know that if the relationship was going to work, they would need to grovel to the dumpee and show they really care. Now, most people do not want to go into a relationship where for quite a while they need to do 90 percent of the leg work. The only people generally prepared to do that is a dumpee who knows he/she screwed up and do whatever it takes to show the dumper that they have changed etc.

 

 

Honestly, a recon would most likely require the dumpee possibly making contact after a long time has passed (and they are fully healed). At that point, things have equalised. If nothing comes of it, the dumpee gets to sense that feeling of equality which might help to bury the hatchet once and for all.

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2014dodgemegacab

A part of me says she needs time and space to figure things out instead of acting rash,instead of saying screw her completely.

 

Why do I say this? Well in the past other individuals have come back after they have realized there mistake, unfortunately for them I had also realized there was too much damage done to see myself with the person, now with that being said I still talk to a ex and have no feelings for them and would never consider being with them again.

 

I know in the current situation she has made herself extremely busy university,work,side job.

 

With this all being said I will also not sit idle while waiting for her decision cause well that's not fair too one's self

 

What's are some opinions ?

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A part of me says she needs time and space to figure things out instead of acting rash,instead of saying screw her completely.

 

Is this your emotional side thinking this way or your rational side? We've all thought that way when we were in your position.

 

Why do I say this? Well in the past other individuals have come back after they have realized there mistake, unfortunately for them I had also realized there was too much damage done to see myself with the person, now with that being said I still talk to a ex and have no feelings for them and would never consider being with them again.

 

This comment says it all. I think rationally you understand that once a relationship sustains a break up, it's hard to put them back on a solid foundation ever again. I'm not an advocate of second, third or more chances. Why? I've bought that ground and in my case and 99% of others who've done the same found they still ended.

 

You appear to have your mind in the correct place. Move forward and don't wait for her decision or whatever.

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2014dodgemegacab
Is this your emotional side thinking this way or your rational side? We've all thought that way when we were in your position.

 

This is my rational side saying this, the emotional side says "send her a message and talk too her"

 

My work situation makes things a bit tough for relationships, I work long hour and away from home for 3 weeks out of a month, and I do think that this girl got a bit lonely and when someone reached out too her she felt the need too respond back, I've been guilty of the same thing during my time away.

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