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Ok, that's it. I got final confirmation from my ex, she said no. I will respect that.


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Some of you know my long lasting struggle between and my ex. Some of you don't. Long story short: I have been unable to let go of my EX-GF. We have been going back and forth for months now.

 

Last week, we spent a nice day together, and she told me how i am her soulmate and everything. Well, surprise, she disappeared and left me wondering again what happened. Well now i asked her does she want to stay in contact with me, she said "No i don't want to".

 

So. Obviously everything she said have been lies all along. But now i am again so pissed about all this i will gather all my mindpower and strength not to contact her again.

 

Here it goes. 3...2...1... GO.

 

Every time i feel the urge to write to her i will come here and read this first post. She said "No." And now i am going to respect her wish (once again) and not talk with her anymore.

 

(This is not the first time she tells me never contact her)

 

I asked her not to contact me anymore and i told her to remove my number.

 

Just honestly i am dissappointed how someone can lie that much stuff to someone. Just to use other person.

 

"You are my soulmate. You are my best friend. With you i never feel lonely. With you i feel complete." And this she said to me just week ago straight to my face.

 

I will now concentrate on myself. I will keep going to psychotherapy and this time i will stick with my plan.

 

I feel better about this. I feel determined! No more pain.

Edited by Protec
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Good.

 

There's a saying "never let a person tell you that they don't want you twice". Something to that effect.

 

She told you no. Let her go.

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You're talking about respecting her wishes and thats a noble thing. But don't forget to respect yourself first. Reaching out to her is not respecting you. And you must put yourself first.

 

As for this woman, someone who says those things one day and then tells the same person the complete opposite the next is incredibly unstable. You can't have a relationship with someone like that, its not even worth trying.

 

I know full well she has something about her which you love, if these people didn't have something incredible about them we wouldn't be attracted to them. But always look at the stability of a woman before taking things further. And put your own self respect first.

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As for this woman, someone who says those things one day and then tells the same person the complete opposite the next is incredibly unstable. You can't have a relationship with someone like that, its not even worth trying.

 

I just got out of a relationship with a woman like that about 30 days ago. Trust me, it was a nightmare trying to make it work. Hot cold, push-pull, space, anger, depression, then leaving. This is the behavior of someone who's not in love anymore. I spent a year in denial dealing with it and in the end, I was a mere shell of the man who entered into the R/S.

 

The wisdom and advice I received on this form shocked me to the core, my disillusionment was colossal. I didn't want to believe what the folks here were telling me was true. I knew deep down that it was. I understand what you are going through. Just hang in there and don't go back to her or the cycle will just continue.

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I just got out of a relationship with a woman like that about 30 days ago. Trust me, it was a nightmare trying to make it work. Hot cold, push-pull, space, anger, depression, then leaving. This is the behavior of someone who's not in love anymore. .

 

Its the behavior of someone who has little love for themselves. Being with someone like that is like living with The Hulk, or being in someone elses nightmare.

 

Glad you got out of that one.

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I just got out of a relationship with a woman like that about 30 days ago. Trust me, it was a nightmare trying to make it work. Hot cold, push-pull, space, anger, depression, then leaving. This is the behavior of someone who's not in love anymore. I spent a year in denial dealing with it and in the end, I was a mere shell of the man who entered into the R/S.

 

The wisdom and advice I received on this form shocked me to the core, my disillusionment was colossal. I didn't want to believe what the folks here were telling me was true. I knew deep down that it was. I understand what you are going through. Just hang in there and don't go back to her or the cycle will just continue.

 

Thanks for support. I really, really try hard this time not to cave in.

 

She said No. Straight and simple. I have said everything to her i have to say. I have told her i care. I love and what ever. There is nothing more i can do.

This is the 3rd time now in short period she tells me to "piss off".

 

She had Bipolar-disorder diagnosed by professional and lots of narcissistic and BPD traits in her.

 

THis has been a struggle. Hardest breakup of my life. I have been in longer relationships than i had with her but this is by far the hardest. Maybe because i also cared lot about her much more.

 

But i hope i can get some distance to her now. To make myself better.

 

I am also a shell of a man i used to be. I have lost my "rhythm" completely. I am so stressed about this that even my hair has turned more gray than usual (or maybe just age).

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Here's a nice quote for you, Protec:

 

 

“Some grief shows much of love,

But much of grief shows still some want of wit.”

 

― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

 

 

Take care.

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From my own experience I will tell you some truths in here. Some may agree, some may not but this is what I've learned.

1. Cheaters are experts at lying. They have to, because they depend on deception to keep their sham relationships going.

2. They know you, and they still consider you their "back up plan" so they work you the way they see fit to keep you in their lives. The faster you accept this, the faster you will move on, because they will keep you around if nothing, just to boost their ego when it gets low.

3. Whatever they feel for you It's not love. When someone loves you for real, they make you the center of their lives, not the other way around.

4. The "No contact whatsoever rule" works, because it allows you to focus on yourself and your future. Everytime you break it, you go two steps behind and at their Beck and call.

5. If after being lied to, played and deceived you are still considering a relationship with them, then you have a problem. You must seek expert counseling in codependency.

Sorry if they sound harsh, but I can't put it in nicer terms.

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Didn't you spend the night with her like a week ago, right after your last bout of NC, that you'd also vowed to respect after she'd said no?

 

What I meant to say was good luck, man.

Edited by PrettyEmily77
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It's unfortunate that you've had to be taken into the more hurtful and abrupt route of letting someone go. I guess that's the harsh reality of love for you.

 

Best of luck, keep us updated mate.

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Eight posts already deleted. Let's keep posts helpful folks or we'll start removing posting privileges.

 

Thanks for your cooperation,

~6

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From my own experience I will tell you some truths in here. Some may agree, some may not but this is what I've learned.

1. Cheaters are experts at lying. They have to, because they depend on deception to keep their sham relationships going.

2. They know you, and they still consider you their "back up plan" so they work you the way they see fit to keep you in their lives. The faster you accept this, the faster you will move on, because they will keep you around if nothing, just to boost their ego when it gets low.

3. Whatever they feel for you It's not love. When someone loves you for real, they make you the center of their lives, not the other way around.

4. The "No contact whatsoever rule" works, because it allows you to focus on yourself and your future. Everytime you break it, you go two steps behind and at their Beck and call.

5. If after being lied to, played and deceived you are still considering a relationship with them, then you have a problem. You must seek expert counseling in codependency.

Sorry if they sound harsh, but I can't put it in nicer terms.

 

Those are good points. And i am seeing psychotherapist because of my issues. I do have codependency issues myself, that is one reason why it's been so hard to let go.

 

But i will talk about it with my psychotherapist. :) I have seen her 2 times now and she suggested me the long term psychotherapy of 1-2 years.

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You asked her not to contact you. You asked her to lose your number.

 

 

Have you done the same?

 

Well i said out of spite to her. I am being 100% honest now.

 

I will not block her, i will not delete her number. I have deleted all whatsapp conversations so i don't see her face and name when i write to someone else.

 

I need to take a completely new approach to this. I simply will think "i have nothing to say to her".

 

That's it. I have nothing to say to her so i don't have to contact her.

 

Why i won't block her is because i still care. I live close to her, just 10 minutes drive. And told her if she ever needs my help, i am willing to help.

 

I was her soulmate, best friend and whatever beautiful words she managed to dig up for me and suddenly i am not that anymore and she said "No". So that's it. Sick or not, i think i have reached my limit.

 

Please don't judge me for this. Yes, this sounds like an excuse but at the moment i feel better if i don't remove her and block her. I have tried it so many times, it just makes me feel more anxious if i delete and block her.

So it's best for now to just keep her there.

 

I have managed to get over people before without blocking them so i can do it again. I just need the right mentality to do it. And now she said "no".

 

And i need to respect that, she said it politely, we did not agrue about anything. We had a nice night together and when i saw her last time, i hugged her and wished her well (she was going to the custody conversation).

 

Of course i am still confused about her words and behaviour, but now i am seeing professional who will help me with this and i am excited about all this.

 

I want to find my old self again and at least at this moment i am writing this, future seems bit more brighter :)

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Oh no, suddenly having feeling of loneliness and i started to think about halloween for some reason and realized i am going to spend it alone once again.

 

We were supposed to dress as batman and catwoman.

 

Oh man. This is hard.

 

But i have nothing to say to her. Nothing. If i would say something it would me "I miss you". And it's true. I miss her. But she knows it without me saying it to her.

 

But she probably doesn't care. I never got anything from her. She never massaged me, she never hugged me unless she wanted it herself. Basically it was all TAKE TAKE TAKE from her part i was just there to give until i exhausted myself mentally. And maybe that is what she noticed? Maybe she noticed "hey, this guy is dried up, time to move on".

 

Because seriously i started to be very tired. I still am!

 

These evenings...these are the hardest to cope with.

 

But i have nothing to say to her.

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Hot cold, push-pull, space, anger, depression, then leaving. This is the behavior of someone who's not in love anymore.

 

Wow, this sounds exactly like my ex.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote formatting ~6
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snip

 

But i have nothing to say to her. Nothing. If i would say something it would me "I miss you". And it's true. I miss her. But she knows it without me saying it to her.

 

But i have nothing to say to her.

 

 

Here is a paraphrased koan for you:

 

 

All in all

Each woman in all women

all women in each woman

All being in each being

Each being in all being

All in each

Each in all

All distinctions are mind, by mind, in

mind, of mind

No distinctions no mind to distinguish

 

- Paraphrased from RD Laing.

 

 

If you contemplate the meaning of that you might have some useful realisations.

 

 

Take care.

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Dude. I hear you. And I know parties, events, evenings are the hardest. But honestly you're better off without her.

 

My ex made many excuses, mainly blaming me for the breakdown of our relationship, when he was flawed too. He could just never see his own flaws. He blamed everything on me and even when I changed and improved, he trued to make up another excuse as to why the relationship wasn't working. The bottom line is, he didn't care much abt it, and certainly didn't want to commit to me. Your girl sounds similar.

 

If she gives nothing emotionally, you're being used. You defo are in this case.

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Less than 24 hours after creating this thread you're talking about missing her and what you would say to her. C'mon man!!!!

 

 

You're hurt. You're lonely. It sucks. A lot of us feel the same way. What you're not doing is anything to help yourself.

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To be fair, there are people you can feel like soulmates with that you cannot live with. I mean, I've certainly felt that way and then at the same time thought, "and too bad he's too irresponsible (or unassertive or disorganized or bad habit or horrible with money) to make a good husband because I feel like I'll always know him and always have."

 

So to understand she may not be lying, you must understand there's love and then there's things that keep you from being able to live together and be practical partners.

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Wow, this sounds exactly like my ex.

 

My ex was diagnosed with Bipolarity. She had lots of BPD traits and narcissistic traits in her and that is why my relationship was so hard.

 

I think she dumped me overall 5 times. It's been back and forth all the time, even after the breakup.

 

I have studied about bipolarity and BPD myself these past months and definitely part of her behaviour is caused by her illness but also it's just her personality.

 

It still amazes me how someone can say such beautiful things one moment and few days later you are dead to them.

 

Oh i can't wait the next appointment with my therapist. Since i am having nightmares about her again.

 

It's funny when i "cut" contact with her i start seeing nightmares.

 

I still wonder if she meant what she said, or was it just her illness speaking.

 

She said the most beautiful things. Even after the breakup she said some things no one else have ever said.

 

"I saw a shooting star and it told me to take care of you, it was your mothers voice"

 

"Whenever i look the stars i think of you, i feel the connection between us."

 

So beautiful words...but abslutely empty.

 

And i was so stupid i believe what she says. I am like the old x-files poster "I want to believe".

 

And i wanted because when she was "normal" she was the most amazing person i could think of. A true soulmate.

 

That's why it's been so hard. The connection between us was something so powerful, so strong it became like a drug. It was literally the most perfect moment 2 persons can have. So much emotion, feelings, passion, lust, beautiful words, like a moment from romantic movie. I became addicted to it. I wanted to experience it one more time.

 

So i am just a lowly junkie. Trying to get rid of my drug.

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I think she dumped me overall 5 times. It's been back and forth all the time, even after the breakup.

 

I went through about 15 Breakups with my Ex. Trust me it NEVER gets better.

 

One breakup my Ex was done, finished, over it. After 2 weeks I started to go out with new people. She must have Facebook stalked me and freaked out and sent me texts like "I hope you are happy with her. Have fun in your new dating life". I went over to her place to confront her. She was balling, I've never seen her cry ever, it broke my heart and we got back together. I spent the night with her and the next day we both felt so much in love again. I just knew at that moment she finally saw the light.

 

We sat outside in the morning and she was glowing with joy. I've never seen her so happy to be in my company. She said that she was so happy and that she never wanted to lose me again.

 

A week later. ONE WEEK LATER, she broke up with me again.

 

You and I have gone through similar experiences. Just like aloneinaz said, breakups with people like this are much harder to get over. It's true, I've never gone through so much pain in any other breakup.

 

Breakups are horrible, I know you miss her, you are lonely and are hurting.

Just end the cycle, end your pain. I'm going through the same thing. Going back to her will only bring you grief. It's never going to get better. Even if you change and become the person she wants, she will find new things to get upset over.

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My ex was diagnosed with Bipolarity. She had lots of BPD traits and narcissistic traits in her and that is why my relationship was so hard.

 

I think she dumped me overall 5 times. It's been back and forth all the time, even after the breakup.

 

 

 

Recognize the early signs of those traits in other potential partners in future, and avoid them.

 

5 times?! You have been emotionally abused. No wonder you have nightmares. Take some time out to heal form this.

 

I also had a relationship where I was getting dumped regularly, sometimes for just wanting to make up after an argument.

 

I spot these people early on from now on.

 

We fall in love with someones essence, who they really are beneath their imbalances. But if they are living in their imbalances, that's who they are. Its not enough that they are wonderful half the time, and nasty the other half.

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Well i can say you one thing:

 

It is officially over.

 

I just received a phonecall from Police and i am being interrogated for physical assault and sexual abuse.

 

The first one i admit. I did slap her with open hand. But Sexual abuse?!!! WTF.

 

I am soooo darn confused right now. I apologized from her she said "I forgive you".

 

What i regret now is i deleted the whasapp messages!!! I still have her text messages on my phone so i can prove she invited me over after the fight. I can also prove she had drank alcohol when her kids where there. I will drag her down with me.

 

This took a completely new turn now. Jesus.

 

WHY DID IT DESTROY THE MESSAGES!!! DARN IT!

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