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Ex left me for the person she works with [update]


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Me and this girl have been on an off for about 4 and a half years. This is the second time we broke up. First time she took off with another guy and moved. After two weeks she came back and wanted me back. We have built an awesome relationship over the last three and a half years since the last break up.

 

A year ago we moved in together into my house on a lake with her dog. Things were great! About a month ago she drops a bomb on me that she has been seeing a guy twice her age that she works with for the last four months. I had no idea. She works with this guy at her family business. Her family has not been very supportive of it. The last month she's been staying with him at his mothers house. He was Married with kids. His wife kicked hm out.

 

Her family has reached out to me and everyone knows if she never met this guy she would still be here with me. So we have been playing games the last month and she screwed with my head. She has decided she is going to move out and come get most of her things this weekend. She is going to let me keep the dog. He's happy here. Everyone says things won't work out between them and she's gonna come running back. Which is what I would like to think but don't want to keep hope on that. My question is what do you think will happen and what should I do ? Will she come running back, should I go no contact.

 

I know she's going to still try to stay close with me. Even her family said she will always want to stay friends and keep contact. I know working and living tgther relationships don't usually work What do I do

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GorillaTheater
Everyone says things won't work out between them and she's gonna come running back. Which is what I would like to think but don't want to keep hope on that.

 

 

I think what you need to do is figure out why you're hoping for that; why you're okay with being her Plan B. At the same time, go permanent NC with this chick. You deserve better, and there's millions of better women out there.

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Dude, allow me to give you a wake up call. Why in the world would you want a woman back that has now left you twice to run off with other men? You need to let her get her things while you are not there and go complete No Contact. She has been cheating on you and leaves when she has secured a definite relationship. Not only has she broken your relationship, but aided in the breakup of a marriage. Whatever your hang-ups about her you must face reality. Do not speak to her or her family from this point on. I'd even let her take her dog so she has no reason to even dream of contacting me again. The dog will be happy with her...after all it's her dog and a cost you shouldn't have to bear (both as reminder of her and when you want to go on trips, lodging, vet bills, etc.- and I love dogs don't get me wrong).

 

She has now done this twice. Where is your self-respect and love for yourself? All she deserves from you is silence, blocking on all social media, and no more chances. If you take her back in the future, get married (let's hope not), have children, house, and other ties to her you'll have a lot more to lose. And worst of all it will be something that you could have prevented.

 

Take time to heal and be away from relationships for now until you are over this pain. I've been there man and it sucks but you will get through this. But no contact is key, and that means no asking about her, hearing about her from friends and family, no social media stalking, no breadcrumbs from her asking how you're doing. Because if she cared she wouldn't have done this...twice. And I can't stress that enough. When this new thing falls apart, she'll want her safety blanket back but you should NEVER let her come back.

 

I'll probably need this same advice again one day and it's always good to have a reality check from someone outside looking in. I've been in your shoes (the getting cheated on part) and it's difficult to realize the full scope of the issue when you love(d) someone and are too close to see the big picture. She is gone and you have been granted your freedom from an unstable person, a liar, and a cheater...I'd say you're ahead in the win column, just don't fall for her crap anymore. Love and respect yourself first and foremost. Take time to heal and pick up new hobbies, gym, etc. Live the best life that you can (and get another dog!). Best of luck in everything. You can and will get through this!!

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Me and this girl have been on an off for about 4 and a half years. This is the second time we broke up.

 

We have built an awesome relationship over the last three and a half years since the last break up.

 

I find that hard to believe. How do two people build an awesome relationship when for it's entirety it's been on and off. I think just as you've romanticized this relationship, you've placed her so high up on a pedestal that you've reduced yourself to being Plan B regardless of the several times she has kicked you to the side. It's delusional.

 

My question is what do you think will happen and what should I do ?

 

Find your self-respect, aim higher for yourself and stop allowing someone to treat you like an option.

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I think what you need to do is figure out why you're hoping for that; why you're okay with being her Plan B. At the same time, go permanent NC with this chick. You deserve better, and there's millions of better women out there.

 

Technically, if we are being pedantic here, its not even that, its plan C; so further on down the levels because she has already done this before...

 

Dugan I think you need to read about no contact (see sticky thread) and find your balls and self respect.

 

Nope its probably not going to work out with her and this other bloke but that is her problem not yours. Thing is, even if she did come back, it still isn't going to work out for you guys either...

 

Your problem is going back to a girl who doesn't want you and uses you as a cosy stop gap between other relationships...

 

Quit being the stop gap guy.

 

Start being the only guy and date women who just want you.

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Very good advice! You guys are right I need to move on in life and find someone who wants to be with me and isn't always chasing someone else. We live in a very small town should I even wave to her ? I took her off Facebook day 1 unfriended her. Then I found out she blocked me then unblocked me and a few days ago sent me a friend request which I didn't accept. I am going to take her off of snap chat too even though she hasn't been posting anything. I guess in a way I hope she does hit rock bottom and things don't work out like she's hoping for herself.

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"i wouldnt wait forever for her but she knows i will do anything for her she says jump and i would probably say how high. so what should i do just ignore her calls when she does call? she hasnt called in five days so i want to call her or text her so bad but ik that would make it worse. i havent posted on facebook in over a week because ik shes probably checking it. and ik shes been going out alot to. i dont want to just move on yet. so whats my best course of action??"

 

Above is your post from 2014 about this woman. She knows you are a doormat because that is how you've established yourself in the relationship -- hence she'll always use you as a fallback, an available option and not as an equal partner.

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We live in a very small town should I even wave to her ?

 

Where is your self-respect?

 

You want to wave at someone that cheated on you twice? Are you serious?

 

I took her off Facebook day 1 unfriended her. Then I found out she blocked me then unblocked me and a few days ago sent me a friend request which I didn't accept. I am going to take her off of snap chat too even though she hasn't been posting anything. I guess in a way I hope she does hit rock bottom and things don't work out like she's hoping for herself.

 

Remove her from everything. Block. Change your number. No waving. No niceties exchanged if you see her at the store. She's trying to keep you on the side so that she will have a safe place to fall when things don't work out. I don't blame her because that is what you have taught her.

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You'd like to think she'd come back?

 

You hope she'd come back?

 

You want to know what you should do if she does?

 

Listen to me. I guarantee you she will come back. It's a foregone conclusion. 1. He's on a rebound from his ex-wife. 2) they work together (that never works). 3. He's twice her age. 4. They live together already. Yeah, this is gonna fail. This guy is living like the King of Siam, and neither you or her can see it. If she would leave you for this guy-in spite of all the red flags--you have no shot with this girl, even when she DOES come back. She'll leave you at the drop of a hat for the next "adventure" anytime it suits her. Lucky for her she always has a soft place to land - on your head!

 

I have a feeling we will be seeing you again on this forum.

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Yeah, Don't be plan B guy. I mean, have some self respect please.

 

 

Most men would never stand for that and this is the second time she has done it!!!

 

 

Let her go and don't take her back for any reason. There are SO many women out there that are not like this.

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Very good advice! You guys are right I need to move on in life and find someone who wants to be with me and isn't always chasing someone else. We live in a very small town should I even wave to her ? I took her off Facebook day 1 unfriended her. Then I found out she blocked me then unblocked me and a few days ago sent me a friend request which I didn't accept. I am going to take her off of snap chat too even though she hasn't been posting anything. I guess in a way I hope she does hit rock bottom and things don't work out like she's hoping for herself.

 

Dugan you take time out to get yourself back into your "happy place" and you don't worry about her at all. Yes take her off of snap chat and all that milarkey.

 

You don't need to wave or anything else. If she says anything just reply that you didn't notice her.

 

You walk away. You get on with life.

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You'd like to think she'd come back?

 

You hope she'd come back?

 

You want to know what you should do if she does?

 

Listen to me. I guarantee you she will come back. It's a foregone conclusion. 1. He's on a rebound from his ex-wife. 2) they work together (that never works). 3. He's twice her age. 4. They live together already. Yeah, this is gonna fail. This guy is living like the King of Siam, and neither you or her can see it. If she would leave you for this guy-in spite of all the red flags--you have no shot with this girl, even when she DOES come back. She'll leave you at the drop of a hat for the next "adventure" anytime it suits her. Lucky for her she always has a soft place to land - on your head!

 

I have a feeling we will be seeing you again on this forum.

 

Your right. And if she doesn't try to come back with him then she'll just find another victim. Its her track record. Good points. I wasn't sure weather to keep in contact with her family or not or even wave to her. This advice makes me feel much better. I'm constantly thinking about her and thinking what did I do wrong for this to happen

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If your smart you block everything and go completely dark, her family as well.

 

Why would you take the chance on getting burned twice????you can't be that desperate.

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GorillaTheater
If your smart you block everything and go completely dark, her family as well.

 

Why would you take the chance on getting burned twice????you can't be that desperate.

 

 

Hell, the next time would bring the number up to thrice. That he knows of.

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You guys are right. I don't think she'll ever change. It's sad. i think I'm just talking out of lonesomeness. Its weird all of a sudden she can't get her stuff out of her fast enough and split the bills. I met with her today to split the cell phones into our own plans. I tried to make it quick and get out and when we went outside of course we started talking and she says oh I don't hate you I still want to call you and hang out. Which is an awful idea. She'll say anything that she thinks will make me feel better about the situation. I am going to go no contact after she gets her things. Even for the last month I have done very little communicating she has done most of it. Only when she needs to come get something like a shirt or sweatshirt or hair dryer.

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You guys are right. I don't think she'll ever change. It's sad. i think I'm just talking out of lonesomeness. Its weird all of a sudden she can't get her stuff out of her fast enough and split the bills. I met with her today to split the cell phones into our own plans. I tried to make it quick and get out and when we went outside of course we started talking and she says oh I don't hate you I still want to call you and hang out. Which is an awful idea. She'll say anything that she thinks will make me feel better about the situation. I am going to go no contact after she gets her things. Even for the last month I have done very little communicating she has done most of it. Only when she needs to come get something like a shirt or sweatshirt or hair dryer.

 

Pack up all her stuff. Scan the home of every little thing that belongs to her and make sure there is nothing left in the home that belongs to her. All in a box(es) and deliver it to her. Be done with stuff.

 

People often use stuff as an excuse to keep a lifeline. I think that's what you're doing.

 

She doesn't hate you when she cheated? What a piece of work.

 

Please take action and cut her out and stop having cordial conversations with someone that treated you badly.

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Friend, pack her sh*t up in large hefty orange garbage bags, take a picture of the bags in your front yard and text/email it to her telling her if she hasn't picked her stuff up before garbage day she can look for her things at the dump. Stop taking her back because your life will be full of "what if's" if you don't. You deserve to have someone who respects you enough to be faithful to you in your life. Get tested for STD's.

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So she's dumped you twice and cheated on your twice and you're still letting her make all the decisions on her time table? Dude, you're not listening to all the excellent advice you're being given.

 

You need to pack her $hit up and dump it at her place or at a local storage place. You need this POS out of your life like yesterday.

 

And people wonder why I think reconciliations are a waste of time.

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You guys are right and I do appreciate the advice. We set a date last week for this Saturday to come get her things. I do have some stuff already in the garage and will have a good amount ready for when she comes. I Am going to go no contact. How could I be nice to someone who cheated on me twice!

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You guys are right and I do appreciate the advice. We set a date last week for this Saturday to come get her things. I do have some stuff already in the garage and will have a good amount ready for when she comes. I Am going to go no contact. How could I be nice to someone who cheated on me twice!

 

Make sure you grab everything. Even if it's a torn tshirt or a hair tie. Everything goes in a box and into the garage. You don't have to be there when she picks up her stuff. Stay gone.

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The funny part of it all is that all mine and her friends will not talk to her. No body has supported her like she thought they would. Which we all know no body with a right mind would. Just now is her family coming to accept it and that's only because they don't have a choice she's there daughter. I will look and laugh at all this one day.

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The funny part of it all is that all mine and her friends will not talk to her. No body has supported her like she thought they would. Which we all know no body with a right mind would. Just now is her family coming to accept it and that's only because they don't have a choice she's there daughter. I will look and laugh at all this one day.

 

Keep reminding yourself of this. I work with 2 women who broke up marriages with their affairs- most of my co-worker's despise these women because of it.

She chose to be a homewrecker and skank, now it's time for her to reap the "rewards".

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I do keep reminding myself of this yes. But she's got a way with people. She always gets her way. Today I passed her pulling into somewhere she looked right at me and waved she was driving the new guys truck. I did not wave I just looked the other way and kept driving. It killed me to see her driving his truck and even seeing her.

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I do keep reminding myself of this yes. But she's got a way with people. She always gets her way. Today I passed her pulling into somewhere she looked right at me and waved she was driving the new guys truck. I did not wave I just looked the other way and kept driving. It killed me to see her driving his truck and even seeing her.

 

A gentle suggestion.. You need to work on your self image/esteem. She's a douche bag that you should be furious with to the point of NEVER wanting to speak to her again. You being nice to her or speaking w/her validates in her mind that what she did wasn't that big of a deal.

 

You vanishing from her life, blocking her everywhere will send a message that you don't tolerate ANYONE treating you like that, ever. This will also provide you the ability to heal and work on your self esteem.

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4 and a half years with this girl this is the second time i was cheated on by her. A year ago she moved into my place with me. Now a year later she's Moved out. She's moving in with her new guy. Who is twice her age, works with her and is married or was now. We played games with each other the first month after I found out, she was staying with him for that month. Lied to me about it at first though. I should feel mad and angry towards her because she did what she did but I'm having a hard time letting go. We did everything together anywhere I go it reminds me of her and is hard. I know I need to go no contact. When she talked on the phone setting up a time to get her stuff. She's all oh well I just need my time then I wanna be friends and come over and do things with you. It kills me seeing her with the new guy. I pass them two driving in town and we do not wave he just smiles at me. She came and got her things yesterday the house is different. sure everyone says it won't last between them and it'll all blow up in her face it still doesn't make me feel any better about the situation. Just sucks being cheated on by someone you were so close with then lied to then see her living with this new guy already.

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