Real-life The Little Prince love story?

[Cafe au lait]

My ex bf broke up with me one week ago after being together for 1 year and 4 months. We are each other's first loves and we are both young, in our early 20's. The last month of our relationship is when things went downhill - we had started long distance and I became clingy/needy. I started to make a bunch of requests that were difficult for him to fulfill, such as visiting me every weekend, talking/texting all the time, and giving me an engagement ring within a year. He was the most stressed he had been in our entire relationship/possibly his life because he had just started medical school and was struggling. We took a week-long break in our relationship and I realized that I didn't need all the things I had asked of him in order to be happy; all I needed was to know that he was my partner. I was ready to tell him all this at the conclusion of our break but he ended the break early to permanently break up with me. Instead of freaking out and begging him to stay, I calmly explained to him what I had realized during the break. Unfortunately, he still wanted to break up and we haven't spoken since then.

 

Yesterday, I watched The Little Prince movie. I've been wanting to watch it ever since it came out a year ago but I haven't been able to because it's a Netflix exclusive (started Netflix free trial yesterday ). I read the book several years ago but until I watched the movie, I had totally forgotten about the love story part of it. If you're not familiar with the book or movie, there is a little prince who lives on a planet by himself. One day, a beautiful rose grows on his planet and they fall in love with each other. However, she begins to make many demands of him, such as building a screen and covering her with a glass dome. Eventually, it becomes too much for the little prince and he decides to leave her and his planet. It is at that moment that the rose demonstrates a maturity that she hadn't previously and she tells him that she no longer needs all the things that she demanded. The little prince leaves her anyway and travels to many different planets, learning a lot along the journey. He forgets about his rose for a while, but suddenly stops when he encounters a garden full of roses. At first, he thinks that this means that his rose is not unique. However, his fox friend explains that his rose is special because of the time and effort he has spent caring for her. The fox says that "what is most essential is invisible to the eye" and love engenders responsibility. Finally, the little prince decides to return to his beloved rose.

 

When I finished watching the movie, I thought to myself, "If signs from God/the universe are real, this is as clear as it gets." I can't help but hope that I'll have a real-life The Little Prince story and that my ex will return after spending time away from me, growing as a person (I wasn't the only one who made mistakes in our relationship ), and appreciating our love. I know that the movie is a crazy coincidence with my situation, but it sparked a dangerous hope in me...

Edited September 1, 2016 by Cafe au lait

[smudge21]

Hmm, I wouldn't put your life on hold because you're living in hope that he'll come back. Nor would I put much hope into what happened in a film/book. The fact is, you recognised that you were being demanding and now feel that you pushed him away... but have you stopped to think that this is only your side of the argument; your viewpoint.

 

As much as you think you were responsible for everything that took place, he's an adult who is capable of making his own life choices. And he did. Maybe he left for any number of other reasons. I'm pretty sure training in the medical profession is probably one of the most stressful jobs you can imagine, so that surely must've played a part. You also have the long distance thing which, sadly as I found out myself, never works out well. Basically you don't know what happened to him or how he truly felt. All you know is what you know, and that's all you can focus on.

 

Stop trying to work this out in your head and picture that perfect future where he comes running back. Instead of being that rose in your story, be the prince and go live your life, rather than waiting around hoping for something that is out of your control.

[Cafe au lait]

BF broke up with me a little over a month ago, neither one of us has contacted the other since then. Today, I remembered that he is on an email subscription newsletter that I run. I haven't sent out anything in 4 months so I wasn't surprised to see that his email address is still subscribed and he never bothered to unsubscribe. I was about to send out an email to all my subscribers today but I wanted to remove him from my subscriber list so that he wouldn't receive the email (because that would be breaking NC, even indirectly). I went ahead and removed him, thinking that he wouldn't notice at all. However, I just found out that removing someone from the subscriber list results in them receiving an automatic email notifying them that they have been removed.

 

Ugh. Does that notification email count as breaking NC/do I have to "reset the clock"? I guess this situation was unavoidable... either he gets my newsletter and unsubscribes himself, or I preemptively do it. But still, what do you think? I really wanted to go totally off the radar, our NC includes social media and everything.

Edited September 27, 2016 by Cafe au lait

[smudge21]

It all comes down to how you feel about it. If you feel it's set you back and you have started thinking about them again, then yes, you have broken NC and need to start again. This however sounds like you're more worried about his reaction and you're trying to work out what he's thinking - a common thing following a break up. You can't know what he's thinking, ever. You have no idea if he's noticed this newsletter thing, so put it out of your mind. I personally don't believe you broke NC as you didn't reach out, but if it bothers you then maybe you should realise that you are still thinking about him a bit too much. Either way, stay strong and keep NC.

[Asterix]

You are on the right track. No contact also means breaking up all the ties and that is exactly what you did my removing his e-mail subscription. I think that you did not reached out to him by doing. Keep it up!

[aloneinaz]

I would NOT count this as breaking NC. You're doing great. You've made the one month mark and should be feeling much better while on the road to recovery.

 

Now, focus on understanding you should NOT give a rats butt what he thinks about anything! He's not your problem anymore. In 99% of cases, most people heal and never have contact with that ex again.

[Satu]

No, you didn't break NC.

 

Just carry on doing what you're doing.

 

 

Take care.

[Cafe au lait]

It's been five weeks since BF broke up with me and neither one of us has contacted each other (strict NC)...until today. This morning, I saw his picture hanging on a wall for an organization that he is no longer the leader of. I thought it was funny that they still haven't updated the wall so I snapped a photo of it and texted it to him with an "Lol".

 

It was a pretty spontaneous decision on my part but I don't entirely regret it because it gave me the sense of certainty that I needed. Until now, I knew that he had most likely moved on/was totally fine with the breakup, but of course I still had that hope that he was secretly missing me and would contact me to tell me that he wants to get back together. I had no idea what he was thinking, but I feel like I do now. By flat-out ignoring my text - which, granted, wasn't necessarily the kind of thing you respond to, but still - now I feel certain that he has NO feelings for me. That alone gave me some closure that I needed.

 

I want to kill the hope that he'll come back to me once and for all. My plan is to send him an email (in a couple days) in which I own up to my mistakes in the relationship (we never had a proper breakup talk), tell him I still care about him and have fond memories of the relationship but have zero romantic interest in him, and express my desire to be friends that support each other as we each work through our own issues. I am extremely confident that he is not going to respond to the email, which is totally ok - by rejecting my friendship, it's the only thing severe enough to kill my hope that we will get back together. If I asked him directly two months from now, "do you want to get back together?" and he said no, it still wouldn't kill my hope and I'd continue waiting for him to change his mind. But if he flat out refuses to talk to me, well, it's over. (In the highly unlikely scenario he does respond, I swear that I will be ok being friends and it won't prevent me from moving on)

 

Also, I do mean everything that I would say in the email. Yes, I'd like to be friends because I mildly care about him as a person, but I'm not in love with him and I don't need him. When I fantasize about getting back together, it's not because I REALLY want to get back together - rationally, I know it wouldn't work, I just dream about it because I think it would fix my pain if things would just go back to the way they were. Of course, it wouldn't fix anything at all because the relationship would just be stressful and unhappy. If he wanted to get back together, I would say no. Yet, I can't help but fantasize about it, partly due to pride (I was dumped) and partly because my heart sometimes forgets about my brain.

 

The purpose of the email is truly for my own inner peace. If I wanted to get back together with him, I'd go NC indefinitely because that's the only way he'd miss me. If I really, really wanted to be friends, I'd wait another few months before sending this email because I don't expect him to respond at this point.

 

Anyways, so that's my plan and I wanted to see what you all thought. I really feel like sending this email will be the final step to move on but perhaps some of you will advise me to continue NC indefinitely (it feels weird for my last message ever to be a meaningless, simple text...). Since the break up, I've been super productive and have been doing positive things in my life, but the only thing holding me back is wondering when he'll come back. I want to send this email, continue doing the good things I'm doing in my life, and never look back. I hope it doesn't totally backfire on me though!

[SixxChick]

I wrote a long e-mail to my ex with the intention of not sending it. I just did it for therapeutic purposes for me. One night, after a little too much wine, I hit the send button. I sincerely regret doing this as I feel it gave him more power in knowing that I was still thinking about him while he effortlessly moves on. That's just my two cents.

 

Let me ask you this. If you send it, are you expecting a response from him?

[Cafe au lait]

I wrote a long e-mail to my ex with the intention of not sending it. I just did it for therapeutic purposes for me. One night, after a little too much wine, I hit the send button. I sincerely regret doing this as I feel it gave him more power in knowing that I was still thinking about him while he effortlessly moves on. That's just my two cents.

 

Let me ask you this. If you send it, are you expecting a response from him?

 

I totally get you. That's why I want to emphasize in the email that I have NO romantic interest in him, to lessen the power that he has over me. I definitely don't expect a response, like not even a glimmer of hope. To me, it's about exerting my own control of the situation by closing the door on any sort of reconciliation.

[Cafe au lait]

BF broke up with me 5 weeks ago. We ended up being NC (despite agreeing to be friends during BU) the whole time until today. This morning, I spontaneously sent him a meaningless text that he didn't respond to. I want to send him the following email as final closure, not expecting a response from him, but truly for my OWN peace of mind. What do you think?

 

Hi [Name],

 

I hope you are well and alive - I say that last part somewhat seriously since we haven’t spoken in so long. I’m writing because with some time and distance, I have come to terms with what happened between us.

 

After the break up, I was confused because I kept thinking about [long list of happy memories and special moments]… of course, I could go on. Why didn’t you mention any of those good memories when we broke up?

 

It was only later that I understood you didn’t mention those memories because they were meaningless. That they were never grounded in a deep love, only something more superficial than that. Hindsight is 20/20, and now it is clear to me that we hurt each other many times and we weren’t compatible enough. All those times I talked about breaking up during the end of our relationship should have been a sign that we weren’t meant to be.

 

I could finally see that the breakup was for the better when someone mentioned how happy I’ve been. The breakup was the catalyst I needed to make positive changes in my life, which naturally caused more happy things/people to fall my way. The happiness I feel isn’t a “high”, but rather, a sort of contentment that is hard to find.

 

When we broke up, we agreed to be friends, and I’m certainly still up for it. Not boyfriend/girlfriend, not flirty friends, but strictly, 100% platonic friends. I would like to be friends and support each other as we pursue our dreams, but I have no romantic interest in you.

 

I don’t expect a response and I wasn’t planning on sending this to you, but I recognize that things don’t always just settle themselves after some time. If you chuck this into the trash because you’re not ready to be friends yet, I understand. Maybe someday I’ll read an article about a research discovery that you make to improve compassionate care for patients, or you’ll be the newly appointed Dean of a medical school. And maybe someday you’ll hear someone mention horses and you’ll think of me galloping across a field in Colorado waving a cowboy hat and leading a line of trail riders.

 

Best wishes (truly!),

 

[Me]

[aloneinaz]

I think you should print it and put it in a drawer but DO NOT SEND IT. He's already ignored your text which could mean he wants no further contact with you.

 

If you send it, it will only look like you're desperately trying to get him to engage with you and are not over it. He won't respect you for it and will possibly think you need to "get a life". Everyone has the right to end a relationship and we hope they do it with kindness. Once it's over, neither side owes either ANYTHING to include having any further contact.

 

Closure only comes from within. You don't need validation or answers from an ex or to share your feelings/thoughts with them to try and achieve it. The facts are the relationship failed. Learn from it what you can, make changes to yourself if needed and move forward in life.

[marky00]

usual advise is not to send.

 

 

although your continual re-enforcement that you only want to be friends and you truly mean that 100 percent, then to be honest, that would probably irritate him and damage his ego a little.

 

 

But I suspect deep down you are not truly over him which is why you should not send it. Your comment about the good memories does indicate your not over it.

Edited September 29, 2016 by marky00