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Abrupt ending to an intimate 2 year relationship; next?


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Hello members of LoveShack forum,

 

I'm a new member and I would like to introduce myself. My name is Darren, I am 18, my work occupation is as an Administrator for a financial company and alongside that I am studying in part time courses for customer service advising and receptionist roles (office related). I'm not a very sociable person anymore due to past experiences; I had been bullied for 5 years since the start of secondary school up to around last year, I had lost a lot of my 'friends' because of parting and whatever else.

 

Now that I have introduced myself, I had decided to take to a forum full of knowledgable people who may be younger or older, and have experienced the same and/or different matters I am or have been facing.

 

The story starts where I had found myself in a very intimate and loving relationship with a girl who I had met at a college gig where I had been playing. We were head over heels for each other and when we both arrived home we spoke all night. The days, weeks, months progressed and both our families who would be considered to be strict accepted us for who we were and accepted the relationship very well. I would visit her most days, she would come to mine at the weekends, we'd go out to dinner, cinema you know the typical things that you do. We lost our virginity to each other one night, around 5 months into our relationship, and the love just continued from there. Her parents and all her relatives adored me, as did my family for her, they saw so much potential and so did we. The mom of hers was certain we would get married and have children. It was all a fairy tale relationship until we began arguing.

 

I can admit I can be a difficult person and I have had a lot of severe problems within myself, my family etc etc which had put alot of stress on me recently, especially this year since the start. I had been more negative, argued with her more, became angry over small things, deprived myself of sleep almost everyday because I procrastinate and just can't think straight. But regardless, she had felt like this sometimes and had done the same to me, but we both accepted the fact that's just how we both are and we related to it and understood each other. That's why we were still together.

 

However things progressed throughout the recent months, I never felt good about myself, anxious to go out, most days when we saw each other there had always been missing love and affection and we always argued about it.

On the 18th of August it was my 18th birthday, It was like any other day. She offerred to see me but I declined because I was still feeling so awful about myself. After talking to her for about the 100th time how she would always be there for me and how I should try for myself, her and us, I asked if she could come to mine the following day. And so she did, it was like any other day I would see her, but something felt missing at the end. The weekend approached and we spoke less because of my sleeping pattern and the things she was doing to keep herself occupied when I wasn't talking to her. The weekdays then approached and she offerred to come see me on the Monday, I said 'please do' because something recently happened that had put me in serious depression and self-loathe and doubt. She started complaining about coming to mine (bare in mind this was the first time she ever had to make the effort to come to mine without her dad driving her, because she was 16, turning 17 this year when I turned 18 she obviously was unable to drive), this isn't the first time she made excuses for not seeing me or my family at events and such. She kept complaining during the day until I stated to her 'if it's too much effort for her then don't bother', she proceeded and kept complaining still. I told her eventually to just go back home (we only live around 4 miles apart). We had argued about this stupid situation whilst she was going home and it started getting more severe and anger-filled like it had done in the past. She went home 'crying' and told me that she couldn't do this anymore over social networking messages. So she decided to leave me.

 

As the day's progressed we had argued a few more times, mostly because I was trying to make alternatives and solutions and understand what was happening and why she was feeling like she was, but she wasn't having any of it. Eventually she had blocked me off everything you could possibly think of. Facebook, Instagram, imessage, calls, texts. I let her be for a few days and told her I am sorry for making the arguments and whatever made her leave me and said that I could make things better, but she said she wanted time. I gave her a couple more days and she said she still needed time, so I told her to take that time and ignore me and leave me alone and i'll leave her alone, and that when and if she wanted me back and wanted to come back then message me or contact me back. She contacted me later on that evening and had a normal conversation with me. Me being me and the sop I am I continuously told her I missed her and loved her so much, it was the longest it had been without seeing her or being with her. She said she couldn't say anything because she thought she would lead me on, so I asked and enquired why would that be but she wouldn't tell me. She kept making poor excuses as to why she ended it, with things like 'you never liked my family ;you never loved me for me' 'you hated my body'. None of this was true, everytime we made love i made her feel as comfortable as possible, spent hundreds of pounds on gifts and clothing to make her feel good, heck I attended all her family events even when I felt so poor as a person. We argued again about why this was happenning, what was happening vise versa and after another argument and eventually she blocked me again off everything. We both left it on a bitter note and I just wanted her back.

 

I contacted her father and her brother explaining the situation and what was happening and asked them that I'll be here waiting for her and if she wanted me back then she could always be welcome. I apologised and told them I loved her with all my heart and promised that there would be a change in what the issues were. He later on told me that she told him she didn't want to hear from me anymore, and he had threatened me not to message her or any of them again. Because again i am who i am, I had contacted them again saying why has it came this far, is there anything i can do. He said to stop contacting him or else. He then blocked me. The ironic and hypocritical thing is though, when she made multiple mistakes this time last year, she had hurt me so much, I did the same. She spammed me with calls and texts, got her family to persuade me to take her back and harrassed me and I took her back with open arms. Because they probably don't see my side of the story and took hers, they clearly just didn't understand the severity of what I have been going through and thought I was just trying to hurt their daughter. Which is far from I loved her so much, that I had put my life on the line for her in severe fights with people in my local area (she had been harrassed by these older people on a few occasions).

 

The past few days I had cried myself asleep, cried to my mom and let my feelings out to her for the first time in 18 years. I was so lost, lost without the love I thought I would be with forever, she told me she would always be with me, she promised no matter what either of us were going through and what we would do we would still be there for each other fighting for our relationship. Obviously that wasn't true. She contacted me earlier on today (gmt time) and told me to 'please stop messaging her and her family and to leave her alone', she messaged my mom the same thing, and then blocked us again. I replied to that message to me saying 'I understand I just needed you to know how I truly felt and feel, I loved and miss you so much but I know I have to let you go, I will be waiting here for you if you need me. I hope in future we can still be friends.' 8 hours later she hasn't read it as she has blocked me again. I lastly offered her every resolve I could mentally and physically do to save this relationship and to save us. No reply.

 

I hope I'm not coming off as over-obssesive or anything, I just don't handle these situations well and on top of everything, I never thought I'd lose the person who was with me through thick and thin, like I was for her. I spoke to a few past friends etc and they gave me alternatives, I am trying to keep her off my mind but it's so hard. I haven't cried since this morning, I'm trying to occupy myself again by doing things, but She's still on my mind. I guess I'm just hoping someday and especially soon she'll forgive me, and us and come back, but it probably won't happen. The false hope I guess.

 

I'm a mature person but I know I have the moments where I get too stressed and become maybe too angry or too sad for her, and I regret every time it had happened. I'm not sure what to do, I want her back but I want to move on because I don't see how there's a way back after such a situation like this. I don't want her moving on of course not, but knowing she probably will and already has hurts me all the more. I love her with all my heart and more, we have been through so much more and the fact she just threw it all away, without any proper goodbye and how other people had to get involved also hurts me. I questioned myself asking, is life really worth living anymore without her?

 

Please help.

Edited by DarrenB
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I'm so sorry you're in this situation. However, let's be honest - your issues are too much for a young woman to reasonably be expected to cope with. Frankly, the are also too much for an older woman, but at least an older woman would have more life experience to make that decision.

 

Do you really want to put all the drama of coping with your issues on her?

 

I know she promised that she'd be with you forever and be able to deal with your issues. But thinking that she could do it and actually managing to do it are two completely different things.

 

I realise that you stood by her when things went bad at her end previously, but that was your choice. It does not oblige her to stay with you when things are no longer working for her.

 

From what you write, you are in dire need of a psychiatrist because your issues are way outside neuro typical. Do you see one already? What is your diagnosis?

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Hello members of LoveShack forum,

 

[]

 

Please help.

 

You sound to be an intelligent young man. You're only 18, don't put so much pressure on yourself. You two were very young and neither of you have the interpersonal skills/experience yet that would give you what you need to keep a relationship healthy. This isn't your fault nor is it her fault.

 

Focus on YOU and your bright future. Give yourself some time to grieve. Do it in little bits so you don't overwhelm yourself. Give yourself time to heal. Take some time each day, say 1/2 an hour to cry, yell, feel angry, sad, etc. and at the end of that time, you force yourself to get up an do something else. Anything else to distract yourself from it. Over time, you will find that you need less and less time for that. It's about being resolved and finding inner strength to accept and deciding that you'd rather spend time being happy rather than being miserable about something over which you have no control. What you can control, is YOU and where you go from here.

 

This too shall pass, I promise. Be patient, be strong and be focused.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted full quote of original post ~6
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I'm so sorry you're in this situation. However, let's be honest - your issues are too much for a young woman to reasonably be expected to cope with. Frankly, the are also too much for an older woman, but at least an older woman would have more life experience to make that decision.

 

Do you really want to put all the drama of coping with your issues on her?

 

I know she promised that she'd be with you forever and be able to deal with your issues. But thinking that she could do it and actually managing to do it are two completely different things.

 

I realise that you stood by her when things went bad at her end previously, but that was your choice. It does not oblige her to stay with you when things are no longer working for her.

 

From what you write, you are in dire need of a psychiatrist because your issues are way outside neuro typical. Do you see one already? What is your diagnosis?

 

You are completely right. Regardless of what had happened though I always treated her literally like an angel, even if it seemed I was angry at most times with how we were.

 

I do have to take into account she is younger, and maybe a little more nieve than myself and most people, but I do regret some things and as does she, and it's a shame it came to such a moment where we wished both of our existences to each other was true.

 

I sent her a text after she had replied to me earlier today telling me quite harshly but honestly why it ended, and how I upset her and her family and to just leave them alone. So again I poured my heart out, this time I felt no need to get angry? I told her how I felt, if she ever needed me I'd be there, I wouldn't move on properly until she did, and that maybe just maybe... we'd meet or talk again in the future, whenever that would be. I decided to leave it on a better note than it previously was, because though sometimes you do just want to lash out after an ending like that and I evidently did, I just want her to know for all the best it is her decision and I must respect that.

 

I have had a diagnosis of bipolar earlier in the year because stress became a big thing to me. I told her about it only around 2 weeks ago, and from there I think that's where thing took a toll on both of us.

 

Thank-you for this comment though, appreciate it

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You sound to be an intelligent young man. You're only 18, don't put so much pressure on yourself. You two were very young and neither of you have the interpersonal skills/experience yet that would give you what you need to keep a relationship healthy. This isn't your fault nor is it her fault.

 

Focus on YOU and your bright future. Give yourself some time to grieve. Do it in little bits so you don't overwhelm yourself. Give yourself time to heal. Take some time each day, say 1/2 an hour to cry, yell, feel angry, sad, etc. and at the end of that time, you force yourself to get up an do something else. Anything else to distract yourself from it. Over time, you will find that you need less and less time for that. It's about being resolved and finding inner strength to accept and deciding that you'd rather spend time being happy rather than being miserable about something over which you have no control. What you can control, is YOU and where you go from here.

 

This too shall pass, I promise. Be patient, be strong and be focused.

 

So many wise and valid points here Mr/Mrs Redhead14. I shall be taking all of this on board, as I stated in my most recent reply I had ended things on a better note, and although I do hope that we may meet again and continue in the future whenever if ever it were to be, but I'm also prepared for the worst.

 

Thank-you for the upbringing comment, It's enlightened me in a way :)

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I have had a diagnosis of bipolar earlier in the year because stress became a big thing to me.
Darren, bipolar disorder can be aggravated by stress but the stress does not cause it to develop. Instead, it arises from a change in body chemistry that typically starts at age 25. But it is common for it to start as early as 18, as in your case. Indeed, the normal age range for onset is 18 to 30. I am familiar with it because my foster son suffers from bipolar 1.

 

I mention this because, given that bipolar mood swings arise primarily from body chemistry changes, you are vulnerable to them regardless of whether you are under extra stress or not. It therefore is important to be on medication that stabilizes your body chemistry. Are you taking any medication for it? Was your diagnosis for bipolar 1 or bipolar 2?

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Darren, bipolar disorder can be aggravated by stress but the stress does not cause it to develop. Instead, it arises from a change in body chemistry that typically starts at age 25. But it is common for it to start as early as 18, as in your case. Indeed, the normal age range for onset is 18 to 30. I am familiar with it because my foster son suffers from bipolar 1.

 

I mention this because, given that bipolar mood swings arise primarily from body chemistry changes, you are vulnerable to them regardless of whether you are under extra stress or not. It therefore is important to be on medication that stabilizes your body chemistry. Are you taking any medication for it? Was your diagnosis for bipolar 1 or bipolar 2?

 

That makes some sense to me now, yes. It was for bipolar II, which I believe is more on the depressive side of things rather than multiple along with manic? not sure If i'm correct on that or not.

 

I haven't taken any medication or been subscribed to anything since I went to get a diagnosis test at the start of this year. Thinking through this relationship, doing so might have been the best option and maybe if I did it might have saved my relationship, which does worsen my ego a little bit again.

 

Rather than taking any medication or get any type of 'treatment', which my ex had told me to do on multiple occasions, I tried to go about it my own way, and after 8 months I don't think it had worked and I've been too stubborn to realise.

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Yesterday, I made a thread in the break up section addressing my situation and my ending to the most intimate relationship I feel I might ever have.

 

We ended on bad terms, but after a few days I left a few notes for her which explained that 'I would not move on, I am still hoping. Maybe in the future when we have both changed in ourselves and have taken time, we can work things out' and the rest was just a nice farewell, which I had never really done before (I'm more of the person to lash out, especially after 1.5-2 years).

 

But lately I've been thinking, what about if she just needs time? I've respected her decision and her families decision to leave her alone, but almost everyday for a week she had told me to let her have time, she only just recently told me to leave her alone and she doesn't want me back. Is this something they just say? or is there no hope? I know it's based on my situation and hers, along with the comparability and what not but I always saw us together, regardless. We've had our differences but we only just recently let them get the better of us.

 

The whole NC thing, I'm only 2 days in, and about 15 days from when we properly broke up and finished, and I already do see a change. As cliche as it seems I do. I sleep more now, I don't get angry at things I normally would do, I have some sense of motivation, I don't cry over her for hours a day like I have done, I feel more self-belief in myself even if it's only say 5% higher than before, I don't feel as anxious to go out. But most importantly I do want her back. I want to show her, her family, myself that I can still be the person that she can love.

 

I'm not sure on how yet... but I'm definitely leaving it substantially longer, and then make some type of arrangement maybe? bare in mind she has blocked me off all contactable networking, which I believe is great from her behalf; hopefully more for the NC type and finding herself rather than wanting me out of her life forever? I'm unsure.

 

Maybe I can ring her in a week, 2 weeks or so? send her a letter, I'm one to show my affection... so I may even appear at her house, with gifts and my up-most apologetic. I think showing that I want her in person is probably more valuable to all of them, rather than doing it over some messaging. Especially when I feel that it's because none of them think I loved her enough.

 

I'm just looking for some ideas on what to do, criticism or motivation, I don't mind. But I'm feeling a lot better about the situation

 

Thanks :)

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So..You broke up with her and are now contacting her that you made a mistake?

 

She had broke up with me, initially because she said she 'wanted time'. Then she left me completely and blocked me on a bad note.

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It was for bipolar II, which I believe is more on the depressive side of things rather than multiple along with manic? not sure If i'm correct on that or not.
Yes, Darren, you are correct on that. Bipolar II disorder is not a milder form of bipolar I but, rather, a separate diagnosis. While the manic episodes of bipolar I disorder can be severe and dangerous, individuals with bipolar II disorder can be depressed for longer periods, which can cause significant impairment.

 

I haven't taken any medication or been subscribed to anything since I went to get a diagnosis test at the start of this year.... doing so might have been the best option.
Yes, it would be wise to see a psychiatrist (i.e., a psychologist who can prescribe medication because he also has an M.D. degree). As I noted earlier, a mood change is caused by a change in body chemistry and thus can occur regardless of whether you are under extra stress or not. It can start even when you're feeling fine. It therefore is usually important to remain on the mood-stabilizing medication even when you don't feel like you need it.

 

Treatment for bipolar I or II usually involves medications (prescribed by a psychiatrist) together with mental health counseling (psychotherapy) provided by a psychologist or other therapist. The types and dosage levels of medications prescribed are based on your particular symptoms.

 

Regardless of whether you have bipolar I or II, medications may include mood stabilizers, mood-stabilizing antipsychotics, and antidepressants. Because an antidepressant can sometimes trigger a manic episode, it needs to be prescribed along with a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic in bipolar I disorder. This is described in greater detail at the Mayo Clinic website.

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It's hard to deal with your first heart break, but she and her father have each asked you multiple times to stop contacting them. You need to stop treating that as a mere suggestion, because if you keep pushing, especially if you show up at her house unannounced, you could end up with a restraining order.

 

Getting dumped is rough, but you have to accept reality here. She doesn't want to be with you anymore. You have to start moving on with your life, accepting that a future relationship with her just isn't in the cards.

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It's hard to deal with your first heart break, but she and her father have each asked you multiple times to stop contacting them. You need to stop treating that as a mere suggestion, because if you keep pushing, especially if you show up at her house unannounced, you could end up with a restraining order.

 

Getting dumped is rough, but you have to accept reality here. She doesn't want to be with you anymore. You have to start moving on with your life, accepting that a future relationship with her just isn't in the cards.

 

I understand that, thank-you. I think I misworded myself though. I had some friends suggest the idea but I knew that If I did such a thing, getting her back would be the last thing to happen and things could turn exceptionally bad.

 

I finally just messaged her and told her I'd like to leave it on this, I poured my heart and soul into what I has to say. And I stated, if she ever felt the urge to take me back, then she knew where I was.

 

You're right, it is bloody hard, especially after everything. But it's the harsh reality that you're not always going to appreciate what you lose or enjoy what you gain.

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I understand that, thank-you. I think I misworded myself though. I had some friends suggest the idea but I knew that If I did such a thing, getting her back would be the last thing to happen and things could turn exceptionally bad.

 

I finally just messaged her and told her I'd like to leave it on this, I poured my heart and soul into what I has to say. And I stated, if she ever felt the urge to take me back, then she knew where I was.

 

You're right, it is bloody hard, especially after everything. But it's the harsh reality that you're not always going to appreciate what you lose or enjoy what you gain.

 

You're young and don't know but this is the worse thing you can do to try and get someone back. All you've done is push her farther away and verified her decision to split.

 

You need to learn from this and move on. Being needy is very unnattractive to most women.

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So I made a post about my most recent situation which was a breakup with a girl I was with for 1.5 years. This ended badly and in the past 10 days since I have been trying to end on a good note. After speaking with her parents and herself we came to the agreement that we let things go for now, let her focus on her studies and let time heal for her. I asked of a future and they said maybe but for now they have put their foot down, and it would have to be announced from their daughter's behalf.

 

So I have came up with a challenge. The reason why I haven't neared it up to 60 days is because it's actually her Birthday on the 2nd of November and it's a pretty big milestone as a teenager.

 

With implementation of this 'challenge' (and I do suggest anyone else going through anything similar try this, maybe longer or shorter depending on your situation), I will not be making any contact with her, family members, distant relatives or even her close mutual friends. The list below will be the things I will be attempting to do within this two month period:

- Find a new job and maintain it for the next two months and for as long as possible of course. I left my latest job because of the sadness and negativity I have been feeling lately.

- Go to the gym atleast 3 times a week for 1-2 hours a day.

- Active myself with distant friends/current friends on weekends.

- Help and support my family more which I have neglected lately due to feelings relative to myself.

- Become a better person. Change my attitude and my pessimism on life and relationships. This was the most common thing that had ruined my relationship with the girl I saw my entire life with, and ultimately was the same thing that ended it. I think two months is a decent enough time to develop in these things.

- Be positive and happy. This was another thing, I never had much motivation to go out and be productive or speak to as many people as a majority of people do, and was another thing that made the relationship how it was.

- Stay motivated. Even when I'm hurting over what has happened or feel down, I WILL find ways to better myself and think differently, rather than grieve for myself like I had done so often in the past.

- Try to not be so independent. This was another thing that made our relationship hard. I could not open up to anyone. This will change and I will develop this attribute to better everyone involved in my life as well as myself.

- Not become a 'womanizer'. I'm making it plain. Some people want to get back out there, but I set on getting my ex back. She had taken my virginity and my first love, so I will be keep contact with any females to the bare minimum unless noted otherwise.

 

After the two months has finished, I'm going to try and see if I can get in contact with either herself or her family, and ask if I can send a gift and her regards to her via messaging, post or even in person for her birthday. Whether this will work or not, is an entirely different matter but I think it will prove of my faithfulness and loyalty towards this girl and her family, as I had promised her many times if this were to happen, I would wait and try again in the future.

 

I will not be looking to get back with her straight away, but if it happens I will not complain and thank my lucky stars. I know when a second chance is made the effort from the opposing person must be done consistently and pretty much indefinitely, which I am more than willing to do for her and to save our relationship in the future. If all goes well, I will progress and develop and avoid the mistakes the first time, to ensure her happiness as well as mine. If all else fails, then it is a very valuable lesson that I have learnt. I will wish her all the best of luck in future and have to move on.

 

For anyone else in a similar situation, I do suggest you try the same, obviously some things will be completely different but some things are in the right context for some. It's going to be a hard time and it can go many different ways, but I will continue hoping and praying all the effort goes in my favour. I wish everyone the best of luck on their own journeys, goals, second chances and whatever else!

 

Darren.

Edited by DarrenB
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To whoever is lucky enough to be her next,

 

She’s jealous. Furiously, viciously, desperately jealous. It’ll annoy you, f***, it’ll annoy you. But don’t get angry, learn to love it. It means she loves you, she cares. She cares so much. She’ll think every girl can see what she sees in you.

 

She’s scared of the dark sometimes, she has nightmares, bad ones. Hold her. Hold her so tight, stroke her hair, kiss her forehead, and don’t sleep without lingering your arm around her limbs, please don’t let her go.

 

She has a sense of humour you’ll never find in anybody else. She’s so funny, a dark and honest humour that will make you laugh until your stomach hurts. She’ll love to laugh, make her laugh. She throws her head back and her hair brushes off her shoulders and her eyes light up so bright it’s indescribable, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

 

She’s insecure, heartbreakingly so. She always has been and she probably always will be. She’ll put the duvet over her body and she’ll turn the other way if you look at her for too long, but she is beautiful. In every light, in every season, at every time of day and in every dimension of the universe, she’s beautiful. Remind her, every day. She’ll blush and shrug it off but she’ll smile when she thinks about it lying in bed that night, and that’s worth the stars in the skies.

 

Lastly, she doesn’t give second chances. She didn’t give me one. I didn’t deserve one but I’ll never stop wishing I got one. At every opportunity, kiss her in the street, buy her flowers (she loves orchids and dandelions), dance with her at parties and don’t break her heart. Please don’t break her heart. Because that’ll end up breaking yours twice as bad. You’ll fall asleep to the sound of her closing the door behind her and you’ll never f****** forget it.

Love her, because she’ll love you. She doesn’t do anything in halves, she’ll love you whole heartedly and she’ll do it so very gracefully. Love every single one of her flaws, if you ever manage to find any, love her how she deserves and don’t make my mistake.

 

Yours truly, I lost her.

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This is exactly how I feel about my Ex.

 

 

And why I warn some people on here asking whether they should break-up with their crazy ex-gf. Don't break a crazy girl's heart just because she is driving you crazy. That is your issue, not hers.

 

 

If you can't handle her, once again that your issue, not hers.

 

 

And yes these are the girls to stay in for the very long-haul. I mean we did 9 years long-distance and those years weren't always smooth.

 

 

But yes, two things never to do with one of these girls:

 

 

1) Don't ever break her heart, i.e. say you want to breakup (just because you can't handle the heat in the kitchen). Because when you change your mind (and you will indeed change your mind), the tables will have turned forever.

 

 

2) When she starts acting weird, like not initiating contact or becoming emotionally unavailable, don't wither and cry in the corner by pretending to be emotionally unavailable yourself. Man up, push through that stuff and be yourself.

 

 

3) Most importantly be yourself regardless of what is at coming at your from her end. Remember she fell in love with you when you were yourself. If you do that, if it ends you will have no regrets. Sadly with these girls, 99 percent of the time, you will make several critical stuff-ups which will lead to 1000 what-ifs.

Edited by marky00
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Marco Valerio

What an unhealthy relationship you're describing. "Flaws" as you call them, like jealousy, is not to be put up with in a healthy relationship.

 

You're wrong. What ever "flaws" someone brings into the relationship, are theirs to solve, and not their partners. Partners should not be treated as a free and all time psychologist.

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What an unhealthy relationship you're describing. "Flaws" as you call them, like jealousy, is not to be put up with in a healthy relationship.

 

You're wrong. What ever "flaws" someone brings into the relationship, are theirs to solve, and not their partners. Partners should not be treated as a free and all time psychologist.

 

I totally agree but that is the OP's point.

 

 

He made them his problem by letting them affect him. he acknowledges that fact.

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I appreciate the post and your honesty with it.

 

Have to say though, its never going to work with someone who's jealous and insecure. Life with someone who's insanely jealous is a nightmare. Such a person needs to help themselves first, before they can have a relationship with someone else.

 

You should always walk away from a crazy partner, for their own good as well as yours.

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Ladiesdispare

From a crazy girl:

 

I am insecure, I am hard work and I get jealous but I am loyal, I am devoted and I am whole heartily in love with the man I pushed away because of these flaws.

 

I understand there is only so much a man can take before he gives up, is depressed and is drained.

 

I did not see if before but I do now and I will always see it.

 

I have learnt to give space, time and to relax.

 

I will learn to trust again and I hope one day the love of my life will come back to me.

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I'm actually becoming very skeptical of what I'm going to do next so I'm seeking some very critical or very empathizing/correct positive advice from you knowledgeable and experienced forum members.

 

I'll break it into a short paragraph as I'm literally out of energy to even write about it now. Broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 years, ended badly, parents got involved and now there's no contact and has been for around 15 days now.

 

How does one cope? how does one MOVE ON so to speak? the parents had already told my half-sister through facebook (as i'm blocked) that it is highly unlikely there will be a future and if anything my ex will have to make the effort and unblock me and contact me and what not. So basically it's up to her.

 

I don't want to move on, i don't want her to move on, but the severity of the entire situation got out of hand very badly and I've become so empty, especially for myself just turning 18 which obviously isn't good.

 

I contemplated suicide for the past week, I have lost a stone in this 15 days (9.5 stone now down to 8.4), I've lost a lot of my muscle and bulk, I haven't been to the gym for 2 weeks, I can barely go out, I've developed spots on my cheeks due to stress and probably being negative, I can barely sleep without crying for a good few hours.

 

I'm struggling, everyone that knows me, knows that I'm not one to struggle and it takes an awful lot to bring me to such a level of defeat, grieve and despair. But I have been defeated, I am lost, anxious of the future, worried about loving again, worried about her and what she does.

 

Where to go from here? just keep going until something miraculous happens? or I stop being such a pansy or whatever?

 

Hm.

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Heatemyheart89

Hello

This sort of reaction is normal . There isn't much you can do but feel the pain and be patient . In time you may get back together, or not if it wasn't meant to be.

 

You need to try & take care of you . Make sure you eat etc. Suicide is a permanent solution , this is a temporary problem however agonising this is .

If you are really feeling like you want to hurt yourself you need to talk to a doctor or call a suicide hotline .

 

Is there anything you can do to take your mind off this ?

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Hello

This sort of reaction is normal . There isn't much you can do but feel the pain and be patient . In time you may get back together, or not if it wasn't meant to be.

 

You need to try & take care of you . Make sure you eat etc. Suicide is a permanent solution , this is a temporary problem however agonising this is .

If you are really feeling like you want to hurt yourself you need to talk to a doctor or call a suicide hotline .

 

Is there anything you can do to take your mind off this ?

 

I understand that completely, but it is very hard because I put all my faith and love into this girl. Please take into account I also neglected a TON of people to keep our relationship going and to make her happy.

 

I'm not sure, I don't like being alone or feeling alone. Because that's when all the bad things start to initiate in my mind and I really struggle to cope.

 

If I could buy happiness or not to be so sorrowful I would spend everything for it, this feeling is unlike any other. And I do feel my existence is deteriorating unfortunately.

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I'm around 20+ days into my break up with my ex of 1.5 years. It has been a very rocky, strange road since.

 

We're both considered young (to most veterans on here), myself being just turning 18 in August, and there's been a few situations where we've had to contact each other. But none were for closure or anything, for instance; her parents had gotten involved, her friends had contacting me regarding situations, herself as well. Every so often, every few days even when I don't contact her or anyone related to her she'll unblock me off any type of social networking possible and say 'please leave me alone'.

 

Yesterday I spoke with her best friend on social networking, who at the start of the day became very aggressive and abusive towards me, but supported myself (surprisingly) and of course my ex. We spoke in relative detail about what had happened, what could I do, etc. Today we spoke a little more, just so I could ask how she was doing, and she told me and explained how they were. I praised her and told her 'thanks for updating me on these things, i appreciate it, I just want her to be safe'.

 

She has now blocked me, for some unknown reason. Is this something maybe they spoke about? or has something else came up where she felt I've been heavily involved and she can't talk to me anymore? I haven't been promiscuous, cheating, abusive towards my ex, ever so I don't know what the cause of this was... especially when I thought that we were somewhat on the same page. Again, I'm left entirely with no explanations or reasons, especially when she had told me yesterday if I needed to talk to someone then I SHOULD go to her and no-one else.

 

It probably seems alot more of a simpler situation, but to me it's slightly odd. I'm just assuming I should continue No Contact with any of her family and friends. What are the intentions here?

Edited by DarrenB
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