Girlfriend lost feelings because I became jealous and clingy

[kev432]

Hello everyone, a month ago my girlfriend broke up with me because I became really jealous I got scared for no reason, I was afraid that she'd love somebody else everytime I always asked her if she really loved me. I said something about her bestfriend(boy) becoming her husband and she got mad. She's an amazing girl she really loved me we had a great time together. I became really depressed and I cried when she left me. I went on no contact with her for a week after the breakup, and I started to talk with her again it was a normal casual conversation until I made a mistake by not giving her space. I asked her if I could explain myself on what happened to myself during my time with her, she said it wasn't a good idea since she's still out for church so we had a conversation she asked me what I was doing, and stuff about her new school all was great. She said that we could talk again the next day.

 

BUT the next day after I went back home from school and in the evening she didn't text me, so I texted her at 8pm and she didn't reply until 10pm and I found out that she just woke up the mistake I made here was that I then asked her for me to explain myself immediately. She probably got annoyed because I kept bugging her, so she told me to just get over with each other. I ended up explaining myself anyway and she says she'll think about it. Days after that I started to still keep bugging her for 2nd chances until my emotions got all over me and I started a fight with her I apologized for everything and she said that she loved me but she lost feelings for me and has moved on.

 

I went on no contact again for about 3 weeks now(I did this to let go and give her space) until I met her on person last Saturday, we hanged out with friends. Again I made a mistake by not really talking to her, I did talk to her but not that much (She thinks I hate her) I also made jokes that made her laugh and she asked me if I wanted to go to the cinemas but I could not answer because of how much I miss her so I responded by shaking my head and she looked away and blushed(She looked away and smiled). We went to a cafe later on and as she was walking by she dragged her hand around my back and just walked, and things went on we went to the cinemas and she went home.

 

Once I arrived home I asked myself if I still love her, yes I still really love her and I have changed my ways of thinking and I know that it's okay for me to be jealous but I should not express it to her until it really becomes a problem. Her bestfriend told me that I still have a chance since she doesn't like anyone now. So here I am again, I still love her and I'd try to take it slowly for now by texting her again but not about our relationship I want to make her trust and like me again. So are there any advices that would help me? Should I contact her?. Thank you for your time.

[ExpatInItaly]

How old are you both, and how long were you together?

 

Honestly, I think the best thing to do here would be to spend some time just concentrating on you and improving your self-esteem.

 

Unless she was blatantly doing things to try to make you jealous, that type of insecurity stems from not feeling good enough and poor self-image. It takes time to really work on those issues and see noticeable changes.

 

Continue to give her space. Right now, it's so soon after the break-up that those negative memories will be in the forefront of her mind. She will still be thinking about all the reasons she broke up with you. This might pass in time, but it would be a good opportunity for you to do some inner work.

[kev432]

Hello, thank you for replying. We are both still young I'm 16 she's 15 I know that its too young for us being in a relationship and I know that we are both still immature, I apologize but I hope you could still help me on this because I have been trying to move on as well as try to get her back.

 

But our story on how we met was somehow the thing that made me happy and she made me feel loved, we were together for 2 months but we met and had a crush on each other for 2 years but we did not know, she admitted to having a crush on me and told me that she did not know I had a crush on her too so this is the first time we then discovered that love is blind. I was confident and I had high esteem before I was with her, and when I was with her, everytime I felt like she was pulling away I started to get clingy and jealous, this made me lose my self-esteem and I begin having all the 3 stages of bad relationship clingy, jealous and insecure.

 

I am working on myself now but the thought of her not being with me makes me breakdown. No, she did not try to make me jealous, she tried to convince me that she only loves me and nobody else and I the dork she used to call is really an idiot kind of dork, I did not listen to her. I have changed my way of thinking, learned my mistakes but I miss her like hell. She told me she wanted to have a future with me. Have kids and all, and it hurts that this didn't happen because of what I became. She is everywhere anytime I try to forget her she shows up on my group chats, social media. I want to block her everywhere but I just cant. We and our friends are going to have a reunion in a week or two so I do not know what to do.

Edited August 22, 2016 by kev432

[preraph]

What you need to do is not act like a butt to her just because YOU are feeling insecure, and you need to stop bugging her and being clingy just because YOU feel insecure. You are both young, so it doesn't really matter whether you stay together or not because eventually you'll outgrow each other some way.

 

Otherwise, my best nugget to give you is if a relationship is making you miserable, it's probably time to get out of it and work on yourself. If it's making you happy, fantastic! You're too young to choose misery. Hoping you'll grow out of your insecurity, but if not in a couple years, ask mom to send you for some counseling so it doesn't keep ruining your relationships. Good luck.

[kev432]

Yes, I've been working out on myself ever since the breakup, ever since this happened I've learned new things about relationships and I've been working on my insecurity and when we hanged out last Saturday I do not get jealous anymore but just curious. I feel like my insecurity has been worked on already. She really made me happy during our time together, our trips together full of memories till now I think about it and I smile and get hurt. I have opened my doors to new people but if there is still an opportunity for me to be with her again then I'd be more than happy because I love her alot. So I've been asking advices if it's still able to be with her again. Thank you for reading and replying

[kev432]

I have one more question. Is it okay for me to like a photo she recently posted on Instagram? Because I recently did, even though I'm still hurting. I don't want her to think that I hate her because previously even before we dated we like each others photos. I regret liking that photo and I wonder if its a good idea. I really want her back but I cannot contact her anymore because it would make me look desparate.

[ExpatInItaly]

I have one more question. Is it okay for me to like a photo she recently posted on Instagram? Because I recently did, even though I'm still hurting. I don't want her to think that I hate her because previously even before we dated we like each others photos. I regret liking that photo and I wonder if its a good idea. I really want her back but I cannot contact her anymore because it would make me look desparate.

 

Liking one photo isn't a terrible thing. Don't be so hard on yourself, OP.

 

I would, however, very strongly recommend you block her on social media. Sooner or later, she will post something you don't like and it will hurt. It might not even be anything relating to another guy, but people so often misinterpret their ex's social media posts and it leads to unnecessary heartache.

 

Also, take it from someone who once was a 15-year-old girl (20 years ago now!) They are a fickle bunch. They are not ready for serious commitment, and change their boyfriends almost as often as they change their shoes. I know very few people who found their life partners at that age, so please don't put too much weight on dreaming of having a family. It's fun to talk about it, sure. But I can virtually guarantee this girl wasn't going to become your wife someday. You might reconcile with her but there is the overwhelming probability that you will go on to have a few more girlfriends in your life. I know it hurts a heck of a lot right now, but please believe me when I say you will heal. There will be other, better girls for you.

[kev432]

Liking one photo isn't a terrible thing. Don't be so hard on yourself, OP.

 

I would, however, very strongly recommend you block her on social media. Sooner or later, she will post something you don't like and it will hurt. It might not even be anything relating to another guy, but people so often misinterpret their ex's social media posts and it leads to unnecessary heartache.

 

Also, take it from someone who once was a 15-year-old girl (20 years ago now!) They are a fickle bunch. They are not ready for serious commitment, and change their boyfriends almost as often as they change their shoes. I know very few people who found their life partners at that age, so please don't put too much weight on dreaming of having a family. It's fun to talk about it, sure. But I can virtually guarantee this girl wasn't going to become your wife someday. You might reconcile with her but there is the overwhelming probability that you will go on to have a few more girlfriends in your life. I know it hurts a heck of a lot right now, but please believe me when I say you will heal. There will be other, better girls for you.

I understand I also feel that it is not possible for us to be together anymore. I recently stumbled upon our texts and I read the part where we fought. The thing is I was a jerk I got too much stress that I started the fight. I read it once again and all I can see was me blaming her for what happened, forcing her back to me. She told me she really loved me and cared for me but she has her reasons and she said she was hurt that I was not able to trust her. I asked her if there is still a chance she said she doesn't know. Recently she shared posts about how hurt she is and I know it was meant for me. I feel bad I know I have been a bad person and even if I still had the chance I feel like my actions cannot be forgiven and I dont want to hurt her anymore.