Laurenjade Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Not going to go over it again, but my ex broke up with me in April as he moved for his job and being 350KM away and both having other commitments it got too hard. I've done NC twice, both times lasting 17 days then 19. I broke the first one when I heard his mom was ill, then he broke the 2nd. For the last week he's been texting me. At first I thought it was like the other times and he wanted a bit of dirty talk etc, but that's not been mentioned. He's literally asking about me, my day, my kids, how they're getting on. Even if I don't reply, he texts again later that day. He found out through mutual friends I'd been asked on a "date," and asked me about it. I said I wasn't prepared to talk about it with him. But made some comment about going to be a nun, he replied with 'Youd be a hot nun!' 'Black is my colour, so it'd work! Oh, and you're lying!' 'I don't lie to you, you are hot!' 'Hmmmmm!' 'Well you're naughty because you don't believe me!' We've had several conversations like that, he's asked if I'm looking hot after I said I'm going out etc, when I don't reply he'll put 'you always do anyway!' I asked him yesterday why he was still texting me when we both knew it was better if we didn't. He said 'because it's always great chatting to you, it makes me feel like me again'. As he was part of my children's lives for almost 5 years, I'm reluctant to block him as they still speak to him on a weekly basis, although we are moving it back until they ask. I just hate the fact that I'm waiting on texts, to a point where I'm turning notifications off so I'm not checking to see if he's text. He messaged last night (I'm in the UK) to ask how my night was going, I replied this morning as I was out with a few friends last night, he replied then I did and he's read the message and left it. To be fair, I didn't give him much to reply too! It doesn't help that my kids are away with their dad, so I have no distractions. Someone tell me I'm stupid for reading too much into these texts, someone tell me to man the f**k up and get back on with my life! I need it today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Don't let him take the candy without paying for it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Laurenjade Posted July 30, 2016 Author Share Posted July 30, 2016 Don't let him take the candy without paying for it. He's not getting anything from me, but I'm more confused that he hasn't even mentioned anything. Last few times have been about sex, what I'm wearing, can he have a picture etc. This time it's just asking how my day has been, how i am. It's very confusing! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 He's not getting anything from me, but I'm more confused that he hasn't even mentioned anything. Last few times have been about sex, what I'm wearing, can he have a picture etc. This time it's just asking how my day has been, how i am. It's very confusing! But that's where he was going with the "hot nun" and "you're naughty" comments. That was a pretty obvious teaser for more. If you are confused by his platonic texts, why not just ask him what's motivating this type of communication? If he wants to try again for a relationship, he needs to be clear about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 He's not getting anything from me, but I'm more confused that he hasn't even mentioned anything. Last few times have been about sex, what I'm wearing, can he have a picture etc. This time it's just asking how my day has been, how i am. It's very confusing! He was getting nowhere, so he just changed tack. My guess he is lonely,?horny, guy stuck somewhere where he doesn't know anyone well and just wants a friendly chat. Dumpers often want to be friends with the dumpee, it often doesn't mean much and it doesn't necessarily means he wants to get back together either. You may find once he establishes himself in his new town, the chats with you will get less frequent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Laurenjade Posted July 30, 2016 Author Share Posted July 30, 2016 He was getting nowhere, so he just changed tack. My guess he is lonely,?horny, guy stuck somewhere where he doesn't know anyone well and just wants a friendly chat. Dumpers often want to be friends with the dumpee, it often doesn't mean much and it doesn't necessarily means he wants to get back together either. You may find once he establishes himself in his new town, the chats with you will get less frequent. He's back in the town he grew up in, so he knows pretty much everyone there. It's only a small place. I just need this slapped out of me, that's all! Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Man the f**k up and get back on with your life! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Laurenjade Posted July 30, 2016 Author Share Posted July 30, 2016 Man the f**k up and get back on with your life! Haha!! Thank you ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
runup Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Don't respond to him anymore. You're reading into the texts, which is understandable. Wouldn't it make sense to not have any conversation so that you have nothing to read into? He will either become more aggressive in his texting...in a way to get you back. But until he says those magic words in clear English, don't give him the light of day. Maybe he will take your decision to not respond and decide not to text you anymore. If that's the case, he was just using you for his own loneliness; it wasn't about you. Either way, you win if you go complete ghost. You improve yourself without having to read into things and also reveal his true intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Laurenjade Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 So I decided yesterday that I was going to spend a full day without my phone. I was going to compliment people and I was going to try to make someone's day better. Did I manage it? Yes. I took my kids out to a play area, a lady with a screaming child attached to her leg ended up dropping her coffee all over. She then yelled at the kid saying she only had enough money for that one. So I bought her another. (Didn't even get a thanks, but it helped me.) Another parent sat next to me, I complimented her on her top & the way she dealt with her son who wouldn't do as she asked. I put myself out to make others feel better, and yes, it helped me too. This morning I decided to delete all the starred messages off what's app from my ex. There was 400+, I can't bear to delete the messages (there are 100k+ on there, I don't read them & one day I will delete them. But not yet.) The messages from him are archived, so not immediately visible when I go into what's app. I'm sitting there in bed, with tears rolling down my face taking the stars off all these messages. The nicest messages I've ever received. When a message from him shows up. It just says 'Good Morning xx' he knows I'm online and as I'm on his messages, the ticks would of turned blue. He then said he'd heard I'd had cross words with a mutual friend of ours, and was everything ok. I said yeah, just fed up of him passing my number on to men he thinks I should consider dating. He said 'getting messages from men is a bad thing?' So I put 'it is when people know where I stand on the whole dating thing.' He just replied 'lol'. Now I feel sh*t. I can't block him as my kids message him frequently (he was in their lives for almost 5 years, half of my daughters life. I am trying to stop it happening so much though.) Yesterday I tried to help others to help myself, but today I can't even help myself by not replying. Link to post Share on other sites
Bialy Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Hang in there. Is there a way to transfer those archived messages into your email or a USB drive? My thinking is that if they're out of sight, you'll be less tempted to stroll down memory lane to read them. It'll continue to hurt! It's crummy that he is still actively chatting and talking with your kids. How are you supposed to heal and not have relapses if he has an open line of communication? How old are your kids? Are they old enough to write emails? Maybe they can keep in touch with him that way instead of through the app? You will continue to have these moments if you're not able to get him blocked/removed as a contact Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I think your post illustrates why no contact is so effective in healing from a relationship. It only drags on the pain and suffering and prevents the healing. Every time you have contact w/him, you're ripping the scab off and bleeding all over again. A few years ago when my last ex and I ended, I went hardcore NC. I "cleansed" my phone and computer of anything from her. I wiped my social media clean. OMG did this help me. There's so much truth to the out of sight, out of mind theory. Doing that allowed me to heal much faster than I thought I would. The first month sucked but after that, things got better quickly. A few months later I met my now 3+ year GF that is so much better than the ex in every way. I'm grateful that I met her. You'll meet someone new as well. You just need to stop the contact, heal and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
iServe Posted August 6, 2016 Share Posted August 6, 2016 May all your days be filled with hope, joy, peace and life. Thanks for being real. Trust and believe that all will be well no matter how you may feel or not feel. Keep pouring out and as you do you will be fulfilled! Take care of yourself and be blessed. Link to post Share on other sites
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