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g/f of 10 years broke it off and is seeing someone else


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Hi i have been reading this forum for about a week and have finally decided to post. Please help, My g/f of nearly 10 years has broken up with me and i don't know how i am going to cope, it has nearly been 3 weeks since she left. At first i was ok but i think that was because i thought we would get back together. After a week of not talking and some reflection i relised where i had gone wrong. Although towards the end niether of us made the effort. I wanted to make that effort now, but she said it is too late. I love this girl with all my heart but she has hurt me so much.

 

A couple of days after we spoke and she told me she didn't want us anymore i found out she was seeing a friend of ours. This i guess is what really hurts about the break up. The fact that she has moved on and i am left here without her and without anybody to love. We broke up in 2000 for 3 months too and she dated another guy straight away too. i didn't find out i think for a month but when i did it hurt like hell, but then she relised she loved me and we got back together. Although it was hard i finally forgave her.

 

All i can think now is i want her back but i guess i will have to wait for her. She was my first love, we got together when we were 17 and have changed a great deal since then. I am finding it hard to remeber why i thought we should break up and only think of how much i think i love her. She did frustrate me, she never wanted to go out and do stuff with me, she used to sit on the sofa watching telly for days on end, usually because she was on a come down off of something, she liked to do drugs with her friends, which i was never really comfortable with, i don't like to do those things, so i used to never go with her when she went out with those friends, which she didn't like as i was like the invisble partner that every one asked after. I was stupid and should have made the effort to at least go with her to these places sometimes, even if i didn't like the heavy drug taking.

 

She also had a sleeping problem that i hated and rarly got out of bed before 2 in the afternoon. We never really went to bed together either as she would sit up all night on the comp chatting. I guess she was just avoiding me.

 

Please give me some words of wisdom to help me get over this, as i think really she is not going to come back this time and also if she did i would be stupid too take her back as she would only hurt me again.

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ReluctantRomeo

Oh Dibdab, that sucks :(

 

Please be strong. I know this must hurt like hell, but you are better off without her:

 

1. To shack up so rapidly, she must have been cheating on you.

2. She has been emotionally unavailable to you - on the internet rather than going to bed with you

3. She's a lazy bitch.... 2pm wtf?!?

4. She does drugs and you're clean

 

You can do better! Please keep telling yourself this...

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First of all, you were together for 10 years? Did the subject of marriage never come up?

 

It sounds like you and her are very different. She is a drug user, you don't even like to be around people doing drugs.

 

She has a sleeping disorder? Yeah, staying up until 4 AM on the computer will do that to you. Sleeps until 2 in the afternoon? Does she have a job? A real job?

 

She has no problems running to someone else when you are out of the picture.

 

I don't think she cares much about you at all. I think she has been using you for years and years. You will be better off without her in your life. It might not seem that way now, but it is true. After you get some time apart, the addiction of the relationship will wear off and you will see just how terrible this relationship was for you.

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MWC_LifeBeginsAt40

I was also going to comment on the marriage subject but I see you got together quite young, and it's probably better that you didn't get married.

 

You are better off without her. Try and see that and believe in yourself that you can do better. Take some time for yourself and do what you want to do for a change. Someday you will find someone who can appreciate you. Someone who is not on drugs and who can get up and have coffee with you in the morning.

 

Good luck.

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Hi guys, thanks for the quick replys.

 

Marriage was never on the cards. I'm just to scared of it and maybe too young.

Devildog i think you are right in that i am addicted to the relationship, she really was my life and i know that that was wrong. When i was with her, i think i lost sight of myself, i made her my world, instead of trying to keep in contact with friends i let all that slip, although they are all still here for me now. I guess when time has passed i will learn alot from this on how not to conduct a relationship. Right now i feel like i will never meet anyone else, but i guess that can't be true. I feel like i want to replace her straight away like she did me, but i know that i would end up hurting someone which i would hate to do. we lived together for 9 years and having my own place to myself should feel good but i just feel lonely. If i'm honest i could see this breakup coming, but now that it has i just can't deal with it. I have lost my happieness that i had within myself, I want it back, i want to feel secure in myself again, happy to be single and free, but at the same time i just want to be in a relationship again.

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MWC_LifeBeginsAt40
Originally posted by dibdab

...When i was with her, i think i lost sight of myself, i made her my world, instead of trying to keep in contact with friends i let all that slip, although they are all still here for me now....

 

You don't need to get into another relationship just yet. Lean on your friends - the fact that they are still around tells you they are your true friends and now you can find ways to repay them and keep them in your life forever.

 

Have a great day.

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